When We Were Young
by SpringHiller09
Summary: Bella decides to study abroad in London her junior year of college. Edward never finished school and was just living his life. The two meet and at first, can't stand each other. But things get heated and they start to develop feelings for each other. But, 6 years later they aren't together anymore and Bella is left caring for their son. What happens when they finally meet again?
1. This Reminds Me

**Chapter One: This Reminds Me**

* * *

I groaned at the sound of my alarm early Saturday morning. I did not want to be awake yet, but I had a study group I needed to get to and I needed to get Ryan up and ready to go to my sister's house for the day. I rolled over and turned the alarm and lay there listening to my five-year-old talk to himself in his bedroom.

I sat up, rubbed the sleep away from my eyes, and got out of my bed. I took a quick shower, pulled jeans and an old Oxford sweat-shirt on, and headed down the hall to Ryan's room. I gently pushed the door open and smiled as I watched him sitting in his rocking chair, reading one of his books.

"Morning, baby," I smiled as I ruffled his hair.

"Mama!" He squealed, dropping the book and reaching his hands out to me. I laughed as I picked him up with a grunt. Ryan was not a little baby anymore, but he still loved being hugged and cuddled. He was a total mama's boy, which I loved, but he was getting harder to carry the bigger he got.

"Do you want Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast?"

"Yes!" He giggled as I kissed his forehead and put him back on the ground. I grabbed him some clothes, helped get him changed...even though he claimed he didn't need any help...and took him downstairs. He sat in his chair while I poured him a bowl of cereal and chowed down the second I placed his bowl down. I made myself some coffee and sat down with him as he finished his breakfast.

"Do I hafta go to Aunt Emily's house?"

"You love Aunt Emily and Uncle Sam," I argued. "Why don't you want to go, baby?"

"I miss you, mama," He said sadly, looking down at the ground. I felt terrible. I was preparing to take the Bar Exam at the end of the semester. I'd been out in study groups and at the library more than ever before and he was starting to notice. It wasn't like I enjoyed spending so much time away from him, but I needed to do well on this exam. I was behind schedule by a year. I needed to do this.

We needed to get out of this tiny apartment and we needed to actually start our life.

"Baby, it's almost done," I sighed as I wiped his mouth and hands. "But, in two months mama will graduate law school, take her big test and then we can have our weekends back."

That was the hope anyway.

"I want grandma," He whined and I could see the big tears in his eyes. He loved my mother, but she was in Florida with my step-dad. She was up here as much as she could be, but it had been a while since we'd seen her.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was about to start my senior year at Columbia. I cried for weeks before mom made me make the most important decision of my life. I could either have this baby and raise him, or I could have given him up for adoption. I chose adoption at first, but at the first doctor's appointment where I could hear the heartbeat, I was in love. I made the choice to keep him and that meant putting my life on hold.

I finished up the first semester of my senior year and moved into the small apartment Mom had helped me find and furnish. It was hard to not go back when the second semester started, but I knew I couldn't take care of a newborn and go to school at the same time. I knew myself and knew my limits. My baby was more important than school and he deserved my undivided attention.

On February 3rd, I went into labor and on February 4th, Ryan Anthony Swan came into the world, kicking and screaming. Giving birth was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but I was too in love with my son to care. Mom moved in with me after he was born and stayed with us for nearly two years. Ryan had grown very attached to her, especially since she was the one to stay with him when I went back to school to finish my undergrad and year after he was born.

It was still hard for him adjusting to her not being around all the time.

"Don't go," He begged as he slid off his chair and climbed into my lap.

"How about this," I tried bargaining with him. "I'm going to go to my study group and then you and Aunt Emily can meet me on campus and we'll go to the mall and we'll get some ice cream and play on the little play ground."

"Can I have a cookie too?"

"You can choose whatever sweet item you'd like," I rolled my eyes, smiling at my son. "But you can only have one."

"Will you be home tomorrow?"

"Yes," I nodded. But my group was coming to our apartment while he took his nap. "We're so close, baby, just be patient with me."

I finished getting the two of us ready and made the short drive to my sister's house. Emily was a lifesaver. She and her husband just recently moved to Boston for his job and I was grateful. She had a very flexible work schedule and usually worked from home and told me she wanted to be helpful in my last year of law school. She took Ryan a lot, especially on the weekends, and it was a huge blessing.

"He's a little clingy today," Emily whispered as Ryan clung to me at the front door.

"I told him that you two could meet me on campus when I was finished and we'd head to the mall," I explained. "If you're okay with that."

"Of course," she smiled. I had no clue what I'd do without my sister. She was the first person to know that I was pregnant and stood by my side the entire time I was in labor. But, because she still lived in Buffalo when Ryan was born, she wasn't around as much as she wanted to be. She had definitely been making up for lost time in the last year that she and Sam had been in Boston.

Once I talked Ryan down enough to let me go, I headed to campus and had to run to the Harvard Law Library because I was going to be late for the second time if I didn't.

"Look who decided to show up," The bitch of our study group, Jane, rolled her eyes as I sat down.

"I'm three minutes late," I fought. Everyone else in our group was always really patient with me and understanding if anything happened. Jane had hated me from day one and never let me live it down.

"Calm down, Jane," Tyler groaned as I opened my study book up. "She's doing more with her life now than you probably ever will."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Can we just start please?" Alice begged. I was incredibly thankful for Alice's friendship. She was always the one willing to let me copy notes if I had to miss class because Ryan was sick. It didn't happen often, but our first year I missed three days of class because he'd come down with a stomach virus. She saved my butt and I didn't end up failing my upcoming exam.

Plus, she never put up with Jane's crap and let her know when she was being a bitch.

"You're just in a pissy mood, don't take it out on Bella," Alice hissed back at Jane, effectively shutting her up.

After almost three hours, we decided to end our study session and I sent Emily a text that we were finished.

"Everything okay?" Jared, the boy who'd had a major crush on me from the start, asked as I packed up my things.

"Yeah, my kid was just hesitant to let me go,"

"That's why you should have used protection," Jane mumbled under her breath, but she had meant for me to hear it.

"My son is the best thing that's ever happened to me," I snapped. "I will gladly be late to a study session if it means hugging him extra long in the morning."

"Don't give into her pettiness," Alice sighed as I pulled my coat on. "Let's go." I grabbed my bag and headed outside with Alice. We talked for a few minutes before I got the text from Emily saying they were walking to the Starbucks on campus so Ryan could get a treat. I made my way across campus and smiled as I saw my little boy holding a coffee cup.

"Mama!" He screeched, nearly dropping his cup when he saw me standing in the door. I bent down and caught him as he jumped into my arms. "I missed you,"

"I missed you too, baby." I kissed his forehead and set him back down on the ground. I took the cup of coffee Emily was offering to me and we sat down so Ryan could drink his hot chocolate without spilling it on himself. Once he was done, we bundled up again and headed outside.

"You wanna just take my car?" I asked as I watched Ryan walking in front of us.

"Sure," Emily nodded as I searched in my messenger bag for my car keys.

"I left my keys inside. Be right back," I told her as I walked back inside. I grabbed my keys off of our table and headed back out so we could get to the mall before Ryan got too restless.

"Mama!" He squealed as we began walking back towards my car. "It's the man."

"What man?" I asked, looking at him.

"The man from the box."

"What box?"

"Under your bed," He smiled as he pointed in the other direction.

"Ryan, what are you talking about?" I asked as I looked in the direction he was pointing in.

"The man with my eyes, Mama." I stopped breathing. I looked where Ryan was pointing and was suddenly taken back six years. When I was twenty-one studying abroad in London for the semester.

"Bella, what is he talking about?" Emily asked as she looked in the same direction.

"Edward?" I whispered as I dropped all my things to the concrete. The sudden loud noise seemed to grab Edward's attention and he looked my way. Our eyes locked and I thought I was going to be sick. "Edward," I repeated as he shook his head, probably trying to comprehend what he was seeing.

"Bella..." Emily trailed off.

"Stay here," I was being drawn to where he was standing and I left everything on the ground as I walked across the courtyard to where he was standing. I stopped in front of him, trying to figure out what to say.

"Hi, Bella," He whispered.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice shaky. "Why aren't you in London?"

"I thought you were at Columbia,"

"I came here for law school," I told him. "You knew that was my plan."

"Oh,"

"You didn't answer my question," I pointed out. "What are you doing here? In the States?"

"My Mom needed me to come home. Family emergency," He said. He looked up and I turned around to see him staring at Ryan who was kicking a rock on the ground. My hands began sweating as he continued to look at Ryan. I knew he could see the resemblance, he just didn't know it yet. "Is that your nephew?"

"Edward..." My heart was racing. How was this happening? What the hell was he doing here?

"Mama!" Ryan called as he ran towards us. Emily looked panicked as Ryan wiggled out of her grip, but was still in too much shock to actually grab him before he got to us.

"Mama?" Edward questioned. "You have a kid? You're a mom?"

"You're from the box," Ryan spoke up as they approached us. Edward cocked his head.

 _Shit_.

"The box? What box?" Edward asked as he looked down at Ryan. "How old are you, kid?"

"I'm not a kid!" Ryan argued. "I'm five years old."

"Five?" Edward asked, doing the math and trying to figure everything out.

Ryan looked up at him and smiled. He had the same, crooked smile as his father and Edward stepped back. His eyes suddenly widened and his skin turned pale. He knew who Ryan was. He knew he was his son.

The eyes gave it away.

"My birthday is February 4th. Mama threw me a Daniel Tiger party this year," Ryan continued to explain, oblivious to what was happening in front of him.

"What box, Bella?" Edward asked again.

"Mama has a box under her bed. With pictures inside," Ryan huffed, annoyed that Edward wasn't more interested in his fourth birthday party. He looked back up at Edward and squinted his eyes, really trying to get a good look at Edward.

At his father.

"You have the same color eyes as me," Ryan observed and I groaned. My kid had completely lost the small filter he actually had.

"I do," Edward nodded, agreeing with him as he still tried to figure everything out. "You wanna tell me what the hell is going on?" He looked back up at me.

"Watch your mouth," I seethed. I didn't need Ryan to get his father's foul mouth. "We have to be going."

"Bella!" Edward hissed, reaching out and grabbing my arm. "You need to tell me what's going on."

"Mama, I wanna go play!" Ryan tugged at my coat. "Let's go."

"Bella," Edward warned and I looked up at my sister, silently asking if she could distract Ryan for a little bit.

"Come on, baby," Emily grabbed Ryan's hand. "We'll meet Mama in the car. She needs to...catch up with her friend,"

"We can still go play?"

"Yeah, sweetie," I nodded. "Just give me five minutes." I watched as Emily took Ryan back to my car and turned back to Edward.

"What the hell is going on?" He repeated.

"I can't talk about this. Not now."

"I think I deserve to know some answers."

"And you will," I promised. "But I haven't been able to spend a whole lot of time with Ryan recently with school so I told him we'd go to the mall."

"No, we need to talk."

"We can talk tonight," I assured him. I reached into my pocket and found the Starbucks receipt and wrote my address down on it. "You can come by after Ryan goes to bed."

"When is that?"

"Usually I put him down at eight, but he doesn't fall asleep until around eight thirty," I told him. "Can you come by at like...eight forty-five?" He nodded. "I'll see you then."

I grabbed my things and headed to the car. I made Emily drive because I was in no state to be operating a vehicle. I wanted to be present with Ryan, but everything was crumbling beneath me. Everything I had done for my son since I made the choice to raise him by myself was being compromised. When we got to the mall, I decided that I was going to put everything aside until that night when Edwar showed up.

If he showed up.

When we finished at the mall, I drove Emily back to campus so she could get her car and headed back to the apartment with Ryan. I set him up with an episode of Daniel Tiger so I could make dinner, but I was so distracted I ended up burning the chicken. I had to settle for some grilled cheese sandwiches and carrot sticks so I could get him bathed and in bed on time.

Ryan had clearly forgotten about our encounter with Edward because he didn't end up asking me a million questions like I thought he would have. We read a few books, I sang him a few songs, and he was fast asleep by eight twenty. I kissed him one last time before leaving his room and going into my bedroom. I dug around under my bed and found the shoebox I kept under there.

It wasn't something I pulled out very often, but a few months ago I found Ryan in my room with the box open in front of him. I didn't even understand how he'd gotten ahold of it since it was pushed so far back, but he had his little hands all over my pictures. I never thought he was looking that closely until today.

I opened the box and teared up at the first picture laying on top. It was a picture of Edward and me at the top of the London Eye. I was terrified of heights, but he managed to talk me into going on the huge Ferris wheel. I was shaking as we got higher, but he held me close to him and made me feel completely safe. He calmed me down enough so that we could actually take this picture and once he took the picture, I started to freak out again.

Edward and I had met while I was studying abroad my junior year of college. I had always wanted to go to Europe and study and experience something new and I was able to do that second semester of my junior year of college. I was so eager and ready to get out of the States, I never imagined my world being completely turned upside down like it had been when I met Edward.

He was a few years older. He was the rebel of his family and decided to drop out of college when he was a sophomore. He claimed he was going to just go to Europe to find himself, but he ended up staying there. He found his love for cooking while living in London and ended up going to culinary school. He was working at a fancy restaurant while playing guitar for the band that had formed in the years he'd lived there.

He was living the dream.

When we met, I thought he was an arrogant, rich kid who was living off of daddy's money. We somehow continued to bump into each other until a drunken night at a bar turned into sleeping together. After that night, we could barely keep our hands off of each other. We promised that what was happening was only going to be a fling since I would be going back to New York at the beginning of May. At first, it was a good deal but as time went on, I started to develop feelings for him.

I knew he was feeling the same thing. I saw the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn't looking and by the end, we spent a lot less time having sex. We actually went on dates and he bought me flowers a few times. You didn't go on dates and buy flowers for a girl if you were just sleeping together.

But, when May came, we needed to end things. As hard as it was to say goodbye, it was for the best. He had his life in England and I had dreams to fulfill in the US. I begged him to come with me, but he pointed out that it wouldn't work out. He reminded me that along the road, we'd probably grow to resent each other. He had a point. We were different people. Very different people. He didn't want to hold me back. I didn't want to push him to do more with his life.

I cried for months when I got home. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. Even though he was right when I left him in the airport, it didn't make it hurt any less. I had a broken heart and no one could do anything for me.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

I tried to get into contact with him. But, when I called him after I'd calmed down enough to form a coherent thought, his number had been disconnected. I decided to send him a letter, but I got the letter back a few weeks later telling me that he no longer lived at that address. I was hysterical. I was pregnant with his kid and had no way of telling him. I didn't want to raise the baby by myself, but I didn't have a choice.

Edward had disappeared.

I hadn't even realized how long I'd been sorting through the box when there was a soft knock on the front door. I put the box back under my bed and headed to answer the door. When I opened it, my heart lurched. He was still as beautiful as ever and suddenly, I was twenty years old again.

"Hi," I whispered, licking my lips.

"Ready to talk?" He asked and I stepped aside to let him inside.


	2. No Stopping Us

**Chapter Two: No Stopping Us**

* * *

 ** _6 Years Ago_**

"I can't believe you're leaving me," Emily sighed as I finished packing up my things.

"It's one semester," I shrugged. "You'll be fine."

"Yeah, but how am I supposed to start planning my wedding while you're off in Europe?"

"Emily, Sam is supposed to help you plan your wedding."

"Oh please. He wouldn't care if we went to City Hall tomorrow," She whined. She may have been three years older than me, but she definitely wasn't more mature than I was.

"How was I supposed to know he was going to propose right before I left the country?" I asked and she rolled her eyes, knowing that I was right. "Plus, how much could you actually want to do in the four months I'll be gone?"

"Fine, you're right. Are you happy?" She groaned. "I am going to miss you, though."

"I'll miss you too," I smiled, sitting down on the bed next to her. "But you have Sam to keep you company. Plus, you'll have Rachel here."

"Not the same," She shrugged.

"How's the packing?" Mom asked as she pushed my bedroom door open. She looked around the room and shook her head. It looked like a bomb had gone off in my room, but it was hard to plan ahead three months. "Have you finished or is this just the beginning?"

"I'm almost done," I giggled. "I'll clean it up before I go!"

"You better or I might not let you get on the plane," She threatened, but I knew she didn't mean it. I had been planning this trip for almost a year and I was not going to let a messy room stand in my way.

"Wanna help me clean up?"

"No,"

"Emily!"

"If your room is messy then you can't leave," She shrugged like this had been her plan all along. Just as I was about to argue with her, the doorbell rang which meant Sam was here to pick her up for their date. "Whoops, gotta go! Bye, sis!"

"I hate you!" I yelled after her, throwing a shirt at her. I took a look around my room and suddenly felt very overwhelmed. We had grown up in Buffalo, and Columbia was not that far of a flight from here. This would be the first time in my entire life where I was in a completely different timezone than them.

"Bella, you have a safe place for you-honey what's wrong?" Mom asked as she walked into my room. I didn't even realize I was crying until she handed me a tissue and sat down next to me on my bed. "You've been so excited."

"I am excited," I assured her. "It's just kind of hitting me that I won't see you or Emily for four months."

"You'll be in London. You'll quickly forget about us."

"Doubt it," I sniffled like a child.

"Sweetie, I know it's hard. And trust me, we're going to miss you like hell while you're away," She promised. "But this is such a good opportunity for you."

"It is," I agreed. "I'll be fine. I just needed a minute."

"Okay," She nodded. "Let's get this room picked up so we can enjoy tomorrow night together." She pushed the hair out of my face and stood up. I took a deep breath and joined her in picking up the mess I'd made.

The next day, I finished packing the last things I needed and spent the day with my mom and sister. Mom's fiance, Phil, came over for dinner but left us alone to watch a movie together. When I moved to school, it was hard for them since Emily had gone to the University of Buffalo. But, when I moved it was the first time the three of us weren't always together since the day I was born. My family was everything to me and we needed these last few hours together without anyone else there.

After the movie was over, I went into my room to give my Dad a call. We had never been overly close since he moved back to Seattle once my parents got divorced, but he was still my Dad. I knew he missed Emily and I since he was so distant from us, so the two of us always tried to make an effort to talk to him once a week. I wanted to be close to my dad, but he was just too far away.

Plus, he'd been the one to ask for the divorce and he was the one who decided to move across the country when it was finalized.

Our lack of closeness wasn't mine and Emily's fault.

After I finished my relatively short conversation with my Dad, I hung up and jumped in the shower. I wanted to spend more time with my family, but I needed to get some rest so I decided to go straight to bed after that.

When my alarm went off in the morning, I groaned. I was so not ready to get up, but when I remembered I would be going to London, I jumped out of bed. I got dressed, packed my last minute items and headed downstairs where my Mom was already waiting for me with a cup of coffee.

"Where's Emily?" I asked as I started bringing my bags downstairs.

"Being stubborn," Mom laughed. "I swear she's acting like a twelve year over you leaving."

"Am not!" Emily argued as she followed behind me with my last bag.

"Honestly, Em, it's only a few months. She isn't moving there."

"I like my sister," She shrugged. "Sue me."

"We don't have time to sue!" I laughed. "We gotta go or we will be late."

We piled into my Mom's car and headed to the airport. I was taking a flight to JFK to meet the four other girls who would be going to London with me. Mom had offered to drive and make a weekend out of it, but she had work in the morning. And a fiance to spend time with. It would be easier to fly anyway.

"You have your passport?" Mom asked for the hundredth time since we got in the car.

"I've got my passport, my ID, my credit card and cash," I promised. "I'm okay, Mom. You've taught me well."

"Oh, I'm going to miss you," She whispered as she pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'm only a phone call away," I reminded her as I made myself hold it together. I could not start crying because if I did, I wouldn't stop and it would make leaving a lot harder. I turned to my sister who was trying, and failing, to hide her tears. "Don't get married without me."

"I'd never let that happen," She laughed, wiping her cheeks.

"Tell Sam that I love him," I sighed as I hugged her. We were getting kind of ridiculous. I mean, it was only going to be four months. Four months in the grand scheme of things was not that long. But, even when I'd gone to Columbia, we'd always been able to easily talk. The three of us were close. We talked every day and we knew everything about each other.

I don't know what I would do in life without my Mom and sister by my side.

"You should go," Emily pushed. "Or I'll lose all my sanity and pull you back to the car."

"You can come visit," I suggested. "Bring your finances."

"We can talk about it," Mom nodded. "But you're sister is right. You need to go. Security is starting to back up. I nodded, grabbed my carry on and headed down the escalator to where security was and started my journey.

I got through security, grabbed another cup of coffee and found my gate. I could feel myself growing antsy as I sat there, waiting to board. But I knew going to London was going to be worth it and I knew once I met up with the rest of my group I would feel better. It really wasn't that big of a deal and I kept telling myself to get a grip.

Once our flight was boarded and we were off the ground, I started feeling a lot better about leaving home. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to just get to London and start exploring the city. It was going to be the trip of a lifetime and I was excited for it to finally start.

When we landed in NYC, I was able to find my group easily. There were two other girls and one guy traveling to London together, even though we were all involved in different majors. We would be going to the same school and would be living together, which was nice. I didn't know them super well, but I felt better being with them than by myself in the airport.

"Can you believe we're finally doing this?" Rosalie, one of the girls I was traveling with and my roommate for London, asked as she sat down next to me.

"No," I laughed. "It still feels unreal."

"This is going to be awesome," She smiled. "Plus, that Emmett guy is hot."

"Planning on getting lucky?"

"Oh yes," She groaned. "You want to flip a coin for him?"

"You go for it, Rose."

"You don't want to even try? He's got to be great in bed."

"I'm just not interested," I shrugged.

"Are you ill?"

"No!"

"Then what's the deal?"

"Why do I have to have a deal because I don't want to have sex with him?"

"You don't," She sighed. "I just know everyone at Columbia wants to get into his pants. It's kind of refreshing to meet someone who doesn't want to take him for a ride."

"He's not a hunk of meat, Rosalie," I sighed. "Plus...I've just never been that into sleeping with random guys one time," I explained. "I mean...I don't judge those who enjoy it, it just isn't something that interests me."

"You don't have to explain yourself," She smiled and I instantly felt relieved. I really needed to work on my filter. "Can I ask why you feel that way?"

"My first was just a one night stand," I whispered. "It was after senior prom. We had gone together as friends and when we got to his house and started fooling around...I thought he wanted more. I thought he wanted to be together. When we finished, he got up, got dressed and practically kicked me out."

"What a dick," She hissed.

"We were good friends," I said sadly. "We went to prom together as friends, but I had always had a crush on him."

"Not all men will do that,"

"I know." I nodded. "Plus, I haven't been with anyone since my ex six months ago."

"Is the heartbreak still fresh?"

"It wasn't a huge deal when we broke up," I explained. "He's a year ahead of me and he decided to go to California for law school. Us staying together didn't make any sense, but it still hurt like hell."

"How long were you together?"

"Two years," I smiled. "We met my freshman year and almost immediately started dating."

"That's awesome."

"What is?"

"That you were in a committed relationship that long at that young."

"I couldn't help myself," I shrugged. "I was in love. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"What about your love life,"

"My parents had a nasty marriage and an even nastier divorce when I was in high school," She explained. "Some people would say I have a phobia of commitment because of it."

"What do you say?"

"That I'm twenty years old and am just living my life to the fullest," She giggled. "Why do you think I'm going to London?"

"To travel the world and experience the new culture?"

"You're cute," She giggled. "I want to get laid by a lot of hot guys with English accents."

"Emmett isn't English though?"

"He'll be my warm up," She laughed. Rosalie and I were clearly very different, but I knew this was going to be an amazing adventure with her. Although we were different, I felt that it was a blessing. Emily and I are very alike and because of that, we fight about everything. I just prayed that our differences wouldn't cause any major issues.

After waiting for what seemed like forever, our flight was finally ready to board. On the plane, Rosalie and Emmett had been paired together to sit. I found my seat with the other girl, Abby, and sent a text to my sister and Mom telling them that we would be taking off. I then turned my phone off and turned to Abby to start a conversation.

Once we took off, I could already hear Rosalie flirting with Emmett and I had to try hard not to roll my eyes at her. I kind of envied her for her carefree attitude, but it had only been a few hours.

"Are you listening to her?" Abby giggled softly after I had started ignoring the two of them behind us.

"No, I zoned out. What'd she say?"

"She asked if he wanted to join the _Mile High Club_ ," She smiled. "She's so lucky. She got to sit next to him."

"Let's go," I heard Emmett behind us and nearly choked on my water. I watched as he stood up and followed him to the back of the plane where one of the bathrooms was.

"I love London," Rosalie smiled when she stood up to go with him. I sat there, my mouth wide open, as I watched her sneak into the same bathroom he'd gone into a few minutes earlier.

"Kids," An elderly man shook his head next to us and Abby and I burst into laughter. They didn't take very long in the bathroom, but anyone could tell they had both been up to something. Emmett's belt was still undone and her hair was a mess. She winked at me as they sat back down and then they started flirting with each other again.

"Oh this trip is going to be so much fun," Abby laughed as I sat back in my seat.

* * *

Five hours later, the flight attendant was welcoming us to London. I looked out the window and sighed in contentment. I opened the window screen and smiled as the city started coming into view.

"Finally," I whispered to myself as I saw Abby starting to stir next to me. I pointed to the window and she leaned over me and gave me a huge smile. It took another few minutes to get to the airport and another few minutes to taxi to the gate and deboard the plane. We went to baggage claim together, found our things, and then made our way to where our cabs would be meeting us.

"Whoa," Rosalie smiled when we opened the door to our room. It wasn't anything super fancy, but it was still relatively comfortable. We chose our beds, got settled in, and went down the hall to see what Abby was up to and meet her roommate as well. After getting to know her roommate a bit, we decided to go look around Queen Mary's campus in order to, hopefully, get a sense of direction.

"So?" Abby pushed as we walked out of the front door.

"What?" Rosalie asked, trying to be nonchalant about it.

"How was it?" She pushed. "Also...is the _Mile High Club_ actually good?"

"Oh it was so good," She nodded. "There's nothing like having sex in a place where you could get caught at any moment."

"I would not want someone listening to me," I thought out loud. "It's too personal."

"Maybe, but I like a sense of thrill."

"Teach me your ways," Abby begged. "Please. It's been way too long since I've been with a guy."

"We'll go to a club tonight and I'll show you how it's done."

"You going to ask Emmett if he wants to come?" I asked.

"Of course," She nodded. "He was too good to only have him once. And I want to see what he looked like completely naked."

Once we finished walking around, we separated to change for the night. We decided we wanted to have one really nice dinner here before having to eat campus food and then we were going to a club. Emmett had found a pretty nice restaurant called The Five Fields which would have normally been about my budget. But, it was our first night and we decided we were going to splurge.

"Whoa," Rosalie sighed under her breath when we got out of the car. "This place is swanky."

"It better be for how much they charge you," Emmett chuckled and I smiled as I noticed him putting his hand on the small of Rosalie's back. I knew what she told me earlier, but I had a feeling this wasn't going to be a fling until she found someone better.

We walked inside and Emmett gave the host his name. He was pretty smart for calling ahead because the place was packed. Plus, he said he only got us a spot because someone had literally just called and canceled their reservation. We were seated, ordered a bottle of wine, and started looking over the menu.

"Shit," Emmett mumbled when we opened our menus. "They weren't kidding when they said it was pricey."

"Well, we're going to be eating campus food for a while after this so let's not worry and let's just enjoy," I told them as the waiter brought us our bottle of wine. Emmett poured a glass for everyone and we all raised our glasses.

"What are we doing?" Abby giggled.

"We're making a toast," I nodded. "To our new adventures in London."

"To London!" Emmett laughed as we clinked our glasses together and took a sip.

"That is really good," Abby smiled. We looked over the menu some more, made our choices and ordered our food. When we got our food and took a bite, I had never tasted anything so good before. It was like having an orgasm in my mouth. We were just about finished when someone who looked like a chef came over to our table.

"Are you enjoying everything?" He asked and when I looked up, my breath hitched. He was really freaking cute and had the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen.

"It's so delicious," Rosalie nodded.

"Good," He smiled, looking down at me and smirking.

"Did you make any of this?" I asked.

"I make a lot of plates for a lot of people," He told me. "But if you think it's really good then I probably did."

Wow. Arrogant much?

"Enjoy the rest of your food," He said, winked at me, and walked over to another table.

"Woo, Bella, looks like you caught his eye." Abby giggled.

"I did not," I rolled my eyes. "Plus, he was kind of a dick."

"Hey if you can cook like this and become a chef at this kind of a restaurant, I think you're allowed to be kind of a dick," Rosalie explained. "Plus, he was a hot dick."

"Hot dick," Abby giggled. She hadn't had much wine yet, but I could tell she was definitely a light weight. Tonight at the club should be interesting. We finished eating, passed on ordering dessert, and got our bill. I nearly choked when I saw how much my single plate was and wondered why we just didn't go somewhere cheaper. But, it had been an incredible meal so I couldn't be too mad about it.

"Come on," Rosalie yelled as we walked outside. "Let's go get drunk!"

"I think Abby's halfway there," I laughed as I saw her trip over nothing. We caught a cab and made our way across town to the night club Rosalie had found. When we got there, the place was packed but the bouncer let the four of us in right away because Rosalie pulled her shirt up and hiked up her skirt.

We got ourselves a round of drinks, found a table, and then went out to the dance floor. If London was always going to be like this, I never wanted to go home. It was hard to believe the four of us were strangers twelve hours ago, but I couldn't imagine not traveling with them.

After a few songs, Rosalie and I headed back to the bar to get the next round of drinks. When the bartender handed us our drinks and I turned away, I stilled. There, across the room was the hot asshole chef from the restaurant.

"Go talk to him," Rosalie urged.

"No thanks," I shook my head as I set Abby's drink down at the table.

"Come on, maybe he's just cocky about his cooking but deep down he's this really sweet, lovable guy."

"Why don't you go talk to him?"

"Because then Emmett will think I'm into him and start flirting with these cheap, blonde hookers."

"Rose!"

"I'm just saying," She shrugged. "Go. Flirt. Have sex."

"You're a terrible influence," I shook my head as I found myself making my way across the room to where he was standing. "Hi," I barely whispered when I approached him.

"Hello," He said, sounding completely disinterested.

"I'm Bella," I said, trying to sound more confident. "From the restaurant."

"You were there?" He asked and I felt my heart sinking. "Tonight."

"Edward," A blonde bimbo asked as she snaked her arms around his waist. "I've been looking for you."

"Sorry," He shook his head and walked off with the bimbo before saying another word to me.

"What happened?" Rosalie asked when I got back to the table.

"He's a dick, just like I said," I sighed sadly as I chugged the rest of my drink.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note:** Hey friends! Thanks for reading this chapter! I'm sorry it was kind of a slow start, but I just need time to build the characters and create their _backstories _. Also, if you didn't already catch on, a big portion of this story will be a flashback to when Edward and Bella met up until the day Ryan was born. Then we will fast forward again to when Edward came to Bella's apartment. Thanks again for reading!_


	3. You Call Unexpected

**Chapter Three: You Call Unexpected**

* * *

My first day of classes went a lot smoother than it did at Columbia. Since we had taken the time to walk around the campus, I had a basic idea of where I was going and knew how long it would take me to get to each building. They also took it easy on us on the first day and when I finished my last class of the day, I felt confident in studying in London.

After class, I headed across campus to meet my friends for coffee since we were all finished around the same time. When I got there, Emmett has his arms wrapped around Rosalie's shoulders, but I chose to ignore it. I saw the way she looked at him and knew she was already falling for him. But I would never tell her that out of fear that she'd take it the wrong way and decide to break things off with him.

"How were classes?" I asked once Abby arrived and we'd ordered our coffee.

"Boring," Emmett sighed and Rosalie smacked his chest. "It's always the same thing on the first day of class. Here's your syllabus. Don't cheat or plagiarize. Be on time and show up to class."

"I like having an easy first day. Even if it is boring," Abby smiled.

"One of my professors already gave us an assignment," I shrugged. "It's just reading but..."

"Holy shit," Rosalie whispered as her eyes grew wide.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked.

"Bella, turn around!" She exclaimed and I did as I was told and nearly dropped my cup. That dick from the restaurant and club was here in the student union. I wasn't really sure why, but my stomach started churning and I just hoped he wouldn't see me.

"Isn't that the hot chef from last Friday?" Abby asked, a little too loudly. I turned around to slap her but it was too late. He'd heard her and he was now looking our way.

"Way to go, Abby," I mumbled.

"What did I do?" She asked innocently as he started walking over here.

"Fancy meeting you here," He said snidely as I did my best to avoid eye contact. "Bella, right?"

"Oh, you actually heard me the other night at the club?" I snapped. "Where's your friend?"

"Excuse me?" He asked, trying to sound innocent.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "You obviously aren't in school."

"Why do you say that?"

"You're a chef at a pretty big restaurant. You obviously went to culinary school."

"A friend of mine works here at the university," He explained. "I'm meeting him for coffee. Can we join you four?"

"Ye-" Abby started.

"No way," I shook my head. "Not a damn chance."

"Awe, why not?" He tilted his head and I felt my blood boiling. I had never met such an asshole before and he was starting to piss me off.

"Because you're an arrogant dick and I don't want you to spoil my time with my friends."

"That hurts, Bella."

"Go away!"

"You don't even know me."

"I don't need to know you," I crossed my arms over my chest. "Your personality speaks loud and clear."

"You shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

"I'm not," I assured him. "Just go somewhere else."

"Okay, I'm going to sit right there," He pointed to the table right next to ours. "And annoy the hell out of you because you won't be able to talk about me to your friends with me right there."

"Don't give yourself too much credit," I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to waste my breath on someone like you."

"Ouch, that hurts," He smiled. "And I hate to break it to you...but you arguing with me is wasting your breath on me."

"Go away!" I repeated.

"Have a good rest of your day," He winked at me and walked away.

"Whoa," Emmett whistled. "That was weird."

"He's a dick!" I told him.

"You don't even know him, Bella," Abby whispered.

"I went over to him at the night club while you were still dancing and he completely brushed me off."

"He rejected you," Rosalie said.

"No, he barely even acknowledged my presence."

"Bella, do you usually get all the guys?" Rosalie asked.

"Huh?"

"Do you usually just have to smile and flip your hair and boys start drooling over you?"

"I guess,"

"That's why he makes you so mad."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"He didn't pay attention to you like boys normally do and that makes you angry."

Ouch. For the first time, someone was finally brave enough to tell me how it was. It had always been this way in high school. Guys just always seemed to like me and I had never thought of it like that until she was super blunt about it. Even when I got to Columbia, guys were always flirting with me at parties and in class. I never paid much attention to them since I was with Jake, but it still happened.

 _Thanks for the unwanted reality check, Rosalie._

"He's still a dick."

"Yeah, you're right," Rosalie agreed. "But would you have argued with a complete stranger in public like that under different circumstances?"

"I don't know," I lied. The answer was no. I would have ignored him or politely asked him to leave if he hadn't ignored me the other night. "Probably not."

* * *

After our first two weeks in London, the four of us were in desperate need for a drink. We had tried making new friends but at the end of the week, we just wanted to hang out with each other. It wasn't like we were trying to be "those American's" who clung to each other, but being with each other was comfortable. It was safe.

"What about this?" Rosalie asked as she pulled her third dress over her head. At that point, I wouldn't have cared if she wore a paper bag because we'd been doing this for over an hour. And I had been dressed and ready to go for that entire hour.

"Beautiful,"

"You're just saying that."

"No my stomach says it's going to start eating itself if we don't go soon so I can eat food," I complained as she went back to her closet. I groaned and she just laughed at me. "Who are you trying to impress tonight? Emmett?"

"Don't know," She shrugged as she pulled on a navy blue dress. "How's this?"

"That does look good," I smiled. "And I'm not just saying that so we can go. Are you trying to impress some random guy at the bar?"

"Don't know," She lied. But, again, I was going to keep my mouth shut. I didn't want her getting spooked if she was really developing feelings for Emmett. "You look good. Who are you hoping to impress?"

"No one,"

"Hoping to run into Edward?" I rolled my eyes. Somehow, I had managed to run into him six more times after the coffee shop. It was really starting to annoy me. London was not that big of a city and I kept managing to run into its biggest douchebag. I wanted to tell people he was stalking me to be a drama queen, but I knew that wasn't the case. After the coffee shop, we'd run into each other as he was setting up for some music event and then again at the recreation center a few times. Then a few times were just randomly in town around the campus. He had a friend who worked there so it made sense that he was always around, but it still bugged me.

Why couldn't his best friend work somewhere else? Anywhere else other than this university.

"Why did you have to ruin a perfectly nice moment?"

"Stop being so dramatic," She laughed as she rolled her eyes. She finished putting her lipstick on, we grabbed our bags and headed down the hallway to Abby's room.

"Good," Abby giggled as she pulled her door shut.

"What?"

"You look fucking hot," She said as she looked at Rosalie. "Now I know you have an excuse to being almost forty-five minutes late!"

"She's trying to impress someone," I teased.

"Oh?" Abby giggled. "Who?"

"Anyone who wants it," Rosalie said cockily. Abby and I looked at each other and it looked like she was about to say something before I silently stopped her. We met up with Emmett and made our way to a bar close to campus. Emmett ordered us all a shot of tequila and we cheered to our second week of classes being over. I was on my second drink when I saw the familiar head of copper colored hair walking into the bar.

"Really?" I groaned and both Abby and Rosalie began laughing at me.

"You should just fuck him," Rosalie yelled as she took another sip of her drink. "Get it over with."

"I told you I don't just sleep with random guys for a one night stand," I reminded her as I chugged the rest of my drink. "Besides, I would never want to sleep with him. He's too much of a dick."

"I bet he's got a pretty nice dick," Abby giggled.

"Abby!" Emmett exclaimed and I could tell he'd gotten Edward's attention. He finished his conversation with the guy he came in with and made his way over to our table.

"Hello again," He smiled cockily.

"Hi," I smiled up at him. "Bye!"

"Oh, come on Bella. Let me buy you a drink."

"No thanks."

"Come on," He begged. "It could be a peace offering."

"I'm good,"

"She's drinking a raspberry Cosmo," Rosalie smirked at him and he left to make his way towards the bar.

"Rosalie!"

"Bella, just sleep with him. We all know that's what you want to do."

"I'm going to go stop him from wasting his money," I rolled my eyes as I stood up. I took a minute to steady myself since the room had started spinning and made my way over to the bar where he was still waiting. "Don't bother wasting your money."

"You want something else?"

"Not from you,"

"Bella," He sighed. "Let's just be friends."

"We don't even know each other."

"If we were friends we could get to know each other," He pointed out as the bar tender came over to take his order. I tried stopping but he wasn't listening to me. The bar tender came back with both of our drinks and I took the drink from his hands. "To friends?" He asked, holding his drink out.

"I'll be civil with you tonight," I agreed as I clinked our glasses together. When I looked back at our table Emmett and Rosalie were making out and a guy had taken Abby out to the small dance floor. I stood there awkwardly with Edward behind me before turning back around. "Fine. Friends. For tonight."

"Excellent," He smirked as he took a sip of his drink.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why are you such a douche?"

"You don't know me, Bella."

"I know enough."

"I ignored you at a club because I'd gone there with a date," He explained. "Doesn't make me a dick."

"You could have at least acknowledged my presence," I scoffed. "A date? Like your girlfriend?"

"No. Like a date. Singular."

"Oh," I nodded.

"Why? Jealous?"

"Absolutely not," I lied through my teeth. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but I suddenly had the urge to dance with Edward and show him what he gave up the other night to be with the dumb blonde. I finished my drink, grabbed his hand and pulled him out onto the dance floor. I made sure we were out of sight of any of my friends because I did not need them telling me that they told me so. Edward was hot and I was drunk.

What else was I supposed to do with him?

I had no idea what the song they were playing was, but it had a good beat and I turned around and backed my ass right into Edward's crotch. I heard him groan as I started moving my hips and I could feel him hardening underneath me. He gripped my hips and pulled me even closer to him.

"You're so fucking sexy," He growled in my ear as he kissed my neck. He turned me around and bumped my legs open with his knee. Shit, he was almost making direct contact with my clit and I could feel myself becoming wet. This was so fucking hot, I didn't care how much I hated him. He smirked at me as my eyes started to roll in the back of my head as he continued to move his hips. My dress was starting to bunch up and if I wasn't careful, I would be flashing the entire bar. But I was too focused on what Edward was doing to actually care.

"Fuck," I moaned as he pulled away. I had been so close and him pulling away was just mean.

"You wanna get out of here?" I nodded immediately and went to the table to grab my things. I left my friends a note, telling them not to worry about me and hurried out the door with Edward. He hailed us a cab and it took great strength from both of us to keep what we were doing in the backseat PG. The cab driver pulled up to a decent looking apartment building, Edward paid him and pulled me out of the cab. We walked to the elevator and I could practically feel the electricity between us. I wanted nothing more than to just take him in the elevator, but as we waited a few other people joined us and I wished I could have just told them to take a hike.

Once we were in his apartment, though, he was fair game. It took him a long time to unlock the front door...probably due to the fact that I was nibbling at his ear while he did it. Once he had the damn thing open, he pulled me inside and pushed me up against the door. He started assaulting my mouth as I started to undo the buttons of his shirt. When I finally got it open, I had to take a second to appreciate the incredibly beautiful man in front of me. His abs were perfectly sculpted and I could feel his bright green eyes burning into me.

"You good?" He laughed as he pulled my dress over my head. I nodded as he reached around me and unclasped my bra. Fuck, we weren't even out of the foyer yet and I was ready to just feel him inside of me.

"Fuck me," I begged as he started playing with my hardened nipples. He smiled up at me as he gently bit down on one while twisting the other with his fingers. He did this for a while before I thought I was going to explode with pleasure and grabbed his hair, pulling him back up to me. I started kissing him again as I undid his belt and slacks, pushing them down his legs. He stepped out of them and grabbed my ass, picking me up off the ground. I thought he was going to carry me to his bedroom, but we stopped in the kitchen and he set me on top of the tiny island in the middle.

He tore my panties off and licked his lips as I laid there completely naked in front of him. At first, I thought there was something wrong and started to become very subconscious. I started to cover myself, but he just smirked at me as he pushed his boxers off his body.

"You're so fucking hot," He growled as he began another assault on my neck. He was grinding his dick along my wet folds and I thought I was going to come just from that.

"Please," I begged.

"Please what?" He teased.

"Please fuck me!" I moaned and I felt him lining himself at my entrance. In one last act of what I suspected to be chivalry, Edward looked me in the eyes. I nodded as he pushed himself inside of me and screamed as he filled me. He was fucking huge, but he felt so good. "Fuck!"

"Yes!" He moaned as he started thrusting in and out of me at a ridiculously fast pace. He was so fucking good at this and I forgot how to think about anything else other than how good he felt. "You're so fucking tight, Bella."

"More! Faster!" I begged as his right hand snaked up my stomach and cupped my breast. His other hand held my hips in place and I started to meet his thrusts with my own. His pelvis was coming in direct contact with my clit now and I felt myself trembling beneath him. "Fuck!"

"Come on, baby," He urged as he started moving his pelvis to meet my clit even harder. After only a few more thrusts, I felt myself coming undone beneath him and screamed as my orgasm ripped through me.

"Yes! Fuck, Bella," He gasped as he stilled inside of me. He fell on top of me, his breathing heavy.

"That was..." I took a deep breath. "Fucking incredible."

"You think we're done,"

"Absolutely not," I giggled as he pulled me off the island.

* * *

My head was pounding so hard I thought my brain was trying to escape my skull. I wanted to open my eyes, but something told me I would regret that decision if I decided to go through with it. But there was a shrill ringing sound that I desperately wanted to stop. I groaned as I forced my eyes open and as I looked around the room, I could not remember exactly where I was. I definitely wasn't in my dorm room with Rosalie so where the fuck was I.

Then I felt the bed shift and a male moaning as he blindly reached for something.

My eyes widened as I rolled over and saw Edward playing with his phone. My eyes grew wide as memories from the night began flooding my mind. We had sex. A lot of sex. I peeked under the covers and sure enough, I was completely naked and I felt really sticky from sweat.

"Shit," I whispered hoping Edward wouldn't hear me.

"Sorry about that," He said with a gruff morning voice. "My brother still doesn't get the time difference."

"I should go," I whispered not wanting to deal with him any more than I had to. But as I looked around the room, I couldn't find any of my clothes. I looked back at Edward who was smirking at me. "Where's my stuff?"

"By the front door," He said as he sat up in bed.

"What? Why the hell are my clothes by the front door?"

"You don't remember?"

"I remember we had sex, but I don't remember the details," I shrugged. I didn't even realize I'd had that much to drink until right now when everything was all fuzzy.

"We barely made it inside before we started taking each other's clothes off."

"Oh," I nodded. This was why I didn't do one night stands. This was awkward and I just wanted to leave. "Close your eyes."

"What?" He laughed.

"Close your eyes, I wanna go get myself."

"Bella, I've seen you naked."

"So?"

"So me seeing you naked as you run to the door so you can get out of here as fast as possible just doesn't matter."

"Please,"

"Tell you what," He sighed and for the first time, I saw a softness in his eyes. "I'll get dressed, grab your clothes for you. Then you can take a hot shower while I make us some waffles."

"What?"

"Or do you prefer pancakes?"

"You want to make me breakfast?" I asked. "Doesn't that go against what a one night stand is?"

"I'm just trying to be nice," He smiled at me. But this smile wasn't his dumb smirk he used to annoy me. This was a softer, more friendly smile.

"I don't..." Right on queue, my stomach began to growl quite loudly. I remembered not eating much the night before at the bar and was actually really hungry.

"There are extra towels under the sink," He smiled. "And shampoo and conditioner are in the tub." He got out of bed, pulled a pair of boxers and sweats on and left the room. I got out of bed, walked into the bathroom and assessed the damage. I looked like an absolute wreck and was grateful he was letting me use his shower. I took a quick shower and when I walked into the bedroom again, my clothes were laid out on the bed with a pair of Edward's boxers next to it.

I got dressed, pulled my hair into a messy bun and went to see what he was doing in the kitchen. I never knew that waffles could smell so good, but it was like walking into a bakery on Christmas morning.

"Feel better?" He asked as he set a bottle of syrup and some butter in front of me. I sat down at the island and memories from last night of us fucking on this started flashing in my mind. I could feel my cheeks turning pink as he winked at me.

"Yeah. Thanks," I smiled as I took a sip of the coffee he'd given me.

"My pleasure."

"Okay, what gives?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been an asshole every time I've seen you. And now you're being super kind and letting me use your shower and making me waffles."

"You're fun to mess with," He shrugged.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-five."

"You're twenty-five?"

"My birthday is in November, so I'm a new twenty-five," He laughed. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-one," I told him. "So?"

"Guess I just have two sides," He shrugged as he put the fresh waffles in front of me.

"I like this side a lot more."

"Me too," He smiled at me with a twinkle in his eyes. "Bon Appetite."

"Oh my gosh," I groaned. "These are heavenly."

"I would hope so," He chuckled. "Or I would seriously have to question my career choice."

"You're an excellent chef," I smiled at him. "I'm happy I finally get to try something you made."

"You already have."

"Huh?"

"When you came to the restaurant, I cooked your meal."

"How do you know?" I asked. "You said you cooked a lot of food and couldn't remember if you'd made ours or not."

"Because what you ordered is my specialty," He winked at me as he took another bite. "Come on, when you finish I'll drive you home."

"You don't have to."

"You wanna do the walk of shame?" He laughed and I shook my head. "I'll get my keys."

"And a shirt!" I called out to him, laughing. I turned back to finish my last few bites of breakfast and took a deep breath.

What the hell had I just gotten myself into?


	4. Push You Out, Pull You Back

**Chapter Four: Push You Out, Pull You Back**

* * *

Shaking, I reached into my purse to pull the key to my room out. There were a million thoughts running through my head and my emotions were running on high. I had just spent the night with a guy I couldn't stand...a guy I didn't even really like. And then he had to go be all sweet and gentle this morning and make me breakfast to just confuse me even more.

What had I just gotten myself into?

I unlocked the door and wished I had knocked or something because I was not prepared to see what I walked in on. Rosalie was sitting on top of a naked Emmett and neither of them looked like they had any clothes on. Worst of all, they obviously hadn't heard me come in because they continued what they had been doing.

"Stop!" I pleaded and Rosalie stilled her movements. She craned her head and burst into laughed as she got off of Emmett and pulled the sheet over both of them.

"Sorry, Bella," She giggled. "Didn't see what time it was."

"Carry on," I breathed as I hurried to pull the door shut again. I practically ran down the hall, but then I remembered I was still dressed like I was going out. Not knowing where else to go, I desperately knocked on Abby's door, hoping I wasn't interrupting her as well.

"Hey," She smiled at me when she opened the door. She looked a hell of a lot better than I did and was envious that she was in her PJs. "What's up?"

"Rosalie and Emmett are still going at it," I explained. "I didn't know where else to go. Especially since I'm still dressed like this."

"Oh yeah," She smirked. "You went home with some guy last night. How was it? Were you safe?"

"Yeah, we were." I nodded, hoping I was right. There weren't any condom wrappers on the floor this morning, so I was pretty sure we hadn't used any. I mean, I was on the pill and I knew I was clean, but who knew where he'd been.

"Who was it?" She asked. "I mean, I was looking for you but the only guy I saw you talking to was Edward."

"It was Edward," There was no use trying to lie to her or hide his identity.

"You hate him."

"Well, I ended up in his bed..." I shrugged. "I sound like a slit."

"You're not a slut."

"What do I do, Abby?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, last night was incredible and when we woke up this morning...he was like a whole new person," I explained. "He made me waffles and let me use his shower and drove me home so I didn't have to do the walk of shame."

"That's more than any guy I've ever slept with has done," she smiled. "He sounds sweet, Bella."

"But he's not!"

"You ever think that he thinks the chase is half the fun," She smiled. "I mean if you don't want him right away, then he needs to chase after you to make you want him. I mean do you really think it was that random when you guys bumped into each other?"

"Yes," I lied. "And I'm not some prize to be won."

"I know," She nodded. "But, I still don't see the problem. So you slept with him. Big deal."

"But it was the way he acted this morning that made it confusing."

"Why? He was a one night stand. Night over. You never have to see him again."

"Yeah."

"Oh no."

"What?"

"You're one of those girls whose heart is in her vagina, aren't you?"

"I-"

"It isn't a bad thing," She made it seem like it was a bad thing. "It just means you need to be more careful, Bella."

"I don't usually sleep with random guys I pick up in bars," I explained. "And so what if I do think with my heart?"

"It means you're already attached to this guy you don't even like even though you were probably just sex to him."

"That's not true," I argued.

"How do you know? Did you exchange numbers?"

"No, but he's proven it isn't that hard to find me."

"I think it's a good idea for you to accept that this was probably just sex and just a one-time thing."

"You're right," I sighed. As good as last night was, it was just that. One night. He got what he wanted and I needed to move on. Plus, I didn't cross the ocean just to fall for some guy and not focus on school. Senior year was coming up which meant it was time for me to start looking into law school. Good law schools didn't care about the boyfriends you had. They cared about your grades.

I needed to focus. School was the reason I came to London. Edward was just a distraction.

Not surprisingly, I didn't see Edward at all the week following our night together. It was then that I realized what Abby had said was right. It made me feel like crap, but it also gave me the sense of clarity I needed. We were not in some happy relationship now and it was a one-time thing.

But, I was distracted because of it. It was hard to focus in my classes and it took me longer to finish my homework. I was also constantly on the lookout while I was out on campus because I just wanted him to show up. I really needed to get a grip. We were here in London for another few months and I would not let myself be this on edge for the next three months.

"Hot chef," Rosalie shrieked a week and a half after sleeping with him. We were heading back to our room after a coffee date with a few new friends we met when she gripped my arm. "Two o'clock."

"What are you talking..." She gripped my chin and forced my head to turn. When I focused my eyes, I noticed Edward was sitting on a bench with some random guy. "So?"

"What do you mean so?"

"Why should I care?"

"You slept together."

"So?"

"You told me yourself you don't need one night stands."

"Well, I was drunk and horny and that got the better of me that night," I shrugged, trying my hardest not to run over to him and jump him with everyone watching. "I'm over it."

"You're over-"

"Bella!" I heard him call as he stood up and jogged over to us.

Fabulous.

"Hi," I smiled awkwardly.

"Well I should be going," Rosalie said as she stepped in front of me. She better not. "Bye bye!"

"Rose!" I called after her but she practically sprinted away. I turned back to Edward who was smiling at me. He had a beautiful smile. "Hey,"

"How are you?" He asked, shoving his hands in his coat pocket. Good. This wasn't just hella awkward for me.

"Fine," I nodded. "Who's that?"

"Riley," He told me. "He's the one who works for the university."

"What exactly does he do?"

"He works with all of the student organizations," He explained. "He's their director."

"Oh...he's kind of young isn't he?"

"He's my age," He shrugged. "So yes. He is young."

"Yep," I sighed hoping I could just get out of here. "Well..."

"Sorry I haven't been around," He whispered. "There was a lot going on at the restaurant. Someone quit so everyone had to take up..."

"You don't have to make any excuses, Edward."

"Huh?"

"You aren't my boyfriend," I shrugged.

"Yeah, but we..."

"Slept together after we drunkenly left the bar together."

"Bella,"

"It's fine. I'm okay. It was just a one-time thing. Right?"

"I mean..."

"Plus," I cut him off. "I'm only here for the semester. It's not like anything could happen,"

"Right," He pursed his lips together. "Then I guess I'll see you around."

"I guess so," I nodded as I pushed passed him and fought the urge to cry. I had to brush him off before he got the chance to brush me off. That didn't make me feel any better, though and it almost made me feel worse than I already did.

* * *

"For the love of-" Rosalie trailed off. "Just go over there."

"What?" I asked, turning back to look at my friends who looked extremely annoyed with me. In their defense, they had every right to be annoyed. I'd been in a mood since Tuesday afternoon when I left Edward standing where they'd talked. I didn't want to be in this kind of bad mood, but she couldn't help it.

"Just go over there and talk to him," She pushed.

"It was a one-time thing, Rose," I reminded her.

"Yeah...so was Emmett," She whispered as she turned her head to watch Emmett as he got another round of drinks. She smiled and turned back to look at me, her cheeks pink.

"So you admit..."

"You know I don't want anyone else," She rolled her eyes. This was the first time Rosalie had actually admitted to me...and probably herself...that she was falling for Emmett. "He was supposed to be a one, maybe two-time thing and look at us now."

"Look at who now?" Emmett asked as he sat back down.

"Nothing, baby," Rosalie smiled at him. "You miss him."

"There's nothing to miss. We hardly know each other."

"And you won't get to know each other until you go over there and talk to him."

"Rose,"

"Bella, he has a friend who works at the university...but it isn't that small of a school. He was running into you on purpose. It was obvious."

"How do you know all this stuff?"

"I have a gift," She giggled. "But I'm serious. If you don't go over there and get yourself royally fucked again, I'm going to pick someone out for you to put you out of this mood."

"That would work so well," I rolled my eyes as I turned back to Edward who was now talking to some redhead. Typical. He knew I was here. He'd seen me when he walked in and now he was just rubbing it in her face. The redhead was probably some slut he was about to take home. I felt my blood begin to boil as my fists clenched together.

Without even thinking about it, I chugged the rest of my drink, stood up and walked over to him. I pushed the girl he was talking to aside and stood in front of him.

"Excuse me?!" The girl yelled as she put her hands on her hips.

"Fuck off," I snapped at her, turning back to Edward.

He gave me a confused look before I grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him to me. I caught his mouth in a searing kiss and tightened my grip on his neck. A few seconds later, he tightly wrapped his hands around my waist and settled one hand on my ass.

"Hi," He panted when I pulled back. "What are you..."

"Take me home," I whispered, sending chills up his spine. "And fuck me senseless," He didn't waste any time. He paid for our drinks, helped me into my coat, and pulled me out of the bar. This place was a lot closer to his apartment so we ended up walking there, but there were people in the elevator with us again.

Once we were at his door, I started teasing him like I remembered doing the first time. When he finally opened the door, he scooped me into his arms and carried me to his bedroom. I was slightly upset that we weren't in the kitchen again...cause that was so fucking hot...but didn't have much time to be mad about it.

"You're so hot when you're jealous," He smirked as he pulled my sweater over my head.

"I'm not jealous," I lied through my teeth.

"Okay," He mumbled as I pushed his leather jacket off his shoulders. He so didn't believe me, but he had no reason to believe me. I couldn't care though because the only thing I could think of was having him inside of me. We pushed and tugged at each other's clothes until we were both completely naked.

"Wait," I panted as he was about to enter me. "Condom."

"Right," He nodded. We weren't safe the first time and I wasn't about to end up with some kind of STD.

"You're...clean right?" I asked because I needed to know. Why I hadn't thought to ask him about this before, I had no idea. But I needed some peace of mind.

"Yep," He nodded as he rolled the condom over his dick. He smiled at me as he fell on top of me and placed himself at my entrance. "Fuck," He moaned as he pushed slowly into me.

"God, Edward!" I cried as he moved painfully slow. "Just do it!"

"Do what?" He teased.

"Just fuck me! Don't tease."

"Your wish is my command," He smirked and he pounded into me so hard I was seeing stars.

"YES!" I yelled as I clawed at his back. He was so damn good at this I never wanted to stop. He stopped for a second so he could roll us over so I was on top now. I smiled down at him as I braced myself on his chest and began to move up and down.

"You're so sexy," He smiled as he reached up and grabbed my boobs. "I love watching your tits bouncing." I leaned down and caught his lips in a kiss as he thrust up, making direct contact with my clit.

"Yes, Edward! Fuck!" I called as he did it again and again until I felt my body start to shake. "I'm gonna..." I panted as I felt myself clamping down on him. He thrust up a few more times and then stilled inside of me. I fell lifelessly on top of him and he laughed as he lifted me up and then moved me to lie beside him.

"So good," I yawned as I cuddled up next to him. He gently caressed my naked back, sending goosebumps up and down my spine. "I wasn't jealous," I argued so he didn't think that this was going to happen again.

"Okay," He still didn't believe me, but I was too tired to care anymore. I felt my eyes becoming heavy as we laid there together. "Goodnight," I heard him whisper as I fell completely asleep.

The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. I rolled over and found one of Edward's t-shirts and a pair of his boxers. I smiled at how thoughtful he was and ran to jump into the shower. Once I got out, I pulled my hair into a braid, got changed and went into the kitchen to see what he was up to.

"Morning," He smiled at me as he handed me a cup of coffee. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good," I sighed as I sat down at the island stool. I enjoyed my coffee as he worked at the stove. "Whatever you're cooking smells amazing."

"Bacon, red pepper and cheese omelets," He smiled. "With some hash browns on the side. If you don't like any of those things, I can make you something else."

"No, that sounds delicious," I smiled at him as I watched him cook. There was something really fascinating about watching a professional cook, even if he was making breakfast. "You don't do simple, do you?"

"Not when it comes to food," He said seriously. "Especially breakfast. I take breakfast very seriously."

"You're funny," I giggled stupidly. "Look..."

"You wanna talk," He sighed as he turned off the gas and put two omelets onto plates. He set the food down in front of me and took a seat.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?"

"One night stands."

"It's been two nights," He pointed out.

"Exactly. I need to focus on school, Edward. And I'm leaving London in May."

"I know."

"It just doesn't make sense for us to be involved."

"Bella, I'm not looking for a girlfriend," He shrugged so carefreely. Ouch. That hurt more than it should have. "You're great, but I'm not the boyfriend type."

"Oh,"

"Now I sound like the douchebag you think I am," He mumbled. "All I'm saying is...we can keep things super casual if you want."

"I don't know what I want," I admitted. "I've never been with a guy to just sleep together."

"It's up to you," He shrugged, taking a bite.

"You can't go sleeping with other girls," I spit out. "If we're going to do casual, it isn't going to be that casual."

"Okay," He agreed immediately.

"I don't even know if this is what I want," I told him.

"That's fine," He chuckled. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a shower. Then I can take you home."

"Thanks," I smiled as he jumped off the stool and headed to his room to shower. "Good job, Bella. That wasn't embarrassing or awkward at all." I said to myself as I cleaned up our plates and what he'd used to make breakfast.

How was this even supposed to work? Was this some friends with benefits garbage Emily had talked about? It was something I never wanted for myself in a million years, but anything with Edward sounded better than nothing. I couldn't even believe what I was telling myself. Never had I been so desperate for a guy before. Not even Jake.

When he came out of the shower, he looked absolutely fuckable. He had jeans that were low on his hips, no shirt and his hair was soaked and tousled. He tilted his head at me when he caught me staring and I closed the gap between us and pushed him down onto his couch.

After rounds two and three, it was already close to one in the afternoon. Edward led me downstairs to his car and drove me back to my dorm. I did know that if we were going to be having sex at Edward place, I needed to start keeping underwear there. I couldn't keep stealing his boxers and other clothes. I made my way up to my room, put my ear to the door to make sure the coast was clear and unlocked my door. Rosalie was sitting at her desk with her glasses on when I walked in and surprisingly, Emmett wasn't in here with her.

"Hey," She said distractedly as I sat down on my bed. I knew she was just pretending to be involved in something and threw my brush at her. "Spill,"

"We're not dating," I blurted out. "But we aren't going to stop seeing each other. Or...we're not going to stop sleeping together."

"Oh, sexy friends with benefits," She smirked.

"Ugh, that term sounds so..."

"I had a friend with benefits," She mused. "He was so good in bed, but then he had to bring feelings into the mix. He ruined everything."

"Good. Thanks for the helpful advice."

"Whoa there," she laughed as she stopped me from leaving the room. "You'll be fine with this."

"What if Abby is right though?"

"Huh?" Right. She was with Emmett when we had that talk.

"What if my heart is in my vagina and I end up falling for him?" I asked as I started pacing the room. "Then I'm going to leave here with a broken heart because he either won't feel the same way or it'll just be time to go home. Home is in the US. This is his home, Rose. Things would never work out."

"Wow," She sighed with big eyes. "You talk very fast when you're stressed."

"Rosalie!"

"If this is stressing you out this much, maybe you shouldn't be involved with him."

"He's like a drug."

"Okay?"

"I can't get enough of him," I continued to pace. "I just left him like twenty minutes ago and I'm already thinking of the sleeping with him next. Oh God,"

"Bella, calm down."

"I can't!"

"You have to or I'm going to have to sedate you," She laughed. "It's just sex. If you make it simple and causal then it will be simple and casual."

"I'm new to this," I whispered as I pushed the hair out of my face. "Casual sex..."

"You've had one boyfriend, it's okay, Bella," She smiled as she sat down next to me. "It's okay that you've never just had casual sex."

"What if I fall for him?" I asked. "I can't...I don't want to go through heartbreak again."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Yeah," I nodded, suddenly feeling very tired. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For putting up with me," I shrugged. "And for giving me good advice."

"Hey, it's advice," She laughed. "I don't know if it's good or not."

"True," I nodded in agreement.

* * *

 _ **A/N** : Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Someone was asking how long it would be until we saw Ryan again and I just wanted to clarify the majority of the story is going to be seeing them fall in love. The present with Ryan is important, but the story is called When We Were Young for a reason. See you next chapter!_


	5. Forever Be Still

**Chapter Five: Forever Be Still**

* * *

As wary as I was to start a casual relationship, I just couldn't keep myself away from Edward. I thought about him constantly the first couple days after sleeping together for the second time and on Tuesday, I was tired of thinking. I just wanted to be reckless for once so I called him and we spent the night in his bed.

After two more weeks in London, I realized that I had barely taken advantage of the city. The first few weeks were about adjusting to the new culture, but I was ready to see all of the tourist sites. I needed to see Big Ben and Buckingham Palace before leaving and I refused to only ever see Edward's apartment on the weekends.

"Wanna come over tonight?" He asked as he sat with me while I studied. Well, I tried to study. But I realized studying was near impossible with him nibbling on my neck.

"Can't," I moaned as he settled his hands on my hips. I wanted so badly to just throw him onto my bed, but I had no idea when Rose would be back. I refused to subject her to what I walked in on a few weeks ago. No one needed to see their friend in that position.

"What?" He practically whined. "It's Friday."

"And I have to be up kind of early tomorrow," I told him.

"For what?"

"We're going site seeing," I said and he looked at me confused. "We used the first two weeks to just adjust to the new school and every weekend after that I've been with you. I haven't had time to go see all the tourist places."

"Where are you going?"

"We were thinking the London Eye."

"Don't waste your money."

"What?"

"It's just a giant Ferris wheel that takes forever to get on and is way over priced."

"But the view..."

"Let me take you somewhere tomorrow," He offered.

"Why?" I asked. I was pretty sure people who were just casually having sex didn't take each other out to see the sites.

"Because I've lived here for four years and I know the city really well," He shrugged. "Come on. You wanna go on a tour with some lame guide or do you want to come with me?"

"You," I smiled.

"So come home with me."

"I'm going with my friends," I reminded him. I would not be the girl who canceled her plans because of some guy.

"They can come with," He rolled his eyes. "We'll just meet them in town."

"Okay," I agreed, turning around in my seat and kissing him on the lips. "We gotta stop."

"No,"

"Rosalie," I sighed and he pulled back. Apparently getting caught wasn't something he thought was fun either. "And I gotta study."

"It's Friday."

"Still gotta study," I smiled, gave him one last kiss, and turned back to my text book.

"Okay," I sighed as I shut my textbook. "I'm done for the night."

"Finally," He laughed as he jumped up and went for the door. "You ready?"

"One sec. Let me pack a bag." I was so tired of wearing his old boxers and not having anything the next morning. So, I packed my backpack with the bare essentials before going to my closet. I looked through my closet as he waited impatiently for me.

I finally decided on something comfortable and I got changed so we could grab something to eat before going back to his place. As good of a chef he was, he still loved crappy diner food. He took me to this stereotypical fifties diner and we ate greasy hamburgers with a vanilla milkshake.

It was pretty damn perfect.

When we got back to his apartment, it took all of five minutes to have both of almost completely naked as we made our way to his bedroom. He threw me on top of his comforter and fucked me senseless until I was screaming his name. He stilled inside of me as he buried his head in my neck. He pulled out, threw the condom away and pulled me close to his side.

The next morning, I woke up before he did and took a second to just watch him sleep. He was so peaceful like this and I had to hold myself back from pushing his hair from his eyes. I quietly got out of bed, pulled his discarded shirt on and snuck into the kitchen. Whenever we were together, he was always doing the cooking for obvious reasons. But, I did a lot of the cooking when I was home and felt like I at least owed it to him to make him breakfast. I found fresh blueberries in the fridge and decided to make some pancakes since he told me they were his favorite breakfast food. I was almost finished when I heard the door of his bedroom open.

I found fresh blueberries in the fridge and decided to make some pancakes since he told me they were his favorite breakfast food. I also made sure to put a pot of coffee on since I knew he was practically useless in the morning without at least three cups. We were very alike in that regard. I was almost finished when I heard the door of his bedroom open.

"Morning," I smiled as the coffee pot beeped. "You want coffee?"

"Please," He groaned as he sat down. "What are you doing?"

"Making you breakfast."

"How long have you been up?"

"Like forty-five minutes," I shrugged. "Did I wake you up?"

"No," He smiled. "The smell did. You didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to."

"People don't cook for me very often anymore. I kinda miss it sometimes."

"I'm an excellent amateur cook," I giggled as I put one more pancake on the stack to give to him. "Tell me what you think," I said warily as he took a big bite. He chewed and swallowed before smiling at me. "Good?"

"These are delicious."

"Phew," I laughed.

"What's your secret?"

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

"Come on, please."

"I'll tell you my secret if you tell me yours."

"Fine, I can live without knowing what made this pancakes so good," He laughed, taking another bite. "I really appreciate this."

"It's no big deal," I assured him. "I did most of the cooking growing up."

"Ever think of becoming a chef?"

"Nope, I've always wanted to be a lawyer."

"You're in law school?" He asked. Had we really not talked about this in the month we'd known each other?

"Not yet, but I have one more year after this semester," I told him.

"Where do you wanna do law school?"

"Harvard."

"Wow, you're ambitious."

"It's always been my plan," I told him. "Columbia for pre-law and then off to Boston for law school."

"How old were you when you made these plans?"

"Fourteen maybe?" I questioned, trying to think back to a time when I didn't want to do what I was doing right now. "It's kind of a blur. I've always wanted to do this."

"That's amazing," He winked. "I never had that kind of work ethic."

"It takes a lot of work to be as good of a chef as you are. Don't sell yourself short," I smiled. "Did you always want to be a chef?"

"Nope," He shook his head. "When I started school, I was going to be an engineer."

"What changed?"

"I realized I just didn't have the work ethic," He laughed. "I realized I just didn't want to be doing that," He shrugged. "I don't know what it was that made it click, it just did."

"And that's when you dropped out?" I asked.

"No, it wasn't until I came here for a summer adventure with my friend that I realized I didn't want to go back to Boston."

"Boston?" My interest peaked even more. "Where were you going to school?"

"Boston U," He told me. Damn, that was an amazing school. "My Mom is a professor at Harvard, actually."

"Shut up!" I laughed. "Of what? Law?"

"No," He smiled. "Biology."

"That's amazing," To have a Mom working at Harvard would be incredible. I mean, I was completely biased because I loved the school, but still.

"Not when you're the disappointment son," He hung his head low. I wasn't sure if I should push him to talk, but I really was curious.

"I'm sure that's not true," I whispered.

"Anyway, I came here for the summer and I never left."

"How did you survive?"

"I played a lot of small gigs and lived in a small flat with about four other guys. I slept on an air mattress in the living room until I could afford this place after getting my job at the restaurant."

"How long was that?"

"I've only been in this flat for seven months," he said. "And this isn't even that big or that nice and I'm still paying an arm and a leg for it."

"This city is crazy expensive."

"You're telling me," He smiled as he took his last bite of food. "I'll clean up the kitchen. You go get ready."

"Okay," I nodded as I dried my hands and headed back into the bedroom. I jumped in the shower and then quickly did my hair and makeup. I wasn't sure what the appropriate attire for site seeing was, but I decided I wanted to be comfortable today. I slipped into a pair of jeans with a loose shirt and my converse.

After we were both ready, we headed towards the subway station in order to meet my friends in London. When we got there, they were still ten minutes away so we found a bench to sit on together. He put his arm around my shoulder to try and keep me warm and I snuggled into his side. And I desperately tried to ignore the warning bells that were going off in my head.

"Hey! Lovers!" Emmett's voice boomed from across the street. "You coming?"

"He's a prick," Edward mumbled.

"Hey, he was only kidding," I elbowed him. It wasn't very often that Edward was around my friends, but he and Emmett just hadn't clicked. I didn't really understand why, but I wanted them to at least be civil with each other. Or, I wanted Edward to be civil with Emmett because Emmett liked everyone and had no idea he wasn't Edward's favorite. "Be nice."

"I will be," He promised as we crossed the street to meet them.

"So, where are we going?" Abby asked as Emmett threaded his hands with Rosalie. They really were super cute together.

"You'll see," Edward smirked as he grabbed my hand and pulled me ahead with him. We spent a few minutes walking until we got to where he was trying to take us.

"Whoa," I gulped as I walked up as far as I was allowed to. "It's beautiful."

"Welcome to Buckingham Palace," Edward announced.

"This is incredible," Rosalie gasped as she stood next to me.

"I love this place," Edward told us. "When I first moved here, I came here almost every week. I'm not sure what it was, but it always calmed me down when I thought the world was crumbling around me."

"That's awesome," I whispered quietly.

"I guess I figured if they could run a country, I could learn to take care of myself," He shrugged and after the conversation, we had this morning, I understood exactly what he meant. "I mean it was hard, and this is kind of lame...but they were kind of the people I looked at when I felt like I was sinking."

"I wonder if the queen's in there," Emmett mused. "And what is she doing in that huge castle?"

"Who knows," Edward shrugged. "The parliament pretty much runs the country now. The Royal Family is just there as a figurehead. They do a lot of charity events and things like that. They don't really make laws anymore."

"Why are they still here then?" Abby asked.

"Tradition," He shrugged. "I guess it'd be like if someone else started running the US. They'd probably keep the president for shits and giggles but he wouldn't have any power."

After the Palace, Edward showed us around Westminster and showed us the church where Prince William married Kate and it made me feel small. It was so beautiful and I could just imagine how beautiful their wedding was last year. I remember waking up ridiculously early to watch the wedding and just sat there with my coffee and watched it until I had to go to class.

"I wanna get married here," I whispered more to myself than anyone else. But Edward must have heard me because he gently gave my hand a squeeze before attempting to answer Abby's question.

"No, Charles and Diana were married at a different church." He explained. "They were married at St Paul's Cathedral."

"You know how many Royal's were married here?" Abby asked and I stifled my laugh. She was almost obsessed with the Royal Family. It was funny how many questions she was asking Edward.

"No idea," He smiled. "But if I find out, I'll tell you."

After the next few stops Edward had on his list, the five of us made our way to a local restaurant. The food wasn't as good as Edward's was, but it was decent and it was fun to be out with my friends again. It had been a while since the four of us had been together as we grew more comfortable with the new city. After we finished eating, the three of them headed back to campus and I went with Edward.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked after we'd gotten ready for bed.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Okay, hear me out."

"Oh no," I rolled my eyes as I got under the blanket he'd put on the couch. He started rooting around in the TV stand and finally found what he was looking. He turned around, showing me the DVD case and smiled sheepishly at me. "Die Hard?"

"It's a classic."

"Why is every guy on the planet so obsessed with that movie?"

"If you watch it with me then you might start to understand," He coaxed.

"Well, will you watch a movie I love if I watch this movie with you?"

"Depends," He shrugged. "How sappy is this movie of yours?"

"You get your movie and I get mine," I shrugged as I snuggled down into the couch. THe look on his face told me he was really thinking about this in his head before he opened the case to put the DVD in the player. "Okay, I'll find us a movie to watch sometime this week."

"You're evil," He sighed as he sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

The movie actually wasn't that bad at all. Sure it wasn't something I would have willingly watched on my own, but it was entertaining enough. I still didn't quite understand why all men were obsessed with it, but I wasn't going to ask any more questions. And, since I actually enjoyed the movie I decided I wasn't going to make him watch The Notebook or Titanic like I was originally thinking.

"So?" He asked as the credits rolled.

"It was good," I agreed. "I guess I won't torture you that much with my movie pick."

"You're evil," He smiled as he pushed me down onto my back. I situated myself and wrapped my legs around his waist and I could already feel him hardening above me.

"Edward?"

"What?" He asked as he started nibbling at my neck.

"Why do you think you're a disappointment?"

"What?"

"Earlier this morning you said you were a disappointment to your family," I whispered. "Why'd you say that?"

"Don't talk about my family when I'm trying to get into your pants," He smiled smugly. "I just wanna fuck."

"Excuse me?" I asked, pushing him away from me.

"I don't want to talk about my family."

"Fine but you don't talk to me like that, Edward."

"I was laying on top of you and you started asking about my family. That ruins the mood."

"You still don't get to say that to me."

"Whatever," He rolled his eyes and I went into his bedroom so I could get my things. When I walked back to where he was, his eyes widened in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving," I shrugged.

"You can't go."

"This is just casual," I pushed back in his face. "I can come and go as I please."

"It's eleven thirty!" He argued.

"Oh well."

"Bella, you can't go. It's not safe."

"I'll get a cab," I told him. "You're not my boyfriend. You can't dictate what I do."

"I'm trying to keep you alive!"

"I'm a big girl, Edward. I'm fine," I yelled as I slammed his front door shut. How dare he talk to me like that. Like I was just something he kept around to keep him happy or so he could get into my pants. As I got down to the small lobby area, I began realizing that I may have overreacted. Sure I didn't appreciate what he'd said to me, but it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Shit," I whispered as I stepped outside and realized I didn't even have money for a cab. I could walk, but I knew that was too far away and Edward was right. It was dark outside and probably not that safe. Not wanting to go back up and admit how wrong I was, I just sat down on the porch steps hoping a miracle would happen so I could get home.

"My Mom is a professor at Harvard," Edward whispered as he sat down next to me after a few minutes of me sitting out here like a moron. "And my step-dad is one of the best cardio surgeons in the nation. That's why I'm a disappointment."

"I still don't..."

"I was supposed to be a successful engineer," He sighed. "I was supposed to go to Boston University to get my bachelors and then move onto Harvard or Princeton for my masters. I was supposed to live in a beautiful house with my wife and wonderful kids. I was supposed to have...that life."

"Oh,"

"I started realizing during my sophomore year at Boston U that...I did'nt want that life. My brother had that life and while he loved it, when I watched him it made me realize that I did'nt want that. I didn't want to be tied down so early in my life. I didn't want to follow everyone else's plan for me," He explained. "When I started talking to my parents about this, they told me they'd pay for this trip across Europe for me so I could sow my wild oats and then return for my junior year."

"You didn't go back," I remembered.

"I couldn't. When I was over here, I called the university and officially dropped out," He sighed. "It took me three weeks to gather the courage to call my parents and when I did, I thought they were going to disown me."

"Did they?"

"They told me they weren't going to support me financially if I was going to be a college dropout," He shook his head. "But I mean, they are my parents and they do love me. So no, I was still their son," He smiled.

"Why'd you stay here?"

"I couldn't show my face in Boston," He said. "I was a huge disappointment. We lived in the subburbs and word traveled fast. I figured my parents could get back to their normal lives if I wasn't there to face everyone. They got board talking about it a lot qicker than they would have if I had gone home."

"You stayed here to hide from everyone?"

"I did love London, but I knew my parents reputation was really important," He shrugged. "I figured I could make it here on my own."

"Is that why you're so cocky?"

"I guess," He admitted. "When I dropped out of school, my brother basically told me I was a failure and that I was never going to amount to anything. So when I actually finished culinary school and got the job at the resturaunt, I felt like I made it. I called him to brag about it and...just never stopped being proud of myself."

"You should be proud of yourself," I smiled, reaching out and gripping his hand.

"All I did was learn how to cook."

"You should give yourself more credit," I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder. "Edward?"

"Hmm?" He asked as he rubbed my back.

"I'm freezing."

"Let's go inside, baby," He whispered as he kissed the top of my head. He helped me stand up and we made our way back inside to go to bed.


	6. Everyone Gets Scared

**Chapter Six: Everyone Gets Scared**

* * *

"So, what's going on with you and Edward?" Abby asked a few weeks later as we sat in the library together.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "We're having fun."

"He likes you," She smiled.

"I mean I would hope so," I laughed. "But we're friends who are casually having sex together."

"There is nothing casual about this relationship at all."

"It has to be casual."

"Why?"

"Because it's already the middle of February. We're leaving in May."

"And?"

"And I'm not about to date someone who lives in London when I'm leaving in a few months," I shrugged. "Look, Edward and I are friends who have great sex together. Why can't that just be _what's going on_ with us?"

"It can," She nodded. "But have you seen the way he looks at you when you aren't looking?"

"How could I see how he looks at me when I'm not looking...if I'm not looking?" I laughed.

"I see it every time he's around," She shook her head. "He's got it bad for you."

"He's the one who wanted something casual," I reminded her. "At first I was about to tell him we could try but then he suggested being casual. And it works. What we're doing works for us and trying to do anything more would just ruin the good thing we have going."

"So when it's time to leave in May, you'll just be able to get on that plane without any problems? You won't consider moving here so you can be with him? You'll just leave and never look back?" I shook my head. Why was she being so nosy today? "You're lying to yourself, Bella."

She was right. I was lying to myself. Edward and I were just in a casual relationship...but I couldn't even begin to think about what it would be like to leave in May. I didn't want to have to think about saying goodbye, but I had a plan. And he had a plan for his life. It wouldn't make sense for either of us to change our plans and goals in life because we were having a good time together.

"Look, I appreciate you trying to look out for me," I sighed really not wanting to talk about leaving anymore. It would be hard enough when it was actually time to go, I didn't need to think about it. Not yet anyway. "But we're just friends. Good friends, but nothing more."

"Oh, just like Rosalie and Emmett were just friends at the start of this semester?"

"That's different."

"How?"

"They're both going back to the States after this," I pointed out. "Plus, they're good together."

"You and Edward are good together!" She yelped and I sighed annoyed. "Would you ever consider staying here?"

"For him?" She nodded. "No. I am not going to derail my life for some guy I barely know."

"Not even if you were in love with him?"

"No, Abby," I answered honestly. Even if Edward turned out to be the love of my life, I would not stay in London for him. I had a plan for my life and he seemed to love what he had here in London. I don't think either of us would be willing to let our plans fall through. "And I'm not in love with him so this is a moot point."

"What's a moot point?" Edward's familiar voice asked from behind me. Abby raised her eyebrows at me as I turned around in my seat. I swear that girl thought she was watching some dumb soap opera or something with the way she was acting right now.

Maybe my life was turning into some dumb soap opera...

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I looked at the time on my watch. "I thought you had work,"

"My shift got switched around with someone so I had some time to kill," He shrugged, leaning down and pressing his lips against mine. Damn. He was such a good kisser. "How's the studying going?"

"It's brutal," I sighed as he sat down. "This professor has something against me or something."

"Why would you say that?"

"I'm American and I think she believes all Americans are lazy butts who get everything handed to them."

"What that's not what America is all about?" Edward laughed and I threw a piece of crumpled paper at him.

"Shut up," I giggled as he reached down to grab my hand. I just shook my head at him as he gently kissed my hand before pushing some hair out of my face.

"I have the sudden urge to go order some coffee," Abby said, trying to be sneaky and sly. "You two need anything?"

"Nope," I said as I continued to look at Edward. Once she was out of sight, Edward slid his hand up my thigh as he leaned in for another kiss. Knowing we were in a public place annoyed the hell out of me. He looked so good with his messy hair and his leather jacket. If I could have, I would have thrown him across the table and fucked him right there.

"When do you have to be at work?" I asked as he pulled back breathlessly.

"Little over an hour," He answered as he looked at his watch. "Why?"

"You wanna go get some coffee?"

"Didn't Abby just go do that so she could avoid us?" He laughed as we stood up and I gathered my things.

"We just won't go to the one where I can clearly see her watching us," I smiled as I waved to her. She pretended not to see me, but she wasn't that sneaky. Edward held my coat up so I could slip it on and we headed outside into the bitterly cold February air. Edward grabbed my hand as we walked to the nearby coffee place and insisted on paying for my drink even though I said I could do it myself.

After enjoying our little coffee date, Edward reluctantly left for work. The look on his face told me he didn't want to go since he'd just gotten there, but I told him I had a butt load of studying to do anyway. That was true, but it did suck that he already had to leave. He walked me back to the library and as we said goodbye, his phone started ringing.

"Who is it?" I asked as he stared at the caller ID.

"Unknown," He shrugged as he put his phone back in his pocket. "I'll call you?"

"You don't have to," I sighed. "I know you get off kind of late tonight."

"I'll call you," He insisted as his phone began ringing again.

"Wow, you're popular."

"I don't even know who this is," He shook his head annoyed. "It's the same unknown that just called," He ignored the call again and pressed his lips against mine. "I get off at midnight."

"I'll be waiting by the phone," I laughed as he turned to go back outside. I found Abby at the table we were at earlier with Rosalie and Emmett with her. They stopped talking the second I approached them so I knew they were talking about my relationship with Edward, but I chose to ignore it.

Plus, my relationship was none of their business.

Even though they seemed to think every little thing I did with Edward was public information.

"Ugh, I don't want to do this study group," Rosalie whined as we started packing up our things to leave two hours later. Abby, Emmett and I were going to go to the Student Union for dinner, and Rose was forced to study for something she was already prepared for.

"You're already prepared," Emmett reminded her. "It'll be easy for you."

"It'll be boring," She moaned. "Tell me why I chose to study business with a minor in finance? It's boring."

"It won't be boring when you're dominating the fashion industry in New York because you can design clothes and successfully run your clothing business," I reminded her. As smart as she was, Rosalie had one passion in life and that was clothes. She originally wanted to just be a designer, but her parents convinced her to go to Columbia so she could be more marketable in the long run.

"She's right, babe," Emmett agreed with me.

"Yeah yeah," She rolled her eyes. "Okay, you guys go have fun at the Union while I go blow my brains out."

"That's the spirit!" Abby laughed. "But be careful not to get any of your brains on that jacket. I want it once you're gone."

"It's already in my will," Rose laughed sarcastically. "Shit," She sighed as she dug through her bag. "I don't even have the right book. I gotta go or I'm going to be late. Bye," She leaned up, kissed Emmett, and ran in the direction of our dorm building so she could go get her book.

"She's so hot when she runs," Emmett drooled as we pulled him away. When we got to the Student Union, Abby grabbed us a table while Emmett and I ordered. As much as I loved Rosalie and Emmett as a couple, it was nice to spend some uninterrupted time with Emmett. He was so in love with Rosalie it was sometimes hard to hold a complete conversation with him because he just couldn't bear to pay attention to anything (or anyone) other than his girlfriend. I didn't blame him, but it was nice talking to him with his undivided attention.

"I'm exhausted," I whined as we let ourselves into our building after saying goodbye to Emmett. "I need to go to bed early tonight."

"You're such a grandma," Abby teased as we stepped off the elevator onto our floor.

"You're not wrong," I laughed. "Bye, Abby!"

"See ya later, Bella." We turned down our different hallways and I dug through my bag for my keys. When I finally found them, I stuck them in the lock to get into my room. When the door swung open, I was scared to death by some man sitting on my bed with his back towards me and I nearly screamed.

Then he turned around.

"Edward?" I asked as I set what I hadn't dropped on my desk before moving closer to him. His cheeks were puffy and his eyes were bloodshot like he was crying. Not to mention that he was sitting in my dark dorm room when he should have been at work. "Edward, what the hell? What are you doing here?"

"Don't be mad," He begged and I reached to turn my side table lamp on. "Please don't be mad," He begged as I took a step closer and looked at his face in better light.

Yep, he had been crying.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"Riley was in a motorcycle accident," He whispered so softly I barely heard him. "They don't know if he's going to make it."

"Riely-" I started then I remembered Riley was his friend who worked at the university. I still hadn't met him since he was so busy, but Edward had said he was his best friend over here in London. The fact that this was happening had to be killing him. "Edward, no."

"That's who was calling me," He sniffled. "Bree was calling me from the hospital phone because she'd forgotten everything in her flat when the hospital called her when it happened," He explained. "I'm sorry I scared you. Your dorm is just closer to the hospital they took him to and I...didn't want to be alone."

"It's okay," I whispered as I sat down next to him and hugged him tightly. "How did this happen?"

"I don't know," He said as he stood up and started pacing the room. "Riley is a good driver. He's safe. He's had a few almost accidents, but he's always been able to get out of harm's way in time."

"What do you know?"

"He's got a ton of internal bleeding that they can't get under control," He whispered as he sat back down. "And if they can't get it under control..." He trailed off and shook his head like he was trying to get a grip. "I should go."

"Go where?"

"Anywhere. I need to do something. I need to help."

"There isn't anything you can do right now."

"I can take care of Bree," He wasn't listening to me. "She's probably starving. He got in this accident before I had to be at work. She's been at the hospital for hours. I should make her food. I need to go to the grocery store."

"Edward,"

"And his parents should be getting here soon. I can pick them up from the train station. It'll be easier for them to just be able to get to the hospital. They shouldn't have to deal with a cab or a bus."

"Edward,"

"And I can go get Bree's things from their flat since she's stranded at the hospital at the moment. She's been having to call people from the pay phone. She needs her things to actually be able to take care of things."

"Edward!" I finally got his attention. "You need to calm down."

"He's my best friend, Bella," He said and I could tell his eyes were filling up with tears despite his best efforts. "He was one of my first flatmates when I decided to stay here. the other guys he was living with said no, but he really pushed for me to be able to stay even though they didn't have any more room."

"Edward," I whispered. "It's okay to be upset."

"He's my best friend," He repeated because I didn't think he knew what else to say.

"I know," I whispered as I got up and went to hug him. He tried fighting me at first, but eventually just melted into my embrace.

"Please," He begged but I wasn't sure what he was begging me for. "Please don't go. Please don't make me go."

"I'm not leaving," I promised. "You don't have to go anywhere."

"Please," He begged as he placed his lips on mine. Unsure if this was the best thing he could be doing, I tried pushing him away, but he didn't budge.

"Edward, I;m not sure if this is the right..." I started to say as he started to kiss my neck.

"Please," He repeated and I just melted. He was being so sincere and he was so hurt. How could I say no to him?

I looked up and pushed the hair out of his face and gave him a soft smile. "Sad boy," I stuck my lower lip out and gently pressed my lips to his. He tightly wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pushed me into the wall. He took my hands and held them above my head and then pulled my sweater up over my head.

"You're so beautiful," He whispered and I pushed back until he was laying on my bed. I crawled up on top of him and he swiftly turned us around so he was on top. We took our time freeing each other of our clothes until we were both just in our underwear. He reached behind me and carefully unclasped my bra and pulled it over my shoulders. He let it drop to the floor and gently bit down on my nipples.

"Oh," I whimpered as he moved to my other breast and I used my feet to start pushing his boxers down his leg. He paid more attention to my breasts than normal, but it felt so good I couldn't complain. While he was sucking on my nipple, he pushed my panties down my leg and we were both completely bare. He started pulling away and I knew what he was trying to get, but I just held him close.

"I need to get..." I cut him off my kissing him and thrusting up. "A condom."

"I trust you," I whispered as I held his face close to mine. He smiled as he kissed me and lined himself up at my entrance. HE gently pushed in and the feeling was like nothing I'd ever felt before. He was so gentle and every thrust he made seemed to really mean something.

"Fuck," He moaned as his pace increased. I started bucking my own hips to meet his thrusts and with his pelvis hitting my clit every time, I knew I was about to burst.

"I'm gonna come," I groaned as I clawed at his back. He stilled at the same time that I came and he tightened his grip around him.

"Bella I..." He trailed off. "I..."

"Shhh," I whispered as I stroked his hair. "Don't. Not now," We lay there for a few more seconds before he pulled out and I found my box of tissues on the ground. We lazily cleaned up, I sent a warning text to Rosalie so she wouldn't come bursting in the door, and laid back down together.

"I can go if you need me..."

"Dont' you dare go anywhere," I whispered as I laid my head on his chest. We lay there for what seemed like hours before finally falling asleep wrapped up in each other's arms.

I woke up just as the sun was starting to rise to a harsh ringing sound. Knowing that my alarm wasn't set for this early in the morning, I began to blindly feel around on my nightstand to figure out what the ringing was. I finally found Edward's phone and the name Bree was flashing at me.

This was a call about Riley.

"Edward," I whispered as I gently started shaking him. How the hell was he sleeping through this awful noise? "Edward, wake up."

"Humph," He moaned as he turned his head to look at me.

"Bree's calling you," He shot up and snatched the phone from my hand. Although I'd never really met Riely, it was agony to be on this side and not know what was happening. I decided the best thing I could do for Edward right now was to comfort him so I just gently rubbed his shoulders as he spoke with Bree.

After ten minutes, he finally said goodbye and threw his phone onto the bed. He stayed silent for a while and I didn't want to push him into talking about it. Especially if it was bad news. He was hard to read, though, because he wasn't crying or even shaking. He was just silent and still.

"He's our of surgery," He started. "He's in really critical condition but they think they got the internal bleeding controlled. For now anyway."

"That's great news."

"They don't know if he's paralyzed or not," He told me. "They think they found damage in the nerves of his spine. They won't know for sure until he wakes up."

"When do they think he'll wake up?"

"They don't know if he'll wake up," He sighed as he put his face in his hands. "How the hell did this happen? He's a good driver."

"He might be a good driver, but there are also bad drivers out there," I might not have really been helping at this point. "It might not have been his fault."

"He's my age, Bella. He's twenty-five."

"I know,"

"How is this gonna work? Let's say he wakes up but he can't walk, how is he supposed to work? What's he going to do? He was planning on proposing at the end of this semester."

"I don't know how it'll work if he wakes up paralyzed, but you just gotta have faith that it will work out."

"How do you know?"

"Because if you have a sour attitude, things won't work out. And it'll make everything so much harder."

"You wanna come with me later to see him?" He asked. "I don't know if we'll be allowed in, but I do wanna see Bree and I don't think I can do it alone."

"Yeah, of course, I'll come with you," I agreed immediately. "What about work?"

"I tried to go to work yesterday after Bree called before I went to the hospital. I was such a wreck that they just sent me home."

"What about today?"

"I have off today," He mumbled. "Wait. Shoot, you have class."

"Only until two-fifteen," I reminded him. "Can you wait until then?"

"If that means not going to the hospital alone then yes. I can wait," He smiled for the first time since I got home to find him on my bed. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry."

"For what?"

"Last night."

"Edward, that's what..." I stopped, unclear of what I should call us. "Friends are for."

"I just feel like I used you."

"By having sex with me?" He nodded. "Sometimes emotions can get super intense and it's hard to deal with them. It's good to have an emotional outlet."

"I still shouldn't have used you."

"I wasn't complaining," I reminded him. "Maybe one time this semester something really hard will happen with me and then I'll use you for sex. Deal?"

"Absolutely," He laughed as he leaned in and kissed my bare shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How'd you get in here?" I laughed.

"Oh, I followed someone into the building and then Rosalie was just leaving when I got to your door."

"She didn't tell me you were here..."

"I asked her not to."

"Why?"

"Because I knew you'd rush over here and even though I needed you...I also needed some time to myself to just process," He shrugged. He needed me? "I was just about to call you when you walked in."

"I'm glad you came here."

"You are?"

"You could have gone and done something really stupid," I laughed. "If I found out my best friend was in a serious accident, I probably would have gone to the bar."

"Your place was the first place I thought of when I left the hospital."

"Good," I smiled as I leaned in and gently kissed him. "Now, it's only six and I don't have to be up for class for a few hours. You wanna go back to sleep?"

"Please," He begged as I turned off the lamp next to my bed and he pulled me back down beside him.


	7. Trying to Find the Light

**Chapter Seven:** **Trying to Find the Light**

* * *

"Here," I extended my arm with the cup of coffee in it as I met Edward outside of the Student Union.

"Thanks," He smiled softly as he took his cup and then took my hand. He seemed to have perked up a bit, but I could still tell he was out of it.

"How're you doing?"

"The shower helped a lot," He told me. "Thanks for letting me use your stuff."

"It would have pointless for you to go all the way back to your apartment and then come back here to see Riley," I shrugged. "Did Emmett give you any problems?"

"No, but he's much bigger than I am," He laughed. He was probably swimming in the shirt Emmett had lent him. We made our way to his car and I suddenly wondered how long it took him to learn to drive in London. Not only did he have to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road, but he also had to get used to the steering wheel being on the wrong side of the car. I figured that was a lighter topic of conversation for another day though.

Since it was still the middle of the day, it didn't take a long time to get to the hospital they'd taken Riley to. Edward found a parking spot and we made our way to the entrance. I felt his body tense up as we walked through the doors, so I squeezed his hand reminding him that I was here for him if he needed me. Since we weren't family, the nurse wouldn't give us Riley's information since he was still in the ICU and hadn't woken up.

"Please, he's my best friend," Edward begged.

"I'm sorry, sir, but rules are rules," The nurse told him again.

"Please-"

"Edward!" A female's voice said from behind us. We turned around and Edward immediately let go of my hand and went to hug her. I assumed that this was Bree or else I probably would have punched her. "How is he?"

"He still hasn't woken up," She whispered sadly. "They said it could be a while...if he ever wakes up."

"He's going to wake up!" Edward snapped and sent Bree into a puddle of tears. I could tell he was at a loss of what to do since he'd made her cry, so I decided to step in and try and be a distraction.

"You must be Bree," I smiled as I stepped in front of him.

"Yeah," She nodded as she looked up at me. I couldn't imagine how she was feeling right now. To have the man you love barely hanging onto life was...I didn't want to think about it. "Are you Bella?"

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"Please," She giggled s she began calming down. "Edward won't shut up about you."

"Bree," Edward said with a strained voice. "I've told them a few things."

"A few things?" She asked. "I feel like I know your entire life story."

"Bree," Edward whined and I had to stifle a laugh. It would have been the same thing with my friends if I hadn't warned them to at least try and act cool around Edward.

"It's okay. I'm honored," I giggled.

"Unbelievable," He groaned.

"Bree, is there anything we can do?" I asked.

"Riley's parents should be getting here any minute."

"They aren't already here?"

"They've been trying to get here, but there was poor weather up north. It's been snowing for days up there," She explained. "Anyway, when they get here they're going to need time with Riley. I guess I just need...to be distracted while they're with him."

"Where is he now?" Edward asked. I could tell he was getting antsy just standing around.

"His room," She answered. "I wish I could bring you back."

"Who cares about some dumb rules? Let's go."

"Edward, no."

"Bree..."

"The more people in and out of that room the more chance Riley has of getting an infection," She explained. "Trust me, I want you to be able to see him too."

"Damnit!" Edward turned and walked down the nearest hallway and when I went to chase after him, Bree held me back.

"He just needs to cool down," I was trying to be annoyed that she knew him better than me, but it made sense. If Riley had been with Bree as long as Edward has known him, it would make sense that she knew if he needed to be alone. We were still getting to know each other at this point.

"How long have you known Edward?" I asked curiously after he disappeared from view.

"Since he moved here," She smiled. "He's kind of the reason Riley and I are even dating."

"Really?"

"Riley's pretty shy," She smiled. "The two of us flirted with each other for ages before Edward finally talked him into actually asking me out."

"How'd he convince him?"

"I think he basically told Riley that he needed to grow some balls and ask the damn girl out," That definitely sounded like Edward. "I'm really grateful for him. And he's just a good friend."

"Yeah, he was pretty upset last night when he came over."

"He's crazy about you, you know?" She asked, catching me off guard. We had somehow managed to bring the conversation about her and her boyfriend back to Edward and I. People seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "He really never shuts up."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating."

"I'm really not," She argued with me. "He was pretty upset the day you just brushed him off after you two slept together for the first time."

"He was?"

"He said he tried talking to you but said you didn't seem very interested."

"I..." I trailed off. Had I pushed him away before he could push me away? I remember that conversation, but I can't remember what his face looked like as we talked. "I just assumed he wasn't the dating type and I guess I didn't want to get hurt."

"He's not the dating type," She laughed. "That's why Riley and I are so confused and incredibly happy he's found you."

"Are you talking about me?" Edward asked as he came back and sat right next to me.

"We don't have anything else in common," I smiled as he gripped my hand. Suddenly, I froze up and excused myself to use the bathroom. I found the nearest bathroom and locked myself in the stall, unsure of what I wanted or needed to do. Unable to think of anything else, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It was ten o'clock in New York and I needed my sister.

"Hey!" She practically screamed into the phone. "I am so happy you called! I have so much to tell you!"

"What's up?" I asked. She was excited. I didn't want to ruin her mood.

"Sam and I have decided on a color scheme for the wedding."

"Tell me."

"Sage green," She told me. "It's neutral enough to where he feels comfortable wearing it and it's a color I've always liked."

"It's a good color," I agreed.

"You okay? You sound upset?"

"I'm good."

"Isabella Marie Swan," She scolded like I was a child. "Tell me what is wrong right now."

"What if you knew you and Sam couldn't be together after the first few months of dating," I explained. "Would you say fuck it and be with him anyway? Or end it before things got too serious?"

"Bella, did you meet a guy?"

"Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"It's complicated."

"You're going to have to give me more information than that," She sighed. "Also, when you're finished you are going to get an earful for not telling me you met a guy!"

So I told my sister everything. I told her about the first night I met Edward and how absolutely insufferable I found him. I told her about the altercation in the Student Union and about going home together for the first time. She 'oohed' and 'awed' in all the places she was supposed to, and when I was finished my head was spinning.

This was too much.

"Sounds like you have feelings for him, Bella,"

"But I can't."

"Why because you're leaving in May?"

"Exactly!"

"So what?" She yelled. "Who the hell cares if you're coming back to the States once the semester ends. Extend your stay. Sleep at his apartment. Make it work when you come home."

"Emily,"

"Or if you think that's too complicated why don't you just live your life for right now. Stop thinking about what going to happen when you separate. If you like him, which you clearly do, then just be with him," She sounded almost annoyed with me. "Be with him for the little time you guys have. Who the fuck cares about May right now? It's only February."

"I can't believe you just yelled at me."

"You obviously needed it," I could just hear the eye roll. "Go. Be with him. Or...if you don't think you can be with him fully then I think you need to end it."

"End it?"

"Yeah. Because even if it's just casual someone is going to get hurt eventually."

"What would you do?"

"I would just be with him," She sighed. "But we're very different, Bella. I can't make this decision for you."

"His best friend was just in a motorcycle accident."

"Okay so don't end it right this second if that's your decision."

"This is hard," I complained.

"Grown up relationships typically are."

Emily and I took some time to catch up on other things since it had been a while since we talked. Talking with her seemed to really calm me down because when we hung up, I didn't feel like I was going to throw up anymore. I walked back to the waiting room where Edward was now sitting by himself and sat down next to him.

"I didn't mean to brush you off that day on campus after we slept together for the first time," I blurted out.

"Bella," He stared me down.

"Okay, I didn't want to get hurt," I shrugged. "I've had a one night stand before, Edward. When it was over he didn't want anything else from me and it really hurt. I guess I just wanted to seem like it was no big deal because I was freaking out inside."

"I can understand that," He sighed. "And I really liked you which is why I brought up the whole casual sex thing."

"This isn't casual anymore," I whispered, stating the obvious.

"No, it's not," He agreed.

"What do we do?" I asked as he wrapped his arms around my shoulder. "I'm leaving in May."

"How about this," he said. "Why don't we just live our lives for right now. And we'll cross that damn bridge when we come to it."

"I guess I can live with that," I felt like I was lying to him. There was so much to think about when it came to the two of us and I could see he wasn't totally sure either. The closer we got, the harder it would be to leave. This relationship was more complicated than anything at the moment.

"Me too," He kissed the top of my head. "Bree's in there with his parents."

"He awake?"

"Not yet."

"Why don't we go get something to eat with Bree and then take her home to get cleaned up," I suggested. "By the time we're all done, visiting hours will be over and maybe we can stay the night with her so she's not alone. And then we come back in the morning with her."

"You have class," He reminded me. "I'll take you home in the morning."

"I'll get a cab."

"No," He shot down immediately. "I'll take you home."

"Why don't I go home after dinner then?" I sighed. "Then no one has to worry about rushing."

"We can do that," He agreed.

* * *

Over the next week, Edward and I didn't see each other or really talk to each other. He gave me an occasional update on Riley and I almost ran out of class when he told me he'd woken up two days after surgery, but I stayed put. Our silence during that week was never intended, but I think it was what we both needed. As much as I knew he wanted to believe we could just have fun for right now and worry about being separated later, that concept was a lot harder said than done.

But, I was miserable all week. I barely got out of bed in the morning, I wore sweats to class and I was never hungry. When I asked myself what the hell was wrong with me as I dragged my butt out of bed on Thursday, eight days without seeing Edward, I realized it was because I hadn't seen Edward in eight days. I felt pathetic. I didn't want to be the girl who couldn't function without her boyfriend. Hell, Jake and I had gone our first summer apart and while I missed him, I found the break almost refreshing.

"You need to go see him," Rosalie pushed as she watched me pull on my last clean pair of sweatpants. "This is getting out of hand."

"I'm fine," I lied.

"Neither of you are fine," She shook her head. "You're both hurting and he needs you right now, Bella."

"He has his friends."

"He went to you for your support when this happened. I'm sure he has plenty of good friends he could have leaned on when the accident first happened."

"This is hard."

"Go. Be with the guy you're in love with."

"I'm not..." I took a deep breath. "In love with him."

"Bella,"

"I could be. But I'm not," I whispered and that was the truth. We'd only been seeing each other for a month, and even though I had strong feelings for him, I wasn't in love with him yet. No matter what everyone else thought, no one actually knew my feelings except me. "Not yet anyway."

I went through the motions of going to class that day, but when I was finished I made my way to the nearest Tube Station. I didn't know what I was doing or even if he was going to be home, but I needed to see him. When I got off the tube, it started to pour and of course, I didn't have anything with me to shield me from the rain. I made a mad dash to his building and buzzed up to him.

No answer.

I buzzed again but there still wasn't an answer.

"Shit," I whispered to myself as I sat down on the steps. Even though it was warm enough to rain, it was still freezing cold and I knew I was crazy for waiting for him like this. But I didn't want to wait another day to see him and talk everything out.

"Bella?" I heard him call out from across the street. I looked up and smiled as he ran across the street and I ran into his arms and under his umbrella. "What are you..." I cut him off as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his. It felt so good to be kissing him again and it felt even better than before.

"This is hard," I admitted after I pulled back. "And I don't know what to do."

"What are you talking about?"

"Us!" I exclaimed. "No matter what we decide to do, we're going to end up hurting in the end."

"Yeah," he nodded.

"We could end things now and lessen the pain a bit than waiting until we're fully committed to each other."

"Okay," He whispered as he looked at the ground. "If that's what you..."

"But I say..." I took a deep breath. "Fuck it. It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, right?"

"It's not going to be easy come May..."

"Oh well," I smiled. "Let's enjoy the time we do have together. Let's be stupid together."

"We're jumping?"

"You jump, I jump Jack," I smiled as he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine.

"You're freezing, come on let's go inside," He led me up the stairs to his building and I was so numb I didn't even realize how cold I was until I stepped into warm air. When we got inside, he handed me a pair of boxers and an old Oxford sweat-shirt. He made us a small fire, as well as some coffee and we snuggled up next to each other on his couch.

"How's Riley?" I asked.

"Still in critical condition, but a lot better."

"Do they know if he'll walk again?"

"It doesn't look good, but he's still so weak they can't make an accurate diagnosis until he's gained some strength back," He sighed. "Bree's a mess."

"I want to meet him," I blurted out. "You've met all of my friends. And he's obviously super important to you."

"I'll take you tomorrow," He kissed the top of my head as I snuggled closer to him.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"What's your biggest fear?"

"What?" He laughed.

"What are you most afraid of in life?"

"At this moment?"

"Just in general," I shrugged.

"In general my biggest fear is speaking in public," He sighed. "That's why I'm a chef. I don't have to talk to my food."

"I was afraid of public speaking for a long time."

"You're studying to be a lawyer."

"Exactly. I had to get over that fear pretty quickly when I decided what I wanted to do for a living," I laughed.

"Wanna know what I'm really afraid of?"

"Yeah," I nodded, turning in his arms to look at him.

"You leaving and our entire relationship being forgotten," He whispered and I could see the pain in his eyes. "Did you ever think coming to the restaurant that night would have turned your life around like this?"

"No," I mumbled as a single tear fell. "Can I ask you something else?"

"I guess," He smiled.

"Bree said you weren't the boyfriend type...why?"

"When I was little, my mom and biological dad were constantly fighting. He hit my mom a few times," He explained and I tightened my grip on his hand. "And then he just walked away. He put my mom through hell and then just left with some assistant. I guess their relationship just left a really bad taste in my mouth."

"But isn't she remarried?" I asked.

"Yeah, and he's great. He adopted my brother and I when they got married," He smiled. "But their relationship wasn't enough to remove the bad feelings."

"My parents are divorced too," I told him. "My dad lives in Seattle."

"Don't you live in Buffalo?"

"Yep," I rolled my eyes. It still stung that he chose to move so far away from my sister and me."

"How old were you when they got divorced?" He asked. "I was about to turn eight when Mom told me he wasn't coming home."

"Nine. Emily was eleven."

"Are you close with your sister?"

"She's my best friend," I smiled. "This is the longest we've been apart."

"What about when you went to Columbia?"

"We still managed to see each other. Plus it was a lot easier to talk since we were in the same time zone."

"I wish James and I were close," He said sadly. "I mean I love him because he's my brother, but we aren't close. We're so different."

"Em and I are really different," I mused. "But she's really supportive."

"James isn't supportive at all."

"Hey," I gripped his chin and forced him to look at me. "You aren't a failure. You don't have to prove yourself to him."

"I'm always going to be fighting for their approval, even though I won't ever get it."

"Success isn't measured in how big your house is or how fancy your car is or how hot your wife is," I giggled. "You are a successful chef, Edward with a smoking hot girlfriend. Let that be enough."

"That last part is definitely enough," He smiled, making me blush.

* * *

A/N: Hello all! I have been reading some comments lately about how a lot of people don't particularly like the flashback part and want to know what happens with Ryan. Fear not, that part is coming and it won't be too much longer before we're back in the present. I just really wanted to set the stage and their relationship because I think that's a crucial part of how the present is going to end. Just be patient. You will all be seeing Ryan shortly.


	8. Take What Comes

**Chapter Eight: Take What Comes**

* * *

"What do you wanna do today?" Edward asked the next morning as we laid in bed together. For the first time in our relationship, there was no rush. We didn't need to rush because we were just going to enjoy our time together without thinking about the end. It didn't feel like there was a huge weight on my shoulder anymore. We were just enjoying being together.

"I thought we were going to see Riley today?" I asked curiously.

"Bree just texted me saying it wasn't a good day for visitors," He sighed sadly. "He's in a lot of pain today."

"Oh," I was trying to hide my disappointment. Edward had met all of my friends that were over here, and I had only briefly met Bree. I just wanted to be friends with his friends. Call me crazy, but I always that it was an important part of a relationship.

"You'll meet him eventually. I promise," He smiled, almost reading my mind, kissing my cheek. "So is there anything you want to do instead?"

"I don't care," I shrugged. I really wanted to do something fun today. Something that I couldn't do once I got back to the States.

"You wanna go on the London Eye?" He asked and I picked my head up off his chest to look at him. "Don't you?"

"You said that was a waste of money," I reminded him.

"I think it is," he admitted. "But it is a good view of the city and I know you want to go."

Sure," I nodded trying to hide my excitement. I had been wanting to do this since getting to London but hadn't done it since Edward shot that idea down a few weeks ago. I knew he thought it was a waste, but it just made me happy that he was willing to go with me. "I'm going to make us breakfast."

"Isn't that my job?" He joked as I got out of bed and pulled his Oxford sweatshirt back on.

"Let me treat you today," I smiled as I walked out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. Since I had a feeling he wanted to get going quickly for the London Eye, I decided to just scramble up some eggs and fry some bacon. By the time everything was done the cooking, he was already showered and dressed for the day.

"You showered without me?" I asked as my lower lip stuck out.

"Put that lip away," He rolled his eyes and he gently turned my face away from him. "We need to get going if we're not going to spend our entire day in line for this thing. And you know if you were in there with me it would have taken us twice as long to get out of the apartment."

"It still would have been nice of you to offer," I teased as I sat down next to him.

"I promise you can come in with me next time I take a shower."

"That's all I ask," I smiled as he shoved my shoulder. Once we were finished eating, he started cleaning up while I got myself ready for the day. I took a quick shower, put on a clean pair of panties and jeans and then threw his sweatshirt back on. There was just something about how cozy his Oxford hoodie was that just made me want to wear it all the time.

"I need to get you your own Oxford hoodie," He laughed as I came out of his room.

"I like this one," I pouted.

"But it's mine?"

"So?" I shook my head, hoping he would get it. "Your point is?"

"So..." He trailed off. "I guess I need to get myself a new Oxford hoodie?"

"There you go," I laughed as he grabbed his wallet and keys. He gently placed his hand on the small of my back and led me outside. It took about a half an hour to get from his place to the London Eye and when we got there, it was already packed. I could tell Edward was slightly annoyed we hadn't gotten there earlier, but he was putting on a good face for me.

I could tell this was new to him. It was a strange relationship, but we were committed to each other and this was uncharted territory for him. If I had been anyone else, he would have been huffing and puffing, but he was biting his tongue for me. He understood this was important to me and it somehow clicked in his head that being together was a give and take kind of thing.

I definitely needed to find some way to repay him for this. There was probably a ton of things he liked to do or wanted to do that I wouldn't be thrilled about. And I wanted him to know that this relationship wasn't all about what I wanted.

"How many?" The lady at the ticket booth asked when we finally got up there.

"Two," Edward said as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket to pay. I pulled out my wallet to pay for my ticket because I knew this was expensive and I didn't want him thinking I assumed anything. When I tried giving him my share of the cost, he pushed my hand away and winked at me. He took my hand and led me to the gate so we could get on.

"Here we go," I smiled at him as we were seated and the car was secured. It was a slow ride up, but the further up we got the more nervous I became. I could feel myself starting to shake and gripped Edward's hand tighter and tighter the higher we got.

Apparently, I was afraid of heights.

"You okay?"

"No," I shook my head as I felt tears in my eyes.

"Babe, you wanted this," He kindly reminded me. I really wanted to put on a brave face because he was right and he didn't want to be doing this in the first place. But we were really fucking high and I wanted to be back on solid ground again.

"I didn't realize how...high it actually was," I cried and he tightened his grip around me. "And I didn't know I was afraid of heights."

"We're safe, don't worry."

"We're like a million miles above the ground!"

"You're exaggerating!" He laughed.

"This is not funny!" I slapped his chest.

"You're right, I'm sorry," He kissed my forehead. "But look how pretty it is."

"I can't look."

"Bella," He sighed. "Come on. Look." I slowly pried my eyes opened and tightened my grip even more on Edward's hand. It was a gorgeous view and for a few seconds, I actually forgot how high we actually were.

I slowly pried my eyes opened and tightened my grip even more on Edward's hand. It was a gorgeous view and for a few seconds, I actually forgot how high we actually were.

"I've got you," He whispered as he kissed my cheek as I enjoyed the view. "I wouldn't have brought you up here if I didn't believe it was safe."

"It's really pretty."

"Is it everything you dreamed it would be?" He asked and I turned to face him. I smiled at him and pushed his hair back so I could actually see his eyes.

"Absolutely," I sighed as I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to his. I could tell we were getting even higher and I could feel the knots in my stomach starting to form again.

"Let's get a picture before you totally lose it," He laughed as he pulled his phone out. He took the picture and then quickly took my hand again so I could at least try and calm down. After another fifteen minutes, we were finally back on the ground but my legs were completely useless. They felt like jello and Edward had to practically carry me to a nearby bench.

"Was it worth it?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Your eyes were closed for most of it."

"But I saw the view at the top which is what I wanted to do," I shrugged. "I'm sorry you wasted your day doing this."

"I didn't."

"But I didn't even enjoy it like I thought I would..."

"Bella, I didn't bring you here because I thought I was obligated or something," He told me. "I wanted to come here with you because it's something you wanted to try and I wanted to spend time with you"

"Thank you," I whispered as he winked at me. "I owe you."

"You don't."

"What do you like to do that you haven't told me about?"

"I like cooking."

"I knew that," I rolled my eyes. "Come on."

"I like riding quads when I get the chance," He told me. "It's something I did with my brother...it's one of the only things we actually both enjoyed."

"I wanna go with you sometime."

"It's loud and dirty."

"So?" I asked and he tried hiding a smile. He failed.

"How're your legs doing?" He changed the subject. "Are they solid yet?"

"I think so," I nodded as he helped me stand up. We were just about to get on the Tube when his phone rang. I saw that it was Bree calling and I just hoped it wasn't with any bad news. I waited patiently while he talked on the phone and tried to understand what was happening before I actually heard anything. He was smiling when the call ended so I knew something good had happened.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Riley's doing a lot better," He told me and I kissed him. "We can probably go see him in the mroning."

"Good."

"Why do you want to meet him so much?"

"You've met all my friends."

"I know. I'm just curious."

"He's your best friend," I shrugged. "He's important to you."

"That's why you want to meet him? Because he's important to me."

"Yeah."

* * *

Sunday morning, Edward got the okay for us to go visit Riley in the hospital. From what Edward had said, he was doing incredibly well for the state he was in a week ago, but he still had a long way to go. I was just excited to actually meet him, even if it wasn't great timing. But Edward assured me that Riley wanted to meet me more than I wanted to meet him. When I asked why Edward just blushed and shrugged.

I was probably the only girl Edward had introduced to his friends.

When we got to the hospital, I wasn't feeling dreadful like last time I came with him. The nurse allowed us to go back and visit him since only Bree was with him at the moment. The closer we got to his room, though, the more nervous I got. I wasn't exactly sure why. It wasn't like I was meeting his parents or anything. But I was meeting his best friend and that was a big deal.

At least I thought it was a big deal.

When we reached the door, he knocked gently and Bree told us to come in. When we walked into the room, a chill ran up my spine. Riley was really cut up and bruised on top of the two casts he had on his one leg and arm. He still had a breathing cannulas and there were so many machines beeping it was making my head spin.

"How is he?" Edward asked Bree as I stood behind him and just stared at Riley. Underneath all the bruising and cuts on his face, he looked like a really cute guy. He and Bree probably made a beautiful couple.

"He's good today," She smiled. "They think they might be able to see if he can walk soon."

"Aren't their tests for that?" I asked.

"They've done those tests, but they want him up and walking to be sure."

"What are the odds right now?" Edward asked.

"Decent," She nodded. "You can try and wake him up if you want. It's been a while since they administered the medicine that makes him pass out."

Edward went over and gently shook Riley's shoulder. I saw his eyes tighten and then slowly open. He smiled up at his friend and the moment between them was so sweet it made me tear up a bit.

"You finally bring her?" Riley asked as he glanced my way.

"I did you ass," Edward laughed as he turned to face me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his side. "Riley this is Bella."

"You're way too pretty to be with Edward," Riley smirked and if he wasn't in such critical condition, Edward probably would have smacked him. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"It's...nice to meet you too," This was a lot more awkward than I thought it would be. "Edward told me you work for the university I'm studying at this semester."

"I do," He nodded. "How do you like Queen Mary?"

"It's great," I smiled. "It's no Columbia, but I'm really happy there."

"I went to school there," He told me. "That's how I got my job so young and so easily."

"I'm sure you're qualified."

"He's not," Edward commented. "They just couldn't find anyone better."

"Says you," Riley rolled his eyes. "You're one to talk, dude."

"He's right," Edward nodded.

"I'm going to go get lunch now that they're here," Bree told us as she grabbed her bag off the chair and walked out of the room.

"How's she doing?" Edward asked seriously.

"I think she's in denial," Riley sighed. "They don't think the chances of me actually walking again are that great."

"But she said..."

"They said there was a small chance and with a ton of physical therapy I might have full mobility of my legs again, but I won't be walking anytime soon."

"She'll come around."

"What if she leaves me, Edward?" He asked and I stepped back to give them a friend moment. "I love her. I can't do this without her."

"Bree's obsessively in love with you," Edward said. "She wouldn't leave you over this."

"That's what a lot of people say before their boyfriend becomes paralyzed."

"Can I say something?" I asked, crossing a boundary.

"Sure."

"People who say they won't leave and then do when something tragic happens...aren't the people who mean it when they say they love you," I whispered. "Bree loves you. I can tell."

"You're wise," Riley smiled. "But how can you be sure?"

"I can't be sure," I admitted as I looked at Edward. "But what's love without some risk?"

"I'm going to hunt down a coffee machine," Edward sighed a few seconds later. He left the room and I awkwardly stood there with just Riley.

"He's crazy about you," He said and I just bit my lip, not knowing what else to do. "I've never seen him like this."

"I like him," I shrugged.

"Edward may not date a lot, but when he falls in love he falls hard."

"He's not in love with me."

"He is. He'll never admit it, not even to himself, but he's desperately in love with you."

"How do you know?"

"I know my best friend," He smiled. "Trust me. In the five years, I've known him, he's never acted like this before. He's never taken the time to really get to know a girl. He's never been vulnerable with a girl before."

"Never?"

"He's never told any girl he's dated about why he left the States," He told me. "He told you right?" I nodded. "He doesn't tell that story because he's ashamed of being the college dropout and feels like the failure of his family."

"He's not a failure."

"I know that. You know that. But he never believes anyone when they tell him he's successful despite dropping out of school."

"I'm determined to make him feel differently," I told him.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, Riley?"

"Please don't hurt my friend."

"Riley..."

"I know, you're leaving in May. Edward knows that and he understands that" He took a deep breath. "Just please don't hurt him."

"I don't want to do that," I whispered as I heard footsteps getting closer to the room. Edward walked in with a bottle of Vimto instead of coffee.

"Where's your coffee?" I asked as he handed me a bottle of water.

"The machine on this floor was broken and I was too lazy to go somewhere else," He sat down and pulled me into his laps. "Were you talking about me?"

"Not everything is about you, Edward," I snapped playfully.

"I've been telling him that for years," Riley nodded dramatically.

Edward and I spent a few hours with Riley and I could tell having his friend there really helped his mood. As I observed Bree, I could tell he was right. She was in denial about him being able to walk again and as I looked at Edward, I wondered how I would react to news like this. As we were getting to leave, Riley and Edward were whispering to each other and Bree said that always happened.

We made our way back to his apartment and got ready for bed. But, he was restless for some reason and asked if we could watch a movie. We settled on Back to the Future since it was a classic everyone loved, but I could tell he was distracted.

"What's up?" I asked, muting the movie.

"Nothing," He lied.

"What were you and Riley whispering about?"

"Nothing," He lied again.

"Edward, you're a lot of things. But you are not a good liar."

"Bella, please," He begged.

"I won't push," I sighed. "But...you can trust me."

"It's not about trusting you."

"Then...what?"

"It's about being ready."

"Ready for what?"

"The conversation that we're going to eventually have about...us."

"I thought we were just enjoying our time together?"

"We are," He nodded. "Riley told me I should move back to the States with you," My chest tightened. "I told him he was crazy."

"Oh,"

"But he's not," He shook his head. "What if..."

"What if what?"

"What if I did move back to the States?"

"You love London and you felt like you were drowning over there."

"That was before."

"This is crazy," I sighed. "Riley is crazy."

"What if he's not though?"

"Edward, don't."

"Don't what?"

"Do this," I shrugged. "Not now. Because...I've been enjoying this time together too much to pop this bubble."

"But..."

"Don't pop the bubble," I pleaded. "I'm not ready."

"I'm not either," He agreed after a long moment of silence.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"When are you taking me to go quading?" He laughed loudly and I felt a whole lot better than I did a few seconds ago already. "I'm not joking."

"You really want to go ride quads with me?"

"No," I answered honestly. "But I want to spend time with you and do something you like to do."

"You're serious?"

"That's what a relationship is," I shrugged. "It's a give and take kind of a thing. I'm giving right now."

"You're incredible," He kissed the top of my head.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I know."


	9. I Could See it in Your Eyes

**Chapter Nine: I Could See it in Your Eyes**

* * *

I thought about what Riley said to Edward almost every single day. I wanted nothing more than for him to come back to the States with me so we could just be in a normal relationship. I wanted to be with him, but it just didn't seem possible. He was so happy here in London with his job and his friends. Every time he talked about when he lived in the US...he seemed kind of miserable.

I didn't want him resenting me for bringing him back to the place where he worked so hard to escape.

Abby and Rose told me that I was crazy for not taking him up on his offer. Their thought was he was born and raised in the US. It wasn't like he was offering to go to some completely foreign place and adapt to a completely new culture. But they didn't know what I knew. They didn't know how much he loved London and how much he hated the States.

They didn't think anything bad could ever happen if he moved back with me.

I knew how his family made him feel. I knew that they loved him, especially his mom. But the expression on his face whenever he talked with his brother seemed almost pained. He looked like he was holding back while his brother told him for the millionth time that he had failed because of the path he had taken. I wasn't going to let him come back to the States with me while feeling this way.

If he came back to the States, he would the brunt of their criticism and he wouldn't be able to get away from it.

He'd resent me for making him come back to the place he worked so hard to get away from.

Maybe he was meant to someday return home and live closer to his family. But I knew he was happy here in London and I knew he loved his life. I could never live with myself if I took him away from where he was truly happy.

Even if that meant us separating when the time came.

As the month passed, I fell more and more in love with him. The sweetest, smallest things brought me to tears. The day he bought me a dozen roses and had them delivered to my door sent me into a complete puddle of tears and I cried for thirty minutes after I read his card. I knew that as the month passed by, he was feeling the same way but wouldn't dare bring up coming back to the US again.

The conversation had been painful enough the first time.

But as the snow slowly began to melt and April approached, I wondered if I could make the move from the States to London. I mean, I had come to London because I wanted to and I had fallen in love with the city. If I moved here, I could still get a great education and go to law school and be with Edward. It seemed so much more plausible to come here rather he move back with me.

I didn't tell him what I was thinking right away, though. I didn't want him shutting down my idea before I had all my facts lined up. I went to the admissions office to see if it were possible to transfer to Queen Mary and if I would still be able to graduate on time. Then I headed to the finance department to see how much more money I would be spending if I came here. After everything seemed to be lined up, I was ready to talk to Edward.

"You're quiet," Edward observed as we got coffee on campus in between my classes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I shook my head. I now realized how quickly I had shut his idea down and how this might not go like I was planning.

"Bella," He pushed.

"I've been thinking a lot," I took a deep breath. "Remember when you told me you moving back to the States wasn't such a crazy idea?"

"Yeah, you disagreed."

"Because that is a crazy idea."

"Why are you bringing this up again?" He seemed annoyed.

"Because you moving was crazy," I repeated. "But..." I was losing my nerve. "What if I moved here."

"Here?"

"To London?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I've looked into it," I explained. "I could transfer to Queen Mary and still graduate on time," I told him. "And financially it would work out."

"Bella..."

"And there are plenty of great schools I could apply to for law school."

"You've been dreaming about Harvard forever."

"Dreams can change," I shrugged. "It would be perfect."

"It wouldn't be," He argued. "No. You're not changing your entire life around for me."

"You wanted to do the same thing for me. And this makes more sense."

"No, it doesn't,"He shook his head. "You're twenty-one years old. You've got your whole life in front of you."

"You aren't much older than me, Edward," I pointed out. "Plus you were younger than me when you made the decision to move here which changed your life."

"But I decided to move here for me," He sighed. "If you move here for me, you'd end up resenting the hell out of me."

"Edward..."

"You were right. Being together just does not make sense for what we both want in life."

"But I want to do this."

"Right now you want to do this," He gave me a sad smile. "But what about when fall semester starts and you're here and not in New York where you should be? I couldn't live with the fact that you uprooted your life for me."

"I don't want this to end," Tears formed in my eyes. "Please. Let's do this. Let's jump."

"It's one thing to jump when you're fully secure and know what the end result is," He brought his hand up to wipe my tear off my cheek. "It's another thing to be completely blind...jumping into the unknown."

Deep down, I knew he was right. The logical part of me was telling me that I was nuts to think that this was a good idea. It was telling me my education and life in the States was more important than any guy. But...my heart was telling me that Edward wasn't just any guy. He was the guy I was madly in love with and I couldn't imagine leaving him.

"I knew this was a bad idea," I mumbled to myself.

"Do you..." He took a deep breath. "Regret it?"

"No," I shook my head, answering honestly. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Tell you what," He smiled, leaning in and kissing my nose. "Let's do something spontaneous."

"Like what?"

"How about you ditch your classes on Friday and we hop on a train and let's go to Paris for the weekend."

"What?"

"It's only a three-hour train ride," He shrugged. "We could pack a bag, book a hotel and explore the most romantic city in the world. I don't think to uproot our lives is the best jump to make, but going to Paris seems doable."

"You wanna go to Paris this weekend?"

"Yes. With you."

I didn't have the words to respond with words so I launched myself at him. My lips crashed against his and I tightly wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I dropped my cup of coffee on the ground. It took a few seconds for us to realize we were right in the middle of campus and I pushed him back.

"Is that a yes you wanna go?" He asked breathlessly as I picked my empty cup up off the ground.

"Yes I want to go," I sighed but then remembered I had a huge paper due on Tuesday that I needed the weekend to work on. "And I know you want to be spontaneous...and I love that and want that too...but I have a paper due Tuesday..."

"You wanna go to Paris next weekend?" He rolled his eyes, but I didn't miss the smile on his face. He was only being difficult to mess with me.

"Please," I smiled, batting my eyelashes.

"I guess we can do that," He sighed as I threw my cup away and laced his fingers through mine.

* * *

Somehow, I managed to get through the week without going crazy. I finished my paper, got ahead in studying and packed for our weekend to Paris. I begged and pleaded to my friends not to make a big deal about this trip and they actually honored my wishes.

I could tell Abby was really biting her tongue though. She was the biggest fan of my relationship with Edward and the one who just didn't really understand how hard everything was.

When I was finished with class on Thursday, I practically ran back to my dorm to grab my things. Edward was waiting for me like he said he would be and I promised I would be quick. But, just as I was pulling my jacket back on, my phone began ringing.

It was Mom and I knew if I didn't answer she'd have a panic attack.

"Hey, Mom," I said as I grabbed my duffle bag and walked out of my room.

"Bella! Sweetie!" She gushed like we hadn't talked in months. It had only been a few days since we last talked. "How'd your paper go?"

"I think it went well," I told her as I met Edward in the parking lot and he reached for my bag. "I won't get it back until next week though."

"I'm sure you did just fine," I could just see the smile on her face. "What are you doing right now, sweetie?"

"Oh...ah..." I stuttered as I got into the car. I hadn't told my mother about Edward because I didn't want her thinking I was distracted from my school work. Mom wasn't thrilled with the idea of me spending an entire semester in London because she was afraid it would affect my school. When I assured her it wouldn't, she reluctantly agreed to let me apply.

Edward wasn't a distraction to me, but I had a feeling my mother would think differently.

"Ready?" Edward asked as he got into the car and put the keys in the ignition.

"Who's that?" Mom asked.

"Mom, I can't talk right now," I sighed, only slightly panicked. "We're about to go somewhere. Can I call you later?"

"Sure, baby," She said sweetly and hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Edward asked as he backed up out of the parking spot.

"My mom."

"And you hung up on her why?"

"We're leaving."

"So? I would have survived if you had a ten-minute conversation with your mom."

"Mom doesn't know about us," I whispered and I noticed his hands tighten on the wheel. "She doesn't know where we're going."

"Why doesn't she know?" He sounded really hurt and I wasn't expecting that.

"Does your mom know about me?"

"Yes," He answered immediately and I felt awful. "I haven't told her much detail but she knows I've been seeing someone."

"She would think I was distracted from my schoolwork."

"But you aren't so you can tell her that."

"She'd never believe me."

"Look, this weekend is about us," He sighed. I could tell he was trying to keep calm. "Let's not fight."

"I'm not ashamed or anything," I assured him.

"Bella..."

"I'm not. But our relationship isn't normal. And it's hard enough. I don't want my mom ruining it by being logical or telling me that you're a distraction."

"I don't wanna do this now..."

"I'll tell her," I sighed on the verge of tears. "I'll tell her about you. About ss."

"I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to."

"I love my Mom, but she sometimes isn't the easiest person to get along with," I shrugged. "Emily knows. And Emily matters way more than my Mom does...as much as I love my Mom."

"Let's just enjoy this time together," He smiled and I could tell he was still hurt that I'd kept him a secret.

But he did a good job at hiding it. We made it to the train station on time and had no problem getting to the right platform. We waited for about a half hour before it was time to board and when we sat down, he wrapped his arms around my shoulder. Once we started moving, I just told myself to forget about what happened earlier and made the most of our time on the train together.

When we got to Paris, everything was chaos. There were people everywhere and I was holding onto Edward for dear life. If I thought London was crowded and hard to navigate, Paris was even worse.

"You're fine," Edward laughed as we got onto the streets. Even the train station in Paris was beautiful, but I was too nervous about losing Edward to enjoy it. "I've got you."

"Now what?"

"Now we get a cab to our hotel and go from there."

"You don't have something planned?"

"This trip is all about spontaneous. I booked us a room at a small hotel and that was as much planning as I did," He shrugged. "It's time to live a little."

We were finally able to get a cab and Edward was barely able to tell the driver where to go since he knew as little french as I did. Once we got to the hotel, Edward got us checked in and the bell hop showed us to the small, quaint room Edward had booked for us. He set the bags down on the bed and slowly stepped towards me.

"Welcome to Paris, Bella," He whispered as he gently placed his hands on my hips. My breath hitched as he stepped closer and pressed his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and jumped up into his arms. He held me tightly as he carried me to the bed and gently laid me down on my back.

"Wait," I huffed as I pushed him away.

"What's wrong?"

"I won't be able to enjoy this until I tell my mom," I shrugged.

"Are you serious?"

"Yep," I nodded. It had been eating at me since he told me his mom knew about me but I had kept him a secret. I pulled my phone from my purse and dialed the hotel's number.

"Hello?" She questioned when she opened the phone.

"Mom, hi."

"Bella, where are you."

"Paris."

"Paris?" She asked. "Did you take a trip with your friends? And don't you have classes tomorrow."

"No I'm not with my friends and I'm skipping class tomorrow."

"Are you there alone?"

"No,"

"Bella, come on," She urged.

"I'm here with..." I looked at Edward who just gave me a soft smile. "Edward."

"And Edward is?"

"My..." I trailed off. I obviously couldn't tell my mother he was my friend with benefits because that was just wrong and it wasn't true anymore. He was so much more than that. "He's a guy I've been seeing."

Calling him my boyfriend just seemed wrong because he was so much more than that.

"It seems serious if he's taking you to Paris."

"It is," I nodded.

"I thought you went to London for school, Bella."

"I did and I am one hundred percent focused on school, Mom. My grades are fine...they're almost better than what they were at Columbia."

"Is here there with the study abroad program?"

"No, he lives here. He's a few years older."

"And what happens when you come home, Bella?"

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Bella,"

"Mom I called you to tell you this because he's important to me and I didn't want to hide it from you anymore," I told her. "But I don't want to hear your lecture. Things are complicated enough and I'm twenty-one years old. I can live my own life."

"Bella,"

"Please don't lecture me, Mom. Let me enjoy this time with him. Please," I begged.

"I was just going to ask if you were being safe?" She sighed.

"We are," I assured her.

"Can I ask something?"

"If you promise to be nice."

"Is his accent what drew you to him.

I giggled. "No, he's from the States. He moved to London five years ago."

"Oh,"

"Mom, I gotta go," I told her as I looked at Edward sitting on our bed. "I really just wanted to tell you that."

"Have a good time this weekend, sweetie. But please don't skip any more class."

"I promise I won't," I said goodbye and hung up the phone. Right on queue, my stomach growled and I knew the moment was kind of lost.

"How'd she take it?" Edward asked as he helped me get into my jacket.

"Better than I thought," I nodded. "I'm starving."

"I saw a cafe right down the road," He kissed my nose. "Let's go."

It had to have been one of the best nights I'd ever had with Edward. Being in Paris just seemed to amplify my feelings for him and I could barely keep my hands off of him by the time we got to the lobby of the hotel. I was really close to pressing the stop button on the elevator, but he kept me under control until we were back in the privacy of the room.

Once he shut the door, he pushed me back up against it and I had a flashback to the first time we slept together. I tightly wrapped my arms around his neck and he ground himself into me. I moaned into his mouth as he pushed my jacket off my shoulders. He rid himself of his jacket and picked me up and carried me to the bed.

He threw me down again and tugged at the bottom of the dress I was wearing. I lifted my arms and he pulled the cotton dress over my head, leaving me in just my underwear.

"You're wearing too many clothes," I whined as I unbuttoned his shirt and got him shirtless.

"Sorry," He winked as I unbuckled his belt and shoved his jeans down his legs. He made work of my bra and panties, leaving me completely naked while he was still in his boxers. I used my legs to shove his boxers down and he fell on top of me. He gently positioned himself at my entrance and pushed inside of me.

"Yes," I moaned as he laced our hands together above my head. I gently placed my other hand against his cheek and smiled up at him. He continued his slow movements until I thought I would explode and urged him to go faster.

"Fuck, Bella," He closed his eyes. "I'm gonna come."

"I'm there," I assured him as I moved my hips in circles. His pelvis was making direct contact with my clit and it only took a few more seconds until I came completely undone.

"Shit!" I yelled as my orgasm ripped through me. He followed right behind me and fell breathlessly on top of me, resting his head on my chest.

"Bella?" He asked once he caught his breath and had pulled out of me.

"Yeah?" I asked as I played with his hair.

"I love you,"

My breath caught.

* * *

 _ **AN** : Okay, I know at the beginning of this relationship Bella made it seem like they kind of loved each other and it wasn't serious. I totally realize that and when I wrote the first chapter I didn't expect them to get this serious. But in my mind it kind of works. She has no idea what happened to Edward after she left London. In her head, it's easier for her to tell herself it wasn't really that serious and that it was just like any relationship. _

_I apologize for the inconsistency. The story just went in a different direction than what I originally planned._

 _Thanks for reading!_


	10. There is No Guarantee

**Chapter Ten: T** **here is No Guarantee**

* * *

"Well...what did you say?" Rosalie asked excitedly as I told her all about Paris. I had purposefully not told her about Edward telling me he loved me until the end because I knew she wouldn't care about anything else. "Please tell me you were honest with him."

"I told him that I loved him," I blushed.

"I knew it."

"You know I was only denying it because..."

"You're an idiot?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "And it just seemed so far fetched. When we started messing around...I never thought it would get to this point."

"I know," She smiled. "So what happens..."

"I don't wanna talk about it," My eyes immediately filled with tears at the thought of leaving next month. I had six weeks left with Edward and it didn't seem like enough time.

Nothing seemed like enough time.

But I was determined to make it the most incredible month and a half of our lives. And I think he was too. Yes, we both had our responsibilities, but if we could be together...we were together. It helped that Rosalie started spending the majority of her nights at Emmett's place which meant Edward could sleep in my dorm. It was kind of crazy in the morning but I couldn't have cared less.

I was also able to really convince my mom that Edward was a good thing. After letting her tell me this was a bad idea, she actually asked questions about him. She wanted to know about his life and I told her everything I could without invading Edward's privacy too much.

The two of us spent a lot of time with Riley and Bree in the last six weeks we had together. Riley had been released from the hospital almost three weeks after the accident in a wheel chair and a lot of physical therapy in front of him. Bree was still in denial about the severity of the situation, but he had finally managed to convince her to see a counselor about all that she was feeling.

Despite everything that was happening to him, I never really saw him discouraged. There were a few times that he would zone out and I had an idea that he was thinking about the time before he was wheelchair bound, but he was putting on a really good face. And Edward assured me it wasn't an act. Riley was just one of those people who knew the situation and just faced it. He said there wasn't any use on being upset and dwelling on the situation because that wasn't going to give him the use of his legs back.

I wished I had the amount of optimism Riley had about the loss of his mobility about leaving London.

It wasn't until we were cooking dinner together on a Friday after a long day of classes did I really realize how hard it was going to be when I felt. For the both of us.

"Babe, will you get my phone?" Edward called from the stove as I set the table for dinner. "It's in my bag on the couch."

"Sure," I smiled as I made my way into the room and found where the ringing was coming from. When I pulled his phone from the pocket, a pamphlet looking thing fell out along with it. "Here," I put his phone on the counter and went to pick up the papers to put them back.

I wasn't planning on snooping, but when I saw United stamped across the front, I couldn't help but be curious.

"You going on a trip or something?" I asked and when he turned around, he looked at me with a guilty look on his face. "I mean it's okay, but I wish you would have said something."

"Bella, I'm not going on a trip," He assured me as I set the tickets on the island while he continued cooking dinner.

"Then why do you have a plane ticket?" I asked as I examined the paper more carefully. May 17, 2011. May 17...why was that such a familiar date?

Oh.

"Edward, where are you going on May 17?" My heart rate was picking up.

"Nowhere," He lied.

"Please don't lie to me."

"I'm not going anywhere..." He took a deep breath. "Unless you tell me to come back with you."

"You bought a plane ticket?"

"I know we agreed that when you left that would be it...but I just thought..."

"You bought a plane ticket," I cried as tears streamed down my cheeks. "You're really willing to come back to the States for me?"

"I am," He nodded and I could smell that dinner was burning.

"But the ticket is?"

"Just in case," He whispered sadly. "Because if you told me to come with you at the airport, I don't think I could resist."

"I love you," I sighed as I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to his.

"I love you," He said as he winked at me and went to the stove to try and salvage dinner. But, he couldn't and we ended up ordering food and spent the night in his bed.

* * *

 _May 16._

It was the day I had been dreading since Edward walked into my life. This was our last night together and I think we were both determined to keep it together enough so he didn't end up using the ticket. As much as we wanted to be together, we didn't want to risk ever resenting the other.

"How are you doing?" Rosalie asked as we finished packing up our things. I had been crying since I woke up but she was pretending not to notice.

"Fine," I lied as I sniffled.

"Bella,"

"I really don't want to talk about this, Rosalie," I sighed. "If we talk about it I won't be able to have any composure at all."

"I was just going to ask if you wanted to keep this poster?" She pointed to the cheap poster of Big Ben we'd bought right after getting here.

"No," I shook my head. "We can toss it if you don't want it."

She gently took the poster off the wall and threw it in the bin. We packed the rest of our stuff in silence, both too afraid to say anything. I didn't want to admit it, but I kind of hated her at the moment. She got to go home with the man she loved. She got to finish school with him by her side. As much as I knew how good of an idea it was for Edward and me to go our sperate ways, it didn't make that little fact any easier to digest.

Once we were finished packing, I called Edward so we could spend our last day together. When he got there to pick me up, I could tell that he'd been crying but I was determined to have a good last day.

"Hey," I cupped his cheek as he took a deep breath. "We're going to have a good day."

"Yeah," He agreed as he took a long breath. "The best day ever."

"We're not thinking about...it."

"No."

"What do you wanna do?"

"I want," He smirked. "To take you home and spend all day and all night wrapped up in your arms."

"Oh yeah?"

"Absolutely."

"Sounds boring," I shrugged.

"Did I mention you would be completely naked?"

"Will you be naked too?"

"Maybe," He winked.

"I'm not leaving until I am guaranteed that you'll be naked with me."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"You really wanna know what I plan on doing today?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"I'm going to take you to my flat, take all of your clothes off," He stepped closer to me so we were touching. "And fuck your brains out."

"Yes," I moaned as he gently nipped at my ear. He opened the car door for me and I slipped inside, pressing my knees together to try and ease the discomfort between my legs. Taunting me, Edward drove a lot slower than normal and I was about to tell him to pull over on the side of the road. I hadn't needed him like this since the start of our relationship and I liked it.

He parked his car in the small lot behind his building and slowly walked up the stairs with my hand in his. I knew he was doing it on purpose. The elevator was working just fine and we always took the elevator since he lived on the sixth floor. Again, I was so turned on I was about to just take him in the staircase.

"You're the worst," I moaned as he lazily searched for his keys once we finally got to his door.

"What? I can't find my keys."

"If you don't open the door I'm going to fuck you in the hallway," I threatened and he quickened his pace. He finally unlocked the door, pushed it open and I ran in front of him, pulling him inside. He had barely gotten the door shut when I pushed him up against it and attacked his mouth with mine. He nudged me back and then slammed me against the door as he reached for the bottom of my sweater.

"Much better," He smirked when I was topless. "You're so sexy. I love how sexy you are."

"Edward," I panted as I lifted his t-shirt over his head. "Please."

"What?"

I wanted to kill him.

"Please," I begged again.

"Bella, you need to be specific with me."

"Fuck me! I moaned as he palmed my breast through my bra. "Fuck me hard."

"Whatever you wish," His eyes darkened with lust as he picked me up off the ground and carried me over to the kitchen island.

"Trying to recreate anything?"

"What? This island is at a good height for fucking you," He winked as he yanked my jeans down. I was writhing beneath him as he gently peeled my panties down my legs, leaving me bare. I managed to unbuckle his pants and push them, along with his boxers, down his legs releasing his raging hard on.

"So fucking sexy," He moaned as I removed my bra, leaving both of us naked. He lined himself up and pushed into me, hard and fast. Don't get me wrong, I loved the slow and emotional sex but I really missed this kind of sex with him. There was something about the raw and powerful way he took me that had me screaming within seconds.

"Already?" He teased. "We just got started."

"Fuck!" I cursed as his pelvis met my clit, causing me to orgasm. I was panting so hard I barely noticed him picking me up and carrying me to the couch. All without pulling out I might add. He threw me down on the couch and continued to pound into me. "Yes! Edward! YES!"

"You're so..." He clenched his lips together. "Fucking tight. So good."

"Right there! Yes! There!" I cried as I pressed my hands up against the arm of the couch. "I'm gonna come!" He took his hand and moved his fingers to circle my clit and that sent me over the edge.

"Fuck, Bella!" He shuddered as he exploded into me at the same time I clamped down around him. He fell limp on top of me and we were both completely covered in a thin layer of sweat.

"Wow," I panted as I ran my fingers through his beautiful, bronze hair.

"That was...fucking incredible," He smiled as he lifted his head.

"Yeah," I agreed but I was barely thinking at the moment. "Can we do that again?"

"Of course..." He trailed off as my stomach growled. "Have you eaten today?"

"Yes," I lied as I pulled his face closer to mine.

"Bella,"

"No, but I can eat tomorrow when...come on. Round two."

"I'm making us lunch," He kissed me before rolling off of me and walking naked into his kitchen.

"I'm fine," I whined as I followed him.

"I'm making us some turkey sandwiches, Bella. Not a five-course meal," He teased as he bent down and grabbed what he needed from the fridge. He had such a cute butt. I was really going to miss that butt.

After we ate lunch, Edward made good work of his promise. We spent the entire afternoon naked in his bed. At a quarter to five, his alarm went off signaling that it was time to actually get up and ready for our last night together. He told me it was a surprise, but it was something he'd been planning for at least a month. Not knowing what to wear, he had Bree pick something up for me and I had to admit, she had excelent taste.

"This is beautiful," I sighed happily as I looked in the mirror once I was finished getting ready. "Thank you."

"I wanted this night to be perfect," He kissed my bare shoulder. "You all ready to go?"

"Yes," I nodded as I turned around in his arms. I was determined to spend as much time as possible snuggling close to him tonight since this was our last moments together. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me out of his apartment and walked us down to his car.

I assumed we were going to eat at his restaurant since it is where we first met, but we went towards downtown London. I didn't want to question him since he was so excited about what he'd planned, but I was dying to know where we were going. After driving into the heart of the city, he parked the car and got out to open my door.

"Do I get to know now?" I giggled as he gripped my hand.

"No," He shook his head annoyingly. He led me down the sidewalk and we stopped in front of a rather large building. I could tell he was getting more and more excited as we got into the elevator and went up. When we got to the desired floor, the elevator doors opened and my breath was taken away. It had to have been the most beautiful restaurants I had ever seen and that was saying something because I really loved Edward's restaurant.

"Edward," I breathed.

"Hello," The maitre'd greeted. "Reservation?"

"It's under Edward Cullen. Party of two."

"Of course. This way Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," He grabbed two menus and I jumped out of my skin.

Mrs. Cullen. What a nice ring to it.

Now I was being absolutely crazy.

The matrie'd led us to a table by the window and Edward had to push me the rest of the way to where we were being seated. The view was absolutely incredible and I was losing my mind at where we were and what we were doing.

"Your waiter will be right with you," The man smiled and then turned to walk away.

"So?" Edward asked, smiling at me.

"Edward this is...probably too expensive."

"I'm good friends with the head chef. He's giving me a good deal."

"How'd you score this?"

"Last minute cancellation and I told him to call me with anything good," He explained. "I didn't know we were going to be seated at one of the best tables in the house."

"I love you," I whispered as I reached across the table and gripped his hand tightly.

It was the definition of a picture perfect moment. The food was the best food I'd ever had...even better than Edward's food. THe view got prettier as the sun set. And it was just so good to just be together. We were just...us. Just Edward and Bella out on a date. In that moment, I wasn't leaving in twelve hours and he didn't live on a different continent than I did. We were just together and just enjoyed being together.

"Now what?" I asked after he'd paid and we made our way back downstairs.

"I figured we'd go explore downtown at night," He smiled. "There's something magical about Big Ben when he's all lit up."

"Magical, huh?" I teased. "Can't wait to see it up close."

After a short ten minute drive, Edward parked and we made our way closer to Big Ben. We stood on the bridge and just looked up at the beautiful structure. As much as I loved NYC, the EMpire State Building was nothing compared to the famous clock and I just added one more thing to the list I was really going to miss when I went home.

"Did you know that the clock tower isn't actually Big Ben?" Edward randomly asked as the air started to chill and a chill went up and down my spine.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as he removed his jacket and slipped it over my shoulders.

"Yeah, the bell inside the clock tower is technically Big Ben. The structure itself is literally just the Clock Tower."

"I don't believe you,"

"Riley told me."

"Do you believe everything Riley tells me?"

"And it's something that London natives get very annoyed at when they hear tourists talking about it," He smirked. "Like you."

"I bet you called it Big Ben until Riley told you."

"I did," He nodded. "But I learned not to."

"You've been referring to it as Big Ben since I got here,"

"I didn't want to confuse the American."

"You're American," I reminded him. "And you're being an ass."

"Hey," He nudged me.

"What?" I giggled at him.

"Remember when you hated me?" He asked. "And thought I was the lowest of lows."

"You didn't pay any attention to me and I thought you were attractive," I argued. "I was being silly and petty and of course I hated you."

"I'm glad we kept accidentally running into each other."

"Yeah accidentally," I laughed. "Was it really accidental?"

"Yeah, it really was."

"Seriously?"

"You're hot Bella and of course I was attracted to you but,"

"But what?"

"It wasn't like I was trying to get in your pants."

"You weren't?"

"No. Did you think I was?"

"I honestly don't know what I thought you were trying to do."

"I love you," He whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

"I love you too," I was trying not to cry at this point. "You still have that ticket?"

"Yep,"

"Okay," I nodded, biting my lip and really holding back tears. "Take me home,"

"As you wish," He smiled as he took my hand and led me back to the car.

When we got back to his flat, there was no rush. We took our time shedding each other of their clothes and even when we were finally naked in his bed, we just decided to worship each other. We had never been together like this before. Sure we'd been slow and passionate together, it hadn't been like this. We were so vulnerable with each other and when we climaxed, I couldn't help but cry.

This was it. This was our last night together and I just wanted to die at the thought of actually leaving him in the morning. I had a hard time falling asleep that night because I just wanted to keep my eyes on him so I'd never forget what he looked like.

I would never forget those green eyes, that was for sure.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** So guys, this is the last chapter before she goes home to the States. I would have loved to write their weekend in Paris, but I thought it might get too _repetitive _. They would be doing the same stuff they'd been doing in London just in a different city. I didn't want it getting stale. I also know some of you are growing impatient with me and want to be getting back to the present day so I wanted to skip forward a little bit in their last month together for the same reasons I skipped over their Paris trip. I just didn't want it getting old. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter and cannot wait to hear your thoughts!_


	11. Lay a Whisper on My Pillow

**Chapter Eleven: Lay a Whisper on My Pillow**

* * *

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Ugh," Edward groaned next to me and I just clung to him. If I didn't get up then I didn't have to leave and we could just be happy together. "Bella, we gotta get up."

I stayed still and silent.

"Bella, come on. We still gotta go get your stuff from your dorm and get to the airport."

Still and silent.

"Bella," He whispered as he gently stroked my back. "We have to do this."

"No," I cried. "No. Please."

"I don't want to do this any more than you do," He sighed. "But you have a life in the US and you said I can't go with you."

"Because you have your life here!"

"Exactly," He shuddered. "And we're right back where we were in March when we had this discussion twenty times."

"It's too hard,"

"I know," His voice shook. "But...we gotta do it. We have to get up and out of bed and ready for the day."

"Can I have your Oxford hoodie?"

"You can take whatever you want," He nodded as he hugged me close and kissed my bare shoulder. After five minutes of staying silent and still, he pushed the blankets off and started to stand up. "You wanna shower?"

"Yeah," I nodded as he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed. We got in the shower together, but it wasn't as fun as usual. None of us had the energy to really do anything so we just enjoyed being close together while we actually got cleaned. While I got ready for the day, he made us a quick breakfast and it was the same meal he'd made me after our first night together. I broke down in tears and he spent a good majority of our last few moments together at his place trying to calm me down. Since we were running late, he just left the kitchen a mess so we could get to my dorm and pack everything into his car.

My friends were taking the shuttle the school provided us to the airport so they were already gone by the time we got there. We were able to get everything loaded fairly quickly and when I went up to do a final check, I got emotional about leaving London in general. Everything became all about Edward so fast I felt like I didn't get the experience I was expecting. I had no regrets about how I spent my time in London, but it was still sad to leave the school I'd also grown to love.

"You ready, baby?" Edward asked as I turned to leave the room.

"No," I shook my head. "But we'll be late if we don't go."

"Yeah," He agreed as he took my hand and pulled me down to his car. As we drove, I took some time to reflect on my time here. Despite being "distracted" by Edward, I managed to finish the semester with a 3.9, which was higher than my fall semester at Columbia. Not only had I done well with school, I had made friends with the three others that joined me over here and I was just incredibly happy I didn't have to say goodbye to them either. Knowing that we would never have met if we didn't go on this trip made me smile as we exited the campus.

"What's on your mind?"

"I was just thinking about how Emmett, Abby, Rosalie and I are so different with such different majors...we probably never would have met or become friends without this trip," I shrugged. "It makes me even more thankful for the program."

"I'm glad you became so close with them."

"Speaking of close," I changed the subject. "How's Riley?" We hadn't seen them in a few days because he'd been so weak because of physical therapy.

"Bree told me he was doing better while we were at dinner last night," He informed me. "She said they were really sad they couldn't see you before you left."

"Me too," I nodded. "Don't let her leave him over this. And don't let him let her go."

"I promise. I will do my best to keep them happy and together," He smiled.

Afraid to start crying again, we spent the majority of our hour long car ride together in peaceful silence. It was weird. We always had something to say to each other, but our last hour together we couldn't find anything to say. I wanted to talk to him but I just couldn't find any words. It was like my mind had gone blank.

When we finally reached the airport, my body practically spazzed. I really didn't want to do this but I had to. I knew I had to and so did Edward. We found the correct airline and Edward helped unload my things. Once we had everything tagged, we drove to find a parking spot so he could come inside with me. We found my friends waiting for me and I was pleasantly surprised and extremely happy because it meant I didn't have to walk to our gate by myself.

"We didn't think you'd make it," Abby sighed in relief.

"Cutting it pretty close," Emmett mocked as he raised his eyebrows.

"It's just been a hard morning," I reminded him, shutting him up. We made our way to security and to the point that said: "No one without a ticket is permitted past this point."

"You guys go, I'll catch up."

"Okay," Abby nodded as she and Emmett got in line. "Rose?"

"I'll hang back," She made them go without her and she just backed away from us to give us our space. I crossed my arms over my chest and laid my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug and I started crying.

I had never cried like this before. I had always considered myself a strong person. Yes, I got sad and there were times that I did cry because it was natural. But I had never sobbed like this before and it was kind of unnerving. Tears were just streaming down my cheeks and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Shhh," Edward kept whispering but I could feel his body trembling. He was being strong for me, but I knew this was just killing him.

"Do you have your ticket?" I asked as I jumped away from him. "Where is it?"

"I didn't bring it,"

"What?" I shouted. "But you bought it..."

"I had a moment of clarity when you were getting dressed," He whispered. "I could go with you but I would ultimately be back here. And we'd be doing this in JFK or some other airport in New York."

"You'd be coming back?" He'd never said that those tickets weren't a one-way trip.

"I bought the ticket so we could have more time together," He admitted. "Trust me, I wanted to buy a one-way ticket, but it just didn't make sense. For either of us. Because we had a million long talks about our future together and it always ended up with us being separated for the time being until we really figured out what we wanted."

"Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Because I always had it in my head that I would bring the tickets with me to the airport, but it was just buying more time. You know that."

"I know but this sucks,"

"It does," He nodded as I hugged him again. "And as much as this sucks, I can't regret any second of it."

"I don't either," I agreed as I pulled him impossibly closer.

"Bella," Rosalie's soft voice said from behind me as she put her hand on my shoulder. "I really hate to do this but the line is getting long. We need to go if we're going to catch our flight."

"Okay," I cried as I lifted my head. I looked into Edward's beautiful green eyes and leaned up to press my lips against his. I kissed him until Rosalie was practically pulling me away from him. "I love you. I love you."

"I love you too,"

"Don't go yet," I begged. "Don't leave the airport. Not until I'm through security."

"Not yet," He agreed as Rosalie and I stepped into line. Rosalie, being the excellent friend she was, practically pushed me through the line so I could keep my eyes on Edward. It was dumb and a cheesy cliche, but I just couldn't stop staring at him.

"Miss, your passport and boarding pass please," The TSA guy asked. I reluctantly pulled my eyes off of Edward to get the things I needed from my purse and handed it to the man. When I looked back up, Edward had disappeared. Tears formed in my eyes almost immediately and people were looking at me like I was crazy as I went through the security system.

I wouldn't have made it to the gate without Rosalie so I was really glad she stayed back. She guided me through the airport and I was pretty much useless of because everything was just a huge blur. She sat me down next to Emmett and went in search of coffee to try and wake me up a bit.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Emmett whispered as he pulled me into a giant bear hug. I felt safe in his arms. Like nothing could hurt me and I just burst into tears again. I wanted Edward to be the one hugging and comforting me. But he wasn't here and I was really dying inside.

The flight was long. When we originally flew out to London, the flight seemed to go by in a flash. We had so much to look forward. But as we reached the halfway point, I was ready to be done. I just wanted to crawl into bed and mope and wallow about Edward. I really thought I was going to lose it. Thankfully, Abby found a few Benadryl in her backpack and gave me some so I was able to get some sleep.

When we landed in NYC, the four of us were supposed to go our separate ways, but Rosalie surprised me with her own ticket to Buffalo. I told her I would be fine and that I didn't need a babysitter, but she had a friend in Buffalo. She wasn't totally wasting her time by going with me.

The flight from JFK to BUF was a lot shorter, but it didn't feel like it. I was just in such a funk I was surprised I could even function. I wasn't functioning very well but I was still functioning. I wondered what Edward was doing. When I looked at my phone clock, it was already 8:30 in the evening and I knew he was at work. Or at least he should have been at work since he usually worked on Thursday's.

Once we landed, I sent a quick text to my Mom and sister so they could park the car and meet me at baggage claim. It had been such a long day and all I wanted to do was sleep it off. I knew sleeping wouldn't solve all my problems, but it would at least help pass the time.

"How're you doing?" Rosalie asked as we walked to baggage.

"I've been better," I shrugged. There was no point in lying to her. She knew I was hurting and would only push me to be honest with her if I decided to lie.

"Bella!" My sister's familiar voice called through the crowd and I turned and spotted her near the baggage carousel. I bit my lip and tried not to cry. This should have been one of the happiest times of my life. My sister was my best friend and I hadn't seen her for months. And somehow that just made me feel worse and I practically ran into her arms and burst into tears.

"Oh, Bella," She whispered as she cradled my head. Emily gave the best hugs and always knew how to make me feel better with a single hug.

"Hi, baby!" Mom gushed as she approached me from behind me. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"It's been a rough day," Rosalie piped in. "Oh, I'm Rosalie. One of the girls who went with Bella to London."

"Yes, Bella told us all about you," Mom smiled as she gave Rose a big hug. "Sweetie, why don't we get your bags and head home."

I couldn't do anything but nod. Once we had our things, we waited for Rosalie's cab to arrive before we left the airport. I wanted her to come with us, but she already made arrangements with one of her friends from high school who went to college here. When we got home, I instantly felt better for some reason. Maybe it was the familiarity or the comfort of home but I sighed in relief as I walked through the door.

"You could call him," Emily suggested as she laid with me that night. I promised both of them I would be more up to talking in the morning but I just needed tonight to be sad about Edward. I assured them that I was incredibly happy to see them, though and that I would be in a better mood soon.

"No," I shook my head. "We agreed to just be apart for now."

"You're miserable and I'm sure he is too."

"Calling him would make it harder for everyone."

"I still don't understand why you didn't take him up on the offer to come back with you."

"Emily," I sighed as I sat up in my bed. "Imagine if this was you and Sam. And Sam had this great life in London. He was working as a physical therapist at a great office, had amazing friends and was doing everything he could have ever imagined. Think about if he felt trapped by his family when he lived in the States and that he couldn't breathe when ever he talked to them on the phone. Imagine being the family failure because he wasn't doing exactly what he was supposed to."

"Okay, I get it would be hard..."

"It would be hell for him. Just the thought of coming to visit here for one week a year gives him anxiety."

"He wouldn't have to be near his family..."

"His mother is a professor at Harvard," I explained. "I'm going to Harvard, Em. If he moved back to be with me he would be in Boston...the place he ran away from. I know he would do it for me but he wouldn't be happy. He'd be forced to go back to that life he hated."

"He's an adult."

"He hated living in Boston," I said turning to face her. "If he moved back here he would have regretted it and probably would have ended up resenting me."

"You could have tried..."

"Once I finish law school...once everything calms down if we're supposed to be together we will be."

"What if life isn't that kind to you? That's three and a half years away, Bella. He could meet someone. You could meet someone."

"If we meet someone that we love and want to be with then we obviously weren't meant to last," I shrugged. This conversation was getting more and more painful to have. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay," She sighed sympathetically.

"Emily?"

"Yeah?"

"I looked into transferring to Queen Mary."

"Oh," She sounded like she already knew.

"You knew?"

"You accidentally sent me an email intended for someone at the finance office here at Columbia."

"That's why they never got back to me," I sighed.

"Yeah."

"Emily?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I love him," I cried, letting the first tears for the first time in a few hours fall. "I really love him. And I miss him."

"I know, kid. I know."

* * *

 **July**

Two lines. I reread the box over and over again to make sure I was reading the test correctly. One line meant you weren't pregnant and two lines meant you were. I looked at the test again. Two little blue lines. To lines meant you were pregnant.

I was pregnant.

Not knowing what else to do, I burst into tears and sat down on the bathroom floor. I was pregnant. I was twenty-one, about to be a senior at Columbia and I was going to have a baby. I was going to have Edward's baby.

This couldn't have been happening. We were so careful. We used protection when we first started seeing each other. And when we stopped using condoms, I was on birth control. A birth control I'd been on since I was seventeen years old and had been working just fine.

I was pregnant.

I kept repeating that in my mind as I calmed myself down and got myself cleaned up. I grabbed all the tests and their boxes and walked into my bedroom and put them in the trash with a million tissues on top so no one would find them until I was ready for them to know.

I crawled into bed and began to cry again. How was I going to do this? Did I even want to do this? For a second, I considered calling Emily to take me to get an abortion. I considered it because I wasn't ready to have a baby, but whether I was ready or not I just couldn't bring myself to get an abortion. It may have been the right thing for some girls, but it wasn't for me.

Adoption was an option. But did I want someone else raising my kid? Did I want to raise my kid? I was twenty-one. I had my entire life ahead of me. I had dreams and goals to reach and having a baby...it just wasn't the time.

My mom was going to kill me. Emily was going to be thrilled and would try to convince me to keep it just because she wanted to be an aunt.

How the hell had I gotten here?

"Bella, we're home and you're going to love the...sweeite?" Mom asked with a voice full of concern as she sat down on my bed. I pulled the covers up over my head because I knew if I saw her face, I would tell her and, I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell her. "Bella, you've been doing so well lately..."

I continued to ignore her.

"Honestly, Bella," She sighed, yanking the covers down. We were face to face and I was looking right at her. "Honey, I know these last few months have been difficult but..."

"I'm pregnant..." I blurted out and my mom's face turned white.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant," I whispered. "With a baby."

"Wh-" She trailed off. "How?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "We were safe. I was on birth control."

"Do you know how far along you are?" I shook my head. "That's something we need to find out."

"I thought I had a stomach bug," I cried. She knew I'd been feeling sick, but it had been an all day kind of thing. It started when I woke up and didn't stop until early evening most days. It wasn't just in the morning which is why I didn't suspect anything.

Then my period app beeped warning me that my period should be coming soon. Then I realized I hadn't had a period since leaving London and had apparently been ignoring the app alarm last month.

"We're going to figure this out," She nodded and I could tell she was determined not to lose it.

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I'm so sorry," I cried. "I never..."

"Hey," She gave me a small smile. "I'm not going to tell you that it's okay. It's a tough situation that you're in. But we're going to figure it out. Together."

"You won't kick me out?"

"Maybe for a night so you can think about what you did," She joked. I was happy I had the relationship I did with my Mom so that we could joke about a thing like this. "Look, get some rest. You look exhausted."

"Okay,"

"I'll call Dr. Aims and get an appointment made."

"Thank you," I smiled as I laid back down.

"And I know this is a big thing, but we need to talk about if you're going to keep this baby soon."

"No abortion."

"I didn't think that was what you wanted," She said. "But we still have to talk adoption."

"I know," I nodded. "I'm just not ready right now."

"I understand. Soon though."

"Soon," I agreed.

"I love you, Bells."

"I love you too, Mom."

A baby. I was going to have a baby. I was going to be a mother.

How had I let this happen?

I found myself touching my stomach in a protective manner. Whether or not I kept this baby...I was going to take care of it. Him. I was going to take care of him. Or her. I wasn't going to fail him. Whatever my decision...it had to be the right decision. I found an old notebook in my desk drawer and began making lists.

Maybe this was too big of a choice to be making it by using a pro/con list, but I didn't know what else to do. There were pros to keeping the baby, but there were also cons. It was the same thing for adoption. I needed to know I was making the right choice and this was how I was going to make it.

Or...this is how I was going to keep myself distracted until my first doctor's appointment.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I'm not going to lie. I teared up while I was writing this. It really broke my heart to tear them apart like this, but it had to be done. This was the last chapter in the past and next, we will be back in the present right where we left off. Thanks for sticking with me! See you next chapter!_


	12. There Will Be Days

**Chapter Twelve: There Will Be Days**

* * *

"I tried calling you, but your number had been disconnected by the time I managed to wrap my head around what was happening," I told him as he just stared at me. "And then I tried writing you a letter but you..."

"Moved," He whispered and I was glad he was still listening at this point.

"You disappeared, Edward. I didn't know what else to do," I rolled my eyes. "Where the hell did you go? What happened?"

"I was a mess after you left," He shrugged. "I dropped my phone in a puddle and couldn't get it to work again. I needed a new number."

"And the new address?"

"I moved to be closer to Riley," He whispered. "He needed help that Bree couldn't give him and I wanted him to know that it wasn't a burden for me to come over. Plus it was closer to work."

"I never wanted to keep him from you," I admitted. "I had every intention of telling you so you could make the decision to be apart of his life."

"I appreciate that," He nodded with the slightest bit of attitude in his voice. I tried to ignore it. This was a lot of information to take in. "So when was he...when did we..."

"When was he conceived?" He nodded. "Some time in May. I think our last night together is what did it."

"I thought you were on birth control which is why we could get away without using condoms?"

"I realized after everything had calmed down that...I had been dumb," I admitted. "I didn't get my prescription filled when it should have been filled. I thought I was invincible. So...you aren't entirely responsible."

"Huh," He chuckled. "That makes me feel...not that much better."

"Yeah."

"So his birthday..."

"February 4, 2012," I told him. "I went into labor on the third but I wasn't progressing fast enough. I ended up having a c-section."

"Were you alone?"

"No," I smiled. A lot had changed in the last six years, but he was still the same, caring Edward. I actually couldn't believe how well he was taking this. "Mom was in the operating room with me and Emily didn't leave the hospital for days. Even after Ryan was born."

"Good, I wouldn't...want you alone."

"I'm lucky I have my Mom and sister," I mused. "He has the same middle name as you."

"Really?"

"Ryan Anthony Swan."

"Why'd you do that?"

"I figured if you weren't going to be apart of his life...he deserved to have a little bit of you. Other than your genes," I smiled. "He was perfectly healthy. 7.4 pounds and 18 inches long."

"That's good," He nodded and I could tell he was feeling overwhelmed at this point. I didn't blame him. I had just spent an hour talking about a boy he just learned was his and now I was throwing his weight and height into the mix.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing here in Boston?" I asked and his eyes lowered to the ground. "You don't have to tell me. It's not like we really know each other anymore..."

"My brother's wife has stage four breast cancer," He explained and my heart ached. "She's terminal and he has three kids under the age of ten and the youngest is only eighteen months."

"I'm so sorry,"

"I know I was always complaining about James, but I love Victoria," He shook his head. "She was the only supportive one in our family when I moved to London. The only one who cared enough to ask me for pictures of my new place."

"You don't have to justify yourself, Edward. Cancer is hard on a person no matter how close you are to them."

"And their three little ones..." He trailed off. "They were the only reason I ever considered moving back to Boston."

Ouch.

"I'm sorry. I'm blabbering. This isn't about my family drama. This is about you and my...our son."

"I don't know where to go from here, Edward," I admitted.

"Me either."

"It's always just been the two of us. I mean, Mom lived with us for a while when he was born, but I've never really had to share him," I explained. "If you want to come into the picture and be Dad...I don't know if I can let you do that."

"What?" He asked, and I could tell he was trying not to raise his voice.

"Well you share some DNA and have the same eyes, but that's about it, Edward. He's my son."

"Bella,"

"Look, it's late and Ryan is going to be up at seven in the morning no matter what," I sighed because I did not want to get into a fight right now. "And I have a study group tomorrow afternoon."

"We still have a lot to talk about, Bella," He reminded me.

"Yes, I'm aware. But I need to think ahead and all I can see right now is us talking in circles," I argued. "I really need you to go."

"This isn't the end."

"No," I agreed. "But for tonight it has to be the end of our conversation. I'm sorry, but I need sleep. I get to be selfish when it comes to my sleep."

"When can we meet again?"

"I don't' know."

"Bella."

"My time with Ryan is limited enough with my Bar Exam coming up," I told him. "So the little free time I have is spent with him."

"Then it's perfect."

"What is?"

"I can get to know him and get answers all in one trip."

"You're not meeting him. No way. Not yet. Not for a very long time...if at all."

"If at all? You mean you wouldn't let me in his life?"

"I don't know. Not now."

"He's my son."

"He's my son!" I shouted and I just hoped I hadn't woken him up. "Mine. I carried him in my stomach for nine months. I gave birth to him and I raised him. You disappeared without any notice!"

"I told you..."

"I don't really care what your excuses are," I rolled my eyes. "He's my son so for right now, I'm calling the shots. You will meet him if I say you can. You will get to know him as I see fit."

"This is ridiculous..."

"Maybe, but I'm the mom. I get to call the shots when it comes to my child."

"I'll fight this."

"You need to leave," I was trying to ignore the pit in my stomach to take Ryan and run far away from Edward. He'd just threatened to take my baby away from me and I didn't want him in my sight anymore.

"Can we talk tomorrow?"

"Maybe. Now leave," I slammed the door behind him and leaned up against it. It took a few minutes to get my legs to stop shaking and when I was able to walk, I quietly snuck into Ryan's bedroom. I smiled as he cuddled his stuffed penguin close to him and gently pulled the covers back into place. I carefully stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.

He was safe. My baby was safe and in my care. He was okay.

After sitting with him for a while, I was finally able to pull myself away from him so I could get some rest. After getting changed and ready for bed, I found myself unable to sleep. What was I going to do? Ryan was my entire world...I couldn't share him. I didn't want to share him.

On the other hand, all I ever wanted since I found out I was pregnant was for Edward to be in his life. It isn't like we separated on bad terms or anything. I was still in love with him when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted him to be Ryan's Dad. Every big moment, I always had the thought of Edward should be here in the back of my head. I knew what it was like growing up without a close relationship with my Dad. I never wanted that for Ryan, but he didn't leave me with any choice.

When I woke up the next morning, I had the sinking feeling in my stomach that Edward and I needed to continue our conversation. I was on track with studying for the bar exam and I would have been distracted today anyway if I had my group come over. I sent a message to everyone, telling them that I wasn't feeling good and that we couldn't have the session at my place. Everyone told me to feel better, but Jane being herself sent a super aggressive message back.

I had enough on my plate. I didn't need her getting under my skin.

I checked on Ryan, who was playing quietly with his Hot Wheels and jumped in the shower. After staying in there way too long because I had gotten lost in thought, I quickly got out and got dressed for the day. When I was finished, Ryan had moved on to the living room and had one of my textbooks in his lap as he sat in the rocking chair Mom had given me.

"What are you reading, monkey?" I chuckled as I kneeled next to him.

"I wanna be like you, Mama," He smiled as he dropped the book and wrapped his arms around my neck. "Do you have ta go again?"

"Nope, I'm all yours," I smiled at him and his face lit up like a Christmas tree. I took a second to remind myself how lucky I'd gotten when I had him. I don't remember being this interested in my mother when I was his age. "You want some eggs for breakfast!"

"Oooo, eggs!" He clapped his hands together as he jumped off of the chair and zoomed int the kitchen. I made enough eggs for the both of us and when he was done, he was onto his next adventure. I cleaned up everything we used from breakfast and decided it was time to see if Edward wanted to come over to talk some more while Ryan was napping.

"Hello?" He answered as I watched Ryan play from the kitchen doorway.

"Hi," I bit my lip not really sure of what to say. "How are you?"

"Fine,"

"Good," I nodded. We were making small talk. This wasn't awkward at all.

"Do you need something?" He asked with a tone of his voice.

"Ryan still naps during the day," I explained. "I was thinking...maybe you could come over while he sleeps and we can talk."

"Do I get to meet him when he wakes up"

"I don't know," I whispered. "This isn't easy, Edward. Please don't push me."

"When does he nap?"

"I try and put him down after we eat lunch at like 1:00 or 1:30," I told him. "I'll text you when I'm finished putting him to bed."

"Okay. Bye," He hung up the phone and I took a deep breath before going in with Ryan. Since I wasn't meeting with my group, I needed to get some of my own studying done. Thankfully, having me around was enough for Ryan and he wasn't begging me to play with him. He played, jumping back and forth from his room to the living room, and let me study.

At least for a little bit.

After an hour and a half of playing by himself, he was demanding my attention and I was happy to give it to him. I loved that playing with him was my study break for the morning because, by that time, it was desperately needed. We played for another hour together before I let him put on a show to keep him busy while I made lunch.

"Dino mac n' cheese!" He squealed happily when I set his bowl in front of him. "My favorite."

"I thought your favorite food was chicken nuggets?"

"I like mac n' cheese now," He laughed with a mouth full.

After he was fed and cleaned up, it was time to start winding down for his nap. His naps definitely weren't as long as they were when he was a baby, but he still needed at least an hour to rest. He was extremely cranky on days he went to school because he went without a nap and I was determined to make sure he had one every day he wasn't at school.

I read him a story and sang our favorite song and then gave him a kiss on the forehead. I pulled his bedroom door shut and sent a message to Edward. I waited impatiently in the living room and jumped out of my skin when there was a loud knock on the front door. When I opened the door, he gave a weak smile and handed me a to-go coffee cup.

"Thanks," I smiled as I let him inside. "Sorry, it's a mess. I usually clean when he naps."

"It's fine. James' house looks like a tornado went through it."

"How're they?"

"I haven't seen them today," He explained. "Victoria had a doctors appointment and her folks are with the kids. I'll see them for dinner."

"We need to set ground rules."

"Okay?"

"We can't be screaming at each other when we talk," I sighed. "I really don't want him waking up and overhearing us. It would be too much."

"That seems doable."

"And we need to be respectful of each other."

"Absolutely."

"And honest."

"Bella, I'm not some random hook up..." He trailed off.

"Right," I nodded sadly. Sometimes I thought that if it had been a random guy, it wouldn't have been so hard on me.

"Now what?"

"Honestly, Edward, I don't trust you. I don't trust that if things get tough with him or this process isn't rainbows and unicorns then you'll bail. And we'll be left in the dust."

"Seriously?" He asked. "Bella...I was willing to come back with you. I wanted to come back with you. And I did nothing but prove to you that I was trustworthy."

"This is a completely different situation," I argued. "Yes, I could trust you not to cheat on me and be where you said you would be at a certain time. This is a whole new level of responsibility and you've always just been a fun loving guy who loves to cook."

"Are you calling me irresponsible?"

"I...kind of. You were always a go with the flow kind of guy which I liked when I was twenty-one without a child but..." I trailed off. This was going nowhere.

"You think I'd abandon him," He choked out. "Why? Because I left my family for London?"

"They were had to deal with but you loved them. How do I know..."

"I can't believe this!" He nearly shouted. "You're seriously throwing that back in my face?"

"Sue me, Edward. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what you being here means. I'm afraid to let my guard down and let you back in. I'm afraid of you disappearing again," I cried. "I can't help it. I'm a mom. That's what mom's do."

"You know my reasons for leaving the States when I was twenty. It's different now. I'm different."

"How? It's been six years, Edward. How do I know that you're a different person?"

"For starters, I'm thirty-one," He sighed almost like it was hard for him to say. "And I've grown in the last six years. I'm on my way to being an executive chef at...that place we went your last night in London. I haven't just been fucking around."

"Edward..." I was cut off when the doorbell rang. I told him I'd be right back and hoped that I could get rid of whoever was interrupting this important conversation. When I opened the door, my heart almost stopped. Emily was standing in front of me and I knew she was going to want details.

"So?" Emily asked as she pushed past me before I could tell her Edward was here. "Oh. Hello."

"Hi," Edward nodded awkwardly.

"We're kind of in the middle of a conversation," I told my big sister. I wanted her to stay because Emily always knew what to say in situations like these. "Can we do this later?"

"I can just stay in the kitchen," She offered.

"Em," I sighed. "Come on," I begged. I didn't need her listening to this because I wasn't even sure I wanted to be having this talk at all.

"Call me the second he leaves," She demanded as she walked past me and left the apartment. I sat down on the couch and looked up at Edward. For thirty-one, he sure looked good and he'd hardly aged at all. His hair was cut a little neater and he had a bit more scruff on his face, but he was the same, Edward.

"When bigs things happened with Ryan, there was always this voice in the back of my mind wishing you were here with us," I said quietly. He sat down across from me and folded his hands, telling me he was ready to listen. "Even though I know my Dad loves my sister and I...it was hard growing up without him around very much. Because even when he was here his mind was always somewhere else."

"I know. I get that."

"When he was born, they showed him to me over the curtain...my first thought was how beautiful he was. My second thought was how much I wanted you there holding my hand instead of my mother."

"Really?"

"Like you said, you weren't some random guy I hooked up with once, Edward."

"Right,"

"I was still in love with you. Eight months after leaving London and I was still in love with you."

"It was hard for me too," He nodded sadly.

"During his first year, every milestone he hit...all I wanted was someone to share those moments with. Sure my mom and sister were around, but it was different," I explained. "It took a lot of time and a lot of effort to move on and focus on Ryan completely."

"When did you..." He trailed off looking off to the side.

"Start moving on?" He nodded. "When Ryan took his first steps, I cried myself to sleep that night because you weren't there. You weren't ever going to be there and I needed to move on. I wanted to be happy and proud as Ryan did the things he was supposed to do. Instead, I was either sad or distracted."

"Sorry I was such a burden," He sighed sounding annoyed.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad or anything," I assured him. "But...you need to know how hard it was."

"It wasn't easy for me either!" He screeched. "Do you think it was easy to have my life turned upside down and get used to you being around all the time and then have you leave like that?"

"You knew..."

"We both knew and we both decided to jump. When...I never dreamed I would fall in love with you."

"I know," I whispered. "But as he got older, he started to look like you and those green eyes just came out one day."

"He does have my eyes," He mused. "It's kind of strange."

"I'm glad he has your eyes."

"You are?"

"It gave him a very clear piece of you. I tell him that he has your eyes all the time."

"What do we do?" He asked for the millionth time. "How do we handle this?"

"Look...if I decide telling him who you are is for the best and you decide to step up and be his Dad...it's not going to be easy. He isn't going to just call you daddy and love you. It's a big step for everyone."

"Right," He nodded.

"And it's not just his life that will change. Your life will change too. If you want this...if you want to be his Dad you're going to have to leave London."

"What?"

"I can't pick up and move him across the ocean, Edward! He has a life here."

"Right. I know," He nodded and I was glad he was smart enough to know that.

"You can't just tell him you're his Dad and then leave and see him every now and again. Being a parent is a full-time job," I told him. "And it'll change the lives of your family."

"Why do they have to be involved?"

"Edward, they aren't evil," I rolled my eyes. "They annoyed you and they didn't handle you dropping out of school right, but they're your family. They love you."

"Now is not the time to tell them I have a kid."

"Probably not," I agreed.

"I feel like we're just talking in circles."

"We are," I whispered. "I have an idea."

"Okay."

"This is going to be a hard few months for your family with your sister in law being so sick. And I've got the Bar Exam in May and I'm swamped. Between taking care of Ryan, studying for that test, going to school and working when I can...it's going to be a hectic two months."

"Your point?" He was getting impatient.

"What if we waited to tell him everything until after the test is done and until after things have had time to calm down with your family."

"No,"

"You didn't let me finish," I stopped him before he could argue with me. "What if you took this time to just get to know him? Build a sense of trust with him. And then after things aren't moving at a million miles an hour we can talk about telling him."

"You're taking your exam in May?"

"Yes."

"And things will calm down?"

"I mean I'll be graduated and I won't be studying like mad anymore," I shrugged. "Finding a job will be my top priority, but that won't be as stressful."

"They gave Victoria six months," He said sadly.

"How long are you supposed to stay?"

"I was only going to stay for two weeks," he told me. "But now...I guess longer."

"During these two months...you can choose to not do it."

"Not do what?"

"Be a father. I won't be mad or get offended. I've been doing it by myself for five years...it would be okay."

"You think I'm going to bail?"

"I think you're emotional and overthinking a lot of things," I sighed. "I just want you to know I don't expect anything from you."

"What if these two months make me want to do it even more?"

"Then...Ryan get's his birthday wish."

"His birthday wish?"

"A kid at his preschool had been picking on him for only having a Mommy. He's smart, he's known for a while our family was missing something," I explained. "When I was putting him to bed after his party, he told me he wished for a Dad when he blew out the candles."

"Whoa," Edward looked like he was getting teary. "Two months."

"You can have longer to make your decision if you want to be his Dad, but I'm just asking for these two months."

"I can do that," He finally agreed.

"Edward..." I started but his phone started ringing in his jeans. "Go ahead," He pulled his phone out of his pocket and rolled his eyes when he saw who was calling.

"Hey," He answered. "Yeah, I'm going over there later. James is holding up. Yes, I'll make sure they all get their presents. You really shouldn't have sent them anything, Charlotte. They're spoiled already."

Charlotte?

"Char, I gotta go," He sighed when he looked up and made eye contact with me. "Yeah. I love you too."

Ouch.

He hung up the phone and looked at the ground awkwardly.

"Who's Charlotte?" I asked biting my lip and regretting asking that question.

"Oh, ah..." He stuttered as he finally looked up at me. "My girlfriend."

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Please don't be mad! I know we all would have loved to discover Edward had been pining for Bella and hadn't dated since she left. But realistically it had been six years since she left London. They were in love and it took a lot of time but he eventually moved on. It was a lot easier for him to move on than it was for her because he didn't have a baby that looked exactly like her to take care of. Also, I hope I did them talking about Ryan and their situation justice. I know they repeat themselves a lot, but it's been a crazy day. I don't think I'd be able to think clearly if I found out I had a 5-year-old son. _

_Thanks for reading!_


	13. I Know How People Can Be

**Chapter Thirteen: I Know How People Can Be**

* * *

"Oh," My eyes immediately filled with tears. "Girlfriend. Well of course...it's been six years."

"Shit," He whispered. "Bella, I..."

"Ryan's going to be awake soon," I wiped my eyes and tried hiding my feelings. I was obviously failing but he needed to go before I had a complete mental breakdown. "You need to leave."

"OKay," He nodded sadly as he stood up and grabbed his jacket. "I'm taking my nieces and nephew to the park tomorrow around three. Clara is six and gets along with everyone she meets. I'm sure she'd love to have someone new to play with. I mean if you wanna bring Ryan..."

"I'm in class until four tomorrow and he has preschool in the morning. Emily will have him in the afternoon," I lied. "Maybe another time."

"Sure," He nodded as he turned to open the front door. "I'm sorry for springing that on you."

"Just go," I pushed as he walked into the hallway. I immediately called Emily who hadn't gotten very far after she left here. She was back in minutes after telling me she was at the coffee shop down the road. When she walked inside, I couldn't help but fall into a puddle of tears.

Suddenly, I was twenty-one again and completely broken-hearted about Edward. I hadn't cried like this since my second trimester and I certainly hadn't cried over Edward in years. But after hearing that he had a girlfriend, it just broke something inside of me. I needed my sister's support because other than Rosalie and Abby, she was the only one who knew the entire story.

"He has a girlfriend," I cried as we sat on the couch. "Her name is Charlotte and she lives in England and he loves her. He told her he loved her right in front of me. Did our four and a half months together mean nothing to him?"

"Of course they meant something to him," She tried assuring me. "But...Bella, life goes on. And I know how hard it is to hear your first love has someone else, but what did you expect? Him to be a loner?"

"I was the first real girlfriend he ever had. I..." I looked at her and realized she had a point. "I guess I had hoped he had gone back to his old ways of one night stands or short-lived relationships."

"I'm sorry you had to find out like this."

"I feel so stupid."

"Why?"

"I've had dreams about Edward coming back into my life again," I sniffled. "And he was always single and we had this magical moment together and it was like...nothing changed."

"Everything's changed."

"I realize that now."

"You do realize that getting over you had to be incredibly hard."

"Obviously not."

"Bella," She sighed. "He's in his thirties now and it's been years. Who knows. Maybe they've only been dating for a few months."

"She sent gifts for his nieces and nephew."

"So?"

"So she's obviously met them so she's obviously come back here to visit with him..." I looked at her. "I'm being ridiculous. I know."

"I think your reaction to all of this is pretty normal."

"We're going to...do a test run. I guess you could call it that."

"Please explain."

"With my exam coming up and everything that's happening with his family, we're giving it at least two months."

"Okay?"

"We're going to take these next two months until my exam so he can get to know Ryan," I told her. "And ultimately make the decision if being a Dad is something he wants."

"I'm still confused."

"Right now he's emotional and acting on his emotions. Right now he's all for fatherhood, but he doesn't even know if he likes kids. I mean he seems like a great uncle, but being a Dad and taking care of your own kid is different."

"So you're giving fatherhood a...test run?"

"Kind of..." I trailed off. "We're using this time so he can get to know Ryan and so we can focus on what we need to focus on. I don't think I have the energy for the emotional roller coaster Ryan will be put on through all of this."

"I think it's,"

"I'm terrible," I cut her off. "I'm being selfish. I don't want to be burdened by my son's emotions so I'm not letting his father into his life for two months..."

"You're not selfish, you're sensible."

"Whatever you wanna call it. I suck."

"You have given that boy everything," She smiled. "I mean you should have already been a lawyer."

"No regrets."

"I know you don't regret any of your decisions when it comes to Ryan and taking a year off of school," She rolled her eyes. "But you've given him everything. Asking for these two months to focus on the biggest exam of your life makes sense."

"What if it doesn't go well?"

"It might not," I liked that she was being real with me. "But it might be something great. You do what you need to do. Don't let him ruin this or take anything else away from you."

I was about to say something else awful about myself, but I heard Ryan's bedroom door open. He padded into the living room with his penguin in his hands and his eyes lit up when he saw Emily was with me. I knew he saw her all the time, but that kid loved his aunt and I was so incredibly happy that she loved him just as much in return.

"Aunt Emily!" He ran into her lap and hugged her tightly. He was acting like he hadn't seen her in weeks. "Is Uncle Sam here?"

"No, bud, he's at home,"

"Can he come?" He pleaded.

"If it's okay with your Mom," Ryan turned in Emily's arms and gave me his big puppy dog eyes. I usually didn't cave when he gave me that look, but I just couldn't help it today. I was too exhausted to deal with the potential temper tantrum he would throw if I saw no to Sam coming over.

"Yes," I sighed, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Emily must have told Sam about running into Edward because the second he got there, he engulfed me in a huge bear hug. Sam was always great at giving me what I needed because most of the time, he didn't know enough about what was happening. He knew when I just needed to be held but he also knew when I needed to hear something I might not want to hear. He was always there to give me an unbiased opinion which was usually well needed.

Tonight, he didn't say anything though. I was kind of hoping he would give me one of his world-famous talks, but he stayed pretty quiet. He helped entertain Ryan while I got dinner made and asked me about school and potential jobs. He was usually like my Mr. Feeny so I was confused when he didn't even give me any inspiration for the night.

"This has stumped him," Emily whispered to me while Sam read Ryan a book before he got in the bath. "You've stumped the great and wise Sam Uley."

"Great," I groaned. "Now what do I do?"

"You might need to figure this out for yourself," She shrugged.

"Okay, Ryan, it's time to say goodnight to your aunt and uncle. We need to get you in the bath and in bed."

"Mama," He whined, but I gave him a stern look. It was the look that told him I wasn't kidding around and he usually knew not to argue with me anymore.

"Sweetie, you're going to their house on Tuesday," I reminded him. "You'll see them really soon."

"Okay," He nodded sadly as he gave Sam a hug. He picked Ryan up, whispered something in his ear and then passed him to Emily.

After cleaning up the kitchen, I got Ryan bathed and ready for school in the morning. I was really fortunate his preschool had a program for parents who couldn't wait until nine in the morning to drop their kids off before heading to work. I had early classes on the days he had preschool and I couldn't wake my sister up at seven-thirty in the morning so I could get to class by eight. Once he was bathed and in his PJs, he chose two books for me to read.

"The Little Red Hen again?" I asked as he crawled into his bed and snuggled close to me. It was a book we'd been reading together since he was six months old and we still constantly read it at bedtime. I wasn't sure why he loved it so much, but I remember it being a favorite of mine when I was his age. The copy we had was even the one my mom read to me.

"I love it," He shrugged as I kissed the top of his head.

"One day the little red hen found some seeds on the ground. The little red hen had an idea. She would plant the seeds," I read aloud as I gently stroked his hair. "No!" said the little red hen. "I will." And the little red hen ate the bread all by herself."

When I finished reading, his breathing was slow and steady. I took a few extra minutes pulling his covers up over his shoulders and giving him kisses. As I got ready for bed, I couldn't help but think about the day he was born and the first time I saw him.

 _"How are you doing, Bella?" My doctor asked me through the sheet they'd put up while they performed the c-section._

 _"Good," I had tears pooling in the corners of my eyes and I felt mom squeeze my hand tighter._

 _"You're in good hands," She assured me and I kept focus on the ceiling tiles above me. When ten minutes passed, my doctor spoke again. "He's here!"_

 _"Is he okay?" He wasn't crying. "Is he okay?"_

 _"He's doing just fine," She said as she held the baby up over the curtain so I could see him. He was gorgeous. He was covered in goo and fluid, but he was perfect. I never believed in love at first sight until right now._

 _"Hi," I gushed as I looked at the baby boy above me._

 _"We're going to get him crying and cleaned up," The nurse told me as they whisked him away from my sight. It felt like hours, but within a few seconds, I heard the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. He was crying. He was healthy and crying just like he was supposed to do._

 _As the continued to sew me back up, the pediatric nurse placed my newborn on my chest. He was still crying, but I just held him as close as I could and he eventually calmed down. As we laid together, I noticed him opening his eyes for the first time and I lost all sense of calmness._

 _"He's so pretty," Mom gushed as she held his little hand._

 _"Hi, little man," I cooed as I kissed the top of his head. "I promise I'm going to take care of you. You'll always be safe with me."_

 _"Well?" Mom asked._

 _"Well, what?"_

 _"Can I know his name now?"_

 _"Ryan," I smiled down at him. "Ryan Anthony Swan."_

My child was my entire world. With Edward now in the picture, I feared being rejected by the new, shiny parent. Edward would be the guy to let him get away with something because he didn't want to upset Ryan because he'd missed the first five years. I didn't want to be the bad guy. I didn't want to be the one Ryan ran away from and Edward be the person he ran to. He was my baby and he'd always be my baby.

I wanted to take him and run away from Edward. Run away from the mess and drama that was sure to ensue once they got to know each other.

But, Edward being apart of his life was something I'd always wanted. I wanted Ryan to have someone to take to Dad's breakfast at preschool. I wanted him to learn how to throw a baseball or shoot a gun or work on a car from his dad. Not his uncle. I wanted him to have a father and I knew that was something he was starting to miss.

Edward suddenly coming back into the picture scared the hell out of me, but it was something we both wanted and needed to happen.

After having this revelation, I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and found Edward's new number. I hoped it wasn't too late.

"Hello?" He sounded groggy, but I just couldn't wait until morning to have this conversation.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I was kind of harsh on you this afternoon and yesterday."

"You had every right to be."

"I'm scared, but that didn't give me the right to be a complete bitch."

"You weren't being a bitch," He tried telling me. "This is hard. I get that. I'd be scared too."

"If you think me asking for this time is too selfish or something you can't-do then we can figure something else out."

"Bella,"

"I'm serious. If you want this...then me not wanting to deal with the extra baggage shouldn't be an issue."

"I need to get to know him and build a trust with him before I tell him that I'm his Dad," He said gently. "And it seems like you've done a lot for him...including putting off your graduation and law school."

"He's my entire world. I would have taken more time off if he needed me to."

"And that's why you deserve to have these two months to worry about school."

"Huh," I rolled my eyes.

"What?"

"That's literally what Emily said to me earlier."

"I guess we both know you pretty well."

"She does," I agreed. "Look, my Wednesday's are my lightest days. We can get together after he's done with preschool. Emily will have him for lunch, but I'm usually finished at two. We can maybe meet up then?"

"Yeah. That sounds good," He jumped at the chance.

"Good," I nodded and then there was a long pause of awkward silence. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I want this to work," I admitted. "It might not seem like it right now, but I do. I want this to be good for him. For all of us."

"Thanks, Bella," He whispered. "I gotta go. I'm helping my brother tomorrow get the kids ready and on the bus."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Night."

* * *

As I drove to Emily's house on Wednesday to pick Ryan up, my stomach was full of butterflies. Edward was officially meeting Ryan. He wouldn't know who Edward was for a little bit, but still. This was a big step. They were going to start building a relationship. They were going to get to know each other and I was suddenly wondering if I'd made the right choice.

When we got to the indoor playground, Edward was already waiting for us with a drink carrier full. Ryan held my hand and stayed closer to me than he usually did which just wasn't normal for him.

"Vanilla late," He handed me a cup and I smiled at him. He remembered my favorite drink. "And I wasn't sure what you let him drink, so I got him apple juice."

"Apple juice is good," I told him as he handed Ryan to the paper cup. "What do you say, baby?"

"Thanks," He took a sip and his eyes lit up. I normally watered the juice down, but Edward clearly hadn't done that. It was like drinking liquid gold to him. "This is super good."

"I'm glad."

"You're Mommy's friend," Ryan remembered from the other day. "From the box."

"I am," Edward nodded. He looked at me nervously and I gave him a gentle smile. I could tell he wanted this but he just wasn't sure exactly what to do. Being an uncle was different than being a dad. But I had faith in him that he could do this.

"Now what?" He mouthed as Ryan stood there drinking his juice and oblivious to his surroundings.

"Get to know him," I shrugged.

"How?"

"Ask him questions. He's five. He's smart and can answer simple questions," I encouraged, but he still looked at me with confused eyes. "Ryan, tell Edward about your favorite book."

"The Little Red Hen!" He squealed excitedly. "Mommy reads that to me a lot. We read it last night."

"Do you like reading, Ryan?" Edward asked and I could tell he was really trying.

"Yeah," Ryan answered distractedly as he stared at the playground in front of him. I could tell he was already finished with his juice and he was itching to go play. "We read before bedtime."

"I like reading too," Edward smiled.

"Can I go play now?"

"Yeah, sweetie," I nodded and I saw the disappointment in Edward's eyes. I knew he wanted to use this time to get to know Ryan, but just because he was playing didn't mean he had to stop talking to him. "Go."

"Go where?"

"Play with him."

"I'm a little too big."

"No one is too big," I nudged. "Go bond with him. He always loves when people play with him in things like this."

"OKay," He nodded, still unsure. I watched as he got down on the ground with Ryan and laughed when I heard him telling Edward what to do. He was telling Edward that they were the good kind of pirates and had to protect Never Land from Captain Hook. Edward seemed really out of his element, but he did a great job going along with it.

After an hour playing together, it was time to get home so I could do some work and so that Ryan could practice his letters and writing. I got the fit of all fits when I told him to say goodbye to Edward and I felt bad. Edward handled it pretty well but I could tell he was shocked at how fast Ryan had melted down.

"It's not like him to have meltdowns like this," I explained as I walked him to the car after I finally got him to put his coat on. "But they do happen."

"Yeah."

"Kids throw temper tantrums and as parents, we have to know how to deal with them," I sighed. "PArenting isn't all fun and games."

"I know," He nodded but I could tell he didn't fully understand what being a parent was all about. I got Ryan in the car and buckled into his seat and shut the door and turned towards Edward.

"You were good with him today," I smiled. "He had a good time, which is what led to his tantrum in the first place."

"Really?"

"Really," I nodded. "I bet he'll be asking me when the next time we get to see you is the second I get into the car."

"Look, Bella, I'm sorry for the way I acted the other day when she called," He was looking at the ground. "I wasn't thinking and I acted like an ass."

"It's been six years. You moved on," I shrugged, trying to sound like it didn't hurt like hell.

"But I should have thought before I spoke," He was looking at me now.

"We can't do anything to change what happened."

"I still feel bad. I didn't want to hurt you. That wasn't my intention."

"What was your intention then, Edward?"

"It's a habit. And I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," He repeated.

"Okay. Message received."

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like a complete bitch,"

"I need to go."

"Bella," He grabbed my hand. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I have a five-year-old that I need to get home and I have work to do," I opened the car door. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bella," He argued as I slammed the door in his face. I took a deep breath and turned back to see Ryan was obvious to everything as he played with some Hot Wheels. Edward was still standing outside of my door as I turned the keys in the ignition and started the car.

Was I jealous? Of course, I was fucking jealous. I was ready to just pretend that phone call at my place hadn't happened. But he brought it up and it brought out some ugly colors from inside me. I didn't want to be jealous. I was over him. I wanted him to be happy. But why did he have to bring her up? Why did I need to know telling her that he loved her was a habit?

I didn't need to know that.

I didn't want to know that.

* * *

 _A/N: So they took a step forward and two steps back today. A lot of you were saying that Bella was being unreasonable and Edward was an ass for having a girlfriend. But, in reality, they had broken up six years ago. It seemed only natural that Edward would have moved on. He didn't start seeing Charlotte for a long time after Bella left. The breakup was hard on him too. If she didn't have Ryan, Bella would also probably have a boyfriend or even a husband after six years._

 _And as far as Bella being unreasonable goes, I think she was right on the money with how she acted. Imagine how scared you would be in your child's father suddenly came into the picture again. She wants what's best for her kid but she's scared and confused right now. There is no right or wrong way to go about their situation and she's doing her best._

 _Have some faith in these two :)_


	14. You and I Walk a Fragile Line

**Chapter Fourteen:** **You and I Walk a Fragile Line**

* * *

"Mom?" I asked when I opened the front door the next morning as I was trying to get Ryan ready to go to Emily's since he didn't have preschool on Thursday. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't a mother come visit her child and grandchild?" She asked and something was weird with her. She never just dropped by and always made sure it was a good time for her to visit. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to see her but she was here for more than just a normal visit.

"Mom," I pushed.

"Emily called me," Crap. "And told me that a certain green-eyed man was back in town and back in your life."

"I should have told you," I whispered.

"Yes, it would have been nice to know," She smiled as she pulled me into a hug. "How are you? How did Ryan take the news?"

"We haven't told him."

"Told him what?"

"That Edward is his...father," I whispered.

"Why not?"

"It's just not good timing," I shrugged. I knew I was about to get an earful from mom about how irresponsible I was being about all of this. "He's going to get to know Ryan and then he can decide if he wants to take on the role of his dad.

"You're giving him a chance?"

"I'm not going to force him into this, Mom."

"He's his father. He has a responsibility to him. And to you."

"Please don't do this. I'm doing the best I can."

"I want to meet him."

"Mom, no," I begged. "Please don't do this."

"I think as your mother I have a right to meet the guy who got you pregnant and abandoned you."

"He didn't abandon me."

"Bella, he did. You need to realize that even though he didn't know, he disappeared on you. He abandoned you and that baby."

"I could have tried harder," Ever since we ran into Edward, I had been telling myself I could have done more to get in touch with him. I knew where he worked. I could have found Riley's name in the university's staff directory. I could have done more, but I didn't for fear of rejection.

"You did what he could. He left."

"We broke up. It was mutual," I reminded her. Mom had it in her head that he'd broken my heart and everything was all his fault. In reality, the mistakes that we'd made and the pain we had to deal with was because of the both of us. Not just one of us.

"Well, I want to meet him."

"Maybe later. This is hard enough without you breathing down our necks," I sighed. "Where's Phil?"

"He couldn't get off of work. I got the first plane ticket I could or I would have been here sooner," she explained. "We're going to figure this out."

"Mom, this is my thing. My battle."

"We're family. We're going to do it together."

"Okay," I rolled my eyes. I loved her, but sometimes she still saw me as a scared twenty-one-year-old who'd gotten pregnant and couldn't do much for herself. She didn't think I could do this on my own.

"Where's my grandson?" She asked as I heard the pitter patter of little feet rounding the corner. Ryan flew past me and into my mother's arms before I even had the chance to blink.

"Grandma!" He hugged her tightly. I was incredibly grateful my son and mother had such a strong bond.

"Hi, kiddo."

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he let go. "Mama said you lived far away now," He still didn't understand that just because she lived far away, didn't mean she could still come see us.

"I do live far away," She smiled at him. "But I missed you so much I just couldn't stay away from you any longer."

"Grandma!"

"Yes, Ryan?"

"I have a new friend."

"You do?"

"Uh-huh," He nodded. "His name is Edward. He gave me apple juice yesterday with no water!"

"Edward," Mom looked up at me. "He sounds nice."

"And he played pirate with me yesterday at the playground. We were the good pirates," He assured her. Ryan never wanted to be pictured as the bad guy. He was always the hero.

"That sounds like so much fun, baby."

"It was," He agreed. "Can you stay with me today?"

"Of course I can," She nodded happily. "I'll call your sister and tell her you won't be bringing him by."

"Okay," I nodded. There was no arguing with her and I knew Ryan needed time with him. After getting him breakfast for the day, I was already running kind of late and sped off to campus. I made it to class with only one minute to spare and I didn't miss Jane's smug look as our professor shut the door just after I'd walked inside.

Thursday's were always hard. It was at the end of the week when I was the most exhausted and classes were always difficult. Since things at home were such a mess, I was having a hard time concentrating and my professor noticed today. When he asked me to stay after class, I felt my stomach drop.

"Miss Swan, is everything okay?" Dr. Olsen asked as she perched herself on the desk.

"Yes, ma'am," I nodded.

"You've been distracted the last few days."

"There's just a lot going on at home," I explained. "Nothing serious."

"Can I ask what?"

"My son's father...just came into the picture for the first time," I had always been kind of close with Dr. Olsen. She really helped me get started when I moved to Boston with a one and a half year old. She knew my situation relatively well and tried to do what she could to help me out. "I've just been dealing with everything."

"You're so close, Bella," She smiled warmly at me. "I do not want to see all your hard work got to waste because of this boy."

"I'll be better next week. I promise."

"Good. You're going to do great things."

"Thanks. I have to go, but I appreciate the talk," And I really did. Not many professors cared like Dr. Olsen did. If I had been spacy in any other class, the professor wouldn't have cared. When I walked outside, I was surprised to see Edward sitting on a bench with two coffee cups in his hands.

"It's a peace offering," He smiled as he tried handing me the cup.

"Not everything in life can be solved with coffee, Edward," I sighed as I pushed past him.

"Bella, please."

"Do you know how hard life has been for me over the last six years? I had just started to feel better about our breakup when I found out I was pregnant with your child. And then you disappeared," I shook my head. "And maybe I could have done more to track you down, but I was lost and confused and crying all the time. I couldn't think straight, Edward."

"I'm sorry I disappeared."

"And then Ryan looked just like you. He had your eyes and he's like your little mini-me," I told him. "Do you know how hard it is to get over someone when you literally have apart of them walking around? I love my son. I love Ryan more than anything in this world. But it hasn't been easy these last few years, Edward."

"I didn't think it was."

"And then you had to go and rub your new relationship in my face!" I exclaimed. "I understand. It's been a long time. You were bound to move on...I might have been concerned if you hadn't," I rubbed my eyes. "But I didn't deserve to find out like that! And to top it all off...you called me a bitch because I wasn't handling the situation like you wanted me to."

"Bella, I'm sorry. I was frustrated."

"Right now Edward...you're exactly who I thought you were when we first met."

"What?"

"You're a jerk. And you're selfish and arrogant."

"After all we went through...we're back at this?"

"Yes. Because I was obviously wrong about you when we first met. But now I'm thinking I was right on the money."

"That's not fair, Bella."

"I have to go. My Mom flew in from Florida and surprised us this morning. Ryan's with her now and Emily and Sam should be coming over soon."

"When can I see him next?"

"I don't know."

"You can't just change our agreement."

"I'm not going to," I told him. "But I need time to cool off."

"This isn't about you."

"I'll call you when I think it's a good time to be with him," I turned and walked away, ignoring his call after me. When I got into my car, I started to cry behind the wheel. Where had my sweet, loving boyfriend gone? Where did that nice guy I left at the airport go? Why was all of this happening all at once?

Once I cleared my head, I made my way back to my apartment. Mom and Ryan were quietly doing a puzzle together and I took some time to go into my room and collect my thoughts. Everything was so messed up. Nothing was going like I had planned and I needed to talk to someone who'd gotten to know Edward like I did.

I dialed Rosalie's number.

"Hey!" She chirped into the phone.

"Hi," I sighed. "Something...happened last weekend."

"Is Ryan okay? Are you okay?" Her voice was full of concern.

"Ryan is perfect," I assured her. "And I'm physically fine."

"What happened?"

"I ran into Edward."

"Edward?" she asked. "Ryan's...father Edward?"

"That's the one."

"What? How?"

"He's back in the states because his sister in law is really sick and his brother needed him."

"That's awful."

"So he's back in town and his family lives in Boston. His mom works at Harvard remember?"

"Right," She sighed as she took everything in.

"I've been a mess ever since," I sniffled. "I've always wanted Ryan to have his father in his life but now that he's back...I'm losing it, Rose. I can't lose my baby."

"He won't take him from you."

"He could try," I cried. "And his family has a lot of money. It wouldn't be hard to find an incredible lawyer who wins every case."

"Bella,"

"He has a girlfriend," I told her. "And they're serious. She's met his family. He loves her."

"Oh, Bella," She whispered and I heard a certain two-year-old screaming in the background.

"What's going on?"

"Emmett's got her," She told me.

After graduating from Columbia, Emmett proposed to Rosalie. It was amazing watching the two after getting home because I was almost sure Rosalie would start pushing him away since she was so afraid to commit at the start. But much to my surprise, they were stronger than ever and they finished school strong. She said yes without any hesitation and they were married a year and a half after that. Two years ago, she called and told me she was pregnant and asked me to be her kid's godmother. I accepted immediately.

"How is she doing?"

"The terrible twos are a very real thing,"

I could tell Rosalie was exhausted. As good of a baby Ivy was, she was having a hard time adjusting to a toddler running around the house. It also didn't help that she was four months pregnant with their baby boy. All on top of running her own business, she was constantly tired. Emmett was great though. Knowing how much her career meant to her, he'd been the one to take time off when Ivy was first born. Rosalie cried to me over and over again, saying she was a bad mom but I always disagreed with her. There was nothing wrong with wanting a family and a career.

She'd gotten lucky and was able to have both.

"She's going to grow out of it," I told her. "Ryan did and look at him now."

"He was pretty bad."

"Ivy is an angel compared to Ryan at this age," Sometimes when I was stressed out, all I needed to do was call Rose to help calm me down. She was really good at changing the subject and getting my mind off of difficult situations. "How are you feeling?"

"The nausea has gone away almost completely," She told me. "Emmett's been great. He's always good to me though so this isn't very different."

I was always trying really hard not to be upset or jealous that Rosalie had Emmett by her side during her pregnancy. There were so many times I just wanted Edward to be with me at doctor's appointments and to go on weird food runs. But I was so happy for them that I could never be upset for very long.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," I sighed as the doorbell rang.

"Bella! Someone is here for you!"

"I gotta go," I whined because it had been a long time since we talked.

"Hey, we gotta start talking more because this whole going three weeks without talking just isn't an option anymore."

"Deal," I laughed. I said my goodbye's and headed to the living room. My stomach turned when I saw Edward standing there.

Did he not understand I didn't want to deal with him right now?"

"Why are you here?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I did it wrong," He admitted. "I should never have picked up the phone when I did. Not with you in the room."

"Edward," I shook my head. I just didn't have the energy right now for another argument.

"I guess I just assumed that after all this time, you would have moved on too. I shouldn't have done that. It was a dumb assumption."

"I haven't had the time to move on like you have, Edward. I have a five-year-old," I reminded him. "I've been on a few dates. Had a few short relationships but that's it. No one wants to date the single, twenty-three-year-old mom."

"Charlotte and I have been dating for over two years now," I didn't want to hear this. "She works for a magazine and they were doing a piece on the restaurant. She interviewed me and I thought that was it."

"Great story,"

"I never intended to date her," He just wouldn't shut up. "She's the first person since you left that I even considered being in a serious relationship with, Bella. It was hard for me too. For different reasons, but our breakup wasn't easy for me either."

"Are you finished?"

"I just want you to know that I didn't start dating her in July or something after we ended things. It took a long time for me to get over you."

"Okay," I nodded. I just wanted him gone. "Now are you finished?"

"I guess," He sighed when he realized I really didn't care about his relationship. At least I didn't care right now. I practically shoved him out the door when I heard Ryan's door open and he came out to see me.

"Mama! Grandma says dinner is ready!"

"I'm coming, baby," I smiled and he ran back into the kitchen. Unable to shake the feeling that something just wasn't right, I followed Edward outside before he had the chance to leave. "Edward?" I called as he was about to get into his rental car.

"Yeah?"

"Give it time."

"Huh?"

"Just give everything some time," I shrugged. "Things are all messed up right now. Give it time."

"I never meant to hurt you," He looked down at the ground. "I wanted to call...and when I lost my phone I considered it almost a blessing."

"Okay?"

"Getting over you was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I hope you know that."

"I still don't get how losing my number was a blessing?"

"We broke up so we could both live out our dreams," He reminded me. "I guess I thought after you left if I followed you I would eventually start feeling resentful. I didn't want to lose everything we had so I just..."

"Dropped your phone in a puddle."

"Do you ever wish you'd done things differently?"

"With Ryan?"

"With Ryan...with us?"

"Ryan is the love of my life," I smiled. "If I could go back and rethink my decision to keep him, the story would still end the same way."

"With us?"

"Us led to my son," I shrugged. "I wish you had been around when he was born and he'd grown up with his dad, but I don't wish things had been different with us."

"I want to set up some kind of schedule," He told me. "I don't want to argue about me getting to see him."

"I think that can be arranged," I agreed. "But I don't want your girlfriend around him."

"What?"

"Not yet. He has to focus on getting to know you first. Not her."

"Well, she's in London."

"She's not coming here?" I asked since I was sure she'd be coming over here to be with him while he was living here. Surely someone in a serious and committed relationship would do that. Right?

"She can't with work," He explained. "I haven't told her about Ryan."

"Why not?"

"It's a big thing that I'm still trying to adjust to," He looked at the ground. "I'm not like ashamed. I haven't even told my family yet."

"They deserve to know about him," I pointed out. "He's a pretty special kid."

"I just want my chance with him without everyone breathing down my neck and asking me all kinds of questions."

"Bella!" I heard and looked up to see Emily hanging out of my living room window. "Dinner's ready! Come on!"

"Coming!" I called back. "I meant what I said. Give it time. This is going to be difficult to adjust to for everyone."

"Okay," He nodded as he got into the car.

When I went upstairs, Ryan looked like he was on cloud nine. He had his grandma with him for dinner which is something he'd been wanting for months. Especially since she couldn't make it to his birthday party since Phil had been super sick that week. I sat back and just watched him with everyone and realized that even though he had so many people that loved him, he deserved to have his father in his life.

I was slowly getting used to the idea of Edward possibly being around at the end of these two months.

After dinner, I was helping my mom clean up the dishes while Sam and Emily kept Ryan occupied. She was oddly quiet which could only mean one thing. She was overthinking something and I had a hunch it had everything to do with Edward reappearing in our lives.

"Mom, I know you want to say something so can you please just come out and say it?"

"I don't think you should let that man into Ryan's life," I was not expecting that. She really pushed for me to somehow find Edward when I was pregnant, telling me he needed his father.

"What?"

"I just have a bad feeling about all this. He just showed up out of the blue...come on, sweetie. Something is fishy."

"Nothing is fishy, Mom. Ryan needs his dad. You know this."

"I just don't think it's a good idea," She sighed. "What if Ryan gets all attached and then he decides he doesn't want to play house anymore. Your kid will be heartbroken."

"Which is why we're giving them some time to get to know each other."

"Being pals with a child and being someone's father is very different."

"Mom, he needs his Dad. I never thought we'd get this chance."

"I just think you need to be careful."

"I won't let him hurt Ryan,"

"I'm not just talking about Ryan."

"Mom," I looked at the floor.

"You were a mess for months. I've never seen anyone so heartbroken before," She shook her head. "He hurt you. I don't want that to happen again."

"It won't happen again. Edward and I aren't even together anymore."

"You're still in love with him."

"Am not," I argued.

"Bella, I know you better than anyone. You never got closure."

"I'm over him, Mom," I told her but I wasn't even sure if I believed what I was saying. "It's been six years. I'm fine."

"I just don't believe you."

"Mom, I have so much on my mind right now...my love life isn't even on my radar."

"Why haven't you been in a serious relationship since Edward and London?"

"I got pregnant at twenty-one and gave birth at twenty-two. That hasn't given me much time to go out a date, Mom. Plus I've been working on school. I don't have the time."

"You don't want a serious relationship because you're hung up on him. You need to get closure and stay away from him."

"Thank you for your input, Mom, but I need to do what's best."

"What's best is for you to keep yourself and Ryan from getting hurt."

"Ryan hurts every day because he doesn't have his dad in his life. You know this," I told her. "He came home crying the other day because some brat was teasing him that he only had a mommy."

"He can have a fatherly figure in his life without having his biological father."

"Mom, I don't want to keep having this conversation," I rolled my eyes. "I appreciate your concern but I need to figure this out. I need to make this decision."

"You've already made the decision."

"Mom, please," I begged.

"I just love you both too much to see you get hurt."

"We lvoe you too. And I'll be careful. It's not like Edward is some stranger I slept with once."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself that this can work out?"

"Both," I sighed as we went back to doing the dishes.


	15. We Soon Move On

**Chapter Fifteen: We Soon Move On**

* * *

It was Saturday. And Saturday meant I had my usual study group for the bar exam. Since Mom wasn't leaving until Monday, Ryan was unusually okay with letting me go in the morning. I was happy to leave him happy with my Mom as they planned to go see Trolls at the dollar theatre.

When I got to the library, Alice was jumping up and down in her seat. I had barely sat down when she spilled the news.

"Jasper proposed!" She squealed.

"Finally!" I sighed happily as I leaned in to give her a hug. "Congratulations."

"How'd he do it?" Mallory asked as she sat down across from us.

"He took me to the place we met," she explained. She and her new fiance had met her first year of law school while she was jogging in the park. He had his nose stuck in a book, literally, and wasn't looking where he was going. THey rammed right into each other and the rest is history. They were a sweet couple, which made it even easier to feel a little bit jealous.

"I can't believe he finally popped the question," I smiled as everyone started opening their books to get ready. "It feels like you've been dating for forever."

"Can we please get to studying?" Jane asked as she ruined our happy vibe. "Some of us have more important things to do in life than becoming a trophy wife."

"You know Jane if you keep scowling like that your face will freeze," I smiled smugly. "And don't be upset because you're an awful human who can't keep a man around for more than a month."

"Hmm, at least guys want to ask me out since I don't have a two-year-old running around...ruining my life."

"You know very well that Ryan is five and that he's smarter and nicer than you."

"Stop fighting," Paul begged.

For the sake of the group, I bit my tongue so we could get what we needed to get done finished. We accomplished a lot and I felt prepared for our study session in the morning. It was hard to believe that a week ago I'd run into Edward because it felt like a lifetime. I just wanted things to be easy...but things seemed to be getting harder.

"Bella!" Jared called after me as I left the library.

"Hi, Jared. Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he looked around, refusing to meet my gaze.

"You sure?"

"Yes," He nodded furiously. "I just have a question."

"Shoot."

"I know your life is super busy with your kid and school but I was wondering..." He trailed off. "If you maybe wanted to grab dinner. Like a date."

"Oh," I shouldn't have been taken off guard but I was. I knew he had a crush on me but he'd never even come close to asking me out. "I don't..." I started to say no but then I questioned why. Jared had always been so nice to me and had always tried to help get Jane off my back. He never judged me for having a kid and never took it personally when I wouldn't go out for drinks with everyone.

Ryan was five. He was still my number one priority, but single mom's dated all the time. Plus, he went to bed around eight so he wouldn't even be up much longer after I left for a date anyway. And with my Mom here for the rest of the weekend, Ryan probably wouldn't even know if I left for a few hours.

"It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Or late," He was so sweet trying to convince me.

"Yeah, Jared. That would be fun," I smiled at him. As I looked at him I realized how cute he was. I had never taken the time to really look at him before. He had beautifully tan skin and gorgeous dark brown eyes.

"Great. When is good for you?" He asked. "We could even do lunch tomorrow before our study session."

"Lunch tomorrow won't work, but what about Monday night?" I asked. I knew it was odd to have a date on a Monday, but Edward was coming over to spend time with Ryan before my study session. I couldn't cancel on him because I was really trying to make things work with him. We'd sat down on Friday after my classes and came up with a good schedule that worked for everyone. We decided that he would definitely get to see Ryan on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. If other days worked out that was great, but he absolutely got to see him on those days.

And I didn't want to leave my Mom alone with him. She'd eat him alive.

"Monday is perfect," He smiled. "I can pick you up at seven?"

"That's perfect," I smiled. I stayed to talk to him for a bit longer before I really needed to get going. When I got home, I was happy to call my sister and tell her I had a date planned. She demanded to know details, but there wasn't much to tell. She made me assure her I wasn't going out with Jared to make Edward jealous and I had to try really hard to convince her I was going for the right reasons.

* * *

The next day, I was up early to get the apartment ready for Edward. Mom was staying with Emily since we didn't have the extra room and it gave me time to calm my nerves. The indoor playground was such a disaster and I was determined to make this a good meeting.

Ryan deserved that.

When he woke up, I got him breakfast and he insisted on getting himself dressed. I had to hold back my laughter when he walked back into the living room with a shirt that was too small for him and shorts. It was the middle of winter so I wasn't even sure where he found his shorts since I had those tucked underneath his bed.

At eleven on the dot, the doorbell rang and Ryan ran to answer it. Since I knew who it was, I let him answer it all by himself while I stood back just to be safe.

"Hi, Edward!" He chirped as he grabbed his hand and pulled him inside the apartment. He stopped in front of his Hot Wheel track and sat down. "Come on!"

"What are we doing?" Edward asked, sitting down immediately. He looked oddly in his element as he played race cars with our son. I couldn't help but smile as he crashed his car so Ryan had the chance to use his new police car. He looked so in his element. He looked like he was already ready to commit and he'd only met Ryan a few times.

Was making everyone wait two months really the best thing to do?

I mean every time something had happened that prevented him from seeing Ryan was my fault. I was trying not to be selfish or crazy but I couldn't help it. This was new territory for me. I'd grown used to being a single mother. I got used to not having to share my son. But this was what was good for everyone.

While they played I got lunch ready for the three of us. It wasn't anything fancy, just some organic chicken nuggets and carrot sticks, but it was something Ryan loved. As the chicken nuggets cooked in the oven I went to check on the boys. They were sitting together on the couch and Edward was reading him a book. When I saw the covered I noticed it was a book that we hadn't gotten the chance to read together yet and I was happy Edward got to do that with him.

When the timer went off, I put everything on plates and called the boys to the table.

"What book did you two read?" I asked as Ryan scarfed down his food.

"Where the Wild Things Are!" Ryan informed me with a mouth full of food.

"Baby, don't talk with your mouth closed," I reminded him.

"Edward where do you live?" Ryan asked as he turned.

"Well, right now I live in London. Do you know where that is?"

"New Jersey?" Both Edward and I burst into laughter.

"No, bud. London is in a different country. Across the ocean." Edward explained.

"That's far," He looked down sadly at his food.

"Don't worry. I won't be there for too much longer.'

"What?" I dropped my carrot and stared at him.

"I'm thinking of moving back."

"What?" I repeated.

"Things have changed," He shrugged. "I don't know if...if I could actually go back."

"But what about...everything you have in London?" I was trying to be sly and ask about Charlotte.

"Not everything is set in stone," He sighed. "It's just a possibility."

"How far away is London?" Ryan interrupted, clearly bored with our conversation.

"Very far. You have to ride in an airplane for eight hours." Edward explained. "So from the time you go to bed to the time you wake up is how long it takes to get to where I live."

"Whoa...that's a long time!"

"Maybe one time you'll get to go to London."

"Can we Mama?" Ryan turned to me, his grin spreading from ear to ear.

"Maybe someday," I smiled. We finished up eating and the boys took some more time to play together while I cleaned up the kitchen and got ready for my study group. I put Ryan down for his nap before Mom came over and walked Edward to the door.

"So, you're moving back?"

"I wanna do it," He sighed as he avoided eye contact. "I'm willing to give you the time you need to adjust to this but I wanna do it. I'm not going to bail. I want to be his Dad."

"And you're willing to give everything up that you have in London?"

"For my son?" He asked. "Yes," He smiled. "Everything else can be figured out later."

"Your job..."

"There are plenty of great jobs here in the States."

"Your friends...Riley?"

"It won't be easy," He whispered. "He's my best friend, but he'll understand better than anyone."

"How is he doing?"

"Still in a wheelchair," He sighed sadly. I was really hoping with the therapy he'd get back on his feet. "They tried for almost two years before he said he was done trying."

"And Bree? They still together?" He shook his head. "No. Why?"

"He ended up breaking up with her," He explained. "A year after the accident. The only thing she ever did was take care of him and he wanted more for her. She moved to Ireland two months after they broke up."

"They were so strong," I mused.

"He's dating someone new now," He told me. "They met at a gym designed for people with physical disabilities."

"Oh yeah?"

"She's the receptionist," He laughed. "They're perfect together."

"Okay so Riley will be okay but what about..."

"I don't know," He shook his head. "But he's my son. He comes first."

"Yeah. He comes first," I whispered realizing how stupid I had been. Ryan should know his father is regardless of what I have going on in my life. If Ryan liked him, which he did and trusted him then that was what mattered. I didn't think we should tell him tomorrow, but I shouldn't have put a time limit on everything. "We don't have to wait the two months."

"Bella, if that's what you need..."

"I'm been extremely immature about all of this," I admitted. "My busy schedule shouldn't matter when it comes to my son. He needs to know you."

"We can wait. I don't mind."

"I mind," I argued. "I don't think we should tell him tomorrow but if you feel the right time is just two weeks from now then that's when we'll tell him."

"You're sure?"

"Ryan should always come first. That's what being a parent is all about."

"Thank you," He smiled at me and leaned down to give me a kiss on the cheek. "Does that mean we have to stick to a schedule?"

"Kind of but only because my schedule is so crazy right now," I wanted to say Edward could be here whenever he wanted to be, but I still had school to focus on. We needed to find a good balance.

"I can live with that,"

"Tell your family," I encouraged. "My Mom would freak if she found out she had a long lost grandson living in the same city."

"I don't want to tell them."

"You should."

"They have enough to deal with."

"Ryan could help them get their minds off of everything," I shrugged as there was a loud knock on my door. "Just think about it."

"I will," He agreed as he opened the door. Mom was standing there and I could tell she was biting her lip so she wouldn't say anything. I pushed Edward out the door, got my things for studying together and left to go to the library.

* * *

Monday night was the night of tests. Edward had asked if he could spend some time with Ryan and since I would b going out, I reluctantly agreed to let him babysit. Mom was pissed since this was her last night with us, but she had all day to spend with him. Edward needed this time and I had to learn to trust him with my son. Maybe it was soon, but I still trusted Edward.

Despite all the horrible things I'd said to him earlier.

I was panicking about my date with Jared. I'd been on dates since Ryan was born, but it had been over a year since I'd been out with a guy. School and Ryan kept me busy and I was just too tired usually. But I was able to calm myself down if I kept telling myself it was just a date. He didn't have to be my boyfriend.

I was just about done getting ready when the doorbell rang. I raced to the door before Ryan could get there and smiled at Edward when I swung the door open.

"You look nice," He looked me up and down as he walked inside.

"Thanks."

"Where are you going?"

"I...have a date," I did not feel bad about telling him about the date since he'd clearly moved on.

"A date?"

"Yep."

"With who?"

"A guy from school."

"Oh."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," He said as he clenched his fists together. I was kind of smug knowing that me going on a date was pissing him off. "Where's Ryan?"

"In his room," I said. "He already ate dinner and his bedtime routine schedule is on the fridge. Please please please don't let him stay up late. I have him on a schedule for a reason."

"I won't. I promise."

"My sister's, brother in law's and my phone number are on the counter. Don't be afraid to call me, especially if he refuses to go to bed," I told him. "Sometimes when he's cranky he only wants to talk to me."

"Okay."

"He should be good. He's pretty well behaved for everyone who watches him. Just don't let him walk all over you. He's tried that before."

"I think I can do this," He nodded.

"I think you can too," I encouraged before going to find Ryan to say goodbye. With Edward there, he barely even noticed when I left and I was trying really hard not to feel dejected. Jared had wanted to pick me up but I just wasn't sure how things would go with Edward watching Ryan. I wanted to be able to easily leave if I had to so I insisted on meeting him there.

He was disappointed but he seemed to understand.

When I pulled up to the restaurant and parked my car I saw Jared standing at the front door. All my nerves for the night seemed to dissolve as I approached him and I realized Jared was everything I wanted in a guy as I was growing up. He was cute, smart, funny and driven. He knew what he wanted in life and he was going to get that.

Plus he'd never judged me for being a single mom when I was twenty-two years old. He never made me feel bad for not having his father in the picture.

"You look beautiful," He smiled as I walked up to him.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I told him as he opened the door for me. We were seated and handed menus and he looked more nervous than I felt earlier. "How's your sister?"

"She's about to pop," He laughed. "She was due three days ago."

"Has she decided on a name?" His sister, Sarah was all he could talk about recently. He was more excited to be an uncle than Emily was about being an aunt. And Emily was extremely excited when Ryan was born.

"Elena Rae," He smiled. "She's going to be gorgeous."

"Well, I wanna see pictures as soon as she has the baby."

"I promise," He laughed. "How's your son?"

"He's doing good. He loves being five. Somehow he figured that because he's five he's the master of the universe."

"Sounds like me when I was younger."

"My mom came into town and surprised us a few days ago," I told him. "He's been so excited."

It was so nice to be on a date with someone I already knew and was comfortable with. Even though it was kind of a slow start, it wasn't hard to find something to talk about. And he was easy to talk to. It was a really good date without any real pressure. He told me that he wanted to do this again, but he didn't want me to think we had to go out again. I really appreciated the thought, but I assured him that I wanted to see him again.

"I had a really good time," I assured him when he walked me to his car at the end of the night.

"Me too," He nodded. He leaned and I thought he was going to try and kiss me, but he just gently kissed my cheek and opened my car door for me. I left our date smiling bigger than I had in a while and when I got home I was nervous to what I was going to find.

But what I found was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen.

Both Edward and Ryan were fast asleep on the couch. Ryan was in his PJ's and Edward held a stack of books in his hands. Ryan's head was on Edward's chest and Edward had his arms wrapped tightly around our son.

In that moment, I knew things would work out. It wasn't going to be easy adjusting to Edward being in our lives, but I knew it could work. I knew that with time and effort we could both give Ryan everything he needed in life. We would be able to find a way to co-parent. We could be a team and make all of this work.

As sweet as the moment was, I knew I had to get Ryan in his own bed. I went over and gently shook Edward awake and he looked disoriented when he opened his eyes.

"You're back," He said with sleep in his voice. "I swear he was asleep on time. He fell asleep before the story was over and I didn't want to let him go yet."

"It's okay," I assured him. This was something that happened a lot when he was younger and I knew how special it felt to have your child fall asleep in your arms. "Could you carry him to his room?"

"Sure," He whispered as he slowly stood up and carried Ryan away into the hallway. I moved to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge. When he came back, he looked so calm and peaceful. "How...was it?"

Earlier I had planned on coming home and bragging about how wonderful my date had been. I planned on telling him just how great Jared was because...well because I was feeling childish when I left. But I just didn't have the heart to really tell him anything except the truth.

"It was good," I gave him a gentle smile. "Did he give you any trouble?"

"He tried telling me his bedtime was at nine thirty and not eight thirty," He rolled his eyes. "But I told him I'd tell you he wasn't being honest and he stopped that almost immediately."

"That's something he always does. He does that with me sometimes too," I laughed but he was distracted. "You okay?"

"Yeah," He nodded but I just didn't believe him. "Bella?"

"What?"

"Thank you," He whispered. "For being willing to give me the chance."

"It's all for Ryan."

"Right. All for Ryan," He nodded in agreement.

* * *

 _ **A/N** : Well a lot of people were kind of mad at me and the way I wrote Bella in the last chapter. The way I see it is she's confused and scared of losing her son. She has no idea what's coming and her emotions are all over the place because the man she loved just came back into her life and was told that he's moved on with a new girl. I don't know about you but I'd be a mess too. I hope this helps everyone kind of see better into the way that she's thinking and realize that she's human. She's going to make mistakes. She's not perfect but she's learning and coping at this point. _

_See you next time!_


	16. Backs Against the Wall

**Chapter Sixteen: B** **acks Against the Wall**

* * *

Edward was driving me up a wall. I loved that he wanted to spend so much time with Ryan and I understood it was normal for a father to see his son every day. But the constant calls and texts were driving me nuts. I couldn't go more than an hour without hearing from the guy. I was trying to be patient with him but he was making it extremely difficult. I was giving him as much time with Ryan as I possibly could. I only had so much time with our kid too and he didn't get that.

We were keeping to the schedule we originally agreed on and he'd watched Ryan once more while I went out with Jared again. Ryan absolutely loved Edward so I knew it was almost time to tell him that he was his father. But he needed to give me some breathing space. It was an adjustment for everyone and he was kind of making it difficult.

It didn't help that he'd already been here longer than he originally planned so his family was also driving him crazy. Especially his brother. He was trying to give James a lot of patience because his whole world was changing, but there was only so much forgiveness and patience to give him. He was desperately trying to find a job and an apartment, but it was a lot harder than he thought it would be.

He did inform me that he'd told Charlotte about Ryan and the tramp wasn't super thrilled about it. I shouldn't have been calling her a tramp, I didn't even know her, but I didn't have another name for her. Ryan didn't do anything to her and neither did I. I understood it wasn't the best news to find our your boyfriend had a kid he didn't know about until now, but she could have been a bit more supportive. The only support she had been giving him was a lecture that his life was in London and he needed to go home.

He was making Boston his home for now though and she was trying to come to terms with it.

The last three weeks had been exhausting for everyone. But Ryan was happier than I'd ever seen him and I knew it was all to do with Edward being around. I had a feeling that deep down Ryan knew who Edward was, but he was still only five. He wouldn't know for sure until we actually came out and said the words. It was going to be soon. We both knew it and I was doing my very best to be okay with it.

"He's doing pretty good," Emily observed as we watched them on the playground together on an unusually warm April day. "It's kind of remarkable."

"The last time I was this surprised was the day I found out I was pregnant," I admitted. "I pictured this moment in my head a bunch of times but...it was never like this."

"Are you glad it is?"

"Look how happy my kid is," I smiled as I looked out at Ryan laughing and running away from Edward. "How could I not be glad that his dad is in his life?"

"Speaking of Dad."

"You heard from him?" It had been quite a while since either of us had talked to our father.

"Not exactly," She had a weird look in her eyes that I wasn't quite sure of.

"Then what?"

"I know someone who is going to be a dad."

"Huh?"

"Sam."

"Sam's what?"

"Going to be a dad."

"Sam's going to be a dad?" I asked. And then the lightbulb went off in my head. "No! Seriously?" I screeched.

"I'm about three and a half months along," She told me and I screamed. I had clearly startled Ryan and Edward because they both came running over as I hugged Emily tightly.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked. "Where's the fire?"

"We're fine," I told him as tears streamed down both of our cheeks.

"Mama, watsa matter?" Ryan asked as he climbed onto my lap.

"These are happy tears, baby," I laughed. "Aunt Emily is going to have a baby. You're going to get a little cousin."

"A cousin?"

"Yeah, he or she will kind of be like your baby sibling. Except they won't live with us."

"What?"

"Just know you're going to have a new friend in a few months."

"We can play pirate together!" Ryan was always looking for new people to play make believe with.

"In a few years, you can play together," Emily smiled. "He's going to need some time to grow first."

"Where did he come from?"

"Who, sweetie?" I asked.

"The baby!" He rolled his eyes. I think it was the first time my child had ever rolled his eyes at me.

"He's in Aunt Emily's stomach," I explained. "He's growing in there."

"Like an oven?" He asked and I burst into laughter. I had no doubt that he'd heard that from some mother at preschool.

"Kind of," I nodded as I looked up at Edward who was staring at the ground. "Why don't you go play some more with Edward?"

"Okay! Come on, Edward!" He grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him back out to the jungle gym.

"When did you find out?" I asked.

"I've known for a while," She admitted. "We just didn't want to tell anyone until...it was safe."

"I get it," I assured her. Emily and Sam had two miscarriages before and I was praying this one would stick. The first time she was only four weeks along, but the second one happened right before she entered her second trimester. They'd taken a break from trying since that happened and I didn't even know they'd started trying again.

"The doctors are going to watch me very carefully," She told me. "They said it was a good thing that I'm already at fifteen weeks."

"That is a good thing," I assured her. Knowing my sister, she wouldn't start getting really excited until she knew the baby was safe. And to her, the baby wasn't safe until it was in her arms. I knew between Sam and me though that we could get her excited sooner than that.

* * *

"I can't do it anymore!" Alice exclaimed as we said it was time to end our latest study session. The closer we got to graduation and the exam, the more on edge everyone was. Even Jared was on edge and he'd been the calmest of all of us through all of law school. "How is one person supposed to know so much?"

"That's why we study together," I laughed as I packed up my things. "So we can keep one another from driving off of a bridge before we get to this exam."

"So, how are things?" She asked in a hushed voice as she looked over at Jared and Mike talking. "With Jared?"

"They're good," I told her. "We haven't been out since last weekend."

"Why?"

"Things at home have been busy," I explained. "With Edward around...it makes spending alone time with Ryan kind of hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he's around but I miss it being the two of us all the time."

"He's sweet," She told me as she waved at Jared. "You deserve this."

"Yeah, well..." I trailed off. "I need to get going."

"Edward coming over?"

"Oh, you know it," I nervously laughed as I went over to say bye to Jared. I gathered the rest of my things and headed to Emily's to pick Ryan up. Since she hadn't been feeling great lately, she didn't have the energy to come over for dinner like Ryan had been begging us for. I told him to be patient and that his aunt would be up and running soon.

All I had to do was tell him Edward was coming over and he was fine.

When we got home, Edward was waiting in his rental car for us. I wondered if it was hard readjusting to American driving but figured that was a conversation for a different time. He carried the grocery's he'd brought for dinner up and he started making dinner for us. He started cooking and I took some time to play with Ryan and his Hot Wheels. He'd just built a new track and had been dying to show it to me for days.

"Dinner's done," Edward popped his head into the living room after he'd been in the kitchen for over an hour. I was glad he came out when he did because our son was getting hangry and I tried not to be too critical about how late it was. Ryan was used to eating at a certain time and we were way past that time.

"What's for dinner?" Ryan asked as he sat in his booster seat. He was getting too big for it, but he was still just a tad too small to reach the table.

"Chicken tacos!" Edward smiled as he put a plate in front of Ryan. I was impressed with him. I hadn't really told him much about what Ryan ate and he managed to get some of his favorite foods on the plate without really asking me. He made sure he wasn't a picky eater but when he served mashed potatoes on the plate with the tacos, I knew Ryan was sold. The kid could eat mashed potatoes for every meal if I let him.

"Mashed potatoes!" Ryan laughed as he dug right in. Edward looked at me and I just shrugged. What could I say? He was a kid after my own heart and I also loved mashed potatoes when I was a kid.

After Ryan had been excused from the table and I was helping him clean up, the room filled with tension. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, but it was still hard to prepare myself. As we finished cleaning up, I wasn't sure he was actually going to say something but when he took a deep breath I knew it was coming.

"I think I want Ryan to know I'm his dad," He whispered so softly I could barely hear him.

"I thought this was coming," I sighed. I was glad he'd taken to being a dad so quickly, but it was still hard for me. I didn't want it to be, but it was hard.

"But before we tell him, I want you to come meet my family."

Umm, what?"

"What? Why?"

"Because I think it would be good for them to meet you before they meet Ryan," He explained. "I told them last night."

"How'd they take it?"

"As okay as they could, I guess," He told me. "Mom cried for thirty minutes before I could explain the situation."

"Do they know anything about me?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"They know that I'd fallen in love with a college girl from the States when I was twenty-five," Phew he'd at least told his family about us. "They tried telling me it wasn't serious and I got a lot of I told you so's from my brother when you left."

"Your brother seems so charming," I rolled my eyes. I wasn't exactly sure how the man had a wife and three kids. He couldn't even be nice and encouraging to his own little brother.

"He's not so bad," Edward whispered. "Victoria being sick has softened him up quite a bit."

"How is she?"

"She's holding it together for the kids."

"That must be hard."

"They told the oldest a week ago," He told me. "I mean, I knew he knew because she looks sick. When you look at her...even when she's got the wig and makeup on, she looks sick."

"How'd he take it?"

"DJ is always telling everyone he's the man of the house when my brother isn't at home or if he's traveling for work," Edward explained. "He's trying to be strong because men are strong. But he's completely broken hearted."

"Well yeah."

"When I went over there the other day I found him curled up in his closet crying."

"Awe, poor boy," My heart ached for him. I never wanted to know what it would be like for Ryan if I got terminally ill. I didn't even want to know what it would be like for my mother to get so sick. "How is Clara?"

"They haven't told her."

"Don't you think they should?"

"They're trying to protect her," He shook his head. "Like I said, you can tell Victoria is sick but they won't actually tell her."

"And how old is the baby again?"

"Evelyn is nineteen months," I could see the tears in his eyes. "She's a doll. She's such a good baby...she's always been so quiet and happy. James said she was the easiest baby they had."

"You really want me to meet them?"

"I do," He nodded.

"Before you tell Ryan?"

"I don't know why but I just feel like it's something I need to do. I think they should know the mother of their grandson."

"When do you wanna do this?" I asked.

* * *

I stood in front of Edward's childhood home with my mouth hanging open. It was the kind of house you saw in movies and dreamed of owning. It was a house that made my modest childhood home look like a shack. Edward stood awkwardly beside me rocking back and forth on his heels.

"This is where you grew up?"

"Yep," He nodded. "James' house isn't as big and fancy as this but he still never lets me live it down that I live in an apartment and he has a six-bedroom house in Boston."

"What does he even do for a living?" I was already tired of this guy and I didn't even know him.

"He's a software engineer," He explained. "He works for a small but extremely successful company in the city."

"Weren't you going to school for engineering?" I asked as he led me up the stairs.

"I wanted to be a civil engineer when I went to school," He took his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. He took a deep breath as he pushed the big door open and let me walk inside in front of him.

My mouth hit the floor.

If I thought the outside of their house was beautiful I was wrong.

"Wow," I whispered. "This is gorgeous."

"It should be. My parents spent enough on interior designers when I was a kid," Edward laughed as he helped me out of my coat. "Mother! We're here!" He shouted through the house. Within seconds I heard heels clicking on the beautiful wood floors and an older woman came out of nowhere as she wiped her hands on a towel.

"Hi, baby," She gushed as she hugged Edward tightly. It was like she hadn't seen him in ages. Then she turned to me and my mouth was dry. "You must be Bella."

"Yes, ma'am," I nodded.

"Ma'am? Oh please, call me Esme dear." I instantly warmed to her. "You're very beautiful. My son didn't do you justice when he called you just pretty. Please come in! Meet the family!"

"Is Victoria here?" Edward asked as they led me into the living room.

"She's resting upstairs but is determined to come down to eat something," She told as we walked into the living room. A blonde man was sitting on the couch playing a game of checkers with a boy who looked to be about nine. I assumed that was DJ. Another man, who looked a lot like Edward, was reading the newspaper while a girl who looked to be around six played quietly with a doll next to him.

Edward cleared his throat and everyone's head shot up and looked over at us.

If I wasn't intimidated before I sure was now. I smiled at them while we moved further int the room.

"Everyone, this is Bella," He introduced and the little girl stood up and rushed over to hug me. "Bella is the..." He took a deep breath. "Mother of my son."

"It's so nice to meet you, Bella," The blonde man smiled as he stood up and came over to shake my hand. "I'm Carlisle. Edward and James' stepfather."

"Hi," I shook his hand. His smile made me feel at ease. I felt a tug at the hem of my dress and looked down to see the little girl smiling up at me. "What's your name, sweetie?"

"Clara. I'm six."

"Six?" I laughed. "You're practically an adult."

"See, Daddy! I told you!" She ran over to the guy I assumed to be Edward's brother and tugged at his sleeve. He'd gone back to reading and he was already making me feel uncomfortable.

"James," Esme spoke up. "We have a guest."

"Hi," He smiled at me as he looked up from what he was reading and went right back to the paper.

"Please forgive him," Carlisle sighed. "He's been going through a lot lately."

I didn't think to be rude to a complete stranger was justified by that, but I let it go. "Edward told me about what's happening. I'm so sorry."

"It's been tough, but we're getting by," Esme gave me a small smile. "Well, come in. Come in. Would you like a drink?"

"Sure. What do you have?"

"All kinds of booze," Edward whispered into my ear.

"White wine would be great," I told her as we sat down on the couch Carlisle had been sitting on.

"Hey, DJ," Edward greeted as he ruffled the kid's hair.

"Hello," He was distracted by the game that had been abandoned. "Papa, can we keep playing?"

"Can we save it until our guest leaves?" DJ nodded and went to sit by his father. James took his eyes off the paper for just enough time to smile at his son. I hoped this wasn't normal for him, but I had a feeling he was always this shut out from everyone else.

"So, Bella, tell us about yourself," Esme said as she handed me a glass and sat down next to Carlisle.

"Oh, I'm studying law at Harvard. This is my last semester."

"Have you taken the bar?" Carlisle asked.

"Not until May," I explained.

"And how have you managed to go to school and take care of a child?" I felt tense as they asked the question, but then realized they weren't asking because they were judging me. They were asking because they genuinely wanted to know.

"I took a year off when I had Ryan," I explained. "My Mom was a big help and she lived with us for almost two years."

"That must have been nice having her around," Carlisle observed.

"She really saved me. I wasn't going to go back to school until Ryan was two, but she encouraged me to go back right before he turned one. I'm...really grateful for her."

"And you did your undergrad at Harvard too?"

"Columbia," I told them. "We moved to Boston when Ryan was about a year and a half."

"And do you work?"

"I do some tutoring on campus for some extra cash, but that's about it."

"And how do you afford to take care of your child?" Esme asked. Now I felt like I was being quizzed and if I said the wrong answer they were going to take my kid from me.

"Mom," Edward warned.

"Honey I'm only asking out of pure curiosity." I felt like that wasn't totally true, but I needed to answer her.

"We live in a small apartment near campus so the rent is cheap and the utilities come with it," I explained. "I was really smart with my money when I was growing up and at Columbia. I had a lot in my savings when I got pregnant," I told them. "I don't spoil my child and he gets what he needs when he needs it."

"You're able to care for him with a tutoring job and your savings account?"

"My family has been really helpful too," I told them. I was really trying not to lose my temper. "We're lucky enough to be on my Mom's health insurance and she helps out with buying things for Ryan. I also never really go out and spend money on myself either. He's well taken care of."

"Forgive me, Bella," Esme smiled. "I'm not trying to be a witch or horrible to you. We just want to know that our grandson is being taken care of."

"Believe me, Bella has given everything she has to Ryan," Edward stepped in. "She should have been done with law school by now. She's done everything she can to make sure he has everything he needs and all the love in the world."

"We believe you," Carlisle nodded and I felt a weight lifting off my shoulder. I still wasn't sure if I trusted these people, but they seemed pretty genuine. And what grandparent wouldn't want their grandchild taken care of.

"How do we know that this kid is even Edward's?" James spoke up as he dropped the paper.

"DJ and Clara, why don't you go play in the toy room?" Edward suggested. They didn't seem like they wanted to go, but they did as they were told. Once they were out of sight, Edward turned his attention back to his brother. "Why would you say that?"

"She knows we have money. Just because you don't have anything doesn't mean this family is struggling too."

"I'm not struggling..." Edward argued.

"How do we know she isn't desperate for money."

"I'm not, I swear."

"James, don't do this," Esme begged.

"He looks just like me," Edward said. "And I trust Bella."

"Why? You spent what? Four months together? How can you trust her without a paternity test?"

"Ryan is Edward's son. I hadn't been with anyone else when I found out I was pregnant."

"It just seems fishy. All of a sudden she pops back into your life..."

"I ran into her on campus. She didn't come and find me."

"James, enough," Esme raised her voice. "Now, I must admit a paternity test wouldn't be the worst idea just to be one hundred percent sure. But if Edward trust's Bella then we have to believe this is the truth."

"You have a girlfriend, Edward," James reminded him and my stomach dropped. "What about her? Are you going to ruin a two-year relationship for some girl who's just looking for a handout?"

"I'm not looking for a handout!" I yelled.

"I'm not throwing my relationship with Charlotte away either," Edward reminded him. "I've told you this a million times.

"Edward is the father. If you want a paternity test I won't argue with you because I know the truth. You have no right to call me a liar or a charity case."

"Bella, it's okay," Edward whispered.

"You don't even know me," I argued as tears started spilling out of my eyes. "You have no right..."

"James," A soft voice said from the doorway. I turned to see a pale and skinny woman with a scarf wrapped around her head standing there. That must be Victoria.

"Sweetie, what are you doing down here? I thought you were resting?" James hopped out o his seat and rushed over to his wife. Edward was right. You really could tell she was sick. She looked so weak and I was a little surprised she could walk.

"Evie is awake and I can't lift her," She looked sadly down at the ground. "Can you go get her?"

"Evie?" I whispered to Edward.

"They call Evelyn Evie for short," He explained.

"Absolutely," James nodded and hurried out of the room. Victoria looked at me a smiled. Edward stood to help her over to the couch and she sat down in the spot James had vacated.

"You must be Bella," I nodded. "I'm Victoria. Please forgive my husband. I know it's no excuse, but we've had a lot of sleepless nights lately and we're all exhausted."

"Victoria, you know that outburst had nothing to do with lack of sleep," Edward rolled his eyes.

"Edward," Esme smacked his arm.

"I'll talk to him. Make him know the truth," Victoria promised.

"Mommy, I'm hungry," Clara wined as she walked back into the living room and snuggled up against his mother.

"Dinner should be ready really soon, Clara," Esme assured her.


	17. Rising From the Ground

**Chapter Seventeen: Rising From the Ground**

* * *

I was silent as Edward drove me back to my apartment. I just didn't know what to say. Sure his mother was sweet and his Dad could keep up a good conversation, but they did nothing to show that they were actually supportive of Edward. They barely showed an interest in Ryan and Edward said nothing to them. And I didn't even have anything to say about James. He was just a...piece of work.

I couldn't imagine going through what he was going through. But that did not give him the right to talk to me the way he did. He didn't know me. He didn't know the full story. He was just judging me for getting pregnant without being married or without having a real job. It seemed that he didn't care who he was talking to, if he thought you were beneath him he was going to let you know it.

"You've been quiet," Edward sighed as he parked the car. I could barely look at him. "I'm sorry about my brother."

"You just let your parents assume that I couldn't take care of Ryan," I finally looked up at him. "You let them walk all over me. You didn't say anything."

"I didn't know what to say," He admitted. "They were doing the same thing the did to me...I didn't know what to say to them either."

"Have you bothered to tell them that I haven't asked you for anything since you came back into my life?" I asked. "Or that you're doing all of this because you want to? Not because I'm forcing you."

"Bella, I'm trying."

"You're not trying hard enough!" I snapped.

"I'm doing the best that I can," He sighed. "Please. This news wasn't exactly easy on them and it came at a bad time."

"I'm sorry my son's existence is interfering with taking care of Victoria."

"Are you serious?" He asked. "Don't act like that. You're telling me that if Emily was sick and something like this happened that it would be easy for you to focus on both things? They're going through a lot right now."

"That doesn't give them the right to treat me like dirt," I shook my head. "You should have spoken up."

"I'll talk to them," He promised. "I just never thought they'd act like that in front of a guest."

"You thought they'd fake it?"

"I thought they'd at least be better at having that conversation."

"I need to go," I pulled away from him and opened the door to get out of the car.

"Bella!" He called before I could slam the door shut. I turned to face him. "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?"

"We agreed that I could tell Ryan that I was his dad tomorrow," He whispered. In all the chaos at his house, I had completely forgotten about our agreement. At the moment, I really didn't want Ryan to have anything to do with him or his family. Then I realized that it wasn't Edward's fault his family kind of sucked. He'd done everything he could to not fall down the same rabbit hole as his brother. He was really trying and we had a plan.

"Yes," I nodded reluctantly.

"I promise I'll talk to my family and set everything straight," He told me with an anxiety in his eyes. "They won't be giving you any more problems."

"I don't think James will agree to that."

"Screw James," Edward shook his head. "If he has a problem with you or Ryan or the situation then he doesn't need to be in the picture. He was only there last night because they're staying with my parents for the time being. I'll tell him to take a hike next time."

"Slow down," I smiled. "It's okay," I lied. It wasn't totally okay but I could tell he felt really bad about what happened. I didn't need him to give himself a panic attack because of his dumb brother.

"It's not okay," He shook his head. "It's not okay. Ryan being around should be a joyful moment and they're making it all about them."

"You are the person that matters the most when it comes to Ryan," I reminded him. "If they want to act like snobby rich people and criticize me for how I'm being a mom then...they don't matter."

"I want Ryan to know them," He told me. "I know you probably don't but..."

"I want that too," I admitted. "Not at the moment but in the future I want Ryan to know them. Grandparents are everything to a kid and I think they're just as important."

"We'll make it work?" He asked.

"We're going to try really hard."

"You should get up there," He sighed. "Relieve your sister of her babysitting duties."

"She loves it," I laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow," I told him as I shut the car door. He watched as I made it inside my building before driving off and I took a few seconds to compose myself before going upstairs. When I opened the door, Emily was passed out on my couch and I gently shook her to wake up.

"How'd it go?" She asked as she stretched.

"I'll tell you tomorrow," I promised. "You need me to drive you home?"

"Sam's coming," She yawned. I waited with her while we waited for Sam before heading to bed. I checked on Ryan before going to my room and couldn't help but smile at my sweet boy. He didn't have a ton in regards to material things, but I thought he was doing just fine. We had books, toys and a lot of love in this house.

What more did a kid really need?

* * *

The next morning I couldn't sleep. I was too anxious about Edward coming over and telling Ryan that he was his Dad. I've been wanting this for a long time, but there were so many things that could happen. Ryan could reject him. Ryan could favor him over me. Edward could decide to bail after a few months of being a dad. I was trying not to focus on the what if's, but it was hard when your kid's happiness was on the line.

When Ryan eventually padded out of his bedroom, I had already cleaned the entire apartment and started making breakfast for us. He looked at me with a confused look in his eyes but shrugged it off once I put two small pancakes on his plate. When we were finished eating, I told him he could go get dressed in the outfit I'd picked out for him.

At ten o'clock when the doorbell rang, my nerves were completely shot. I went to open the door while Ryan played quietly in the living room and he looked as nervous as I felt.

"Ready?" I asked as he hung his coat on the hook.

"No. Are you?"

"No," I smiled. He reached for my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. For just a second, I was twenty-one again and having the time of my life with the man I loved. His touch felt just the way it did all those years ago. I pulled away and he gave me a knowing nod. He followed me into the living room and froze.

Edward played with Ryan for a little bit before we both agreed it was time. THe longer we waited the harder it would be to tell him. It was the day I'd been hoping for and dreading at the same time. I took a deep breath and got my son's attention.

Ryan? Baby, we want to talk to you about something," I sighed but he kept playing with his leggo's. "Ryan put the toys down."

"Mama, I'm almost done," He complained.

"You can keep building in a second," I promised him. I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couch. I pulled him into my lap and cuddled with him for a second. I looked up at Edward who was being extremely patient with me at the moment.

"Now can I keep building?"

"Not yet, monkey," I laughed. I took one more deep breath and mustered up the rest of my courage. "You know how Edward has been hanging out with us lately?"

"Yeah. He's so much fun," He looked up at Edward.

"Well, there's a reason he's been around," I looked up at Edward who nodded at me. "Sweetie...Edward is your dad."

"My dad?" He asked.

"Yeah," I smiled at him. "Like how Mufasa is Simba's dad."

"Oh..." He looked back and forth from Edward to me and back to Edward. "Like Mr. Rob is Owen's Dad?"

"Exactly," I nodded. I could see the little wheels turning in his head as he continued to stare up at Edward. "Baby do you have any questions?"

"Where were you before?" Whoa. That was a loaded question that neither of us was ready for. How did I answer this without making either of us sound like a bad guy? I looked at Edward who was just as shocked as I was. "Mr. Rob lives at Owen's house with his Mom."

"There are a lot of different kinds of families, Ryan," I explained as cool and calm as I could. "Everyone's family different."

"But where were you?"

"I was in London, bud," Edward explained. "But I'm here now."

"Can I go play now?" Ryan asked and I reluctantly let him get down. Edward took a few seconds before disappearing down the hall. I gave him a few minutes to collect himself before I went to find him. I caught him in my room looking at the pictures I had hanging on the wall.

"He was beautiful," Edward sighed as he looked at Ryan's one-year picture.

"Still is," I smiled.

"I missed a lot," I knew we'd get to this moment eventually. Of course, he was heartbroken about not being there. I was stupid to not bring it up and talk it out sooner. "Five years is a long time."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"I did it to myself. I disappeared."

"I could have done more to find you," I admitted. "There were more places I could have looked or called."

"I was in love with you. I should have come here," He shook his head. "No matter how many problems I had with my family I should have come here to be with you."

"We were so young back then. How can we know if it would have worked?"

"Maybe we wouldn't have worked out romantically but if I'd come back I wouldn't have missed Ryan's life. Or your pregnancy."

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Go over every single possibility in your head. You'll make yourself crazy," I told him. "Plus you've got...Charlotte now."

It almost pained me to say her name.

"Maybe," He rolled his eyes. "She's being really difficult right now."

"Maybe she's not worth it," I was probably overstepping my boundaries but I didn't care.

"I don't want to talk about her right now," At least he was starting to understand that I didn't like talking about her. He was learning. Slowly but surely. "I found an apartment."

"Oh?"

"It isn't much but I can afford it."

"Have you found a job?" He shook his head. "Where have you looked?"

"I was trying to stay outside of the city but I think I'm going downtown tomorrow. I saw a few openings."

"Good,"

"I'm going to have to go back to London for a week or two next week," He explained. "I know it's last minute and probably not the best timing, but I need to take care of some things."

"You're really ready to leave everything in London behind?"

"No," He answered honestly. "But I can't just leave Ryan. I'm his Dad and we've already lost so much time. And I'm just getting to know him."

"What about Riley?" I asked as tears started forming in my eyes. He had so much in London and he loved it there. I was starting to feel kind of guilty for taking him away.I knew this was what was best for Ryan so I was glad he was being responsible, but it didn't make that easier.

"He's upset," He told me. "But he get's it. And it's not like we'll never see each other again."

"I just don't want you to have any..."

"Don't say regrets," He stopped me. "Being close to my son could never be a regret."

"Okay," I smiled.

"You think he hates me now?"

"Why?"

"He just shrugged what we told him off so easily."

"He's processing," I told him. "This is big for him. Up until now, you've just been his new best friend. And now you're his dad like Mr. Rob is Owen's dad. It's a big step. Give him some time."

"Right,"

"And just a heads up, he probably won't be calling you dad anytime soon," I warned. "It's all apart of the adjustment."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"You think I could take him out?" He asked. "Just the two of us."

"Oh...what did you wanna do?"

"Go to a movie. Or maybe a museum. Anything you suggest really."

"We'll see," I nodded.

"One day soon, you're going to need to trust me completely when it comes to me and Ryan."

"I'm getting there," I assured him.

* * *

After a few days of pestering me, I eventually agreed to let Edward take Ryan out on his own. He showed up in his car equipped with the appropriate booster seat and I had to give him more credit than I'd been giving him. Since I was kid free and study group free since we'd agreed to take the weekend off, I was going to lunch with Jared.

I was on edge though. I kept checking my phone and when I wasn't doing that I was worried about what they were doing. I wanted to trust Edward, but it was a big step. Him staying at home with Ryan by himself was one thing. Taking him out somewhere was something completely different. I was really trying to enjoy my date, but it was hard when I didn't know exactly what was happening with my kid.

"He's fine," Jared tried to assure me. I had told Jared about Edward coming back on our second date. I figured if he wanted a relationship with me, then he deserved to know what was happening in my life. He wasn't exactly thrilled about it, but he understood.

"It's a mom thing I guess," I sighed as I put my phone down. "I'm awful. I'm so sorry."

"Sarah had her first post-birth doctors appointment two weeks after she had Elena. She left the baby with Michael and worked herself up into such a panic, he had to bring the baby to her doctor's office to bring her home," He laughed. "Then he had to get a cab to the doctor's office to get her car."

"What's your point?"

"I think it's pretty normal to be nervous about leaving your baby."

"Ryan's not a baby."

"I think we're always our mother's baby. No matter how old we are."

"True," I nodded.

"I'm just saying...give the guy some credit."

"You're being awfully understanding."

"Guess I'm just a good guy," He smirked.

"That's an understatement," I giggled as I put my phone in my purse and took a sip of my water.

When we were finished eating, Edward had sent me a message that things were going well and that they were going to get something to eat before coming home. Jared drove me home and when he parked the car, I noticed a very fancy car sitting outside of my building. I thought it was a little out of place, but I didn't have the energy to care. Jared opened my door for me and even though I wanted to invite him inside, I knew the boys would be back soon.

"Thank you for lunch," I smiled as we stood by the car.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I want this to work," He said. "I know life is kind of crazy for you right now, but I like you. I've liked you for a while. And...I want this to work out for us."

"I do too," I smiled weakly at him. "Thank you for being so patient and incredibly understanding."

"I've always been mature for my age," He joked as he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss caught me off guard since he'd only kissed me on the cheek so far, but it was a damn good kiss. I gently wrapped my arms around his waist as we stood there together. He eventually pulled back and smiled at me. "Couldn't help it."

"That's okay," I smiled. "I should go."

"Yeah. Okay," He nodded as I stepped past him and walked towards the steps of my building. When I walked into the small lobby, I stopped dead in my tracks. Esme was sitting in one of the chairs and she looked like she was waiting for someone.

"Esme?"

"Oh, hello Bella."

"Hi," I said confused. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to speak with you. Can we go upstairs?"

"Sure," I nodded wearily. I led her upstairs and was really grateful Emily had picked up a little when she was over the other day. It was still kind of messy, but let's be honest. My apartment was always kind of messy. I led her to the kitchen and offered her some tea.

"That would be nice. Thank you."

"Of course," I nodded as I filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove. I sat down at the table with her and waited for her to say why she was here.

"I came here because I wanted to apologize," She wasn't trying to make small talk which I was grateful for. "For mine and my family's behavior the other day. I had no right to interrogate you like that."

"No, you didn't," I was looking down at my hands. "I've worked really hard to give my son a good life. He's not spoiled, but he has everything he needs."

"I know. I can see that," She gestured to the small living room. "And I would never be able to go to school while raising a child. That's an incredible accomplishment."

"Thank you," I smiled.

"If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want my sons anywhere near me," She looked embarrassed and extremely upset. "But please. Give us a chance with that little boy of yours."

"I want to," I admitted. "But I just don't know if I can."

"I know the things Edward must have told you about us," She shook her head. "But I love my son. And I never meant for him to feel like he failed or like an outcast. It's just...we had dreams for our child."

"I have dreams for Ryan but I would never want him to feel the way you made Edward feel."

"It was a big shock. And we handled it all wrong," she admitted. "And by the time I realized what a horrible mistake I'd made...he'd already settled in London. He'd already started building a life for himself."

"He felt like crap. All the time."

"I want to rebuild my relationship with my son. And I know Carlisle does too."

"Do you realize that you and your husband aren't even the biggest problems Edward has?" I asked. "Most of his feelings are because of James."

"James was twelve when his biological father left," She whispered. "James picked up a lot of his father's horrible habits and his awful attitude. No matter what I did...I couldn't seem to change him. I love both of my sons, but I hate who their father turned James into."

"You can't just keep blaming other things!" I yelled. "Yes, James' wife is really sick and my heart aches for your family. But that doesn't justify him treating other people like dirt! And maybe their biological father was a huge ass but that doesn't give James the right to treat people like his dad did. It just doesn't work like that!"

"You're right," She agreed after a long pause. "It doesn't. But he's thirty-five years old. If I couldn't change him twenty years ago, I don't think I can do much now."

"Probably not."

"You were so good for him."

"What?"

"For Edward. You were so good for him."

"Oh,"

"You made an honest man out of him."

"I doubt that."

"No, you did," She smiled. "He was so bitter when his dad left. The thought of commitment made him squirm. I never thought he would ever have any kind of relationship."

"And now he has Charlotte and they're going to get married and have babies together! I get it. You're welcome."

"Honey, Charlotte won't last much longer."

What?

"What?"

"You just wait."

"You're serious."

"We've all met her and she's great," She said and I wanted to tell her to leave. "But she's not you."

"No," I shook my head.

"Just wait," She winked.

"Don't you want your son to be with her?"

"Why would you think?"

"Just the way James reacted to the possibility of me stealing him away from her," I sat there twiddling my thumbs.

"Right now, with Victoria being so sick, James needs stability," she explained. "It has nothing against you and it isn't necessarily that he likes Charlotte."

"Okay," I nodded, tired of talking about Edward's London girlfriend.

Again.

Just as I was about to open my mouth to say something, I heard the front door open. I had been debating for a while whether or not I should give him a key, but I figured it was time. I trusted him enough and he was going to be a lot with Ryan.

"We're back!" He called through the apartment and I heard Ryan rushing into the kitchen. He held up a stuffed fish proudly.

"Look, Mama! Look what Edward won for me at Chuck E Cheese!"

"Wow! Chuck E Cheese!" That place was always a treat because it was so expensive. But I told Edward to make it special.

"Uh-huh! And then we went to that place you like and I got a burger!" He told me and then turned to Esme and cocked his head at her.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Edward asked as he caught up with Ryan and walked int the kitchen.

"Making things right," She winked at me.

"Ryan this is..." I started to introduce, but she abruptly stood up to leave. "We can..."

"I want Carlisle to be here when he meets us for the first time," She smiled as she put her coat on. I walked her to the door and she turned and gave me a big hug. "I am very sorry for how things went the other night. I really do hope that we can have a good relationship."

"I accept your apology," I whispered. "And yes. I hope that too," I nodded and she opened the door the leave.

"So...you and my mom?"

"She apologized for how they acted the other day. Thanks for talking to them."

"I haven't yet," He shook his head. "There hasn't been a good time all week."

It was then that I realized that this was a good thing. Yes, his family might not totally agree with how I was raising Ryan. Everyone had their own opinions, but they did seem like good people. I still didn't feel right about James, but he was going through something really horrible right now. I wanted to at least try and give him the benefit of the doubt. I knew there was a way that Ryan could get to know the rest of his family.

James just would never spend alone time with my son.


	18. This One's for Believing

**Chapter Eighteen:** **This One's for Believing**

* * *

"I don't wanna go," Edward whispered as he carried a sleeping Ryan to his bed after falling asleep in Edward's arms. He was still adjusting to the idea of Edward being his dad, but the boy still loved him. Edward was starting to get impatient that Ryan wasn't calling him daddy yet, but I had to keep reminding him that this was big for him.

"It's only for a week," I reminded him. "And you know you miss it."

"Yeah but I'm gonna miss him," He gently laid Ryan down in his bed and pulled the covers up. I bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek and we both left his room and made our way to the kitchen.

"He'll be here when you get back."

"Right," He laughed nervously.

"What's the matter?"

"Look, I know talking about this makes you uncomfortable and I understand that..." He trailed off. "But Charlotte wants to come back with me and I figured we can't have any kind of relationship if we aren't honest with each other."

"Oh," I nodded. "How long will she be here?"

"Don't know."

"Doesn't she have like a...job and a life?"

"She keeps insisting that I'm her life," He rolled his eyes. "It could be a week but she could impulsively quit her job while she's over here."

"Wow, she sounds delightful."

"She's headstrong and will do anything to get what she wants."

"Well now that there is a reason for this conversation..." How did I say this so I didn't sound like a raving lunatic? "But I don't want Charlotte around Ryan."

"What?"

"For the time being," I told him. "I'm having a hard enough time trusting your family around him and they're his family. I want them to know him."

"But you don't want Charlotte to know him?"

"Not right now," I shook my head. "I'm sorry but I'm his mom and I get to say who's allowed to be around him. I haven't even met her yet."

"She's not a criminal."

"I didn't say she was."

"And she's not a bad person."

"I didn't say that either," I huffed, trying to keep my cool. "But let's take meeting new people and life-changing moments to family only right now."

"You're right," He eventually agreed.

"Do you even want her here?"

"Yeah. Of course," He nodded but I just wasn't buying it. He looked like he really had to think about his answer and he wasn't looking me in the eye. Something was off but I just couldn't figure out what. Or I didn't want to try and figure out.

"How's the apartment?" I asked changing the subject because things were getting too weird.

"Kind of empty," He smiled. Edward had managed to find a decent apartment close to the city where he was planning on getting a job. It was a little far from here, but he promised he was going to make it work. I was a bit nervous for him since he seemed to be spending most of his savings for the time being, but he claimed to have it under control. It also helped that his car hadn't left his parents garage and had also been paid off before he moved to London. "It has the basic furniture but that's it. Mom offered to help but I told her I wanted to do it myself."

"There isn't anything wrong with accepting help from your family. If I didn't accept Mom's help I probably wouldn't have been able to keep Ryan."

"My parents told me once they didn't want to help me financially if I was throwing my life away," His voice was full of venom. He held on so tight to what happened in the past and while I hated his parents for what they did when we were together, my perspective had changed. As a mom, I understand wanting only the best for your child and at the time his parents didn't think to drop out of school was the best for him. They should have gone about handling it differently, but I understood where they were coming from.

And I hoped one day Edward would come to understand that too.

"And I made it on my own before and I can do it again."

"She's trying, Edward," I sighed.

"You're on her side now?" He snapped.

"No. I'm not choosing sides," I shook my head. "I'm just saying she's trying to make things right. She can't change the past but she can do something about what's going on now."

"Well, I don't need their help or their furniture or their money."

"What about Ryan?"

"What about him?"

"Your apartment has enough room for him right?"

"It's two bedrooms."

"Do you have enough money to buy furniture for his room? And toys? And clothes?"

"Is he moving in?" My stomach dropped at his comment, but I knew that was a discussion we would have in the very far future. I wanted Edward in Ryan's life and eventually, that would mean Ryan would spend time away from me.

"No, but eventually he'll..." I took a deep breath. This was so far in the future I didn't want to think about it yet. But he needed to think about it. "Maybe stay the night. Or at least spend a good portion of the afternoon there."

"Well we aren't there yet and by the time he does come to stay the night then I will be making good money at my job."

"Okay," I nodded not wanting to argue. "Can I say one more thing?"

"I don't think me saying now will stop you," He smiled smugly.

"Give your mom a chance. She's missed you. And she really does seem to be trying."

"Are you two having secret conversations behind my back?"

"No," I shook my head. "But I'm a mom. If I went eleven years with minimal contact with my son I would be devastated."

"She did this to herself."

"And she gets that," I assured him. "But it doesn't mean she doesn't want to right her wrongs. Your dad too. They love you. They aren't the bad guys."

"Then who is?"

"This isn't some TV show, Edward. This is life. There are no bad guys."

"Then what is jail full of?" He joked.

"You know what I mean," I slapped him. "And James is probably the villain in this story."

"True," He nodded and then looked sadly down at the floor. "I'm worried about those kids. Especially Evie. She's so little. So innocent. She doesn't deserve to lose her sweet mother and be left with someone as awful of my brother."

"Me either,"

"James and I used to say we never wanted to end up like our father," He said. "We would sleep in each other's room at night so that we didn't have to be scared of him alone. We were close when we were really little."

"What happened?"

"My father happened," He remarked. "James got older and my dad set a terrible example. One day, when I was seven, James told me that I was a waste of space."

"Where did he hear that?"

"He heard my dad call my mom that," He explained. "I had stolen one of his collectible action figures and he was mad at me for going and taking his stuff. He called me a waste of space and we were never the same afterward."

"Evie won't end up like James."

"What about DJ?" He asked. "He's the age James was when he started acting out. When he started to be mean to me."

"Well as much of a jerk as James is, he loves Victoria. He's not hitting her. He's not screaming at her and he isn't calling her names. Your brother isn't setting that bad of an example for those kids."

"Evalyn isn't even two yet. Clara was promised a real princess party for when she turned ten," He told me. "Victoria won't be there for that. And she won't be there to teach DJ how to drive."

"I can't even imagine how they're feeling," I sighed as tears started to spill out of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away not wanting Edward to see me upset. "You should get going. You have an early flight in the morning."

"You're sure this is okay?" He asked for the hundredth time. "I can go later after I spend more time with Ryan..."

"He'll be okay. He understands and you promised that you're coming back," I reminded him. "And you said you'd call every day." He nodded but I could tell there was something else on his mind. "What's the matter?"

"He's still just calling me Edward," He was looking at his shoes.

"He is," I sighed. "Be patient. He's still adjusting and it's only been a week."

"I just always pictured my kid's first word to be dada," He smiled sadly. "And now my only child will only call me by my first name."

"If you had been around his first word might have been dada," I laughed. "But don't be too offended because his first word wasn't even mama."

"Really?" Had I really not talked to him about his first word before?

"Yeah it was bubba," I laughed remembering that moment so vividly. "Mom and I were giving him a bath in the big bath for the first time and he wanted his toy for the bath."

"Where did he hear bubba?"

"Emily calls him that sometimes," I shrugged. "So he said the first thing that came to his head I guess."

After letting him think for a few minutes, I finally got him out the door to go home. It wasn't like I was trying to get rid of him, but I needed to finish some work for school in the morning. Once I was finally able to go to bed, I couldn't seem to sleep. All the talk earlier about Vicotira not being there for her kid's milestones made my heart ache and I just needed to check on Ryan before I could feel comfortable going to bed. I tiptoed out of bed and gently pushed his door open. I smiled as he cuddled his favorite stuffed animal and suddenly felt at ease.

Knowing that my child was safe and sound and that I was going to be with him for a long time gave me the peace I needed to get some sleep.

* * *

A week without Edward proved to be difficult in our house. I could tell Ryan missed him a lot and he was acting out more than normal. His behavior wasn't anything major, but his listening skills seemed to have gone with Edward. Ryan was always such a good kid so when he did act out, I found it hard knowing exactly what to do. But after three days of not cleaning up after himself, I'd had enough and we had a long talk that night.

Ryan calmed down after that, but I could tell he still really missed Edward. And if I were being honest, I was starting to miss Edward. He was always really helpful when he was around and was able to keep Ryan busy while I studied. He was my friend and it was weird going from seeing him every day to not seeing him at all for a week.

"When's Edward coming back?" Ryan asked me the night before Edward was supposed to come back.

"Tomorrow, bud," I smiled as Ryan cleared the table when we were done eating.

"When tomorrow?"

"He said he would come here right after the airport."

"When's that?"

"Around three," I shook my head as I smiled at my very eager son. "Is that good enough?"

"Yes!" He yelped happily and ran back to his bedroom. I finished cleaning up dinner and went to get Ryan ready for bed. As happy as I was to have Edward back tomorrow, I was also nervous as hell. Charlotte was definitely coming with him and even though he agreed not to bring her around Ryan, he had asked me to meet her.

I really really didn't want to but I knew she couldn't be around Ryan until I did. And I didn't want to put any more pressure on Edward. He was having a hard enough time juggling his schedule I wanted to be at peace if he wanted to bring his girlfriend with him to visit.

As much as I hated it, Charlotte was his girlfriend. I couldn't be petty about this because I didn't want him choosing her over Ryan. I didn't think it was very likely to happen, but anything was possible. I needed to be an adult about the whole situation.

But if I thought she wasn't okay for Ryan to be around, that was a different story.

And not only did I have to worry about meeting Edward's girlfriend, Ryan was going to meet Edward's family for the first time tomorrow night. Esme had been begging me for the entire week Edward was gone and she managed to rope him into dinner the day he got back. I was not happy about the fact that James would be there but it was something I needed to deal with. It wasn't like he was going to abuse Ryan or anything.

He was just a huge douchebag.

The next morning, Ryan had me up bright and early so we could wait for Edward together. The little guy was so cute as he looked at the clock and out the window every thirty minutes. He was more excited to see Edward than he was for Christmas morning.

"He's here!" Ryan yelled as bounced up and down on the couch.

"No jumping on the couch, bud," I reminded him as I got up and walked over to the window.

"Daddy!" Ryan squealed and I stopped breathing for a second. Ryan continued to jump up and down until there was a loud knock on the door and I had a feeling if I hadn't opened the door, he would have found a way to run through it. "Daddy!" He yelled as he jumped into Edward's arms.

"Oh," Edward stuttered and he bit his lip. I could tell there were a million thoughts going through his head and it almost looked like he was trying not to cry. "Hi, bud."

"I missed you, Daddy," Ryan clung to Edward.

"I missed you," Edward gulped. The two hugged each other for a good minute before Ryan started squirming to get down.

"I made you something," Ryan grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him into his bedroom. On his desk was a sign that said daddy on it and I wondered how he'd figured out how to spell that by himself.

"I love it, Ryan," Edward smiled as he kissed Ryan's cheek.

"Can we play pirate?"

"Give me one minute," Edward agreed as he practically ran from Ryan's bedroom to the bathroom. I told Ryan to go out to the living room to wait for his dad and I went and stood outside the bathroom, unsure of exactly what to do. I didn't hear him like sobbing or anything but I did hear him talking. I wasn't exactly sure he was talking to, but I didn't think it was himself.

After a good five minutes, he finally emerged and I could tell he'd been crying by his red eyes and puffy cheeks but decided not to push him on it. He gave me a nod telling me he was okay and we walked to the living room together.

The two of them played pirate together until it was ready to head over to his parent's house. Edward insisting on driving all of us since he had the proper booster seat in his car and I couldn't deny him. I knew he just wanted to spend as much time with Ryan as he could. When we got out of the car to go inside, Ryan was looking at the house like it was a castle. Edward nervously rang the doorbell and Esme opened the door with a big smile on her face.

"Hello hello!" She sang as she moved aside to let us inside. She gave Edward a tight hug and then moved on to me. Ryan moved to stand behind me and I could tell he was feeling slightly overwhelmed. "Come on into the living room!"

I was surprised to just see Carlisle sitting on the couch with a newspaper. And I was extremely relieved. This was a lot for Ryan and I was glad that we were able to do it in stages.

"Hello again, Bella," Carlisle smiled up at me as he removed his reading glasses and se the paper on the coffee table. "And who is this little man?"

Ryan hugged my leg tighter. I was unsure what was going on because he'd always been so social with everyone. He hadn't been this shy since the first day of preschool.

"Go ahead, baby," I smiled gently as I stepped aside. He kept tight to my side, but he wasn't hiding anymore.

"Ryan," He said so low you could barely hear him.

"Hi, Ryan. My name is Carlisle," He smiled down and reached down to shake Ryan's hand. He didn't take it, but the gesture was very sweet. We all sat down and Ryan insisted on sitting on Edward's lap.

"Why are we here?" Ryan asked in the middle of a conversation the adults were having a few minutes after we'd gotten there.

"Well, these are very important people," I said. "Carlisle and Esme are Edward's parents."

"Huh?"

"Baby, this is your grandma and grandpa."

"I already have a grandma," He reminded me.

"You know the coolest thing about grandma's?" Edward asked as he turned Ryan around to be able to face him. "You get two."

"Two?"

"Yeah. And you also get two grandpas."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"That's..." He trailed off as he craned his neck to look over at Carlisle and Esme. "Cool."

They both sighed in relief.

"What do I call you?" Ryan asked and I was glad that he did because I hadn't asked them that.

"Papa," Carlisle smiled.

"I like that," Ryan nodded excitedly before turning to Esme.

"Nana," She decided. I wondered if that's what James' three called them.

The night was pretty perfect. Ryan connected really well with his grandparents and after the initial meeting, he couldn't stop talking to them. I knew how much he needed his father, but I was dumb enough to not realize how much he needed his grandparents too. Ryan was nearly in tears when it was time to go home, but I promised that he'd be seeing them again sometime soon.

He passed out the second Edward put the car into gear and when we got back to the apartment, Edward carried him upstairs. While he put Ryan to bed, I changed into my PJs and went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.

"Hey," Edward popped his head into the kitchen.

"He down?"

"Never even stirred," He laughed. "He's like you."

"What?"

"You were always a pretty heavy sleeper," HE shrugged. "I remember having to do very dirty things to wake you up sometimes..." He trailed off when he'd realized what he said. My heart skipped a beat as I remembered back to what he was talking about and turned to the stove and waited for my water to get hot. "Sorry..."

"It's okay," I shook it off and poured the water into a mug when it was finished. "You want some tea?"

"No, I should be going," He sighed. "Charlotte's been at the apartment alone all day."

"Right. Charlotte," I choked as I turned back to face him.

"Thank you for tonight."

"Ryan deserves to know his grandparents."

"I didn't realize how much until I saw him with my dad."

"Me either," I nodded. "I didn't mean that James could never meet Ryan. I just don't want him influencing him..."

"They wanted to come," He stopped me. "But Victoria woke up feeling really sick this morning and James had his hands full. He couldn't leave her."

"Where were the kids?"

"With the babysitter," He explained. "They're with her a lot."

"They're welcome here," I told him as he got ready to leave.

"What?"

"Your nieces and nephew, they're welcome to come here if James and Victoria need a break. I think Ryan and Clara would get along really well."

"You're sure? You're so busy," He gulped.

"I am, but not for much longer," I shrugged. "Plus they're family."

"They are?"

"Well...they're your family. And you're mine and Ryan's family."

"Clara would love Ryan," I saw tears forming in his eyes. "And you'd like DJ. He's really smart...I feel like he's what you were like when you were his age."

"Oh, I was a wild child."

"You were not."

"You're right," I laughed.

"And Evie...well she's just precious and really well behaved."

"You don't have to convince me or anything, Edward. I want them here. Ryan should know his family. I owe it to him."

"I don't know how you do this."

"Do what?"

"Just...everything," He shook his head. "Go to school. Take care of Ryan. Have the patience for me and my crazy...messed up family."

"Everyone's family is crazy and messed up."

"I just know how much my parents appreciate the chance you're giving them. ANd the chance you're giving me."

"It's the right thing to do. It's what's best for him."

"Yeah," He agreed. "Listen, I know that you're skeptical about Charlotte, but I really want you to meet her."

"Edward," I groaned.

"You can invite that guy you're dating."

"That wouldn't be awkward at all," I rolled my eyes. I wasn't trying to be a bitch, but I really didn't want to talk about his girlfriend. Not after the good evening, we'd had.

"Okay, yeah you're right," He sighed. "You can bring Emily and her husband."

"Edward,"

"Please. This is important to me and I want this to work."

"I'll think about it," I agreed but only to get him out of the house. I didn't want to be childish about this, but I didn't know what else to do. After we talked about when he would come over the next day, he left me alone.

What an extremely weird day.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Well another chapter is finished! And I know the last few chapters have been kind of slow, but not everything can be fast pace all the time. They need time to chill and just learn how to be a family. And I know a lot of you want Charlotte to have nothing to do with Ryan, but I think that's unrealistic. They have been together for two years and Charlotte is a big part of Edward's life and as much as Bella hates that, she needs to be an adult about everything. If Charlotte proves to be a good person then I think Bella needs to give her a chance. And don't worry. This is still a Bella/Edward story. Be patient and have some faith. _


	19. Just Gotta Keep Going

**Chapter Nineteen:** **Just Gotta Keep Going**

* * *

"Hey, kiddo!" Mom said over the phone the next day when I called her. This whole Charlotte thing just wasn't sitting very well with me and I felt like I needed someone to tell me what to do. I knew I was an adult, but I just wanted to be told what to do for once.

"Hi, Mom," I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Edward brought his girlfriend back with him," I told her. "And he wants her to meet Ryan and I just don't think it's a good idea. Not now at least."

"I think that's perfectly reasonable."

"When did you know it was a good time for Emily and I to meet Phil?"

"Well, that was different, Bella."

"Why?"

"For starters, you and your sister were both adults when I met Phil and started dating him," She laughed. "Secondly Phil wasn't your long lost father who you were just getting to know."

"But...she's a big part of Edward's life."

"She is," Mom agreed. "But his priority needs to be Ryan right now. And if she's a good person who loves Edward then she'll understand that."

"I'm just scared that if I don't let her in he'll start fighting me on everything."

"If Edward is a good man who loves his son then I think he'll understand," Mom whispered.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"If Emily and I were kids when you met Phil, how long do you think you would have waited for us to meet him?"

"Everyone's experience is different."

"I just want your opinion."

"It depends I guess."

"On what?"

"On how much I trusted him. On how ready I thought you girls were. How ready I was for you to meet him and see me with a new man who wasn't your father."

"Oh,"

"But I think I would have waited until we were engaged. I don't think I would have felt completely safe until I knew he absolutely wasn't going anywhere."

"That would have been a long time for him not to meet us,"

"Yeah, it would have been. But you girls were always number one and I didn't want you hurting if he and I didn't work out."

"You think Ryan would get hurt?"

"Edward said he isn't even sure if she's staying here," She reminded me. "If he meets her and gets attached to her and then she leaves or they break up it would hurt him."

"I'm an awful mother. I never even thought about it like that. I was only thinking about if she was safe for my kid to be around," I shook my head. "Of course Ryan would get hurt!"

"Bella, calm down, sweetie."

"I suck."

"You do not suck," Mom tried assuring me. "There is a lot going on right now and I'm surprised you even remember your head in the morning."

"Edward and I need to talk."

"He'll understand."

"Or this will be the breaking point for him."

"You need to have some faith in him, kid. He loves that boy of yours. He's not going anywhere."

"But Charlotte..."

"Will have to figure out how to fit into your life, not the other way around."

I talked with my mom for a few minutes before I hung up to go find what Ryan was doing. He was quietly playing with his Hot Wheels in his bedroom and I sat down to join him. I knew I should have been studying, but with Edward around, I felt like I didn't have as much time with my son as I wanted. We played together until I heard the doorbell ring which meant Edward was here.

I went to let him inside and I was dreading the conversation we needed to have. I didn't want to be the bad guy, but I had to think about Ryan. Ryan was all that mattered and if Charlotte couldn't handle that she could take a hike. When I opened the door, though, I was met with a very stressed Edward.

With three little ones with him.

"Hey," I greeted concerned for what was going on. I took Evalyn from Edward's arms while he got the other two inside the apartment. "What's going on?" Edward shook his head and called Ryan's name.

"Daddy!" Ryan jumped into Edward's arms. He hugged his son tightly, but quickly put him down and looked around frantically.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Ryan, these are your cousins," Edward smiled. "This is DJ and Clara and your mama is holding Evalyn."

"We call her Evie," Clara chirped.

"Cousins?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, remember how we said the baby that Aunt Emily has is your cousin?" I asked. "Well these are your uncle's kids and they're your family too."

"Wanna play?" Ryan asked Clara and DJ. "I have Hot Wheels and action figures and coloring books and books. Or we could play pirate!"

"Ooo pirate!" Clara jumped right in and they ran off without DJ.

"DJ, you wanna go play with them?" Edward asked.

"I brought a book with me. I think I'm going to read."

"Okay," Edward nodded.

"You can go read in my room if you want some peace and quiet," I offered. "I've got a little reading nook by the window I go to when I need quiet time."

"Thanks," He nodded sweetly and I showed him to my bedroom. I left the door opened a crack and found some of Ryan's old baby toys in the hall closet for Evie to play with. I'd gotten rid of most of them because we didn't have space or they were old and breaking, but there were a few I couldn't part with. When I got back to the living room, Evie was sitting on Edward's lap and they were playing peek-a-boo.

"I have some toys for her," I whispered. I laid a blanket down on the ground, put the toys down and pulled Edward into the kitchen and sat down where we could still see the baby. "What's going on?"

"Victoria woke up and she could barely breathe," He explained. "My parents were tied up with work and just couldn't get home to be with the kids. And the babysitter just couldn't do it for some reason so James called me to come. I didn't want to miss my time with Ryan..."

"I would have made sure he understood why you couldn't come."

"I know, but you said that you wanted him to know his cousins," He shrugged.

"I'm glad you brought them. It'll be a good distraction for them."

"Clara doesn't know what's going on. DJ knows something happened but he doesn't know what exactly. I think he's shutting down."

"I think you might be right."

"So you said you wanted to talk to me about something," He changed the subject.

"Oh, we don't have to talk about that now..."

"I need a distraction. It's been a stressful morning. I've never been alone with all three of them at once before and they were out of diapers so that made it even more stressful."

"Oh,"

"Yeah, Evalyn had a poopy diaper for like thirty-five minutes before we got to the store to buy some more. I felt so bad."

"You could have called me. I would have brought you some."

"Again, stressful morning. I wasn't thinking," He smiled. "So please, talk."

"You might not like it..."

"It's about Charlotte, isn't it?" I nodded. "Okay. What's up?"

"I don't want her meeting Ryan until you guys are more serious."

"More serious than two years together?"

"I mean engaged serious," I whispered. "I'm sorry, I know you want her in his life and I can understand where you're coming from. But if he likes her and gets attached and things don't work out between you guys for some reason..."

"We could break up if we're engaged."

"I know," I nodded. "But it's a lot more likely for you to break up if you're just dating. I don't want to be the bad guy who makes you choose, but we need to put Ryan first. Ryan should be your first priority."

"You're right," He agreed and I sighed in relief.

"And you said it yourself you aren't even sure how long she'll be here."

"She'll be here for a while," He explained. "She wants to figure everything out but doesn't want to be apart."

"What about her job?"

"She managed to get them to let her work from home. She won't be doing interviews but she can write articles still," I nodded unsure of how that would work. "I don't get it either."

"As long as you're happy with her here," He nodded, looking unsure. "You okay?"

"It's been a long day."

"I'm sorry this is happening."

"Me too," He nodded.

* * *

The month of April flew by. I couldn't believe that it was actually May and actually time for me to graduate. I felt like I was dreaming as I got Ryan and myself ready for the ceremony. WHen I got pregnant, I knew I still wanted to go to law school but it didn't seem possible anymore. And if I still went to law school, I didn't think Harvard would be possible. I was on the verge of tears the entire morning because everything was just so surreal.

Edward had been extremely helpful over the last month. With finals and the bar exam quickly approaching I wasn't sure how I was going to do it all. But Edward took Ryan when I needed to study or go to study groups. He even started watching him after preschool to give Emily a break and time to deal with herself. She was still having a hard time accepting the pregnancy even though she was five months along already. They'd never gotten so far before but she was skeptical.

They weren't even going to find out the sex of the baby because she didn't want to get her hopes up even more.

I wanted to do more for her, but I knew all I could really do was be there for her. And being there for her meant going with Sam to help him get the baby basics, which included to nursery furniture and the car seat. I just hoped Emily wouldn't regret not being apart of this later when she was holding her beautiful baby girl.

"Bella!" Mom called from the living room. "Phil and I are going to head out to meet your dad and get good seats."

"Okay!" I called. "Don't forget to save one for Edward. He's going to meet you there."

"Will do. Love you, baby."

"Love you!" I called as I finished putting my lipstick on and grabbed my earrings.

"Knock, knock," Edward said gently as he pushed my bedroom door open. I turned and smiled at him as he held a bouquet of flowers in his hands. "You look...beautiful."

"Thank you," I smiled as I accepted the flowers. "How'd you get in here? I thought you promised to only use that key when we know you're coming."

"Your mother let me inside," He laughed. "I asked if I could surprise you."

"Well, you did."

"Oh, I got us a table at the restaurant for after the ceremony," He told me. He'd previously told me they were booked solid but he apparently managed to work around that. "And...my parents can't come."

"No, why?" I whined. Over the last month, Edward and his parents had begun mending their relationship and I'd grown to really like them. I think being a dad showed Edward that they only wanted what was best for him when he was twenty years old and decided that they deserved a second chance. And I think they also realized just how successful Edward was even though he hadn't graduated and he was "just a chef".

They were also really helpful when it came to Ryan. Whenever Edward had work and Charlotte needed his attention, Esme was always willing to help me out. Sometimes she would just drop a meal off for us and sometimes she'd entertain Ryan while I studied. And she also helped Sam and I find the best deals for furniture and offered to help design the nursery. Sam wanted to do it himself, but she kept giving me ideas for them.

And when things weren't too hectic with Victoria, Ryan saw his cousins a lot. He mainly played with Clara, but I could tell he was growing on DJ. I'd always encouraged him to make friends at preschool, but he seemed to like being alone. I always wondered why a five-year-old would prefer to be alone, but then I thought about maybe he hadn't met the right friend for him.

And Clara was the right friend for him.

"Victoria has a doctors appointment and the babysitter canceled last minute," He sighed. "They feel really bad. They wanted to come."

"No, I don't want them feeling bad. I understand."

As I finished getting ready, Edward got Ryan ready and even managed to get his little tie tied. I grabbed everything I thought I would need and Edward insisted on driving the three of us to the graduation. Every day, things got easier and easier between us and we were learning how to be co-parents and friends. Whenever we spent time together, whether Ryan was there or not, I remembered why I fell in love with him.

And then I remembered ho how heartbroken I was when things ended and got a grip on myself.

When we got to the Tercentenary Theatre, Edward took Ryan to find the rest of my family and I went to find the rest of the graduated. When I found everyone, I looked around for my study group friends.

"Bella!" Alice called through the crowd. She was already in her cap and gown and Jared and Paul followed behind her. "We're here! We did it!"

"Let's just hope no one falls," Paul laughed.

"I hope Jane falls," I giggled as I saw her staring at us. I really had no idea what her problem was, but I was done with her after next week and I was glad she was no longer going to be the biggest pain in my ass anymore.

"Can you believe this?" Jared asked when the other two went to find more people from our group. He grabbed my hand and I gave him a small smile.

"No," I shook my head and took a deep breath. Jared leaned down and pressed his lips against mine in a gentle kiss before whoever was in charge of graduation told us to get in our spots. I said goodbye to Jared and found my spot in line.

The ceremony was long. We first had to sit through the University Ceremony in which a ton of people spoke and a lot of people mentioned the importance of our future. It was an extremely long ceremony and I wasn't sure we would ever get through it. After this ceremony, we were then moved to a different location for our diploma ceremony. I was getting worried for Ryan and was wondering if I should have left him with Carlisle and Esme. I was going crazy and I was almost twenty-seven years old.

The diploma ceremony lasted almost two hours, but when my name was called, I couldn't really care how long we'd been at this graduation. I walked across the stage, careful not to trip over myself, and heard someone whooping and hollering. WHen I turned to see who was causing a commotion, I smiled when I saw Edward out of his seat cheering for me.

After everyone had received their diploma, the dean of the school told us we were officially Harvard graduates and everyone stood to throw their caps. I hugged some more of my friends and went to find my family.

"Mama!" Ryan screeched when I found them and he ran into my arms. "You did it, mam!"

"I did it, baby," I nodded as I tried desperately not to cry.

"Congratulations, darling," Mom cooed when I set Ryan down and hugged her tightly. "I am so proud of you."

"Thanks, Mom," I cried as I clung to her. I actually did. I accomplished my dream of going to Harvard Law School and I graduated. I was almost in shock that it was actually real and that I wasn't dreaming. After Mom eventually let go, I hugged the rest of my family and finally made my way to my father.

"Thanks for coming, dad."

"I wouldn't miss it," He smiled and I had to bite my tongue to not remind him that he missed my Columbia graduation. I gave him a hug and he handed me an envelope as a graduation.

"Are you coming to lunch?" I asked as I watched My mom and Edward talking while Emily and Sam held Rayn.

"You want me to?"

"Of course I do," I nodded as Edward came over.

"You about ready?"

"I think we're ready," I nodded and noticed my Dad staring at Edward. "Dad, you okay?"

"Who are you?" He asked Edward.

"Edward Cullen, sir," He reached his hand out for my dad to shake.

"This is Ryan's father, dad."

"You're the one who left her broken-hearted with a baby?"

"Don't do this," I begged. "Not today...not ever please."

"Bella..."

"Dad you don't get a say in this!" I snapped. "You weren't there! You've never been there so you don't get to be mad at Edward for getting me pregnant. That's not your place."

"Bella, let's just go to lunch," Mom urged as she pulled me away from my father. I grabbed Ryan from Emily and walked to Edward's car. I knew he wanted to ask me questions but he refrained as he started the car and pull out of the spot. We made our way downtown to where Edward worked and Ryan seemed like he was almost asleep once Edward parked the car.

"Bud, you ready to go inside and eat?" I asked as I opened his door. He nodded lazily and reached out for me. I picked him up out of the car and handed him off to Edward since he was just getting too heavy for me anymore. When we got inside, the host took us to our table and I was extremely excited to see Carlisle and Esme.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I hugged them while Edward got Ryan situated.

"Her doctor's appointment was early enough that when Edward texted us when the ceremony was over they were already home," Carlisle told me as he kissed my cheek. I sat down next to Ryan who was seated in between Edward and I and smiled a thank you to Edward. Once everyone had arrived and got situated, Edward stood up with his glass.

"I'd like to propose a toast!" Oh no. "To Bella...one of the hardest working, smartest, kindest people I have ever known who is probably the best mother my son could ask for."

"To Bella!" Emily smiled as she raised her glass. I could feel my eyes filling with tears.

"Thank you," I mouthed as Ryan took his kids cup and began clinking it against everyone's glass.

The lunch was probably one of the nicest things I'd done in a long time. For the first time in six years, everyone insisted that I put myself first for one day since I'd earned it. It was hard to do that when Ryan was so grumpy he was starting to act out, but Edward made sure I had my moment and was the one who took care of Ryan for me.

Since my mom was staying with Emily, she insisted on taking Ryan with them for the night as a graduation present and I reluctantly agreed. It wasn't like I didn't want any alone time, but I was still kind of worried about Emily, but she assured me it was fine. I grabbed the seat from Edward's car when we were finished and watched as they drove off. Edward walked me back to his car and opened the door for me like he always did when we were dating.

"Shoot," He sighed when we were halfway home.

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot your gift at my apartment," He shook his head as he turned off the highway sooner than he should have.

"I can get it later," I insisted. "Plus you got me the flowers and the table for lunch. You've done more than enough."

"You're getting this present," He nodded as we made our way to his apartment.

"Edward I don't wanna see..."

"She's not there," He told me.

"Where is she?"

"Working at the library because my apartment is just too distracting," He rolled his eyes as we pulled into a parking lot.

"I can just wait here,"

"No please come up with me," He begged and I reluctantly agreed. When he opened the door, I was surprised at how messy it was. He had been a pretty tidy person when we were dating and I wondered if he was just busy or if Charlotte was the one making a mess.

"It's been kind of crazy and I haven't had much time to clean," He apologized as we walked into the living room. "What do you think? It's not much but I like it."

"It's nice," I told him.

"Wait here. I'm going to get your necklace," He disappeared down the hall and left me in the living room. I didn't want to snoop, but I couldn't help but look at the photograph sitting on the side table. I picked it up and bit my lip when I saw Edward standing with a very pretty girl. She was the epitome of perfect. She had beautiful short blond hair, green eyes, and a porcelain white complexion. She looked like she was from a magazine or something.

It had to be Charlotte. Of course, she was fucking perfect looking.

I set the picture down when I heard Edward's footsteps coming closer. I didn't want him thinking I was snooping. I turned around and he had a small gift bag with a graduation cap on the front. I smiled as he handed it to me and gently removed the tissue paper. Inside the bag was a small velvet box and I snapped my head up to look at him.

"Just open the box," He laughed. I took a deep breath and carefully opened the black box and started to tear up when I saw a simple silver necklace with a star charm hanging off the end.

"It's beautiful," I smiled up at him as I took it out of the box.

"Here, allow me," He took the necklace from me and turned me around. I pulled my hair back so it wouldn't get stuck and I had goosebumps when he accidentally touched the back of my neck. "There," He whispered and I put my hair down and turned back to face him.

"I love it," I whispered as his hands lingered on my upper arm.

"You're a star," He gulped and it wasn't until then that I realized how close we were standing. "I thought you should be reminded of that."

"Umm..." I stuttered as his phone rang in his pocket. He tightly shut his eyes and I stepped back to gather my things so we could leave when he was

finished talking.

"Yeah. I can cook tonight. We just got back. I needed to give her her present. Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye," Edward hung up and led me out of the house.

"I really love it," I told him again as he led me downstairs to the car.

Wow.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Well, after reading your reviews I realized that a lot of you were right when it came to Ryan meeting Charlotte. I really try to take into consideration what you guys write in the reviews and I _appreciate _all of your feedback. In case you're wondering exactly how I picture Charlotte to look like, I have_ modeled _her after the actress Dianna Argon. Look her up if you wanna see what she looks like and she really is gorgeous...so yes I did the stereotypical thing where the guy has a super beautiful girlfriend but again...have patience! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I can't wait for you to read more._

 _And here's a picture of the necklace Edward gave Bella for graduation:_

 _pin/256142297535167287/_


	20. Would You Dare to Let it Go?

**Chapter Twenty: W** **ould You Dare to Let it Go?**

* * *

"Ryan Anthony Swan!" I hollered through the apartment as he ran around in just his underwear before bed two weeks after my graduation. I was set to take the bar exam the next morning and I needed him to get into bed so I could relax and get myself into bed. I was failing miserably and I was getting frustrated. "You need to put your PJs on right now."

"I don't wanna go to bed!" He stuck his tongue out at me and I was at a loss of what to do. He'd never been this blatantly defiant before, at least not since he was two.

"Ryan, please," I begged as I caught him and pulled him towards me. "I need you to get into bed and I need you to go to sleep, baby."

"I want daddy to put me to bed," He crossed his arms over his chest and I was relieved that we at least got to the root of the problem. Edward had been around, but as Victoria got sicker he had to be with his brother more often. I knew that Ryan was still a priority for him, but I also understood the need to be with his family. And I knew that if I was in the situation he would give me the time I needed with my sister and mom. And I didn't think that it helped a lot of the time when Edward was around, he brought the two older kids to give Victoria and James a bit of a break.

It seemed that Ryan didn't want to share his dad with anyone else.

"He's not here right now, bud," I sighed. "You saw him this morning though and he's going to take you to see Nana and Papa tomorrow while I take my test."

"Can he put me to bed tomorrow?" He asked as he reluctantly slipped into his PJ bottoms.

"We'll see," I smiled weakly at him. I got him calmed down enough with three extra books and some warm milk. It was nearly nine when he was finally fast asleep and my nerves were running high. I was stressed out enough with the test coming up and with Ryan throwing tantrums I was at my wit's end.

When I got into bed, I broke down crying.

Not knowing what else to do, I picked up my phone and dialed Edward's number since I knew Emily and my mom were busy with other things.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I just..." I took a deep breath to keep myself from crying over the phone to him. I grabbed the necklace he'd give me and started to play with it to try and calm myself down. I failed. "Ryan wouldn't get into bed tonight and he had a huge tantrum and I don't know if I'm ready for this test!" I blabbered into the phone.

Edward took a deep breath before saying anything. "Your nerves are shot, Bella. It's been a stressful three years for you. Plus I haven't been very helpful these last two weeks."

"You needed to be with your family," I sniffled.

"You and Ryan are apart of my family," He whispered. "Bella you are going to do fine tomorrow. You're super prepared and you're...you. Failure isn't an option for you."

"I just feel like I've forgotten everything I've been studying."

"You just need to get some sleep," He said softly.

"I'm too wound up."

"I can sing to you."

"I'm not Ryan!" I laughed.

"Or tell you a really boring story."

"Edward," A woman's voice said in the background. "The Voice is starting."

"Be right there," He told her and returned his attention back to me.

"If you need to go I'll be okay."

"No, you have my full attention."

"Really, you're right. I need to get some sleep."

"Okay," He whispered. "But if you need anything tonight you can call me. My door is always open."

"That kind of doesn't make any sense."

"You know what I mean," I could just hear him rolling his eyes.

The next morning Edward was at the apartment bright and early so I could get going for my test. I was nervous as I sat there waiting for everything to start but then as I took some deep breaths, I remembered what Edward said to me last night before bed. Failure wasn't an option for me. It had never been and now that I had Ryan...I had, even more, motivation to pass this exam.

After two days of testing...I was finally done. There was nothing else I could do but wait and I was choosing to not dwell on what might happen. I gave the exam my all and if I failed...then I would figure out what to do. The test was the second thing I had ever done, next to giving birth, but I knew it would be well worth it if I passed.

When I got back to my apartment, I was brought to tears when I walked inside and everyone was waiting for me. They had set up balloons and streamers and all I really had my eye on was the table of food in the kitchen. I didn't want to be crying again, but I was so tired I didn't think I had any control of my emotions anymore.

"What..." I asked Edward but he just put his hands up and looked at Ryan. "Baby, did you do this?"

"We always have a party at the end of the school year and you told me that this was the end of the school year," He shrugged and I picked him up and peppered his face with kisses. "I asked daddy if we could have a party for you!"

"You are the sweetest guy ever!" I kissed his cheek again and turned to Edward. "Thanks for doing this."

"It was all Ryan. I just put his plans into action," He was trying to be humble and I was loving him for it. "But you deserve an end of the year party."

"On a scale of one to ten, how emotional are you?" I heard Victoria ask from her spot on the couch. I couldn't believe that she was able to come to this considering how sick she'd been feeling.

"You're here," I shook my head as I sat down beside her. Over the last month and a half, Victoria and I had gotten pretty close. I loved Emily, but Victoria and I clicked on a mommy level. I knew I would share that with Emily once she had the baby, but it was nice to have another mom around. Even my sister had grown to love her and it was like I had another sister sometimes, which was weird because I barely knew her. But I guess when you click...you click.

I sometimes wondered how someone so wonderful had settled down with James...someone I still didn't really like at all.

"I'm allowed to have a little bit of fun you know," She rolled her eyes. You could tell she was sick. It broke my heart as I watched her three roaming around the room, but this was a party. I was not going to let my feelings get in the way of all the fun.

After an extremely long two days, I told Edward that we needed to kick everyone out at only eight thirty. Everyone seemed to understand, but Ryan was extremely upset when Clara had to leave. I told Edward to leave the mess until morning, but he was incredibly annoying and told me he'd take care of everything and that the only thing I needed to do was relax in the bath with a glass of wine.

I was not going to argue that.

* * *

A week after I took the bar exam...everything changed.

After I'd gotten Ryan to bed and was getting myself ready for bed, my phone rang and I knew that whoever it was had some kind of bad news. I got teary when I saw Edward's name on my screen and prayed he was calling because Ryan had left something with him earlier that day. I knew I was wrong, but I could dream.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. "What's wrong?"

"Victoria collapsed," He sobbed into the phone. "When James was helping her get ready for bed."

"What can I do?" I asked immediately.

"Can you come and stay with the kids?" He asked. "I need to be with my brother tonight and the babysitter obviously can't come."

"Yeah," I agreed as I pulled on my Oxford sweatshirt and old Chuck's. "I'm going to get Ryan up and we'll be right over. I went into Ryan's room, put a few things I thought he might need into his backpack and woke him up. I pretty much had to carry him out to the car, but I just needed to get to that house.

When I pulled up in front of their home, everything was dark except the living room light. I carried Ryan up the walkway and Edward was waiting for us at the door. He took him from me and told me he was putting him in the guest room. I paced the living room floor while I waited for Edward to reappear and I wished I could do more than just sit here.

"Thank you so much," He whispered. "My parents are going to come back before they wake up in the morning so that they can tell them what's going on."

"Okay,"

"Evie should sleep through the night but if she wakes up, Victoria has a list of things that can help her get back to sleep on their nightstand. And the other two shouldn't wake up at all."

"Okay," I nodded. "Do they know why she collapsed?"

"They think she had an aneurysm caused by cancer spreading to her brain," He cried. "They had to put her on life support."

"I'm so sorry," I cried as I hugged him tightly. "Go. I'll be good here."

"You're sure?"

"You need to go be with your brother," He leaned down to give me a kiss on the cheek before grabbing his things and leaving the house. I watched as he drove away and then wandered into the kitchen to get a glass of water for bed. It was strange being in their house without any of the Cullen's being there with me and it gave me a chance to actually look around.

After getting my water, I found myself standing in front of the fireplace where they had all of their pictures hung. Most of the pictures were of the kids at different ages, including their most recent school photos. As I looked, a picture of their wedding day caught my eye. It seemed like it was an unplanned photo because James looked genuinely...happy. Like no one was telling him to smile or where to put his hands or how to stand. They were just holding each other and smiling. Another picture that I couldn't take my eyes off was a picture of the five of them in the hospital after Evalyn was born. The baby was in Victoria's arms, James was holding Clara and James was seated in between the two of them.

I suddenly felt guilty that Edward didn't have these kinds of pictures to hang up but I knew I needed to get a grip. Right now wasn't about me...hell it wasn't even really about Edward. It was about James and how to help him and his kids through this impossible time.

After I finished my water and put my glass in the dishwasher, I went upstairs to where I had put Ryan and crawled into bed next to him.

The next morning, I was awoken to footsteps outside of my door. I panicked at first before I remembered that Edward's parents were going to come before the kids woke up to tell them what was going on. Making sure Ryan was still soundly asleep, I slowly got out of bed and tiptoed outside of the room.

"Hi," I whispered to an exhausted looking Carlisle and Esme.

"Bella, did we wake you?" Esme asked.

"I couldn't really sleep," I shrugged. "How is...James?"

"He's trying to come to terms with everything before we bring the kids," Carlisle told me. "He wants to be strong but he's having a tough time."

"Of course he is," I closed my eyes. "I wanna help. What can I do?"

"This was more than enough, sweetie," Esme smiled weakly.

"How long are they going to keep her on life support?"

"They talked a lot when she was first diagnosed and she doesn't want to live her life with a machine keeping her alive," Carlisle told me. "Once the kids see her and say goodbye, they're going to...take her off."

"Bella, you and Ryan are more than welcome to stay here for as long as you want."

"Are you taking them now?"

"We're going to get them up and get them some breakfast before we go," Esme told me.

"Let me make breakfast." I offered.

"No, we couldn't..."

"Please. You two look incredibly tired. Go lay down and I'll make breakfast for everyone. I want to do this." They looked at each other and contemplated my offer before they both eventually agreed. They went into the master bedroom and I went downstairs to make breakfast.

From what was in the fridge and pantry, I figured James wasn't the one who went shopping and our options were limited. They did have almost an entire box of Bisquick, though, and everything that I needed to mix in it to make pancakes. I put everything together and started the griddle as I heard little feet on the stairs.

"Morning, mama!" Ryan jumped up on one of the stools. "What's for breakfast?"

"Pancakes," I smiled as I looked in the fridge for some kind of fruit. Thankfully, they had an entire package of blueberries and some strawberries. I took those out and started dishing everything out. Just as the last of the pancakes were finishing on the griddle, I heard more footsteps coming down the steps.

"Bella?" DJ asked as he rubbed his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Where are mommy and daddy?" Clara asked as she sat down on the stool next to Ryan.

"Ah..." I didn't want to overstep and wasn't sure what I was allowed to say.

"Your mom and dad are out right now, kids," Esme said as she and Carlisle came downstairs with the baby. " We need to tell you something." I finished putting everything on the plates and put them in front of the kids. I grabbed Evalyn from Carlisle and put her in her chair and gave her some blueberries and some cut up pancake.

"Your mommy got very sick last night after you went to bed," Carlisle said gently. "And your daddy had to take her to the hospital."

"Does she have a cold?" Clara asked and my heart broke for how innocent she was. She had no clue how sick her mom was and definitely didn't understand that her mom was never coming home.

"She's just very sick," Carlisle sighed and I had to admire how he was able to answer her question without lying to her but also without giving her too much information. She was six. She didn't need to know the gory details about her mother's illness. After eating and getting everyone dressed, Ryan and I headed home.

When we got home, he went right to playing with his action figures and I tried to play with him, but I just couldn't get into it. I couldn't get the Cullen's out of my head. I just had this sinking feeling that I needed to be there for them so I called my sister to see if she could watch Ryan for a few hours. I knew I promised once my test was done that I wouldn't be using my sister so much, but I just needed to do this one thing.

She didn't mind though. She was a wonderful sister and she hadn't spent a whole lot of time with Ryan lately because of Edward and the pregnancy. When she got to the apartment, Ryan handed me a get well picture for Victoria and I didn't even bother changing out of my sweats and Oxford sweatshirt I'd worn to bed.

When I got the Mass Gen, I had no idea where to go. I didn't think she would still be in the ER but would she be in the ICU? I knew I wasn't going to get information from a nurse since I wasn't immediate family so I decided to make my way up to the ICU and start there. When I got there, Edward was sitting with his parents and they were all just staring in front of them. James and the kids weren't in site so I knew that this was it.

"Hey," I whispered and Edward's head shot up.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. "Where's Ryan?"

"He's with Emily," I assured him. "I just...couldn't sit there while you guys were going through this. I know I can't-do anything but..."

"You being here is enough," He nodded as tears streamed down his cheeks. When I looked around the waiting room, there was no sign of a younger woman being here and I had to wonder where his precious girlfriend was.

"Edward?" He looked up. "Where's Charlotte?"

"Oh," He gulped, looking uncomfortable. "Hospitals make her nervous. She's at home."

"What?" I yelled, causing a scene. That girl had some nerve to not be there as her boyfriends family lost someone this important. And she couldn't have even been bothered to watch the kids last night.

She seemed like a real winner.

And Edward was too good for her.

"Yeah, it's fine though," I knew it wasn't. I knew this wasn't the time or place to tell him what I really thought of her so we just sat down together. We waited for what seemed like hours for James and the kids to come back to the waiting room.

"Bella," James whispered when he saw me sitting there. "Thank you for last night."

"Of course. I was happy to help," I nodded as Clara went to sit with Esme and DJ sat down next to Edward. James pulled Carlisle aside and the only sounds I could hear was Esme quietly singing to Clara. James disappeared back behind the doors and Carlisle came to sit next to DJ. A few minutes later, a social worker came to collect the kids so that the adults could go say their goodbyes. I tried telling everyone that I could just sit with the kids, but Edward wouldn't let go of my hand.

When we walked into the room, it didn't even look like Victoria laying in the bed. There were so many wires and tubes that it hid her face. I finally got Edward to let go of my hand and I stood in the back of the room to give them their time with her. Watching James sitting by her side broke my heart. I mean he wasn't the best guy and he'd been an ass to his brother, but he didn't deserve this.

No one did.

After the three of them said their goodbyes, we left to go back to the waiting room so James could have these last few moments alone with his wife. My eyes filled with tears as we sat there waiting. Ten minutes seemed like an eternity and when James finally showed himself again, Esme was out of her seat faster than ever and had her arms wrapped around her son's neck. I turned and rested my face on Edward's shoulder and tried to get a grip on things.

"Where are my kids?" James demanded to know as he pushed Esme off.

"With a social worker," Edward whispered.

"I need my kids. Please," He begged and Carlisle nodded as he grabbed his phone from his pocket. He stepped aside to make a call and I continued to sit with Edward. A few minutes later, the three kids came running towards their dad and Carlisle grabbed Evalyn from the social worker.

"Daddy, you're crying," Clara observed as she gently touched James' cheek.

"I am," He nodded and took a deep breath. He looked up at DJ and tried to grab his hand, but DJ pulled away. "Guys, I have some...really sad news."

"What?" DJ asked and I could tell he was trying to be brave for his sister.

"Mommy..." He sniffled. "Mommy went to heaven today."

"Heaven?" Clara asked. "I don't get it."

"It means she died!" DJ snapped as he pulled away from James. "Mom died and she isn't coming back."

"DJ!" Esme snapped as Clara began to wail.

"Kiddo," James sighed. "I'm so sorry..."

"No!" DJ yelled. "I hate this! I hate you!" He turned and started running down the hall.

"David James!" James yelled after his son.

"I've got him," Carlisle stood up, handed Evalyn to Edward and began chasing DJ down the hall. I watched as Clara sobbed into James' shirt and as Edward held the baby tightly in his arms. I watched as a family fell apart with grief and couldn't sit here any longer. I told Edward I was going to the bathroom and headed outside to my car.

I didn't know what had come over me. I had never been a very confrontational person, but I couldn't just sit there while she sat in her cushy apartment...making a mess and not being supportive. When I pulled into their parking lot, I considered turning around and going back to the hospital, but I couldn't. When I got to their door, I pounded on it.

"Hello?" SHe said when the door swung open.

"Your boyfriend's sister in law just died and you can't be bothered to go the hospital because they make you uncomfortable?" I yelled.

"Who are you?"

"You know it really sucks that you're here while they're going through this," I ignored her question. "Edward loves you and he needs you right now. You know that Victoria is the only one who ever gave a crap about him when he moved to London and the only one who supported him while he was over there."

"You need to leave," SHe tried shutting the door on me, but I pushed it back open. "I'm going to call the cops!" She threatened.

"You suck, Charlotte. He needs you and you're being extremely selfish," I was almost in tears. "He deserves better than this."

"You must be Bella," She put her hands on her hips. I nodded. "Sweetie, he had sex with you a few times six years ago. You need to let him go."

"This isn't about me!" I argued. "She died, by the way. Victoria, they pulled her off life support about a half an hour ago...in case you even care. Are you even gonna go to the funeral? Or do funeral homes make you nauseous?"

"Get away from me."

"You should really start thinking about what's most important to you," I said as I backed away. "Oh, and you should know...you aren't allowed near my son. Ever."

"Not unless Edward goes to court," My heart skipped a beat but then I took a deep breath and realized her threats were empty. Maybe this was a conversation we needed to have, but that was for another time and I wasn't going to waste my breath being worried right now.

"Have a good day, Charlotte," I turned and walked back to my car and started to cry once the door was shut.

What the hell had I just done?

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Well, there you go, folks! Many of you have been waiting (im)patiently for Bella to finally meet Charlotte and she definitely has met her now. I hope you enjoyed the somewhat dramatic first encounter between these two and realize that yes, Charlotte sucks but she's nice to Edward. So in other words, she's totally fake but we're going to deal with that on another day. _

_Thanks for reading!_


	21. This Ain't a Fairy Tale

**Chapter Twenty-One:** **This Ain't a Fairy Tale**

* * *

Once I got home that night, I made dinner for Ryan and I and tried not to think about the stupid thing I'd just done. Sure I thought Charlotte should have been there with the family, but who was I to go and yell at her? I just hoped that Edward would somehow find it in himself to understand and not totally rip me apart for what I did.

"Mama?" Ryan asked as I tucked him into bed.

"Yes, baby?"

"Where did you go today?" He asked.

"I went with your daddy somewhere."

"Where?" I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say to this little guy. He didn't know Victoria super well, but it was still something I wasn't sure how to explain. And I really didn't want to scare him by telling him that someone's mom wasn't coming home.

"Your dad and I were at the hospital today," I sighed.

"Are you sick?"

"No, sweetie, neither of us are sick," I smiled at him. "But your Aunt Victoria was sick."

"Clara's mommy?"

"Yeah, Clara's mommy," I bit my lip. "Honey, Aunt Victoria was very sick and...she passed away."

"Passed away?"

"She died, kiddo."

"Like Mufasa?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah," I nodded gently and I wished I could have read his mind at that moment.

"Are you gonna die?" My heart instantly shattered into pieces.

"Not for a long...long time."

"How long?"

"You're going to be all grown up and have a family of your own," I cried. "I'm not going anywhere. Not for a very long time, Ryan."

"I love you, mama," He cried as he wrapped his little arms around my neck.

"I love you too, baby," I cried as I squeezed him as hard as I could. After a crappy day, this was exactly what I needed and I didn't want to let go of him. I held him until I heard his deep breaths and knew he was asleep. I held him for a few minutes and then gently laid him down and pulled his covers up. I turned on his nightlight and left his bedroom.

As I was tidying up the living room, there was a loud knock on the door and I just hoped it wasn't Edward. I knew Charlotte would tell him what would happen and I knew he'd be mad, but I just didn't want to deal with him. Not yet and especially not when Ryan was sleeping. When I swung the door open, I couldn't believe my eyes.

A grief-stricken James was standing on my doormat.

"James?"

"I know you think I'm this awful person and you hate me...but I don't know what to do," He said as tears streams down his cheeks. I stepped aside and let him inside. I led him to the kitchen and made us some tea and he just kind of sat there with a blank look on his face.

"Where are the kids?" I asked softly.

"DJ doesn't want anything to do with me so he refused to leave my parent's side once we found him and left the hospital," He told me. "The girls are with Victoria's parents."

"I'm so sorry, James. I can't imagine what you're going through."

"How'd you do it?" He asked.

"Do what?"

"Be a single parent," Wow I was not expecting that. "Because I've been without Victoria for approximately eight hours and I'm already failing."

"You're not failing."

"My son won't even look at me."

"He's grieving."

"I was never there," He cried. "I mean I was around but I was more worried about providing for my family than being there at soccer games and family barbeques. I barely know my children and that's my fault."

"They love you."

"They don't know me," He shook his head. "Victoria would know what to do. If I was the one who died she would know what to do about DJ."

"DJ is the only one old enough to even kind of understand what's going on," I whispered. "He's angry. But you've got Clara who just needs her dad. You just need to be there...she just wants to feel loved."

"I'm a terrible father."

"You are not," I argued. "Yes, this is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. And you'll probably want to die. But you're their father. They love you and they need you. And little Evie...you're all she's ever going to know. You can have a fresh start with her...a start you didn't get with the other two because your priorities weren't straight."

"I'm sorry I was so terrible to you," He whispered and I couldn't believe my ears. "I had no place to say the things I said to you."

"No, you didn't. But I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," I was about to overstep again, but I couldn't help it. James needed his brother more than ever right now. "Edward loves you and you treated him like garbage."

"I know,"

"It's not too late," I tried telling him. "He wants to be there for you."

"He'd never forgive me."

"Give him a chance," I shrugged. "He might surprise you."

"So?"

"So what?"

"What's your secret?" He asked. "To single parenthood?"

"There is no secret," I shrugged. "It's a learning process. You'll make mistakes but as long as you have their best interest at heart I think it's definitely possible," He nodded. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"Why'd you come here to ask me this?" I asked. "Wouldn't your mother have been a good person to talk to?"

"I love my mom and I feel for what happened with her and my dad, but she doesn't get what it means to be a single parent."

"Didn't she raise you and your brother alone for a while?"

"She met Carlisle almost immediately," He shrugged. "And he was there for us from the start. That's part of the reason Edward and I love him so much," He explained. "You're the only one who even kind of knows what I'm going through."

"I wish I didn't," I said as a tear streamed down my cheek. "You should go. Be with your girls."

"He loves you, you know."

"W-what? Who?"

"My brother," He raised his eyebrows at me like I was crazy. "He loves you but he's too scared to admit it."

"Your brother loves his girlfriend."

"He says that because that's what's right," James sighed as he stood up. "But it's not true. No one believes him...I'm not even sure he believes himself."

"You're crazy," I shook my head.

"Maybe," He agreed. "But even though Edward and I haven't gotten along over the last few years, no one knows him like I do. Trust me."

"If you need help with the kids while getting ready for the..." I trailed off. "Funeral let me know. I'd be happy to help."

"Thank you," He said gently. "I appreciate that."

"Goodnight, James," I said as I shut the front door and made my way to my bedroom.

* * *

Over the next few days, Edward avoided me while he spent time with Ryan. If Charlotte had told him what happened, I couldn't blame him for acting like this. I just wished he would actually talk to me about like an adult. I didn't want to confront him about it because I just really didn't want to fight with him.

Things had been so good with us lately and I knew I'd jeopardized that when I went over and yelled at his girlfriend.

The day before the funeral, though, things took an ugly turn. Edward came over to Emily's house to pick Ryan up and he was in a foul mood. I wondered if Charlotte had done something but he glared at me, I decided enough was enough and took him into the backyard away from Ryan.

"I know this is a dumb question but is everything okay?" I asked.

"You're right, that is a dumb question."

"Charlotte told you," It wasn't a question. I knew she told him the day Victoria died but he hadn't confronted me about it yet.

"I just..."What the hell, Bella?" He yelled. "I had a nice little chat with Charlotte when I got home the other night," His face was turning red, but he wasn't screaming anymore. "She said some crazy lady who claimed to be Ryan's mother came by and screamed at her."

"Edward,"

"No, you don't get to interrupt me! It's my turn to talk." He put his foot down. "What the fuck were you thinking, Bella? Why would you ever think it was okay to go to my house and yell at my girlfriend?"

"She should have been at the hospital with you and your family."

"No, she didn't have to be!"

"That's part of what being in a relationship is, Edward. Hospitals make everyone uncomfortable but..."

"Her twin brother died in the hospital after a bike accident when they were kids. She's been scared of hospitals ever since." He told me. "I told her she didn't have to come if she didn't want to."

"But she should have wanted to!"

"That's not your concern, Bella!"

"Where was she last night when you called me to come watch the kids? Why wasn't she there in the morning to see Carlisle and Esme and help with breakfast?"

"Bella..."

"You deserve better than this, Edward."

"That's not for you to decide! You had no right going to my apartment and start attacking my girlfriend like that!" He was starting to yell again. "This is none of your business, Bella!"

"Edward..."

"I'm not your boyfriend anymore, Bella. Get over it!"

I felt the floor crumble beneath me and I felt sick to my stomach. I mean I knew we weren't together anymore but what he'd just said really hurt. I could feel my eyes burning with tears and when I looked back up at him, he looked regretful.

"Bella, I'm..."

"It's time for you to go," I sniffled as I looked away from him.

"What about Ryan?"

"He hasn't eaten lunch," I whispered. "If you want you can take him for something and drop him off at my apartment when you're done."

"Okay," He nodded. "Bella,"

"Just go," I shooed him and he was smart enough to listen to me. I stayed outside until Emily came to tell me the coast was clear. When she sat down next to me on the picnic bench, I knew I was about to get a lecture. I didn't really wanna hear it but I needed to.

At least I thought I needed to.

"You have to find a way to let go, Bella," She whispered.

"I let go a long time ago."

"No you didn't and that's okay," SHe sighed. "He's your first real love and the father of your child. I couldn't imagine trying to get over him."

"I spent so much time crying over him and I thought I'd moved past this," I cried. "And then he had to go show up and be the best dad ever and just..."

"He's still the guy you fell in love with," I nodded. "Ryan needs both of you. He didn't think he did until now but now that Edward's here...he won't ever remember a time without Edward. If you keep doing this to each other then Ryan will feel the repercussions."

"You're right," I rolled my eyes. "I hate when you're right."

"And if it's too much to be all best friends and co-parents, it might be easier for you to just be co-parents."

"What about Ryan?"

"Not being super friendly with him means you two don't get along and fight all the time. It just means that you're around each other because of Ryan but nothing else. You can be civil without being friends."

"Seems impossible."

"It might be what's best."

"I've gotten so used to this."

"And you'll get used to this new routine," She rubbed my back. "When's the funeral?"

"Tomorrow."

"Need me to take Ryan?"

"I'm going to bring him," I told her. "It'll be good for Clara to have a friend there. And the funeral home has a small room with some toys in it that they can play with."

"If you need me..."

"Could you actually come with me?"

"Of course," She agreed and wrapped her arms around my shoulder. "Love sucks, huh?"

"Sure does," I shook my head.

The next morning, I got Ryan and me up and ready for the funeral just in time for Emily to come pick us up. Once we got to the funeral home, I helped Ryan find Clara before going to find the Cullen's. James was with Esme at the front of the receiving line and I saw Edward standing with Edward near the casket. The Cullen's were always a family of great sophistication and although they looked well put together, there was something different about them today. They all look disheveled and just miserable.

Emily and I waited for almost thirty minutes before we reached James and Esme. I went to give James a hug and he practically collapsed in my arms. I had to admit, up until the other night I couldn't stand the guy. I thought he was rude and incredibly arrogant. But now, as we stood at his wife's funeral, I realized that he was just someone who had a hard upbringing. His terrible father was no excuse for how he was acting, but I was beginning to understand him more.

And right now, all he was was a grieving husband and confused father.

"Thank you for coming," He whispered as I went to hug Esme. "Both of you."

"Of course," Emily smiled as Esme gave her a warm smile. She probably could make anyone feel welcome at any place that's how great she was. I felt bad for my snap judgment when I first met her.

Emily and I waited another ten minutes before we made it to where Edward and Carlisle were standing near the casket. Edward and I hadn't spoken since our fight yesterday afternoon and Emily was right. I needed to let him go.

But I really didn't want to.

"It's good to see you, Bella," Carlisle whispered as he hugged me. "Is this your sister?"

"This is Emily," I introduced.

"It's nice to mee you," Carlisle smiled.

"Same to you. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"We do too," Carlisle nodded as Edward and I just stared at each other. I thought about what James said and what Emily said. Why did this have to be so complicated? As I was about to say something, Charlotte nudged me out of the way and attached herself to Edward's arm.

He looked more pissed off than anything when she did that.

"What are you doing here?" She whisper-yelled.

"I'm..." I remembered where I was and gained some control back. "I'm just paying my respects."

"Well...the casket is over there. Move along."

"Charlotte," Edward said through clenched teeth. She gave me a smug smile as Emily pulled me over to where Victoria was laying. I grabbed Emily's hand, said a quick prayer, and moved along. Emily left me to use the bathroom and I was about to go find Ryan when I heard soft cries coming from the janitors closet. When I pressed my ear to the door, it sounded like a child was crying and I gently knocked.

"Go away," DJ snuffled and I opened the door anyway. DJ was sitting on the floor with his knees at his chest. When he looked up at me, his eyes were red and his cheeks were puffy. I knew he'd been crying for hours. "I said go away," His voice cracked.

"Why are you in here all by yourself?" I asked as I ignored his pleas for some alone time and sat down next to him.

"I can't be out there," He cried. "Not with my mom just laying there like that."

"Yeah, funerals are not my favorite place either," I sighed. "But your dad could use your help."

"He has my grandparents and uncle," He shrugged. "Plus he's never needed me for anything."

"DJ, I cannot imagine what kind of pain you're feeling. I can't even begin to think about how hard this must be on you," I whispered. "But locking yourself in here all alone is only going to make the pain worse."

"How do you know?" He snapped. "Dad's never around. He's always at work and he's never made any effort to get to know me. I loved my mom and now she's just gone! How do you know what's going to make the pain worse?"

"I may not know what kind of pain you're feeling, but I understand pain. Just in a different way."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"When I got pregnant, I wasn't ready to be a mom," I explained. "I didn't think I could do it and it was really hard on me. For a long time, I kept to myself and I refused to expect any help."

"Yeah, but you got a baby in the end. Isn't that like the best thing ever?"

"My son is always going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me," I assured him with a smile. "But it was hard. And once I finally accepted everyone's help...it made it a lot easier."

"I still don't how this is supposed to help me."

"Surrounding yourself with the people you love is what will help you in the end," I sighed, remembering how young DJ really was. He was always so mature and I almost forgot he was still a kid.

"My dad doesn't love me," He cried.

"That's not true."

"He's never there. He yells a lot. He doesn't love us. Mom loves us."

"Your dad is doing the best he can."

"Yeah right!"

"He is," I repeated.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I really miss my mom," He cried as he leaned his head up against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and held him as he cried. I didn't know what else to say and knew that all he needed was to feel loved. After letting him cry and about fifteen minutes of encouraging him to go out and be with his dad, DJ eventually got up. I walked with him into the main room and teared up as he hugged James.

"Thank you," Edward whispered as he came and stood next to me. "I found him just before you got here and I couldn't get him to come out."

"I guess it's a mom thing," I smiled and looked up at him. "I know that you've got your hands full, but when you have a moment to breathe soon, I would like to talk to you."

"How about now?" He suggested.

"You need to keep your mind focused on your family," I sighed. "We have plenty of time to talk."

"I could use the distraction," He pleaded and I grabbed his hand and led him to an unused room and shut the door. "I'm really sorry..."

"It's my turn to talk," I shut him up. "You got yesterday."

"You're right. Go ahead."

"I'm sorry for butting in the other day," I whispered. "You were right. It was none of my business if Charlotte was with you at the hospital or not."

I get where you're..." I put my finger over his mouth to shut him up.

"My turn, remember?" I laughed. "You just have to understand how hard this is, Edward. Do you know what it's like to still be in love with you?"

"You..."

"Of course I still love you," I said as tears filled my eyes. "You were my first real love. The father of my child."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," I took a deep breath. "And it's because I still have feelings for you that I need to let go of you."

"Let go? What do you mean?"

"We need to do what's best for Ryan."

"Agreed."

"To do what's best for our son, I think we just need to be co-parents to him," the first tear streaked down my cheek. "We're obviously always going to be civil with each other, but...we need to distance ourselves."

"I don't wanna lose you,"

"Neither do I," I shrugged. "Which is why we need to do this."

"No, we can figure it out. It's just new..."

"It's been three and a half months. It's not that new anymore."

"Bella..."

"Please. It's hard enough watching you be with Charlotte. I can't...I can't keep this close to you. It hurts too much."

"So just like that...our entire friendship is out the window?"

"No," I shook my head. "This isn't going to be as bad as you think. It's just going to be easier."

"How is losing you going to be easier on me? Or vice versa?"

"You're not losing me,"

"I don't wanna do this."

"I'm asking you to help me out," I begged. "Please."

"Fine," He sighed as he stood up. "I need to get back."

"Don't hate me," I pleaded.

"I could never...ever hate you, Bella. I just need to get back."

"Sam is going to take Ryan tomorrow. Emily and I will be at the funeral."

"James will appreciate that," He gave me a weak smile and walked out of the room.

I felt incredibly stupid for just letting him walk away like that.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I'm sorry this took so long. I just couldn't seem to figure out what I wanted to write. I needed one or two more chapters before what I have planned can come out. And I'm going to admit that I don't really love this chapter, but it needed to be _written _. Thanks for your patience and I'll see you guys next chapter! Next chapter should be way better :)_ Thanks _guys!_


	22. Tears Stream Down Your Face

**Chapter Twenty-Two:** **Tears Stream Down Your Face**

* * *

The next month was absolutely insane. As Emily's due date approached, she was finally starting to get excited and was letting me throw her a baby shower. Since she'd already gone so long without knowing the sex, she was still determined to keep it a secret so I had to make sure everyone knew to get all gender neutral gifts. By the time the shower was over, I wasn't sure their little house was going to be big enough anymore.

Edward and I also got into a new routine. I could tell he was unhappy about what I was asking for, but he was respecting me. It wasn't like we wouldn't talk to each other if it wasn't about Ryan, but our child was our main focus. He didn't tell me about Charlotte anymore and I didn't call him for someone to vent my frustrations to. We were civil and we were co-parents.

And it was a lot harder to adjust to than I thought it would be.

But, because I was actually letting go of Edward, it allowed me to get closer to Jared. Edward understood the newness of our relationship and offered to take Ryan during dinner time a decent amount of time to give us time to go on dates. Once we'd been dating for four months, I realized that it was the longest time I'd been in a relationship with Edward. I had tried before, but most guys didn't want to be dating the twenty-three-year-old with a two-year-old at home.

Since we were spending more time together, we grew closer and we eventually agreed that we were serious about each other. He asked to meet Ryan and even though I wasn't totally ready for that yet, I knew it was something that would come with more time. But then if I let Jared meet Ryan, I would probably have to let Charlotte meet him and I definitely wasn't ready for that.

Not knowing what else to do with his kids, James was constantly calling and coming over for advice. He was in the process of hiring a nanny because he needed to go back to work soon, but his boss was being really good about everything. I also knew that his work would be a welcomed distraction from his grief and I understood that he was someone who needed to work. Losing Victoria was devastating, but he knew he needed to take care of his family. I was doing what I could, but he did need the help of a professional.

He was still learning what it took to be a good dad and a good nanny would help him with that.

As the month of June passed, I became increasingly anxious at the thought of getting my bar exam results. I felt like a sitting duck as I waited and I knew Jared was feeling the same way. Most of our conversations began without even saying hello to each other, we would simply ask if anything came in the mail. Some people might have thought we were in a strange relationship, but I thought it was cute. It fit us as a couple perfectly.

For the first time in a really long time, things were actually pretty good. I couldn't believe the relationship Edward was building with Ryan. I never thought he would ever know his dad and now when he had to go an entire day without Edward, he cried. Not only that, but Edward and I had a good relationship too. It wasn't like I'd always hoped it would be, but what we had worked. It was different, but it wasn't bad.

I was happy.

"He refused to nap today," I told Edward when he came by to pick Ryan up for their day at the pool. "So he might be kind of crabby."

"Thanks for the warning," He sighed as Ryan ran into the room and jumped into Edward's arms. I handed him everything they would need for the pool plus a dry change of clothes for after. As they were heading out the door, Jared was pulling into the parking lot. I grabbed my purse and headed out to his car for our lunch date.

"Hi," I smiled as I slid into the car. He leaned over and gently placed his lips on mine.

"Hi," He whispered. "Where do you wanna go eat?"

"I'm in the mood for a really good grilled cheese," I laughed as he turned the key in the ignition and put the car into drive.

"I know just the place," He assured as he pulled out of the parking spot. We drove into the city and pulled into a small parking lot to a building with _DINER_ painted on the wall. "It's not much, but I found this place when I was desperate to get out of my dorm my junior year at Harvard."

I smiled at him as he took my hand. "I had a place like this in New York. It had the best coffee." He held the door open for me and I walked in front of him. We were seated immediately. It was a quaint little diner with only about twenty tables. We were handed menus and the host took our drink orders.

As Jared and I grew more comfortable with each other, dates like these became my favorite things. Since I had Ryan, it was rare that I was available at night. I just wasn't ready to keep leaving Ryan at night while I went on a date. It just didn't feel right. So we had a lot of lunch dates with he was with Edward during the day. It kept me busy and I really loved the time we got to spend together.

"Wow," I gushed after I took a bite of my grilled cheese. "This is good."

"They use like three kinds of cheese," Jared laughed as he took a bite of his burger. "I told you it was good. Best in Boston if you ask me."

I laughed. "When you're right, you're right."

"How's Emily?"

"She's at the stage in her pregnancy where she's just tired of being pregnant," I told him. "Last week she told me she just wanted to give birth so she didn't feel the need to nap three times a day."

"My sister was the same way," He remembered. "But she was way more cranky than Em seems to be."

"She saves that for Sam apparently," I laughed. "He came to our apartment the other day practically in tears because he couldn't do anything right."

"Oh," He sighed. "Michael never cried about the pregnancy."

I rolled my eyes. "He must be more manly than Sam."

"Sarah is more manly than Michael."

"You're terrible."

"I'm honest. He's the softy of their family."

"There's nothing wrong with having a soft side."

"You're right," He gave in.

After finishing lunch, we went to see the new Spiderman movie and I had to admit he picked a good movie to watch. Sure I would still always love Tobey Maguire, but the new guy did a good job. After the movie was over, he invited me over but I knew Edward would be feeding Ryan dinner soon and dropping him off. It was time for me to head home.

"Thanks for another great date," I smiled as he walked me to my door. "I had a good time."

"Me too," He leaned down and pressed a kiss against my lips. We stood there for a while before I finally pulled away and said goodbye and headed inside. I went up to my room to change my clothes and went to pour myself a glass of wine. Just as I was settling down onto the couch to wait for Ryan and Edward, my phone began buzzing.

"Hey!" I chirped into the phone. "I was thinking that we need to get you pampered before your due date..."

"Bella," Emily's voice was full of concern.

"What's the matter?"

"I think..." She was crying. "I think my water broke."

"What?" I screeched. She wasn't due for another eight weeks or so. It was way too early.

"I was taking a bath and I felt something like...pop and then the water got all murky," She was almost hysterical now. "Sam's at the store and I can't get ahold of him. Bella..."

"I'll be right there," I promised running into my room to put shoes on and get my purse. I raced down to my car and was hopeful there wouldn't be much traffic since it was still kind of early on a Monday afternoon. I called Sam, but it went right to voicemail and I made sure he knew which hospital I was taking Emily to. When I got to their house, I used my emergency key and let myself in.

"Emily!" I called as I ran upstairs and found her in the master bedroom. She was just sitting on the bed crying and holding her stomach. "Come on, we're going to the hospital."

"I don't want to lose him," She sobbed as I helped her down the stairs.

"We're going to take care of you," I promised as we walked to my car. I helped get her into the car and then raced to the driver's side. I started driving and grabbed my phone, finding Edward's number and putting it on speaker.

"Hey we were just going to head back," He told me. "Ryan, buckle up, bud."

"I need you to keep him."

"You okay?" He heard the panic in my voice.

"Emily thinks her water broke so we're taking her to the hospital," I explained. "Just keep him with you."

"Isn't it a bit early?" He asked which caused Emily to cry even harder. "Shit. Sorry."

"Yes, it's early. Just please tell me you can keep Ryan with you?"

"Of course. Which hospital are you taking her to?" He asked.

"Mass Gen."

"I'll call my dad. Get him to meet you there."

"Really?"

"I mean he's a heart doctor but he'll make sure she's in good hands."

"Thanks, Edward," I whispered as I saw Emily's eyes clench shut. "Bye." I hung the phone up and promised Emily that we were almost there. Once we got there, I found the ER parking and helped her inside. Carlisle was waiting for us with the papers needed and a whole OB staff following him. Just as they started checking her out, Sam ran through the automatic doors.

"Where is she?" He demanded to know as I walked over to him.

"They're looking her over," I told him as I led him to the bay where Emily was. She reached for Sam and they clung to each other.

"We need to do an ultrasound," The OB demanded. Since it was getting a bit crowded, I told Sam and Emily I would be outside waiting. I sat down and tried to calm myself down, but I just couldn't seem to. When Sam came out of the room, I was crying.

"What's going on?" I asked as I jumped up.

"Her water broke," He bit his lip. "The baby is coming."

"She's eight weeks early."

"There isn't anything they can do," He shrugged. "They're admitting her and taking her up to the maternity floor.

"I wanna see her."

"She doesn't wanna see anyone," He held me back. "She doesn't even want me there with her but she doesn't have much of a choice."

"Tell her I love her," I sniffled as he ran back to her. I followed them upstairs but didn't go any further than the waiting room. I called our mom and she promised to be there as soon as possible. Not knowing what else to do, I just sat down and put my face in my hands.

After thirty minutes of waiting, Sam came out with an update that she was already dilated five centimeters. This baby really was coming. Once he went back in with Emily, the elevator doors opened and Edward walked out.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I jogged over to him. He enveloped me in a giant hug and I suddenly felt safe again. "Where's Ryan?"

"With my mom," He said. "I couldn't just stay there when I knew you were going to be by yourself."

"Charlotte probably hates this."

"Who cares?" He asked. "You're important to me, Bella. And I know you asked me to give you your space and I'll do that, but not tonight. You need a support system because that baby is your niece and nephew. They're an important part of your life."

"Thanks for coming," I cried as I hugged him again.

The wait was long. Ever thirty minutes or so Sam came out with an update, but it was all just the same. Her labor seemed to be pretty quick because after only two hours she was already dilated two more centimeters. As I sat with Edward, I wondered what being born eight weeks early would be like for this baby. But I also wondered what gender the baby was.

I was hoping for a girl to spoil.

After three hours, mom called with flight information for the next day at seven in the evening. It was the earliest they had and she just reminded me to be there for Emily. Once I hung up, I rested my head on Edward's shoulder and he covered me with the flannel he'd walked in wearing. I snuggled up with it and took in his scent. He always smelled good.

Finally, at one in the morning, a doctor in green scrubs came out and called Emily's name. I rushed over to her and Edward followed behind me.

"How's my sister? And the baby?" I asked.

"Your sister did well," She assured me.

"And the baby?"

"They've taken her to the NICU in order to get oxygen and checked out. She's very small, but we've got an incredible team here."

"She?" I asked. "It's a girl?"

"It is. Congratulations, aunt," She smiled. "I wish this was a more happy day for all of you."

"When can I see Emily?"

"She's asked for privacy for the time being, but her husband promised to come get you when she's ready."

"Thank you," A tear fell down my cheek and she disappeared again. I turned and rested my head against Edward's chest and he stood there with me and rubbed my back in an attempts to comfort me. We sat down again and I rested my head on his shoulder again. It just felt safe being in close to him.

"How long were you in labor for?" Edward asked after we'd been sitting together for a few minutes.

"A day and a half," I smiled. "And then I had the c-section because I'd been in labor for thirty hours and had only dilated six centimeters."

"You're a trooper."

"If circumstances were different, I'd be giving Emily such crap for only having an eight-hour labor."

"One day you'll be able to," He squeezed me as the elevator doors opened again. I looked up and my mouth dropped open when I saw Charlotte walking towards us. "Char, what are you doing here?

"You didn't come home," She nearly yelled. "You said you were taking the kid to the pool at noon and I haven't seen you since."

"Why are you here?" He repeated. "And lower your voice!"

"I called your mom to see where you were," She crossed her arms. "You did it again, Edward."

"Did what?"

"Chose her over me!"

"Charlotte this is not the time," He shook his head. "I'm sorry I didn't call but something terrible happened and I came here to comfort Bella."

"You're always choosing her over me! You need to pay attention to me, Edward."

"I do pay attention to you!" He nearly yelled and I squeezed his knee to try and calm him down. The last thing I needed was him getting thrown out of the hospital for causing a scene. Plus it was late and people were trying to sleep.

"One day you're going to go to her and come home and I won't be there anymore, Edward."

"Okay," He nodded and I covered my mouth to keep from laughing.

"You're making a big mistake..."

"You need to leave, Charlotte," I heard Carlisle grumble from behind us. When we turned around he looked fucking pissed and I smiled triumphantly when she didn't even argue and turned to leave. "How's your sister?"

"She had a girl," I tried smiling. "I don't know much else."

"We have excellent NICU staff. Some of the best in the country. That baby is being well taken care of."

I nodded. "Thanks,"

"What are you doing here, Edward?" He turned to his son.

"I knew Bella's mom wouldn't be here yet," He shrugged. "Ryan's with mom."

"Oh, goodie. I'll have something to look forward to when I wake up," He laughed. "Well, I just wanted to come say goodbye. I'll see you in the morning."

"Bye, dad."

"Bye," I smiled as he turned to leave. when I turned back around, I saw Sam rounding the corner. He silently waved for me to follow him and Edward stayed seated. When I got back to the room, Emily was crying and her blanket was covering her face. "How're you feeling?"

"I don't wanna talk," She coughed. "I just wanna hold my baby."

"What's her name?"

"No," She shook her head. "If we name her..."

"What's her name?" I prompted again. I looked at Sam who looked like he wanted to say but wasn't going to without Emily's permission. "I know it's hard but she's your daughter. You have a baby girl. Celebrate her."

"Sam...you tell her."

Sam nodded. "Her name is Miranda Lynn"

"That's really pretty," I smiled, biting my lip.

"Miranda means wonderful," Emily bit her lip. "What if we never get to know how wonderful she is? She's only four pounds...I mean she's so small and innocent."

"This is one of the best hospitals," I whispered. "That's why I brought you here."

"I don't care how good of a hospital this is!" She snapped. "Until my baby is back in my arms..." Her eyes glazed over. "I didn't do anything wrong. I was so careful."

"This isn't your fault," Sam whispered as he sat down next to Emily and held her. I decided to give them their space and went out to the lobby to tell Edward he could leave. I was able to be with my sister and I wanted him there with Ryan.

When I walked into the waiting room, he had a white teddy bear, a card, and flowers in his hands.

"I went to the gift shop," He shrugged when I saw him eyeing the items in his arms. "I wanted to do something to help...even if it's small."

"Thank you," I whispered. "For everything."

"How's the baby?"

"She's small. She's only four pounds," I told him and my eyes began filling with tears again. "Emily's always wanted to be a mom and that chance got taken away from her before. And now she makes it seven months and she's being threatened. This isn't fair!"

"I know," He whispered as he pulled me into another hug.

"We weren't even trying!" I laughed. Nothing about this situation was funny but I couldn't help it. "We weren't trying to get pregnant and we were so lucky with Ryan. My sister is a good person...I knew how jealous she was but she never showed it when I was pregnant. And now this is what life throws at her?"

"Life sucks," Was his brilliant response. "I mean look at James. He is not the greatest guy but the word decided to take Victoria from those kids instead."

"Why is the world so screwed up? And cruel? They don't deserve this. That baby doesn't deserve this."

"I know," He rubbed my back, trying to comfort me. As much as I didn't want to be doing this with Edward, I needed it. Miranda wasn't my child but she was my sister's and she was already so special to me as my niece. Emily deserved to be happy. She did everything right. She went to college and then got married and then got pregnant. I was the girl who got knocked up and couldn't even find the father.

"What'd they name her?" He asked softly.

"Miranda," I smiled. "Miranda Lynn."

"Beautiful," He sighed as we sat back down together.

"You can go if you need to."

"I don't have anywhere I need to be."

"I want you there when Ryan wakes up," I bit my lip. "Your mom and dad are great with him and I trust them but...I'll feel more at peace if you're with him."

"Whatever you need," He assured me as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I looked up with tired eyes and found his beautiful green ones. I felt calmer as I stared at him and found myself leaning closer. Our lips were just about to touch when I heard footsteps and pulled back from him. I turned to see Sam standing in front of me, looking even more exhausted.

"Emily's asking for you to come back," He whispered.

I nodded. "Okay," I turned back to Edward. "I'll be sure to give these to Emily and tell her you were here."

"Yeah."

"Thanks for coming," I smiled sadly. "I couldn't have sat here by myself all night."

"You let me know what else you need. Or if Sam and Emily need anything."

"I will."

"Bye, Bella," He leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek. He stood up and walked towards the elevator and I realized in that second that everything we'd done this past month was just turned to shit. We were suddenly right where started at the funeral and I blew my hair out of my face.

Edward was always going to be a huge part of my life and I needed to learn to embrace that rather than run from it. I needed to learn how to be more than co-parents with him without falling apart.

But, right now, everything was about Emily and my beautiful niece Miranda.

Miranda Lynn Uley.

She was already everything to this family. As I walked back to the room, I took a few calming breaths because I needed to be strong for my sister. She was my rock when I got pregnant and when Ryan was a newborn. I needed to be her rock. That's what sisters were for.


	23. I Just Have to Admit

**Chapter Twenty-Three:** **I Just Have to Admit**

* * *

After finding coffee and a snack, I headed back upstairs to my sister and Sam. I handed Sam his coffee and Emily her water and slumped down in the chair by her bed. I was exhausted, but I refused to leave the hospital. I needed to be there for her and I knew Ryan was safe with his dad and grandparents.

"You should go," Emily whispered as my eyes grew heavy. "Get some sleep. See your kid."

"I'm fine. And Ryan is with Edward."

"You're falling asleep."

"I'm okay, Emily."

"I appreciate you staying here all night with us, but you need to take care of yourself," The big sister in her was coming out. "Go home and sleep and shower and kiss your baby."

"I don't want to miss anything."

"It's just a waiting game right now, Bella," Sam sighed.

"He's right. We'll call you when we know something," They were right. I was absolutely exhausted and I wanted to be alert when I finally picked Ryan up. I reluctantly got up, determined if I was okay to drive, and said my goodbyes. I sent a quick text to Edward, telling him I was heading home to nap and got in my car.

When I got home, I grabbed the mail and went to my bedroom so I could sleep. I changed into my PJ's, slipped under the covers, and fell asleep almost immediately. Before I knew it, the alarm I had set was going off and I didn't think I'd be able to get out of bed. But I knew I needed to go get Ryan and get back to see Emily. I checked my phone and I hadn't gotten anything from my sister, but Jared had sent me five messages, my mom sent me two and Edward had replied to my earlier message.

All of Jared's messages demanded I go check the mail immediately.

Once I got myself out of bed, I stumbled to where I'd set the mail on my way inside and began flipping through it. Most of it was junk mail with a few bills and then...I saw it.

"Holy shit," I whispered as I tore open the envelope that held my entire future. It was my bar exam results and I held my breath as I unfolded the letter. I must have read the sheet of paper twenty times before realizing what it was saying. I had passed. I passed my bar exam.

I was officially a lawyer.

"Holy shit," I repeated as I grabbed my phone and dialed Jared's number.

"So?" He asked.

"I passed!" I screeched as tears of joy started streaming down my cheek. "You?"

"I passed," I let out a breath of release.

"Congratulations!" We both said at the same time.

"Were you out with Ryan this morning?" He asked as I sat down at the kitchen table.

"What?"

"Were you and Ryan out earlier?"

"No, why?"

"Because I've been trying to get ahold of you all morning."

"Sorry, I was napping."

"You feeling okay?"

"I didn't get any sleep last night."

"Is Ryan sick?"

"Emily had the baby."

"Wait...she's only seven months along right?"

"Yeah. It's a girl. Her name is Miranda and she's only four pounds."

"Wow," He sighed. "Why didn't you tell me last night? I would have come and sat with you."

"I was okay."

"Were you alone?"

"No, Edward was there."

"He...was?" He asked. "Why was he there?"

"I called to ask if he could keep Ryan for the night, and he kind of just showed up at the hospital."

"I would have been there for you, Bella. He didn't need to come."

"I didn't ask him to be there."

"I know but..."

"Jared, I can't do this right now," I sighed pushing the conversation I knew we needed to have aside. I knew he was hurt by the fact that Edward was there and he wasn't, but it wasn't a competition.

"Bella," He wined.

"I have to go take a shower so I can go see Ryan and then hopefully get back to the hospital," I sighed. "We'll talk but not right now."

"Okay," He said after a long pause and I felt awful. He was right. He was my boyfriend and he should have been sitting with me last night. It was nice of Edward to be there but he wasn't my boyfriend. Jared was and I hadn't treated him right last night.

After taking a shower, I texted Edward to tell him I would be over to see Ryan in a little bit. I grabbed a few books Emily had been wanting to read and some old magazines. I knew it wasn't something she'd probably do, but I wanted her to be able to keep busy if she wanted to. SHe would only drive herself crazy if she just sat there waiting for information. I also grabbed some old clothes for her to wear instead of the uncomfortable hospital gown.

After the car was packed, I headed over to the Cullen's house.

When I got there, Ryan was playing with Clara, Evie was wondering around the living room and getting into everything while DJ read quietly on the couch. James and Edward were in the living room talking and the grandparents were in the kitchen, probably getting lunch ready.

"Mama!" Ryan yelped as he dropped his foam sword and ran to me. "I had a sleepover with Nana and Papa!"

"I know, baby," I picked him up and kissed his cheeks. I held him extra tight in an attempt to calm myself down. I didn't even realize how much I needed Ryan until right now with him in my arms. "What are you and Clara doing?"

"We're knights," Clara told me. "We're the good guys."

"Are there bad guys?" I prompted.

"Of course!" Ryan laughed and then he quickly turned his head. "Come on Clara! They're going to get the princess if we don't stop them!" They ran upstairs as Esme came into the living room.

"How is she? How's the baby?"

"Emily's doing okay...physically," I whispered. "The baby is small and I don't know much right now. But the last I heard she was at least stable."

"I'll have Carlisle check on everything when he goes in later today."

"He doesn't have to."

"Families check in on each other," She winked as I made eye contact with Edward. He motioned for me to follow him so I did. He walked us onto the back porch and made sure the doors were shut before he said anything.

"Everything okay?" I asked as I cocked an eyebrow at him. He was being pretty secretive.

"I broke up with Charlotte," My eyes bugged out of my head. "Last night when I got home. We got into a big fight and she told me I needed to choose between you and Ryan and her."

"What a catch," I said under my breath. Everything that she'd done since she moved here made me wonder what Edward even saw in her in the first place. I mean they dated for two years so something had to be good about her.

"I chose you and Ryan without hesitating," He shrugged. "I love him. And if she can't understand that you're part of the package then she isn't worth the hassle."

"I don't want to be the reason you and your serious girlfriend broke up..."

"You're not," He promised. "I've been thinking about it for a while and last night just...really showed me her true colors. I never realized how self-centered she was until she demanded I choose between my son and her."

"Are you okay?"

"I feel like an idiot for wasting two years of my life with her."

"I'm sure it wasn't a waste of time."

"I'm almost thirty-two, Bella," He shrugged. "I'm past the point in casual dating."

"Did you think you two would get married?"

"Before the move...before I found out about Ryan..." He trailed off. "Yes. I did. But I also didn't know who she was. She'd never acted like that before."

"She probably didn't like sharing you," I whispered.

"You're probably right," He nodded. "This whole thing brought out a really ugly side to her and I'm honestly glad it's over."

"When we met you didn't even want a casual relationship because it was too much of a commitment," I mused.

"You changed that," He smiled. "But right now, I just want to focus on my relationship with Ryan. He's the most important person in my life right now."

"He loves you," I smiled. "Like a lot."

"The feeling is mutual."

"So...you're good?"

"I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders," He shook his head. "She's at the apartment packing. I told her she had until tomorrow to get out."

"Where are you going to be until then?"

"Here," He shrugged. "James is still staying here and I can tell everyone's kind of rattled. Plus he could always use the help with the kids."

"How's the nanny hunt coming?" I asked as we headed back inside.

"He's narrowed it down to five," He explained.

"I'm going to see how they are with the kids and if the kids like her before hiring one," James interrupted as I walked over to give him a hug. "How's your sister?"

"As good as she can be," I sighed, tired of answering the question.

"Bella, are you staying for lunch?" Esme popped her head out of the kitchen. I looked at Edward who smiled at me and nodded a yes to her. After ten minutes, she called everyone to the dining room and I didn't think lunch could ever look so good.

Or be so fancy.

"Mama, can we go play with Aunt Emily today?" Ryan asked and I dropped my fork. Everyone looked up at me and was staring at me waiting for me to respond. How did I tell a five-year-old that his aunt had her baby too early and the baby might not make it?

I looked at Edward and shook my head, really not knowing what to do. "Buddy there's something we need to tell you."

"What?" He asked as he stuffed macoroni in his mouth. Edward looked at me to tell me it was my turn to talk now.

"Aunt Emily had her baby," I whispered.

"Really?" He asked excitedly. "Can we go play with him?"

"Your new little cousin is a girl," I smiled. "Her name is Miranda."

"Awe," He pouted but he smiled at me again. "Can we go play with her?" I looked around and met eyes with Carlisle.

"Ryan," He said softly. "When babies are growing in their mommy's belly, they need nine whole months to grow. That's almost a year."

"That's a long time."

"It is a long time. But your Aunt Emily's baby only got to grow for seven months."

"Oh," He looked up at me.

"Remember seven is a smaller number than nine?" I asked and he held his fingers up to count them. Once he'd figured it out he looked up at me and nodded. "So Aunt Emily's baby didn't get the whole time she needed to grow."

He was still confused. "Right now, bud, the baby needs to stay in the hospital so the doctors and nurses can help her grow," Carlisle explained.

"Can I see her?" He asked and I knew he still didn't understand. I knew this was complicated for him and Carlisle could only say so much. I nodded and we finished our lunch in almost complete silence. Ryan went back to talking to Clara about being knights but that was the only conversation being had. Once we were finished eating, I got Ryan together so he could go see Emily in the hospital.

I thanked the Cullen's for their help and took Ryan to the car. I buckled him in his seat and made my way to the hospital. When I looked in the rearview mirror, Ryan was playing with his fingers nervously. I wished I could tell him everything would be okay, but I didn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep. When we got to the hospital, I had to hold tight to Ryan's hand so he wouldn't go running inside without me. I walked the two of us to the same room Emily was in this morning and she looked a whole lot better already.

"Aunt Emily!" Ryan ran into the room and nearly jumped on her. Thankfully Sam caught him. He hugged his nephew tightly and gently placed him on the bed next to Emily. At first, I was worried that she would start resenting him but then she hugged him tightly and burst into tears. "Watsa matter?" He gently placed his tiny hand on her cheek.

"I'm just happy to see you," She whispered. "A beautiful...healthy baby."

"I'm not a baby!"

"No, you're not."

"Where's the baby?" He asked. "Ah..." He turned to look at me. "What's she called?"

"Her name is Miranda, sweetie," I smiled down at him as I went to stand next to Sam.

"Yeah. Where's Miranda? I wanna see her."

"Me too," Emily bit her lip and Sam stepped in.

"She's with the doctors, kiddo," He told him. "You wanna come with me to get Aunt Emily a snack?"

"Yeah!" He hollered, jumping out of bed and running towards the door.

"You haven't even seen her yet?" I asked as I sat down in Sam's chair.

"We did for a few minutes earlier today," She whispered. "She's beautiful. She looks like Sam."

"What have the doctors told you?"

"That...there are a lot of milestones she needs to meet before she can come home with us. The biggest thing is learning to breathe and regulate her own body temperature without the NICU."

"And the survival rate?"

"They say she's moderately premature," She shrugged. "So she has a ninety-eight percent chance of surviving."

"That's good news."

"It doesn't make this any less scary."

"She's a fighter."

"How do you know?"

"You're her mom," I said matter of factly. "How could she not be a fighter?"

"You're the best little sister a girl could ask for," She cried as I stood up and hugged her.

Ryan and I spent the rest of the afternoon at the hospital with Sam and Emily. Since they were the only ones allowed in the NICU for the time being, I had to settle with photo's and Emily was right, Miranda really did look like Sam. She had a big black tuff of hair on the top of her head and beautifully tanned skinned. She was was small but she was the second most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. I wanted to stay at the hospital until our Mom arrived, but Ryan was really fighting to stay awake. It had been a long day for everyone so we packed up our things after finishing our dinner.

When we got home, I spent a little extra time holding him before getting him in the bath. I took a little more time watching him play in the tub and paid closer attention to him as I washed his hair and body. When he was clean, I wrapped him up in the monkey towel he got for his birthday from a friend at preschool and let him pick out the PJs he wanted to wear to bed. I let him choose three stories since I didn't get to read to him the night before, but he was fast asleep before I even finished the first book. I closed the book, kissed him on the cheek and turned his nightlight on.

Even though I'd taken a nap this morning, I was still exhausted from my lack of sleep last night. I changed into my own PJs and made myself a cup of tea in order to try and put me to sleep. I cozied up on the couch with a rerun of Friends and felt my eyes getting heavy as I stared at the TV. After an episode, I decided it was time to turn in for the night and turned the TV off. As I was putting my mug in the sink, I noticed my letter on the kitchen table and realized I never told anyone about passing the bar exam.

This time needed to be about Emily, Sam, and Miranda though. The time would come where I could tell them the good news, but for now, I was okay with keeping it to myself.

I turned off the lights and headed down the hall to my room when I heard a soft knock on the door. Looking at the clock I realized it was still early but wondered who would be coming to the apartment right now. I swung the door open and was surprised to see Edward.

"Hey?" It came out as a question. "You okay?"

"We need to talk," He said as he pushed passed me and walked into the living room. I reached down and turned the lamp back on and waited for him to talk. I was ready for him to tell me he'd reconciled with Charlotte and they'd eloped. That would be my luck.

"You're kind of scaring me, Edward."

"I'm ready."

"For what?"

"To jump."

"To..." He cut me off.

"I'm ready to jump with you, Bella."

"What are you talking about?"

"When we were together in London we thought it was such a dumb idea to be together because you were leaving in May," He ranted. "And then we decided to jump because it was better to be together for a short amount of time than not at all."

"Edward..."

"You jump I jump, Jack," He breathed and I couldn't believe him. I'd said that to him right after Riley got hurt and we were so unsure about the future. Last I'd heard, he still hadn't watched Titanic so he was saying that because he remembered me saying it. "Say something."

"Wow," I took a deep breath. "This is so not the time."

"I know life is crazy for you right now..."

"I'm with Jared."

"You don't have to be."

"Edward,"

"I'm ready," He said. "I know I wasn't when we were in London and Charlotte kept messing things up...but I'm ready now."

"You two just broke up."

"I should have broken up with her months ago."

"This is too much," I had tears in my eyes.

"Look, I know for the last few months you haven't been able to count on me," He looked away. "But you can now. You can count on me, Bella. I'm ready."

"Ready for what exactly?"

"To be with you like we always planned."

"We never planned to be together long term."

"I was always thinking about it in my head. I was always planning and I know you were too."

"This is ridiculous."

"Why?"

"Because so much more is at stake now, Edward!" I whisper-yelled. "We have a child together. If things don't work out between us we put him in the middle. We go to court and things get all messed up."

"But what if this is meant to work out?" He asked. "Every kid dreams of having their parents together. I know you do."

"My dad is a dick. Phil is much better for my mother."

"But when he initially left I know you wanted them back together," He was right. I dreamed of the day my dad would come home and things would go back to normal. "We can have a normal life. A normal family."

"What we have going works."

"You need to leave."

"Bella, please," Now he was the one begging me.

"This is too much, Edward. And not the time."

"Where was Jared last night?"

"What?"

"Your boyfriend," He shook his head. "Where was he when your sister was giving birth eight weeks early?"

"I didn't call him."

"You called me."

"Because of Ryan!" I exclaimed. "And I didn't ask you to come."

"When Victoria went into the hospital the last time...you were the one I wanted there. Not Charlotte. I wanted you there."

"Edward,"

"I love you."

"Edward," I repeated.

"And I know this is bad timing and everything seems impossible but you need to know that I love you," He had tears in his eyes. "And...I wanna jump."

"We can't just jump."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere."

"Were you just stringing Charlotte along?" I asked. "Why didn't you break up with her earlier?"

"Because I was confused as hell," He admitted. "It took a long time after you left to start moving on. I...I didn't want to get hurt again. Charlotte seemed safe."

"So..."

"Daddy?" Ryan's tired voice asked from the other side of the room. Shit. I didn't realize how loud we were being. "Why are you here?"

"I came to see your mom," Edward smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry we woke you, baby," I apologized as I made my way over to him. Halfway to him, though, I realized his PJ pants had a large, dark spot in the front and realized he'd had an accident.

"I hada accident," He cried as he reached for me.

"It's okay. We'll get you all cleaned up," I kissed his hair and turned to Edward. "We'll talk later."

"Please..."

"I have to take care of him, Edward," I snapped as I disappeared into Ryan's room.

"I'm sorry, mama," He hadn't wet the bed in over a year so I was surprised it had happened at all. But it was nothing we couldn't take care of so I just gave him a warm smile.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"I think so," He nodded as he wiped his eyes. I heard Edward come into the room and I turned to face him.

"Can I help?" He asked quietly.

"Can you strip his bed and put new sheets on?" I asked and he nodded. "His extra sheets are in the hall closet. They have sharks on them."

"Okay," He whispered as he went back into the hall. I stripped Ryan out of his PJs and undies and got him into dry clothes. Edward remade his bed and we both tucked him into bed. He requested another story and asked Edward to read it to him. I gave him the book he'd picked out earlier and sat in the rocking chair while Edward sat next to him. He only got five pages in before Ryan was breathing heavily and we both left the room.

"Does that happen a lot?" He asked as I walked him to the front door.

"It hasn't happened in like a year," I shrugged. "He had a bad dream. He'll be okay."

"Bella, I..."

"Later," I promised. "I can't do this now, Edward."

"I know," He nodded sadly and turned to leave. "Just...I wasn't kidding. I'll wait. I wanna jump."

"Bye, Edward."

"See ya," He walked down the hallway as I shut the door.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Well he finally admitted how he was feeling. I know this won't please some of you but it's what felt right. I wanted him to finally end things with Charlotte and for everyone to know that he's always been in love with Bella. He's human. He was trying to do the right thing by his girlfriend and that was to be faithful to her and try to make things work. But now she's gone and I couldn't be happier. I also never intended for Charlotte to become the _villain _, but it kind of happened and I know most of you hate her!_ Also _, it seemed unrealistic for Bella to go right back to Edward just like that. They have a long road ahead of them. Be patient with Edward. He's a good guy._

 _Thanks for reading and reviewing!_


	24. Tell Me I'm Safe

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Tell Me I'm Safe**

* * *

 _"This is hard. And I don't know what to do." I told him._

 _"What are you talking about?"_

 _"Us! No matter what we decide to do we're going end up hurting in the end."_

 _"Yeah," He whispered in agreement._

 _I took a deep breath. "We could end things now and lessen the pain a bit than waiting until we're fully committed to each other."_

 _"Okay, if that's what you..."_

 _"But I say fuck it!" I exclaimed. "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, right?"_

 _"It's not going to be easy come May..."_

 _I cut him off. "Oh well. Let's enjoy the time we do have together. Let's be stupid together."_

 _"We're jumping?" He asked, his voice full of hope._

 _"You jump I jump, Jack," I smiled as he leaned down and gently pressed his lips against mine._

I shot up in my bed, my skin covered in a thin sheet of sweat. I remembered that entire day like it was yesterday and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. When I looked at the clock, I realized it was already seven so I grabbed my phone and found Rosalie's name in my phone. I knew she'd be awake and he was always there when I needed her and I couldn't possibly bother Emily right now with my Edward drama.

She had enough on her plate.

"One second," She answered as I heard Ivy crying. I waited patiently as the toddler's cries died down and smiled as I heard Rosalie singing softly to her child. She was such a good mom and she was lucky enough to have Emmett to help her. "I'm back."

"What's wrong?"

"We had a rough night," She sighed. "I started having contractions last night at two. It took forever to get out of the house and it was just false labor."

"You're almost there. Three weeks."

"I'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore," She sighed. "And you know to meet my little man."

"Are you still not going to tell me his name?"

"Nope," She laughed. "So I know you and I know that you didn't call me at seven in the morning to chat about my pregnancy."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because our lives are complete chaos all the time and mornings are our mommy time," She was right. I found myself waking up earlier than needed when there was nothing going on in the morning simply to have thirty minutes to myself.

"Emily had the baby."

"Already? Isn't that early?"

"Two months early," I sighed. "She's beautiful. Her name is Miranda."

"Pretty name," She mused. "How's Emily?"

"They're getting through it. Mass Gen has an excellent NICU so that's making them feel a lot better."

"I'm sure."

"Edward broke up with Charlotte."

"What?" She yelled into the phone. "When?"

"Yesterday."

"Good. She was crazy."

"You never even met her."

"From what you've told me she was nuts and belonged in the insane asylum."

"She was something."

"Anything else?" She knew me too well.

"He came over last night," I whispered. "And told me he wanted to jump."

"Jump? He wants to kill himself?"

"No, he's ready to be with me. He wants to be wild and crazy and..."

"And jump?"

"It's always something we were saying to each other in London."

"What'd you tell him?"

"I told him now wasn't the time to be dealing with this and there was a lot to consider," I explained. "I mean we have a child together. If we didn't work out..."

"What if you got everything you've been wanting since finding out you were pregnant?"

"But what if we destroy everything we've built?" I asked. "Rose, I couldn't do that to Ryan. He's waited five years to get to know his dad and what we're doing right now works. I don't want to jeopardize his happiness for...

"Your happiness?" She asked. "I understand wanting to protect your child, but you're allowed to be happy too, Bella."

"What about Jared?"

"You don't love him, Bells. Or at least you aren't in love with him. He deserves to know the truth."

"I scared," I admitted.

"I know."

"I love him, Rosalie, but I don't know if I can do this all over again."

"You're right," She agreed. "If you guys start something then what you've been building for the last five months could crumble."

"You're point?"

"Or you could end up with everything you've ever wanted since you were twenty-one and left London."

"I have to end things with Jared," I whispered.

"Yeah."

"I don't want to."

"It's the only way to be fair to him."

"I don't wanna hurt him."

"I know."

"Maaaaama!" I heard Ryan call from his bedroom. I looked at the clock and realized I'd be on the phone with Rose for half an hour. From what I heard on her end, Ivy was getting into something again so we said our goodbye's and hung up the phone. I got out of bed and made my way to my little guy's room. I pushed the door open and he was standing right there and waiting for me.

"Hey, bubby," I smiled as he ran into my legs. "You get to go hang out with your dad today."

"Yes!" He exclaimed and I tried not to be hurt by the fact that he always seemed more excited to see Edward than he was to spend time with me. Edward was pretty damn cool and he'd missed so much time with him. I knew once the newness totally wore off things would be back to normal.

I made us breakfast and he told me all about the princess he and Clara helped save yesterday as knights. When Edward came into our lives, I never imagined that my son would get his dad and his best friend all at once. Watching the two of them play together made me wish I could have given Ryan a sibling a lot earlier than I eventually would.

I knew I wanted more kids so someday Ryan would get a little brother or sister.

After we ate, I decided that we could watch a show together so he curled up in my lap and I turned on Daniel Tiger. His love for Daniel Tiger was slowly fading and it made me sad that my little boy was getting too big for his favorite TV character. I always wished he'd never grow up but he was and I wished time would just slow the hell down.

After we watched two episodes, I sent him to get dressed for Edward. I didn't know what they had planned today but since it was kind of chilly, I knew they wouldn't be going to the pool or anything. When I went to check on him, he'd managed to find an outfit that was way too small for him and I wondered why I sent him to do this himself. He was totally capable of getting dressed by himself, but he always seemed to find things that didn't fit him.

I needed to come up with a better system for him.

Once Edward got there, neither of us mentioned what happened last night. I knew he was itching to talk to me but it wasn't the time or place. Especially not with Ryan walking around and listening to us. Plus Ryan was practically pulling Edward out the door so there wouldn't have been time to talk even if we wanted to. Once they were gone, I decided I needed to call Jared. I was confused as hell and wanted to be able to think about Edward. It wouldn't have been fair to keep stringing Jared along.

I wasn't much better than Edward and what he'd done to Charlotte.

It didn't take Jared more than twenty minutes to get to my apartment and when I opened the door, he looked sad. I really didn't want to do this but it was the right thing to do. It was the fair thing to do.

"What's up?" He asked softly as we sat down at the kitchen table. I took a long time to gather my thoughts and he was patient with me. I was really going to miss him.

"We need to talk," I whispered as I bit my lip.

"Uh, that can't be good."

"Jared...I don't think this is working," I said as a single tear streamed down my cheek. "I think we should break up.

He didn't say anything for a long time. He just stared at me before he took a deep breath to say something. "It's because of him, isn't it?" He asked. I couldn't lie to him so I just nodded. "I thought so."

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Can I ask you something?" I nodded. "Was I just someone to make him jealous?"

"No," I answered honestly. It seemed super fishy and I could understand why he might have thought that, but I never agreed to date him because I wanted revenge on Edward. I wasn't heartless.

At least I didn't think I was heartless.

"Jared, I care about you. I'm just not..."

"In love with me," I nodded again. "I kinda figured."

"You did?" I asked feeling my heart ache.

"I just had a feeling, I guess."

"I'm really sorry," I cried. "You're a really...really good friend. I wanted this to work. I did...please believe me."

"I do," He said with a small smile. "You're not a malicious person, Bella," He was being way too understanding and I definitely didn't deserve that. It almost would have been easier if he turned into this huge jerk and started yelling and calling me names. But that wasn't Jared.

"I'm sorry," I repeated because I just didn't know what else to say. "And I know this is super cheesy and a cliche thing to say but I hope that one day we can be friends."

"I hope that happens one day too," He looked at the clock on the wall. "I should go."

"Okay," I nodded as tears streamed down my cheek. I got up and watched him walk out the door and couldn't help but cry. Jared was a good guy and I knew I'd hurt him. It really sucked hurting the people you cared about.

After a good cry, I got myself ready to head over to the hospital. When I got there, I greeted my mother who'd gotten in after I took Ryan home last night. I was actually able to see Miranda with my sister and she was right. She really did look like Sam. She was beautiful.

"You okay, kiddo?" Mom asked after we'd gone down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. I nodded but my mom knew me better than that. "Bella," She pushed.

"Jared and I broke up."

"Oh, why?"

"I wasn't being the best girlfriend."

"Oh?"

"I realized that I've been stringing him along. And he deserves better than that."

"Stringing him along how?"

"I'm in love with Edward, Mom. I have been since I met him in London and because of Ryan I never had the chance to really get over him," I said. "And I thought that if I dated someone else that I would move on..."

"Were you using Jared?" She asked as we got into the elevator to go back upstairs.

"I wasn't trying to," I sighed. "But I think I was. I'm a terrible person."

"You're human and you were trying to mend a broken heart."

"Edward broke up with Charlotte the other night," I told her. "And then he came over and told me he loved me and wanted to be with me."

"What'd you say?" Mom gasped. It was like she was watching one of her soap operas or something. She was way into my love life.

"That it wasn't the time."

"Because of Jared?"

"Because Emily just had her baby eight weeks early."

"Honey, you know your sister wouldn't want you putting your life on hold because of her."

"And because we have Ryan to think about."

"That little boy has wanted his mom and dad to be together for his entire life."

"And if things don't work out?" I asked. "I've been talking in circles since last night."

"Baby, things are going to work out."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's been six years and neither of you has actually moved on from each other," She shrugged. "Because you spent only four months together and were both willing to completely turn your life around to be together."

"That was so long ago. We were young then we didn't know."

"Bella, this world is a scary place," She sighed. "But you can't live in fear. I understand wanting to protect Ryan but at what cost? You deserve to be happy. And so does Edward."

"I'm scared," I admitted. It wasn't something I actually wanted to admit was true, but I was tired of running away and denying how I felt.

"I know. But you and Edward...seem pretty perfect for each other," She smiled as the elevator doors opened. I was surprised to see Edward sitting in one of the chairs and my mother nudged me. "Hi, Edward."

"Hi," He smiled as Mom left us alone and went back to Emily.

"Where's Ryan?"

"Mom and I are taking them to a movie at the dollar theatre. He's in the car with Clara and DJ."

"And you're here because?"

"Last night..." He took a deep breath. "I did it all wrong. You're right it was bad timing. You need to focus on your sister and I need to respect that."

"It's fine."

"But you need to know that I'm going to wait," He shrugged. "Because even though it was bad timing...I'm still in love with you Bella and I want to jump with you. But I'll wait until you're ready."

"I broke up with Jared," I didn't miss the smile that crept onto his face. "This morning."

"I'm here when you're ready," He whispered leaning down and gently giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I gotta go or we're going to miss the start of Zootopia."

"That's a great movie."

"Ryan told me. Trust me, I'm excited," He laughed as the elevator opened.

* * *

Edward and I gave each other some space over the next month. We both just needed some time to figure out who we were as separate people before we even tried being in a relationship with him. I mean, I wasn't deeply in love with Jared but it did hurt not to have him around anymore. If anything it felt like I'd lost one of my best friends and it was harder to adjust than I thought it would be. And Edward needed to learn what life was like without Charlotte.

It really just wasn't the right time for us to jump into anything.

But as the month of July passed, I realized I did want to be with him in the future. The time apart was necessary, but it didn't mean that we weren't going to be together. It was just a time to learn to breathe again. Ever since March, we'd both been through a lot and Edward was still getting to know Ryan. Things were working for us. It was nice to just be able to not worry about things or be jealous of Charlotte.

As we neared the beginning of August, baby Miranda was almost ready to come home from the hospital. Emily had been discharged within four days of giving birth, but she spent every waking moment in the NICU with Miranda. Sam and I did what we could, but she insisted that we live our lives as normally as possible. Sam also had to go back to work since Emily was taking the time off and they couldn't afford for him not to be working.

As we got closer to the baby coming home, Emily and I spent time finalizing her nursery. Since she came out so early, we were able to add some girly decorations and buy some girl clothes. It was fun shopping for a girl since it had been so long for me. Me being a planner, I needed to know what I was happening so I never got the chance to buy dresses or pink onesies. It was fun shopping with Emily and I was so happy that she was accepting that Miranda would be coming home in the end.

I feared she would completely shut down when she went into labor.

The baby was really starting to look like Sam. She had the same face shape as him and a lot of dark hair on top of her little head. It was so dark it was almost black and from the photo's I'd seen of him when he was a baby they looked almost like twins.

We were one week away from Miranda coming home from the hospital which meant I was almost out of excuses. I kept telling Edward that I needed to focus on Emily and the baby and he understood. He was being extremely patient. But as the baby got bigger and became healthier, I knew he would be wanting an answer soon. He said we didn't need to start a relationship immediately, but he wanted to know if we were going somewhere. He needed to know if he was wasting his time by waiting.

I didn't know exactly the future held for us, but I knew he certainly wasn't wasting his time.

I wanted to be with him. I wanted the husband and the house in the suburbs. I wanted to have more babies with him. I just wasn't sure how that would all happen. I was scared of everything falling apart. I couldn't help it.

"Mama?" Ryan asked on a lazy Saturday afternoon right before Miranda's homecoming.

"Yeah, baby?" I asked as I searched on the computer for a job opening. I was willing to go somewhere else, but I really didn't want to. Emily was here and so was Edward's family. Plus I couldn't possibly pull Ryan and Clara apart. I didn't want to start World War 3.

"How did you and daddy meet?" He asked and I nearly dropped my laptop. Where did he get that question from? He was five.

"He was the chef at a restaurant I went to."

"Was it like The Princess and the Frog?"

"Kind of," I laughed, thinking back to the night Edward and I met. I couldn't stand him. I thought he was rude and arrogant and a plain dick.

"Mama?"

"Yes?"

"Daddy says he loves you," I nearly choked on my own saliva.

"He told you that?"

"No," Ryan rolled his eyes. "He told grandma when and I snucked up behind them."

"Oh," I sighed.

"Do you love him?"

"Baby, that isn't for you to worry about," This was not a conversation I wanted to have with my five year old son.

"I love him."

"I know you do."

"And I love you."

"I love you too."

"I wish daddy lived here," He sighed. "It would be like a big sleepover!"

"It would be."

"Mama?"

"Yes, Ryan?"

"I wish you loved daddy," He said sadly. "Then you could get married like Tiana and the prince."

It was then as I talked to my child that I realized I wanted all of that too. I wanted it with Edward and I was tired of waiting. Why was I waiting for us to end up together? It wasn't doing anything but drive both of us crazy.

"Me too," I whispered as I shut my laptop and raced to my bedroom to grab my keys. "You wanna go play with Clara?"

"Yes!" He jumped up. James told me he would be there whenever he needed my help and Ryan didn't need to be there when I went to Edward's. I called him on the way over, promising to explain everything later and got to his house in record time. Thankfully, Ryan was too little to understand what was really happening when I dropped him off randomly with his uncle and cousins. I thanked James and headed to Edwards.

I sprinted into his building and buzzed twenty times before he finally let me up. I got in the elevator, got to his floor, and banged on the door. He opened the door in just a towel, his hair was sopping wet. He cocked his eyebrows in confusion as I looked him up and down.

Damn, he was just as attractive as he was the first night we slept together.

"Hi," He laughed snapping me out of it. "What's up?"

"I'm ready."

"Huh?"

"I'm ready."

"For what?"

"To jump," I smiled. "I love you. I've been in love with you for six years. And I wanna be with you."

"We're jumping?"

"You jump, I jump, Jack."

"God, I love you," He sighed as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.


	25. One Step at a Time

**Chapter Twenty-Five:** **One Step at a Time**

* * *

Edward gripped my hand and pulled me into his apartment. He shut the front door and shoved his hands in his pockets and he looked unsure of what to say. Even though we'd been here before, this was very new to us. We were so young when we were in London together. And now we were two grown adults with a child together. We both stared at each other, afraid if we moved a muscle then everything would disappear.

And then he smiled and I knew everything was going to be okay. "Come here," He reached out his hand for me to grab. He pulled me into a tight hug and we just stood there, holding each other for a good ten minutes. We just needed to know that we were going to make this work.

"I love you," I whispered. "I love you so much."

He shook his head. "I was stupid before."

"You needed to be sure about everything before breaking up with Charlotte..."

"I don't mean in the last few months, Bella," He whispered. "I mean for letting you go in London. I should have gotten on that plane with you and raised our son with you."

"We weren't ready yet, Edward," I whispered because deep down I knew that this was the way it needed happen. I wasn't sure why it needed to happen this way, but I just knew this was the right way. "We needed to...figure out who we were first."

"I wanted to make it work," I felt his body trembling as I held him. I squeezed him harder and kissed his chest through his t-shirt.

"So did I. But we weren't ready," He nodded as he gently stroked my back. "We're ready now, though. Things are good. We can start over. We can be a family."

"I love you," He bent down and pressed a gentle kiss against my lips.

"Ryan's going to be over the moon," I giggled as he peppered my face with soft kisses.

He smiled as he bent down to kiss the top of my head. "Have you eaten?"

"No."

"I can make us something," He offered and I shook my head yes. He kissed my forehead and let me go so he could go to the kitchen. I followed him and sat down at the counter against the wall. Being here, watching him cook reminded me of the morning after our first night together

"What are you making?" I asked curiously.

"I was just going to bake some chicken and make steam some broccoli," He sighed as he searched through his fridge. "Why? Do you have any requests?" He laughed.

"Can we have waffles?" I asked, biting my lip.

"What?" He cocked an eyebrow and but the look of amusement on his face. "I mean yeah but why?"

"You made me waffles after our first...time together," I blushed. "I never wanted to admit it but that was the moment I realized that I wanted to be with you."

"Really?"

"I didn't want to get hurt so I tried to ignore that annoying voice in my head. So I tried to push you away and then you showed up at that club."

"You're incredible," He chucked. "So...waffels?" He began putting what he'd already gotten out and grabbed flour and sugar from the cabinet above the fridge.

"Please," I said as I stood up and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Can I help?"

"You wanna cut up some strawberries to put on top?" He asked as he let go and made his way to the small pantry and the other things he needed including the waffle maker.

"Sure," I nodded. We spent the next twenty minutes making waffles together in his small kitchen. As we worked together, it was like no time had passed at all and it felt exactly as it had six years ago. He kept telling me I needed to learn how to properly use a knife while I threw flour at him, coating the front of his shirt.

When dinner was ready, he plated my waffles and they looked so good. I wondered if he ever thought about opening his own place. He was so good at what he did and he deserved to be number one. I wanted him to have everything he ever dreamed of.

"Have you ever thought of opening up your own restaurant?" I asked as I poured some syrup over my waffle.

"I mean I think every chef has but it'll never happen."

"Why not?"

"Because I can barely afford to live in this place and take care of Ryan and make all my other payments," He wasn't paying me child support or anything, but he was constantly trying to make up for not being there in the beginning. When Ryan needed something, Edward jumped at the chance to pay for it. I kept trying to tell him that I could get him his new shoes or new backpack for school, but he ignored me.

I wanted us to be a team.

"What about..."

"Don't say my parent's money," He begged. Things had been so good between him and his family lately, but there was still a lot of hurt. They'd offered him the money he was supposed to have six years ago, but he refused. He was determined to prove that he could make it on his own. "Please."

"Okay," I agreed. I wanted to discuss the possibility, but not now. Now was for us. It wasn't the time to be talking about money or his parents or anything else.

"Speaking of Ryan, where is he?"

"With your brother," I giggled. "James owed me."

"Can we go get him and get some ice cream?" He asked, looking at the stove clock. It was nearing his bedtime and I usually didn't like him having sugar this late. But I knew this was a special occasion. We were finally a...normal family. With Edward and I together, Ryan's wishes were coming true. And Edward knew that and wanted to celebrate.

"Sure," I smiled, loving that Edward wanted Ryan to be included on this night. We cleaned up the kitchen and headed downstairs to my car. We made the drive to James' house hand in hand. It just made me smile thinking that we were finally together. No one was in our way. We were just...together. When we got to the house, almost every light was on which meant Clara and Ryan were getting into trouble.

James smirked when he opened the door and saw us holding hands, but he looked happy. He let us inside and the two little ones zoomed passed us, completely oblivious to the fact that Edward and I were even here. I was about to call Ryan's name so we could get going, but Kate, the nanny James had hired, walked down the steps with Evalyn in her arms.

Life hadn't been easy for James and the kids over the last month, but I knew that Kate was a saving grace for them. She was a year older than me and had gotten her degree in early childhood education. After working in a school for three years, she realized that even though she loved working with the kids, she didn't want to keep being put down by the administration. She found James' ad in the paper and applied immediately. Out of the five, his kids had met they only wanted her.

"Hi, Bella," She smiled warmly as Evalyn reached for James. James had turned his life upside down for the better. It was a hard adjustment to make, but he was finally taking on his father role. He was always there for dinner and home on the weekends. He made time for all three of his kids and kissed them goodnight every single night. He was still learning, but he was making the effort.

And you could tell.

Clara had always loved her dad, even though he wasn't around like he should have been. However, DJ was starting to show affection towards his father again and wasn't as angry as he was at Victoria's funeral. They still had a long way to go, but I knew that their relationship could be completely mended from everything that happened in the past.

"Hi," I smiled warmly at Kate as I went over to Evie to give her a kiss. As I stepped back, two little people raced into the room and began running in circles around Edward. He quickly gripped Ryan's hand to make him stop and his face lit up as he jumped into his dad's arms.

"Now what are you two doing?" Edward rolled his eyes playfully.

"Police!" Ryan giggled as Edward lifted him off the ground and threw him over his shoulder. Nothing was better than hearing my baby laugh. "There's a bad guy on the loose!" He tried squirming out of Edward's arms, but he was keeping a tight grip on him. It was getting kind of late and I wanted to have him in bed on time. Edward had seemed to have the same idea.

"Wanna get some ice cream?" He asked and Clara began pouting. Edward looked at James, silently asking if we could bring the kids with us and he agreed. "Clara, would and your brother like to join us?"

"Daddy can we?"

"Yeah, sweetie. Go get your brother." She raced upstairs, trying to take two steps at a time.

"You wanna come too?" I asked as I looked back at James while Edward helped Ryan put his shoes on.

"No, I'm going to stay here and put this little girl to bed," He kissed Evalyn's cheek. "It's way past her bedtime." I nodded and by the sounds of it, the other two were ready to get going as they raced downstairs. We got everyone situated and James gave us the keys to his SUV since it was bigger. Edward ran to grab Ryan's seat from my car while I made sure Clara and DJ got buckled.

Tonight was a nice little taste for the two of us if we ever decided to have more kids.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked as he gripped my hand.

"Nothing," I lied.

"You just look like a deer caught in the headlights. Come on, tell me."

"I was just thinking..." This was way too soon to be thinking about this. We had just started over. I didn't know if he wanted kids in the first place, let alone more. "About how this would be our lives if we...had more kids."

"Do you want more?" He asked and I gulped. This was a big conversation to be having right now. I wasn't sure if I was ready to have another baby now, but I'd always wanted a big family. I wanted Ryan to have siblings. Emily was my best friend and I think every child should have a sibling to always have a friend around.

"Yes. Eventually," I whispered barely above a whisper.

"Me too."

"Really?" I sighed in relief.

"Not right now," He looked in the rearview mirror and smiled as he watched the three in the back. "We aren't ready. But one day...yeah."

I smiled at him as he kept his eyes on the road.

When we got to the ice cream shop, we allowed each kid to get one scoop of whatever flavor they wanted. Once they had their treat, they calmed down considerably as they ate and I didn't hear a single peep from either of them until their cups were empty. Once everyone was finished, we took DJ and Clara home and then headed back to our apartment. Ryan was falling asleep in his seat so Edward carried him upstairs and I got the doors opened for him.

"I'm not tired," Ryan complained as we got him out of his clothes and into his PJs.

"Of course you're not," Edward laughed as Ryan held his arms above his head so Edward could put his shirt on. We took turns reading to him and he was fast asleep at the end of his first book. I kissed his forehead and pulled his sheets up while Edward turned his little nightlight on. I pulled the door shut and took Edward's hand as we walked into the living room together.

We sat down on the couch together and he wrapped his arms around me.

"You have no idea how long I wished for this to happen," I whispered. "When Ryan was a baby, I had a really hard time getting him to sleep. And once he was asleep, I would sit down on the couch and cry because I was exhausted and felt like a failure. I always ended up thinking what would have been different if we were together and you were in our lives."

"I wish I would have been there."

"I should have tried harder to find you," I don't think I'd ever stop feeling guilty about it. I knew it wasn't like I never made the attempt, but thinking back I could have called Riley or the place he worked. There was a way. "I think I was scared that you'd reject us once I found you. I knew that you loved me but I had no idea if you wanted a baby and I thought you'd want nothing to do with him."

"You and Ryan are my life. I would have never rejected you," He whispered as he laced his fingers through mine.

"I know that now," I said as I twisted in his arms so that I was facing him. He flashed me his gorgeous smile and I couldn't help myself anymore. I launched myself at him and kissed him passionately. I had caught him off guard, but he quickly wrapped his arms around my lower waist and pulled me closer to him. I swung my one leg over his hips so that I could straddle him. I gently moved my hips back and forth so that I was grinding on his hardening cock.

He moaned in my mouth as I continued to move and he moved his lips to kiss my jaw and then my neck. It felt so good to be with him like this. But, when I reached to unsnap the button on his shorts, he grabbed my wrists and pulled them back up. Feeling rejected, I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

Did he not want me?

"Not like this," He said practically reading my mind.

"What?"

"Bella, I love you and I want our...first time...together to be special," He said as he pushed some hair out of my face. "I want to take my time and show you how much I love you. I don't want to be rushed for the fear of Ryan waking up and catching us. And I definitely don't want our first time back together to be on the couch."

"Okay," I nodded sadly. I'd been waiting a long time to be with him again. But he was right. When we had sex again for the first time in six years, I wanted us to be able to take our time. I wanted to be able to lay with him without worrying if Ryan would barge into my room like he sometimes did in the middle of the night.

"Trust me," He put in a finger on my chin and pushed up, making me look at his eyes. "I want this. Just...not right now." I nodded. "My parents were saying that they loved having Ryan spend the night when Emily had the baby. The wouldn't be opposed for taking him for the night sometime soon."

"Really?" My eyes lit up. With Miranda coming home very soon, Emily wasn't really available to babysit all the time anymore. I totally understood, but I was suddenly very happy Edward and his parents had somewhat mended their relationship.

"Really," He nodded, leaning in and pressing his lips against mine. I ran my hands through his hair and ground my hips against him. Just because we couldn't have sex right now didn't mean we couldn't have some fun and make out like horny teenagers.

Then I heard a small cough. I pushed Edward back and craned my neck to see Ryan holding his stuffed animal. I quickly got off of Edward's lap and stood up and walked over to my son.

"What's up, baby?"

"I'm thirsty," He whispered rubbing his eyes. This was not how I wanted Ryan to find out about us. He was too young to understand what exactly was happening, but he knew something was new. "Why are you and daddy kissing?"

"Let's get you some water," I pushed him into the kitchen. I got him a small cup of water and gave it to him. Once he was finished, I made him try to use the bathroom and then tucked him back into bed. When I got back to Edward, he was laughing.

"Think we scarred him for life?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"He was still practically asleep," Edward laughed. "He might not even remember."

"I hope you're right." I looked at the clock and realized it was getting kind of late and he probably needed to leave. I didn't want him to go yet, but he had a job. And I had a five-year-old who would be waking me up at seven thirty. "Do you need to go?"

"Probably," He sighed. "I don't want to."

"I don't want you to either."

"Yeah," He sighed, neither of us moving. We stayed where we were for another thirty minutes before Edward called a cab to take him home since he didn't have his car here. When the cab got here, I walked him to the door and kissed him like I'd never see him again. I knew I'd see him in the morning before he went to work, but still. Now that we were together I never wanted him to go anywhere.

* * *

I woke up to the sweetest text from Edward. It wasn't anything super elaborate or anything but I knew he was thinking about me. After smiling like an idiot and staring at the text for five minutes, I responded and dragged myself out of bed to get ready for the day. Ryan and I were going to Emily's so I could help her get last minute details taken care of for when Miranda got home. Sam was going to keep an eye on Ryan while my sister and I worked.

When we got to their house, their entire mood had changed in just two days since I'd last seen them. Miranda was finally coming home and the doctors were positive that everything would go according to plan. She'd learned how to breathe on her own and had gained all the weight she needed to. She was still small, but she was a healthy baby girl who was ready to come home to her parents.

"Hi, Aunt Em!" Ryan giggled as Sam threw him over his shoulder.

"Hey, little man." Emily wrapped her arm around my waist and hugged me.

"Mommy and Daddy were kissing last night," Ryan blurted out and both Sam and Emily were biting their tongues in order to keep quiet.

"Oh really?" Sam smirked.

"Uh-huh," Ryan nodded seriously. After that, Sam took Ryan outside to play and I could feel Emily's eyes on me as I went up the steps. I went straight to the pile of clothes that needed to be put away. I convinced myself that if I busied myself with work, she wouldn't start asking me questions.

I was wrong.

"So...you and Edward?" She asked as I put a bunch of PJ's in her dresser. I looked at her and couldn't help but smile. I wanted to keep Edward and I in our little bubble, but I couldn't keep this from my sister.

"Yeah," I smiled.

"Finally!" She laughed as she hugged me. "I need details."

"What do you wanna know?"

"Everything!" So I told her about Ryan telling me he wished Edward and I would get married and about going over to Edward's house and telling him I wanted to jump and eating waffles. Emily was at full attention as I told my story and it was like a child listening to a picture book for the first time. She was listening so closely she didn't interrupt me once to ask questions.

"And after Ryan saw us making out we sat together for a little bit longer and then he left."

"Wow," She sighed like she was living in a real-life fairy tale. "It's about time."

"Things got so messed up."

"But they're good now, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"So...where do you guys go from here?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "It's weird. We've been together before and we know everything about each other, but that was so long ago. We've changed a lot in six years. I feel like we should go slow and just be together but at the same time...if he asked me to marry him I would say yes."

"Already?"

"Not tomorrow," I laughed. "But I know he's the one I want to be with. No matter how slow we choose to go I know that I only want to be with him." She started laughing.

"What?"

"I've been telling you for months that you and Edward belong together and it took Ryan talking about The Princess and the Frog to get your butt moving."

"He's very wise for a five-year-old."

"Clearly."

"So, what do you need from me tomorrow?" I asked, changing the subject because right now should have been about the baby. It was a big day for everyone and Emily should be the focus.

"Just be here for her homecoming," She sighed. "I can't believe this. When she was born...I didn't think we'd get to this point."

"I know."

"She's so beautiful."

"She is."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. For being there when I needed you and for being at the hospital when Sam had to go back to work. You've been so supportive."

"You're my big sister. I would never have gotten through my pregnancy without you," I smiled and embraced her in a tight hug. "It was time I returned the favor."

"If Edward wants to come tomorrow he can as long as he isn't sick."

"Really?"

"He's family now," She laughed. "He should be here."

For so long, Emily resented Edward for being out of reach and for getting me pregnant. She was supportive of me when I decided to let him be apart of Ryan's life, but he still wasn't his favorite person. Especially since he kept Charlotte around for so long. So hearing her say that because we were together he was family made me so certain this was the right thing.

"I'll ask," I told her as we finally finished putting all of baby Miranda's things away.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Well they're finally together so all of you who were holding your breath can finally breathe again. I really hope I did this chapter justice. I worked really hard to make it as realistic as possible. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I can't wait to start writing them as a couple now! Thanks for reading and please leave a review! _

_See you next chapter!_


	26. Jumpin' Off the Edge

**Chapter Twenty-Six:** **Jumpin' Off the Edge**

* * *

"Will you stand back and tell me if this is straight?" I asked Edward as I attempted to hand a _Welcome Home_ banner in Sam and Emily's living room.

"Not even close," He snickered as he came and took the banner from my hand I stepped back and watched as he successfully hung the banner and smacked him as he admired his work. "That's how you hang something."

"Shut up," I stuck my tongue out at him and he gripped my shoulders and kissed me. Ryan ran into the room and jumped into his dad's arm, apparently desperate for attention. Poor kid. He never got any attention from me or Edward.

"Where's the baby?" He asked impatiently.

"She'll be here soon," I smiled as the doorbell rang. I greeted Sam's brother, Paul and his wife Rachel as they walked in the door. Sam's parents were to arrive shortly and Mom was upstairs putting the very last touches on the nursery. I hadn't seen Sam's family since their wedding and it was nice to all be together. I introduced Edward to Sam's family and he seemed to fit perfectly.

Things were just piecing together perfectly like a puzzle.

I couldn't help but smile like an idiot.

Just after Sam's parents got to the house, I got a message saying they were leaving the hospital and would be home soon. I had to work really hard to contain my excitement, especially since they'd asked us to keep our voices down because of the baby. I anxiously waited by the window and jumped when I saw their car turning into the driveway.

"They're here!" I squealed as I went to stand by the door. Edward hugged me from behind and Ryan bounced up and down beside us. When they walked through the door with Miranda safely in her seat, I started to cry. I just couldn't help it. She was so small and innocent and precious. And she was finally home. It had been an emotional month for everyone and I couldn't imagine how her parents were feeling in this moment.

"Welcome home, Miranda," Emily sniffled as she walked further into the house. She set the carrier on the couch and gently pulled Miranda out and held her tightly to her side. "This is so much nicer than the NICU, huh?"

"If you guys wash your hands you can hold her," Sam informed us as he stood next to Emily. Sam's mom was the first one to the sink and no one, not even my mother, could compete with her to be the first one to hold the baby. With flights being so expensive, this was the first time she'd met her first grandchild. Mom had her chance in the NICU.

We spent the next hour passing the baby around until she got fussy and needed to be fed. When Emily went upstairs, Sam offered to drive his parents back to their motel and his brother and sister-in-law followed them out. It was late and they were driving back home the next day because of jobs and other responsibilities.

"They're going to be great parents," Edward mused as we sat on the couch watching Ryan play on the floor.

"They already are," I smiled as I rested my head on his shoulder. The two of us stayed like that until Emily came back into the living room with Miranda in her arms. She already looked tired, but before I could offer to hold the baby Edward stood up.

"Can I hold her?" He asked quietly. With all the people in their small house, I didn't even realize that Edward hadn't had a chance to hold the baby. Emily smiled at him and gently placer her in Edward's arms.

"Watch her head," She warned as she released complete control to Edward. He looked down at the precious baby, her eyes opened wide, and smiled.

"Wow," He sighed happily. "I haven't held a baby this small since Evalyn was born."

My heart started to ache as I watched him sit down in the big chair. He should have held Ryan the day he was born. He should have been there to hold my hand and tell me it would be okay when the doctor told me I needed to have a c-section. Everyone kept telling me that it was okay because I called him once and sent him one letter. I fought back my tears when I caught Ryan looking at me, but I suddenly felt extremely guilty.

"You okay?" Edward asked when he looked up from the baby. I bit my lip and nodded and he focused his attention back to Miranda. After he'd been holding her for a while, she started getting fussy again as Sam walked in the front door. Edward handed her back to Emily and the three of us got ready to leave. Edward drove us to the diner since it was getting kind of late and I hadn't been to the store this week.

After dinner, we headed back to our apartment and Edward offered to give Ryan his bath and tuck him in. As the boys did that, I started flipping through the mail and my hands started shaking when I saw an envelope with Young & Harris with a Chicago return address at the top. This was a law firm I'd applied to before Edward and I were serious. This was before Miranda was born.

I carefully opened the envelope and read the letter inside. They wanted to interview me for the job. This was the first interview I'd gotten and I'd been applying to every law firm I could think of with openings. Of course, I wanted to stay where I was, but my professors at Harvard kept telling me I needed to take what I could get in order to get experience. I was at the bottom of the totem pole right now.

"He's out," Edward sighed as he walked into the kitchen. "What's that?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"It sure looks like something," He pushed and I knew I couldn't be lying to him. Our relationship was still fresh and honesty was the only way we were going to make this work.

"It's an offer to interview with a law firm."

"That's amazing!" He hugged me tightly.

"It's in Chicago." His face kind of pale. "They've asked me to come in sometime this week."

"Chicago?" He asked sitting down.

"I won't take it," I shrugged.

"Are you crazy?"

"We just got back together. Ryan has his life here. My sister is here...your family is here. You just started to reconnect with them."

"Bella, this is your dream."

"There will be other firms," I shrugged even though I was so unsure.

"You need to go."

"I can't."

"Why? Because I can stand James now?" He asked. "Because my parents don't consider me a failure anymore?"

"Because Ryan finally has a family," I shook my head. "Clara is his best friend. I couldn't take that away from him."

"Interviewing with this law firm doesn't mean we automatically move there."

"I know it doesn't but..." I trailed off. "Did you say we move there?"

"Yeah."

"You would move to Chicago for me?"

"Of course," He seemed confused. "You and Ryan mean everything to me."

"But...you just got settled."

"I can settle again."

"Your job."

"There are other jobs."

"But..."

"There isn't anything left to argue, Bella," He laughed as he put his hands on my hips and pulled me close to him. "I'd follow you to Timbuktu if I had to."

"What about Emily?"

"She'd understand."

"They moved here partially because I was here."

"I thought Sam got a job here?"

"He applied for a job here because I was here and Emily begged him to be closer to me."

"She'd understand."

"Clara..."

"Ryan will make new friends."

"I'm scared. Boston has been our home for so long..."

"We can make Chicago our new home if we need to," He smiled. "I want you to go and interview with them. It's your turn to follow your dreams and get everything you want."

"Isn't that kind of selfish?"

"I think you've earned just a little bit of selfishness, Bella."

"What if I suck?"

"What?" He laughed, pressing a kiss on my forehead. "You won't suck, Bella. You've been preparing for this moment for years. You went to Harvard...you are far from sucking." I shut my eyes. "Are you afraid to move or are you afraid to fail?"

"Both," I whispered.

"You and Emily have the relationship I always wanted with James. She would kill you for not taking this interview because of her. Ryan...he'll miss Clara but he's so young. He'll make new friends and he'll see his cousin when we come visit. I can get a job in Chicago and my parents would understand. They want whats best for me. What's best for me is to be with my son and you," He took a deep breath. "And you won't fail, Bella."

"How do you know?"

"Because if you haven't failed yet...you're not going to fail."

"But..."

"Just take the interview. You don't have to take the job if you really don't want to, but take the interview for practice. Get some experience and your foot in the door," He suggested. "Who knows...maybe this interview will open up a door here in Boston. Or at least in this part of the country."

"Have I told you how incredible you are?" I smiled as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You've mentioned it," He laughed and I could feel his chest vibrating. "We could make a weekend out of it."

"Yeah?"

"Of course," He kissed the top of my head. "Maybe...we leave Ryan with my parents and we get some alone time."

"Leave Ryan?" The concept seemed so foreign. I'd left him with my mom once the night I graduated from Columbia because Emily had gotten me a hotel room to myself as a present. And then when Emily had Miranda he was with Edward's parents, but that was about it. I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of leaving him for an entire weekend.

"Yeah," I bit my lip. "It's just an idea. Plus, if he's with Clara will he even know that we're gone?"

"Probably not," I laughed. He had a point. It wasn't like we'd be leaving him all alone. He'd be with his grandparents who were dying to spend more time with him. And it was just a weekend. I think I could handle two nights with no one hopping into my bed and without _Daniel Tiger_ playing in the background.

"We could see the bean."

"Okay," I agreed. "Let's go. Just the two of us."

"Maybe this will rival with Paris," He smiled as I let go of him and went to sit down at the table.

"Nothing will rival with Paris. That weekend was perfect."

"It was," He smiled.

* * *

For the first time in years, I was child-free for an entire weekend. Edward and I left Ryan with Carlisle and Esme last night before bed because of our early flight to Chicago. I called right when we got home to say goodnight to him and promised we'd call him every day. Clara was there so it was a short conversation but it was still nice to hear his voice. I was anxious, but Edward helped calm me down when he reminded me that time apart was a good thing sometimes.

And we would be back early Sunday morning. We weren't leaving him for two weeks or anything.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago," One of the plane staff members said over the intercom. I looked out the window and smiled. Chicago was always a place I wanted to visit and I was glad I got to share this with Edward.

"Wow," Edward laughed as he peered over my shoulder to look out the plane window. We stayed in the air for another ten minutes or so before we started our descent back to earth. When we landed, we navigated our way through O'Hare Airport to baggage claim. After we had our things, we went to get the rental car Esme insisted on paying for. I told her we'd be okay with taking cabs, but she was persistent and broke me before I could say no again.

Chicago was a nightmare to navigate through. There was constant traffic and the Quality Inn we were staying in seemed to be in the most crowded part of the city. Once we eventually got there, Edward got us checked in and we went up to our room. It wasn't anything fancy, but we weren't planning on being in the room that often anyway. My interview was early in the morning and then we had the rest of the day and all day Saturday to explore. We weren't going to waste any time that we had on our little vacation.

"Where do you wanna go?" Edward asked after I'd freshened up in the bathroom.

"Can we go to that really tall building?" I asked.

"Which one?"

"You know...the one that has that glass cage thing."

"You mean the Skydeck?" He laughed. I nodded. "Sure. We can do that today. What else?"

"Let's be spontaneous."

"Really?"

"We were once a young and spontaneous couple," I shrugged. "Let's do that again."

"No argument there." He grabbed his wallet and the keys to the rental car and I grabbed what I would need. We made our way through the traffic and made it to our destination. Edward purchased our tickets and we got in line. This reminded me a lot of when we went on the London Eye together six years ago.

Apparently, it reminded Edward of that day too. "Wait...aren't you afraid of heights?"

"Huh?"

"When I took you on the London Eye you flipped shit the entire ride."

"This is different."

"It is?"

"It's not a moving object. And I can leave at any time if I want."

"Bet you ten bucks you flip out."

"Deal. Because I won't."

"You're confident."

"Uh-huh," I nodded my head. We finally got to the elevator after waiting in the line for forty minutes and I felt my hands getting clammy. But I wasn't going to let Edward win this bet so I wiped my hands on my shirt and grabbed his hands. I knew he could tell I was nervous, but he was nice enough to keep his mouth shut. We followed the crowd of people to the ledge and my legs began shaking.

Edward tightened his grip on my hand as he pulled me out into the glass box. This was a lot higher than I actually thought it was and I realized how dumb I was to think that this wouldn't be that bad.

"Okay, you win." I tried walking away, but Edward had a tight grip on me. "I'm good. I'll see you on solid ground."

"Bella, you're okay."

"I'm leaving."

"Come on. Please," He begged for me to stay with him. I looked at the glimmer in his eyes and reluctantly nodded my head to stay with him. He pulled me all the way out and I kept my eyes focused on the horizon rather than looking down. It really was a beautiful view, but I didn't like standing there. I felt like the glass was going to break beneath my feet and we were going to fall to our death.

"Excuse me," Edward's soft voice brought me out of my trance. I saw him handing an older woman his phone. "Could you take a picture for us."

"Of course," She smiled warmly. I hugged him tightly and turned to smile for the lady taking our pictures. "You two are just the cutest," She complimented as she handed Edward his phone back and left with her husband. I looked at the picture and smiled. It was our first picture together since being back together.

"She's right," Edward laughed as he put his phone away. "We are pretty damn cute."

"Yep."

"I won't torture you anymore," He laughed as he took my hand again. "You ready?"

"Yes!" He laughed. "And I'm hungry. Can we go get lunch now?"

"Sure," He smiled.

We spent the rest of the day exploring the city. It was funny. I'd lived in both Boston and New York for school and I never really appreciated it. I mean, I'd done all the touristy stuff in both cities, but I never took the time to really walk around and notice how beautiful everything was. Edward and I went both just able to leisurely stroll around and take everything in.

After our day in the city, Edward told me he was taking me out to dinner so we went back to get dressed. I slipped on a simple black dress and a jean jacket with some sandals. When I walked out of the bathroom, Edward smiled at me.

"You look beautiful," He kissed my cheek as he finished tucking in his button down. Damn, he looked so good when he dressed up.

"You don't look half bad yourself."

"You ready?"

"Can we call Ryan before we leave?" I asked. I knew it would probably be pretty late in Boston by the time we were finished and I had an idea what was going to happen when we got home. After calling Ryan, we headed out in our rental car. The place Edward pulled up to looked simple but the place was packed. I had no doubt that he'd done his research and was bringing me to a Chicago favorite.

Edward had been smart enough to make a reservation so the wait was quick. We were taken to a table near the window and handed our menus. Everything looked so good and I had no idea what I was going to choose. Being a food expert, Edward helped me pick my meal and I was pretty sure I had a food orgasm when I took a bite.

"Wow," I smiled as I chewed.

"What's your biggest fear?" He asked randomly as he took his first bite.

"Huh?" This was an unexpected question.

"What are you most afraid of?" I'd asked him this question when we were together in London. I thought it was strange that he was asking me this question now, but when I really thought about it, the question made sense.

"My biggest fear?" I asked. "What if I have more than one?"

"Tell me both."

"Well...I think my biggest fear is failing Ryan and not being good enough for him." I'd bee afraid of this since the first time he got sick. Ryan was four months old and had caught a little cold. He just kept crying and it was almost impossible to get his fever down. When my mom eventually stepped in to help me, she was able to help him feel better within a day. I thought I'd failed my son and was a terrible mother because I couldn't even get a simple cold to go away. What was I going to do if something more serious happened to him?

"No one could be a better mother to our son," He assured me with a smile.

"My second biggest fear?" He nodded. "This being a dream."

"This..."

"Us. Being with you."

"It's not." Tears pooled in my eyes. "I get it. I'm so scared of losing you now that I finally have you. But I'm committed to you, Bella. I don't want anyone else. I want to be a family and be with you and Ryan."

"I want that too," I whispered as he reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "I love you."

"I love you too," He winked as he got the waiters attention. We got the check, Edward insisted on paying, and we left the restaurant to go back to our hotel. I really wanted to stay out longer with him, but with my interview the next morning I wanted to get enough sleep. And if we stayed out that would mean we probably couldn't do what I knew was going to happen.

And I really wanted that to happen.

The drive home was comfortably silent. Neither of us said anything, but we didn't need to. He held my hand as he drove through the city. When we pulled into the parking lot, I took a deep breath as he ran around the front of the car to open my door. We walked into the lobby and towards the elevators. When we stepped in, Edward pressed the button for the third floor and the doors shut.

"Fuck this," He growled as he took my face in his hands and kissed me. He pushed me up against the elevator walls and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He ground himself against me and I could feel him hardening underneath his slacks. I heard the final ding of the elevator and pulled back in case anyone was waiting.

I did not want to get caught dry humping in a very public place.

He gave me a wicked smile and grabbed my hand and practically ran down the hall to our room.

"I feel like we've been here before," I smiled as he pressed me up against the door while he tried unlocking it. It took him a long time to finally get the door to unlock but that probably had a lot to do with me nipping at his ear the entire time.

"Fuck," He groaned as the door clicked open. He pushed me inside and let the door slam shut.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Yes, I'm evil and no I'm not sorry. _Anyway _, thank you for being so patient while waiting for this chapter! I just wanted it to be perfect and I had to keep rewriting it. I'm really enjoying this story and cannot wait to explore their relationship more. Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time._


	27. Hope This Feeling Lasts

**Chapter Twenty-Seven:** **Hope This Feeling Lasts**

* * *

Edward pushed me up against the closed door and continued his assault on my mouth. It felt so damn to be kissing him like this. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him impossibly closer. I couldn't get enough of him. He pushed my jacket off my shoulders as I attempted to kick off the sandals I was wearing. I started unbuttoning his dress shirt as he gripped right under my ass.

He lifted me into his arms and carried me over to the bed in the middle of the room. He laid me down and crawled on top of me. I eventually managed to get his shirt open and pushed it off of him. He was just as built as he was six years ago and I gulped. I hadn't forgotten how attractive he was, but damn. How was he still this fit?

"See something you like?" He teased as he moved to the hem of my dress.

"You're still so hot," I smirked as he tugged at my dress. I lifted my arms and he tore it off of me, leaving me in just my bra and matching panties. His eyes glazed over for a second and I sighed silently in relief. He hadn't changed, but a lot had happened to my body of the last six years. I was in shape, but I definitely wasn't twenty-one anymore.

"You're beautiful," He smiled down at me as I pulled him closer to me. We laid like that for a while, just kissing and rubbing up against each other. I could feel him getting harder and harder and decided it was time to put him out of his misery. I reached down and unsnapped his slacks. I used my legs to push them down his legs and he stepped back for a second to throw them on the floor with my dress.

He kissed my jaw and then my neck and finally made his way to my collarbone. He nipped and sucked and I was just thankful I'd brought a shirt with a high neckline with me. I did not want to give them the wrong impression. He reached around and unclasped my bra and pulled it gently down my arms. When my breasts were exposed, he stared for a few seconds before leaning down and gently biting down on one of my nipples.

"Shit," I squirmed underneath him. He smiled cockily up at me and he continued to bite and suck until I thought I was going to explode. I'd forgotten how good foreplay could be. "Edward," I moaned as he kissed his way down my stomach. He stopped at my belly button and pulled back a bit.

"Hmm," He hummed as he gently stroked my lower abdomen. Suddenly, I felt very insecure about being naked and I tried to shield myself from him. "Stop," He gripped my wrists.

"Please,"

"Bella, you're so incredibly beautiful," He leaned down and pressed a kiss on one of the marks. "Each of these marks represents the fact that you carried our son. I have never seen something so...beautiful."

"They're stretch marks. They're ugly and I hate them."

"Don't," He smiled, kissing another mark and holding my arms at my side so I wouldn't try pushing him away again. He didn't spend much time there, though, and he continued moving lower on my body. Before he went any lower, I gripped his hair and gently tugged at him. He grumbled before kissing his way back up my stomach until he met my lips again.

"You have too many clothes on," I mumbled. He pulled back, smiled at me and then removed his boxers leaving him completely bare.

"Better?"

"Yep," I giggled as I kissed him and he reached down to take my panties off. Our super hot and passionate night was slowly turning into something slow and loving. Not that super hot fucking wasn't loving but...this was what we needed more. Once I had nothing on, He kissed my nose as he gripped his cock and lined himself up at my entrance.

"Wait," He stopped before pushing inside of me.

"I get the shot every three months religiously," I assured him. "There isn't any chance of me getting pregnant."

"Okay," He nodded. "I brought condoms..."

"I trust you," I whispered and smiled. He was it for me. I trusted him completely and I knew he loved me enough to not hurt me.

"God I love you," He smiled as he pressed his lips against mine and pushed into me.

"Fuck," I swore as he filled me. He squeezed his eyes shut and I pulled him impossibly closer to me. God, he was so amazing. He continued to thrust inside of me as we both began to sweat a little bit. I gripped his bronze hair in my hands and pressed my lips against his.

This was the perfect moment.

"Bella," He moaned as his eyes squeezed shut and he bit his lower lip. He was close. I started moving my hips with more of a purpose so that my clit was making contact with his pelvis. I could feel my orgasm building and after a few more thrusts, I felt myself clenching around him. My orgasm must have set him off because he stilled inside me as my legs started to shake around him.

He fell limp on top of me in a sweaty mess. Our breathing was heavy as we laid there together and I gently rubbed his back. He kissed my jaw and pulled out of me. He rolled off of me, grabbed some tissues from the nightstand and handed me some. We cleaned ourselves up and he pulled me tight to his side. I pulled the sheet up haphazardly around us and snuggled closer to him.

"I love you," I whispered quietly. He kissed the top of my head and I held him even tighter. I was afraid this was a dream and he was going to disappear.

Lord knows I'd had this dream a million times before and I always woke up.

"Tell me this isn't a dream," I pleaded. I lifted my head and met his eyes with mine and suddenly felt completely safe.

"This is happening," He promised as I laid my head back down on his chest.

"I hate doing this," I sighed. "But before we fall asleep I need to set an alarm on my phone so I wake up in time to look presentable for my interview."

"Where's your phone?"

"In my purse."

"Which is where?"

"By the door where I dropped it," I laughed. He groaned as he sat up and rolled out of the bed. He brought me my phone along with my charger and grabbed his stuff as well. I plugged in my phone, set about twenty alarms, and locked it. I laid down with Edward again and drifted into the best sleep I'd had in years.

* * *

The interview was grueling. It felt like I was being attacked. I knew I was being dramatic because the two men and one woman conducting the interview were very patient and kind people. They asked me questions I'd practiced answering a thousand times, but it was still one of the scariest things I'd ever done.

The one man knew my favorite professor at Harvard which is how I'd gotten the interview. If I got the job and ended up not wanting it, that only made it harder to decline. I didn't want to make Dr. Olsen look bad and that was the last thing I wanted.

When the interview was over, all three smiled and shook my hand. They promised to be in touch with me ASAP and I instantly felt better as I walked out of the huge office. I made my way to the elevator and smiled at the text Edward had sent me telling me he was waiting in the lobby with coffee. He smiled as he handed me my cup, but I didn't walk with him right away.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his face full of concern.

"I just did my first job interview," I bit my lip. I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave Boston or but right now I knew I was in the right career. I was suddenly really excited to do more interviews with more law firms. I hoped to stay on the East Coast, but I just wanted to be a lawyer at this point.

"You're an adult."

"Oh," I laughed as he threaded his fingers through mine and led me out of the giant skyscraper in downtown Chicago. "Feels good."

"My first interview was interesting," He mused as he pressed the crosswalk button. "I had to do the normal interview portion and then I had to cook five different meals that tested all kinds of skills."

"Wow," I laughed.

"It wasn't fun. And afterward, I was telling Riley that I had made the wrong career choice. I doubted my decision of dropping out of Boston U."

"Really?"

"Riley quickly slapped me back to normal."

"Did you get the job?"

"No," He shook his head sadly. "But the head chef at that restaurant recommended me to another place that I liked more."

"Yeah? Why?"

"Because I met you there," He smiled and I leaned into his side. "If I'd gotten the job I interviewed for..."

"Nothing would be the same."

"Exactly."

"Well I'm not looking to meet anyone," I joked. "So I guess whatever job I take will be a good one."

"Absolutely."

I wasn't planning on telling Edward I was going to refuse the job offer if I got it. The firm seemed great and the people were nice enough. But I wanted us to be a family. I wanted Ryan to keep getting to know his uncle, cousins, and grandparents. Hell, I wanted to keep getting to know Edward's family. Maybe Edward was right. Maybe it was my time to be selfish. But I selfishly wanted everything...the job and my family. I knew that doors were open now and I wanted so much more than just the job.

I wanted a life. A life full of screaming kids and crazy family dinners. Ryan and I had been on our own for a while and we were finally getting the chance to be apart of a giant family. And since Emily just had the baby I really didn't want to leave my little niece. There were other jobs and other law firms. This was just the beginning.

"So, where are we going?" I asked Edward as we got into our rental car.

"The Bean?" He asked as he buckled his seatbelt. I nodded. He started the car and we pulled out of the overpriced parking garage. We headed over to the park where The Bean was and I honestly couldn't understand why everyone was so obsessed with this sculpture. It was really cool and impressive, but I just didn't get it. Edward, on the other hand, was completely fascinated so I kept my mouth shut and let him have his moment.

We spent the day exploring what we didn't see yesterday. We saw more tourist sights and just enjoyed some more adult conversation. I was starting to miss Ryan so we settled down on a park bench in a quiet area to call him. He was alone with Carlisle and Esme so we held his attention for more than a few minutes before Clara came running again. We both took turns talking to him along with Edward's parents before saying goodbye. When we hung up, my stomach growled and I knew it was getting close to dinner.

"What are we doing for food tonight?" I asked.

"I was thinking," He had a glimmer in his eyes. "What if we ordered room service and spent the entire night naked in bed."

"The entire night?"

"Well, when our food was delivered we could put clothes on to answer the door," He answered. I rolled my eyes. "But other than that...yes. Naked. All night."

I inhaled a deep breath. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Never," He whispered seductively and nipped at my ears. My knees gave out. We made our way back to the hotel and could barely keep our hands off of each other. I could tell we were offending the elderly couple who rode in the elevator with us, but I didn't care. At that moment all I could think about was Edward's hand on my ass and the dirty words he was mumbling into my ear. When the couple got off on the floor before ours, Edward pinned me to the wall of the box.

"What is with you and elevators?" I moaned as he kissed my neck.

"Haven't you ever fantasized about having sex in a public place?" He asked and I let out a soft moan. No, I'd never thought about it before. Sex was supposed to be private and intimate. But I was suddenly considering it.

"No," I answered honestly.

"I don't believe you," He whispered when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. We stepped apart and ran into the hall and to our door. He was taking his sweet time with his room key just to annoy me and I finally grabbed it out of his hands and swiped to get into our room. Once the door was open, I grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and pulled him into the room. He tripped over himself as I pressed my lips to his and pulled at the hem of his shirt.

"Fuck," He whispered as I removed my blazer and grabbed the back of his neck and jumped into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he carried me over to our bed. He threw me down on the bed and I started unbuttoning my blouse. He kicked off his shoes and socks and climbed on top of me.

"Hi," I smiled as he yanked the shirt down my shoulders. He rolled his eyes when he saw the white cami I had been wearing under my shirt and pulled that up over my head.

"You're wearing too many clothes," He complained and I smirked at him. It was about time he was a little frustrated. I unbuckled his belt and unsnapped the shirts he had on. I pushed them down his legs so he was just in his boxers while I was still pretty dressed. "Why are you wearing so many clothes?"

"Just take my pants off, Edward," I sighed. He took his sweet time unbuttoning my pants and pulling my zipper down. I got so impatient with him I pushed him back and took them off myself, leaving me in just my bra and panties. He licked his lips as I reached for the clasp of my bra.

"I'm hungry," He said abruptly and pulled away from me. I was practically naked and he decided that he was hungry right now?

Not a fucking chance. I jumped out of bed, grabbed the phone away from him and pushed him down onto the bed. I crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. He looked up at me with wide eyes and licked his lips. He had no idea what was coming. I did the same thing he'd done to me and took five minutes to remove his boxers and he was panting as his extremely hard cock sprang free.

"Bella," His voice cracked a little bit.

"What, Edward?"

"Don't tease."

"You love to tease."

"I'll never do it again," He closed his eyes as I gripped his dick in my hands. "Fuck." I stroked him a few times before he gripped my arms and pulled me back to him. He crashed his lips into mine and I could feel him trying to get my panties off. I smiled and helped him out, leaving us naked together. I reached down, gripped his cock again and positioned it at my entrance. I sunk slowly onto it and bit my lip so hard I thought I'd broken skin.

"Oh...my, God," I gasped as I braced myself on his chest. This felt almost better than last night if that was even possible. He started thrusting up and I let out a soft scream.

"Bella..." He moaned as he pressed his fingertips into my hips. I continued to rock against him as he thrust up and I couldn't tell we weren't going to last long. His pelvis was making direct contact with my clit again and I could already feel myself tightening.

When he flicked my clit with his thumb, though, I was done for.

"Fuck!" I cried as my whole body began shaking. "Edward!" I yelled as I came harder than I ever had before. I was barely able to keep myself sitting up so Edward grabbed my arms to hold me up while he finished. Once he exploded inside me, I fell lifeless on top of him. We took a few minutes to catch our breath before he gently picked me up and laid me down next to him. We took some time to clean up before he pulled me to his side again.

This was my new favorite place.

After laying together for a few minutes, my stomach growled. Loudly. Edward began laughing.

"Can I call for food now?" He asked playfully.

"If you must," I shrugged. He rolled over to be able to graph the phone and made the call. Edward kept good on his promise. Except for the few minutes, he put on some boxers and gym shorts, we stayed naked the entire night. We ate our food, talked about a trip he was wanting to take to London for his birthday and had sex until we were so exhausted we couldn't even pull the sheet up over top of us.

We spent Saturday in the city and then reluctantly headed back to O'Hare for our ten o'clock flight home. I missed Ryan like crazy and couldn't wait to have him back in my arms, but this trip reminded me of when we first met. We were just two people having a great time with little responsibilities. I loved where we were at as a family, but it was nice to be reminded of what it was like when we first fell in love.

When we got to Boston, Carlisle picked us up since we'd taken a cab on Thursday morning. We talked about my interview and how Ryan was bouncing up and down at the thought of seeing us. It turned out that even with Clara there he still noticed we were gone. When we got to their house, I left everything in the car and ran into the house.

"Ryan?" I called through the house and five seconds later I heard the pitter patter of little feet running from the kitchen.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He called as he ran into my arms. I picked him up off the ground and hugged him super tight. There was a reason I'd never left him for more than a night before and this was why. It was hard being away from him. I held him until Edward walked in the door with my purse in his hand. Ryan reached for his dad and I reluctantly let him go. I smiled as the two had a little conversation and went to find Esme in the kitchen.

"Hi! How did everything go?" Esme asked as she gave me a hug.

"It was good," I nodded as she handed me a cup of coffee. It had been an early morning for us since we wanted to get to the airport early enough and beat some of the traffic. I took a big sip of coffee before going into more detail. "The firm was really nice. Very...swanky."

"Do you think you'll get the position?"

"I'm hopeful."

"But?"

"Nothing."

"Bella, I haven't known you for very long but I've known you long enough to know when something is bothering you," She said gently. "Everything okay?"

"If they offer me the job, I'm going to turn it down."

"Bella."

"I want Ryan to be close to his family," I shrugged. "I don't think I could bear it if I was the bad guy who took him away from Clara. And Edward...he just got back. He just started his life here."

"He'd follow you anywhere."

"I know. I know he would," I nodded. "But I don't wanna move either. I know everyone would be understanding and supportive but...Boston is my home. Or at least this general area in the country is my home. I'll move if I have to, but I don't want to be fifteen hours away."

"I understand that," She sighed thoughtfully as she watched Edward in the living room with his dad and Ryan.

"And you guys are in a good place now. I want Edward to have a good relationship with his parents. I wanted that in London but I'd never tell him that."

"Really?"

"I love my mom. I don't really know my dad and that sucks. It will always hurt that he missed when Ryan was born and a bunch of other big moments in mine and Emily's life. He hasn't met Miranda yet and she's more than a month old." I took a breath. "I think having a good relationship with your parents is really important. I want that with Ryan. And I want the man I love to have that with his parents too."

"Sometimes I think you're too good for my son," She laughed softly, wiping her cheeks with a napkin. "For our entire family."

"You're my family too," I told her and she started crying even more.

"Whoa," Edward laughed. "What happened?"

"Girl talk," I shrugged as he grabbed a banana, kissed me and went back into the living room. After spending the rest of the afternoon and dinner with Edward's parents, Carlisle drove us back to my apartment. We carried Ryan up, set up a short movie for some family time and then got him ready for bed. Once he was fast asleep, Edward and I sat together on the couch.

"I don't want to go," He sighed as he moved to stand up.

"Then...don't'."

"Really?" He asked, his eyes bright.

"I don't wanna sleep without you."

"What about Ryan?"

"He'll be thrilled to have you here when he wakes up." He nodded and kissed my cheek. We turned an episode of Friends on, but I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes opened. I heard the TV turn off and I felt Edward picking me up, but I didn't want to open my eyes. He carried me back to my room and gently put me down on the bed. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and I changed into one of his clean t-shirts from the trip. When he walked back into the room, he smiled at me as I stood up to take my turn in the bathroom.

When I got back, he was sitting up against the headboard, in nothing but his boxers, reading the book I had been reading before my trip. My eyes opened wide as he started laughing and I snatched it from him.

"I didn't know you were into porn," He laughed as I threw the book into my bedside table.

"I'm not!" I exclaimed. I had been reading one of those super trashy novels and I usually put it away, but I forgot before we left for our trip. "Leave me alone."

"Hey, no judgment here."

"Good," I said as I slid under the covers next to him. He pulled me close to him and draped his arm over my torso.

"I love you," He said softly after I'd turned off my light.

"I love you, too."

"You're not taking the job, are you?" He asked softly. I shook my head. "I want you to have everything."

"And I will have everything. My home is here. With you."

"How did I get so lucky?"

"You showed up to a random club one night in London a long time ago," I smiled. "And you have gorgeous eyes."

"You think?"

"Of course," He hugged me closer and I shut my eyes and had one of the best night sleeps in a long time.


	28. I Found my Strength

**Chapter Twenty-Eight:** **I Found my Strength**

* * *

Even though I was finished with school, life was chaotic. Summer was over and the school year was in full swing. Ryan was in kindergarten this year and things were a lot different than when he was in preschool. It seemed like there was always something they were asking parents to be involved with. I tried as best as I could to be there, but I'd gotten a job at a very small law firm in Boston.

There were only about fifteen of us at the firm, but it was a step in the right direction. And even though it was small, it was a fantastic law firm. We handled small but important cases, mostly dealing with families. I was mostly doing paperwork but I knew I would eventually climb my way up the ladder.

This was also a very important school year for Ryan because he finally had his dad around to brag about. Edward and I had talked a few times about changing his last name to Cullen, but we hadn't come to a decision yet. I'd always wanted Ryan to be a Cullen, but now that it was a possibility it seemed weird to me.

One day he would be a Cullen. And I kept promising that to Edward.

On the first day of school, both Edward and I had taken him to school. He treated me like I was invisible but introduced everyone to his dad. I didn't take it personally. He'd been waiting for this moment for his entire life and I was happy that Edward had this chance too. Ryan was most excited to introduce his new teacher to his dad.

As October approached, the topic of Edward and I moving in together was becoming increasingly hard to ignore. It wasn't like I didn't want to live with him, but it was such a big step. We'd only been back together for two months but we also knew that's where we were heading. Plus, he slept over so much and had two drawers at my apartment. And he had a key. He practically lived with us already. But I knew he wanted that officialness of moving in together. I just wanted to enjoy the newness of our relationship.

One day we'd find the perfect balance.

Despite the uncertainty of our living situation, I had never been happier. He was there after a long day if he wasn't working to make sure I had some time to wind down. He was always there to listen when my boss was driving me up a wall. Unless he was working late, he was always around to tuck Ryan into bed. And if he was working, he always called to say goodnight. Even if he only had five minutes he called.

It had also been a good few months for James' family. They were still hurting and it was still hard on James being without Victoria. However, with Kate working for him, he had a relationship with all of his kids. He'd gone back to work full time but that hasn't hindered his life with his family. He'd even tried taking an active role in DJ and Clara's classrooms. He usually couldn't leave work in the middle of the day, but when Clara's class had a special parents breakfast James took the morning off to go.

Something he hadn't done at all until now.

They still had a long way to go, but they were on the right track. With time, DJ was starting to open back up. Edward told me that this was the DJ he knew and I was almost brought to tears when I caught him trying to teach Ryan how to properly throw a baseball. It was like Ryan had the older brother he'd always dreamed of and I knew DJ was feeling the same way.

It was that moment when I realized I made the right choice staying in Boston.

"Good morning," Edward whispered early on a crisp, October morning. It was Saturday which meant Ryan had a soccer game. I would never understand why they thought to have a bunch of kindergartners running around at eight a.m. on a Saturday I would never know. I groaned as I stretched and rolled over to face Edward.

"I don't wanna go."

"He loves it." Edward was always quick to remind me why I bothered waking up at seven on a Saturday. Ryan had been asking me if he could play soccer for two years and he was finally at the age where they let him. I couldn't say no to even if it meant I couldn't sleep in.

"Yeah," I sighed as Edward pushed our covers off. I felt goosebumps all over my body as he leaned over to give me a kiss on the forehead before getting out of bed. It was his turn to get him up and dressed and I was on breakfast duty. I pulled on Edward's discarded Boston U sweatshirt and headed into the kitchen. I began cracking the eggs and putting the bread in the toaster. By the time the cheese was melting on the eggs, my boys were walking into the kitchen.

"Game day!" Ryan laughed as he climbed into his seat. I dished his eggs out while Edward put some butter and jam on his toast. I sat down with my coffee as Edward grabbed an apple and cut some slices for Ryan. Once our son was taken care of, we took turns serving ourselves some breakfast. After I scarfed down my food, I retreated to the bedroom to get changed. I slipped on a pair of jeans, a Harvard zip up, and my trusty Uggs. If I was going to be sitting outside for an hour I was going to be comfortable. After I was done getting dressed, I put some foundation, concealer, and mascara on my face and ran a brush through my hair.

I didn't want to look completely dead to the world.

Edward was getting Ryan into his cleats as I walked back into the living room. I grabbed everything he'd need for his game and Edward helped him zip his sweatshirt. It was too cold to just have him in his jersey and a long sleeve shirt underneath. Once I double checked to make sure I had everything, we were out the door.

On time for once.

The game only lasted an hour, but with the wind blowing it felt longer. I laughed as Ryan seemed to just chase the ball and run with it anywhere down the field. He didn't completely understand the concept of soccer yet but he was having fun and so was his team. That was what mattered. After an hour, the ref blew his final whistle and the two teams high fived each other.

"I did it!" He squealed as he jumped into Edward's arms. "That was fun!"

"You did such a good job, baby," I smiled leaning in and giving him a bunch of kisses.

"Can we go see Clara and DJ now?" He asked when Edward set him back down on the ground. When soccer started, we started a tradition of going to James' house to hang out and eat lunch before heading home. With everyone's crazy schedule it was nice knowing we would get some time with them during the week.

When we got there, I knew instantly that it was Kate's morning off. The house was kind of a wreck and James' looked distraught. He instantly calmed down when we got there, though because it meant that Clara would be occupied with Ryan and wouldn't be making as big of a mess. I took Evie and started playing with her and her stuffed animals while the boys all talked in the kitchen.

"Daddy!" Clara called from the top of the steps.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Can we play dress up?" James' face scrunched. The two of them always made the biggest mess when they opened up her dress up chest. I knew James didn't like to say no since Ryan didn't have much to play dress up at home, but he was frazzled. He didn't want to deal with a potential meltdown but he also didn't want the mess.

"Ryan will be fine if you say no," I encouraged. I knew he wanted to have a good relationship with his kids, but I was always needing to remind him that he was still their dad. It was good for them to hear the word no.

"He can't do it at home."

"He'll be okay," I repeated. "They're going to destroy her room if you let them open that chest."

"Not today, Clara."

"But daddy!" She stomped her foot.

"Clara Elizabeth," He warned. "I don't want you two getting all of those costumes out. Maybe another day."

"Daddy," I could hear the tears welling up. "Please."

"No," I was proud that he was staying firm. I had gathered that Victoria mostly handed the discipline. I knew she'd never accept this kind of behavior. But he was learning. He needed to do this and Clara needed to know that James was the boss. "We're going to be eating lunch anyway."

"Okay," She nodded sadly and ran back to where Ryan was. James turned to look at Edward and I and sighed loudly.

"It sucks," I agreed. "I hate being the bad guy."

"But she needs to know that you're in charge," Edward piped up. As Ryan got more comfortable with Edward and vice versa, he'd started to throw more fits. They still didn't happen often but it was something Edward wasn't prepared for. Edward nearly had a meltdown after Ryan's first real tantrum. I'd stepped back because Edward needed to learn how to handle these situations. He did a good job, but he felt guilty for days for raising his voice at Ryan.

James nodded. "It's hard."

"Parenting is the hardest job out there," I shrugged. "But you're doing a good job."

"It's all Kate."

"She can tell you what to do, but you don't have to listen," Edward pointed out. "Give yourself some credit, bro." James nodded and we dropped the subject. It was never our goal to make him feel bad about himself or his parenting...at least when he didn't need to feel bad.

When lunch was ready, Clara had already forgotten about what had James all upset. DJ told us all about his upcoming science fair right before Thanksgiving and I threw some ideas out for him. When I was his age, science was always my favorite and I participated it all the science fairs. Even the ones that weren't mandatory. After everyone was finished with lunch, I could see Ryan's eyes drooping. He usually didn't take naps anymore, but soccer always wore him out and he always needed a good nap on Saturdays. The three of us packed up our things and headed out.

When we got back to the apartment, Edward put Ryan in his bed for a nap and I got out some work I needed to get done. I worked for a bit while Edward got ready for his night. Saturdays were busy at his restaurant and he typically worked. I hated not being able to spend the weekend with him, but neither of us could do anything about it.

"I wish you could say," I mumbled into his chest as he hugged me goodbye.

"Me too," He kissed the top of my head. "I have next Friday off though. Maybe we can take Ryan to the pumpkin patch after school."

"He'd love that," I agreed even though Halloween wasn't for another three weeks.

He sighed. "I have to go now or I'm going to be late."

"Okay," I looked up and gently pressed my lips against his. These were my favorite moments with him. After he left, I finished what I needed to get done and started making the soup I was taking to Emily's tonight. Ryan had been begging to see the baby and this was one of the first weekends everyone was completely free. Ryan woke up about an hour later and helped me finish dinner. I got him changed into different clothes other than his uniform and we headed across town to the Uley house.

When we got there, Miranda was in her bouncer and Ryan ran over to her. I smiled as he played peek-a-boo with his cousin and went to hug my sister.

"How was the game?" Emily asked as we put the pot on the burner to heat up and started cutting a loaf of bread.

"Cold," I groaned. "It was in the forty's this morning."

"That's what Sam said. I'm sorry we couldn't come."

"Don't be."

"I wanna be there for him. I feel like we've abandoned him for the shiny new baby."

"You know he doesn't think that," I assured her.

She nodded. "Edward working tonight?"

"Like always."

"Can I ask something?"

"Maybe."

"Why aren't you two living together?" She asked. "Like officially."

"We're taking it slow."

"Why? You already have a child together. You know you're going to move in together eventually."

"Because..." I trailed off. I didn't really know what to say. She had a point. A valid point.

"You need to stop making excuses when it comes to Edward."

"What? I do not do that."

"You do," she said. "I think you're still the tiniest bit afraid that he's going to disappear again."

"I trust him!"

"I know you trust him. But it doesn't lessen any of the hurt."

"He'd never disappear again. I trust him."

"I'm just saying, it took you long enough when he moved back to give him a second chance."

"He had a girlfriend when he moved back."

"And how long did it take you after he sent her packing to get back together?"

"A month."

"Exactly."

"I just want it to be perfect. We're still in the honeymoon phase."

"Bella, if you love someone...I think you're always in the honeymoon phase."

"Yeah?"

"Every day with Sam feels like our honeymoon."

"You two always fight."

"We do not always fight," She rolled her eyes. "But that's normal. It doesn't mean we're any less in love because we argue every now and then."

"He practically lives with us anyway."

"Then why is he still paying for the apartment?" She asked as Miranda started crying. Ryan appeared in the door immediately with a red face.

"The baby's crying!" She exclaimed. "I didn't do anything!"

"Babies cry, sweetie," I laughed as I pulled him into my arms while Emily went into the living room with Miranda. "That's how they talk to us, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah." He giggled as I heard Emily go upstairs.

"She probably has a stinky diaper." He scrunched his face.

After eating dinner, Ryan and I headed back to our apartment. We colored in one of his books and then got him bathed for the night. After putting him to bed, I wanted to wait up for Edward but I was too damn tired. I clicked off the TV and got ready for bed. I pulled on one of Edward's t-shirts and some flannel PJ bottoms. I crawled into bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

Sometime after falling asleep, I got this startling feeling that someone was watching me. I gripped my comforter and slowly opened my eyes. When my eyes adjusted to the dark I did see someone watching me but soon recognized the copper hair.

"Edward!" I whisper-yelled. "What are you doing?" I looked at the clock. It was almost one in the morning which meant he was probably just getting in.

"Sorry," He shrugged as he reached over and turned on the lamp. I closed my eyes to try and shield them. I opened my eyes, still squinting, and saw Edward on his knees with a black velvet box.

"Oh my, God." I breathed heavily. If we weren't ready to move in together we really weren't ready to get married. We'd only been dating for two and a half months. "What are you doing."

"Before you panic..."

"I'm not panicking."

"Bella," He laughed obviously not believing me. "This isn't a ring."

I nodded. "Okay?" It came out as a question. He slowly opened the box to reveal a silver key. "What..."

"Move in with me."

"Edward,"

"We're ready, Bella. I hate when I have to sleep without you and not see Ryan in the morning. I want to be there with the two of you all the time..." He trailed. "Well, not all the time because that would be excessive."

I rolled my eyes.

"But I don't wanna miss something because I got off of work too late and was too tired to drive all the way over here."

"You want us to come to your apartment?"

"This one is great, but it's kind of small for three people," He shrugged and he was right. With an extra person, I sometimes felt claustrophobic. "And my apartment is close to both of our jobs."

"Ryan would have to switch schools. He loves his new friends."

"It's still the beginning of the year," He reminded me. "And I'm in the same district as Clara and DJ."

"Really?"

"Just barely, but yeah. He'd get to go to school with them and I know he'd love that."

"He would," I agreed.

"Please," He begged. "I love you and I don't wanna keep putting off the inevitable.

"Yes," I eventually whispered. He was right. There was no point in prolonging this. We were in a good spot together. I knew that he was the man I would marry someday. And all the points he made were valid. We'd be closer to work and we'd get to see each other every day. And Ryan going to the same school as Clara and DJ would be the best thing that's ever happened to him.

"So..." I grinned. "When are we doing this?"

"Next weekend?" He asked. "We could ask one of Ryan's friend's mom to take him to soccer practice while we moved everything."

"There isn't much,"

"We'll start our own collection of stuff," He shrugged as he leaned in and kissed me.

"We're moving in together," I bit my lip excitedly.

He chuckled. "We're jumping."

"We are," I nodded.

* * *

Edward and I spent the entire weekend packing up our apartment. I gave my landlord the notice and promised to have the keys turned in by Sunday night when we were officially moved out. We started making small trips to Edward's apartment, but we were saving all the big stuff for Saturday. James, Sam, and Carlisle were going to help Edward move furniture while Esme and Emily helped me unpack and organize.

DJ was in charge of making sure the kids didn't burn the house down while we worked.

"You ready for this?" Emily asked after we'd packed up the last box and put it in the moving truck. The little apartment that I'd called home for three years was all packed up and empty. I knew we wouldn't live here forever, but a lot of firsts happened. It was kind of hard to let go.

"This is good," I smiled. "We weren't going to stay here much longer anyway. Even if we didn't move in with Edward."

We drove over to the apartment where Edward was making sure Ryan's bedroom door stayed shut until all his stuff was put inside. I insisted on starting to get it organized but he refused to let me in. Instead, I started organizing my things in our bedroom. He was being super kind and we were going to redecorate the room since Charlotte had bought most of the things in it.

Stupid Charlotte.

After what seemed like hours, Edward finally let me in Ryan's room. He was making a huge deal out of it and I didn't really know why. It was just his room and we both said we weren't going to do anything crazy. When I walked inside with Ryan at my side, my mouth his the floor.

Edward managed to turn his little room into a little boys heaven.

The once white walls were now light blue with one navy accent wall. There were Marvel superhero posters in frames hung on the wall. Edward had hung small crates on the wall and had his books placed inside. His bid was up against the wall with the window and there was a small soccer net attached to the adjacent wall. It was perfect and Ryan was running around like crazy.

"Edward," I smiled up at him. "How'd you..."

"I had some help," He smiled as Esme leaned up against the door frame. "And your friend Alice from law school helped with the ideas."

"You talked to Alice?" She and Jasper had moved to Hartford when she got a job back in June. We'd been trying to keep up but it was getting harder since we weren't seeing each other every day.

"Yep," He nodded. "A few weeks ago she called while you were in the shower and I thought it was my phone ringing so I picked up. We got to talking and she mentioned that she loved decorating. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew she was emailing me sketches for a room for Ryan."

"A few weeks ago?" I asked. "How long has this been put together for him?"

"Mom put the finishing touches on the other day and then today we just had to arrange the furniture." He explained like it was no big deal.

"You've been planning this for a few weeks?" He nodded. "We agreed..."

"I wanted this to be a surprise. For the both of you."

"But..."

"I want you both to feel at home here. And he's never really had a room of his own since you couldn't do much in your old place." He was right. We couldn't do anything but hang things on the wall. Poor Ryan had been living in a bedroom with the ugliest yellow walls since he was a year and a half.

"This is perfect," I nodded as I hugged him. "I've never seen him happier."

"I'm glad I could do this for him."

"So? What's next?"

"Well we're going to go to Lows together and we're going to pick out a new color for our bedroom," He explained. "Then we'll go to Khols and pick out a new comforter and put some finishing touches on our room."

"I want something green. Seafoam green."

"What's seafoam green?"

"Boys," I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek. "How do you like your new room, kid?"

"It's so cool!" He was already busy playing with his new soccer net. "Thanks, Daddy!"

"Every guy needs a man cave," He looked down at me and winked.

"A what?" Ryan asked, looking puzzled.

"We'll tell you when you're older," I slapped Edward's chest and pushed him out of the room. When we got to the living room, Esme and Carlisle had somehow managed to hang my pictures on the wall. "It's looking good."

"Oh this is a beautiful picture, Bella," Esme gushed as she flipped my newest frame around. It was a picture from Ryan's first day of school. He was smiling so big he told me his cheeks hurt after taking it. He was in Edward's arms and he had his arm wrapped around my waist and I was snuggled close to his side. It was one of our first family photos together that I thought was good enough to get framed and hang up.

"It's my favorite," I told her as I went to help Emily in our room. "Did you see Ryan's room?"

"Yeah, Sam helped him pick out the Marvel posters."

"You knew too?"

"Everyone knew," She laughed. "Well, everyone but you. And Ryan."

"I hate him," I sighed sarcastically."

"That's a lie," He called from the living room.

"I swear he has a bats hearing," I shook my head as I started helping my sister unpack.


	29. The Sweetest Words Remain

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: T** **he Sweetest Words Remain**

* * *

 **One Year Later**

"Here are those reports you were asking for," Gina, the newest member of our practice, said as she put the manilla folder on my desk.

"Thanks, Gina," I smiled up at her.

"Aren't you supposed to be gone?" She asked and when I looked at the clock I realized how late I was. I jumped out of my chair, closed my laptop and packed my bag in order to leave. "Don't worry. I won't let this place burn down."

"I'm trusting you, Gina," I smiled as I turned off the lights to my office. She walked me to the elevator, gave me a hug and walked back towards her desk. When I got to the ground floor, I dug my keys out of my bag and practically ran to my car. I must have broken ten different laws in order to get home but there was no way I could be late.

It was my own rehearsal. I had to be there on time.

Emily's car was parked on the street in front of the apartment building and I knew I'd be getting a lecture for being late. But, how was I supposed to know that one of our biggest cases would be handed to us three weeks before my wedding? I didn't want to take it on, but I was trying to make partner by the end of the year and I needed this.

Well, I wanted it.

But Edward was supportive and told me to do what I needed to do in order to succeed in my job. I didn't want work to start interfering, but he'd always been there for me when it came to my career. He never wanted to hold me back and always told me to go for it. He was one of the reasons I'd gotten as far as I did with my small law firm.

"You're late," Emily said as I ran into the apartment and upstairs to the ensuite. Edward and Ryan were already gone in order to give me my space and we'd be meeting them at the park where we were having the ceremony. I took a quick shower and had Emily blowdry my hair while I put my make up on.

"How are you feeling?" She asked as She pinned my last curl into place and I ran into our bedroom to change into my dress.

"I get to marry the man of my dreams tomorrow," I smiled. "I'm fantastic."

Edward had proposed after only five months of being together. At first, it felt way too fast but...we were in love. We had beaten all the worst that life could throw at us. If we could survive him dating another woman and a six-year separation then we were going to last together.

 _"I can't believe we're back here," I sighed as I looked up at Big Ben. We had been meaning to come to London since getting back together, but the timing just hadn't been right. Especially with Ryan in school. However, Esme insisted that we go and treat ourselves as a joint, late birthday gift. It was hard leaving Ryan for a whole week, but I knew he was in good hands._

 _"It seems like it's been an eternity," He agreed as he pulled me close to him._

 _"Riley looks good," I observed. He still wasn't able to walk and he was wheelchair bound, but it didn't seem to really damper his spirits. Although it was strange seeing him without Bree, his fiance Lauren seemed really sweet. He was still working for the university and had made the sourest lemon into the sweetest lemonade._

 _"He is," He nodded. Edward was off tonight and I didn't want to push him. He'd been fighting with his parents a lot because they wanted him to have his money in order to open up his own restaurant. I wanted that for him but he was being stubborn._

 _But this trip was about us. It was about letting go and just being together._

 _"Where are you?" I asked as I caught him staring off at_ _the water._

 _"I'm right here."_

 _"Physically," I pointed out. "But you're mentally somewhere else."_

 _"I'm thinking."_

 _"About?"_

 _"Our future."_

 _"Yeah?" I asked as I looked out onto the water again._

 _"Yeah," He whispered as he knelt down. I thought he was just trying his shoe so I didn't bother looking at him. "Bella?"_

 _"Yes?" I looked down and lost my breath. Edward was on one knee with a small velvet box in his hands. "Oh my, God. What are you doing?"_

 _"I love you," He whispered. "And I don't want to be with anyone else for the rest of my life. You're it for me, Bella. You and Ryan are the best thing that's ever happened to me."_

 _"Edward," I cried._

 _"So...will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He asked, opening the box to reveal the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. It was simple but elegant. "Bella?" He asked and I realized I'd been silent for a good three minutes as I thought about everything._

 _"Huh?" He looked hurt. "Oh! Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!"_

 _"Really?" He sounded surprised as he took the ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger. I looked at it for a second before grabbing his jacket lapels and pulling him back to his feet. I pressed my lips against his and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck._

"There you are!" James laughed as we got out of the car once we got to the park. "We thought you'd gotten cold feet."

"If I'm late tomorrow then you worry," I rolled my eyes. I spotted Edward talking with Riley, who'd flown all this way for the ceremony, and his father. I couldn't help but smile.

"Ready to get this thing started? I've got three little kids who are getting hungry."

"They're always hungry," I slapped his chest as we walked over to where everyone else was gathered. When Edward saw me, he excused himself from his conversation and walked over to me.

"You look beautiful," He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"Wait til you see me tomorrow."

"I can't wait."

I smiled up at him and the minister we found to perform the ceremony gathered everyone. It was going to be a small ceremony. I had my sister and Rosalie as bridesmaids and Edward had James and Riley as his groomsmen. There were only about fifty people invited to the wedding. If we could have gotten away with it, I would have been happy with Ryan and Edward at City Hall. But our parents would have killed us.

And I don't even want to know what Emily would have done if I'd gotten married without her.

After the rehearsal, we headed over to Edward's restaurant for dinner. After a lot of arguing, Edward finally agreed to use his parent's money to open his own place. It was a small, Italian bistro close to the house, but it was perfect. He'd worked so hard to get to this place and the grand opening was set for after we got back from our honeymoon.

This was a special night and he had his best chef cooking for everyone.

After we'd eaten and a few speeches were made, it was time for Edward and me to part ways. He was going to stay with his brother and Ryan was going with him. I didn't want to leave him, even for one night. But it was tradition to spend the night apart.

"Just think tomorrow when you see me I'm going to be in a ridiculous white dress."

"It's not ridiculous."

"It's a little ridiculous," I bit my lip. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on my nose. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mrs. Cullen."

"Not yet," I shook my head. "Not until tomorrow at four."

"That's a long time to wait to see you again."

"Hey if Emily and Rosalie weren't here you probably wouldn't have to wait."

"Until tomorrow," He pressed his forehead to mine.

"Good lord!" Emily yelled from across the lot. "You're not dying!" I gave him one last kiss and ran to my sister's car. When we got home, I took a melatonin because I would not let my nerves keep me from getting a good night sleep. I wasn't nervous to marry him but...it was a big day. And big days always made me nervous no matter how prepared I was for them.

Or excited. Or ready.

* * *

The next morning was complete chaos. Emily insisted on bringing someone to the apartment to do my hair and makeup instead of just going somewhere. But, in the end, I was glad I could just stay home and try and relax. My nerves were running on high and I needed to stay as relaxed as I could.

After everyone was ready to go, we headed over to the park where we would be getting dressed in the small, but extremely clean, bathroom. After Rosalie, Emily and my mom were all in their dresses, they helped me get into mine. I didn't want anything crazy and had fallen in love with a simple, A-line gown. Once I was all zipped and buttoned, I turned around to see my mom and sister already crying.

"Bella," Mom gushed as she hugged me. I held her tight and knew this was hard on her. I was her little girl.

"Mom," I said trying not to cry. I didn't want to ruin the poor makeup girls work. Plus, I knew I'd be crying as I walked down the aisle, I didn't want to start quite yet.

"You're all grown up," she sighed as she let go of me.

"Mom, you know that I've been grown up since I was at least fifteen."

"Smart ass," She laughed as she grabbed the tissue Rosalie was holding out for her. I took a look in the mirror and couldn't help but smile. I was getting ready to marry the love of my life.

After Emily helped me with the finishing touches, there was a soft knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"It's Emmett," I looked at Rosalie who just shrugged. I went and opened the door for Emmett. "Wow, you look beautiful."

"Thank you," I smiled. "What's up?"

"They're asking if you're all ready." I turned to look at my mom and bridesmaids and smiled. I turned back to Emmett and nodded. He gave me a kiss on the cheek before walking away. We all grabbed our flowers and headed to the bushes where we were to hide until we were ready to go. Clara was waiting for us with Kate holding her hands and ran over to me and practically jumped into my arms.

"Is it time?" She asked excitedly.

"It is, kiddo." I smiled as I turned to see Emmett walking Ryan over to me. "You look so dashing, Ryan."

"You look pretty, Mama," I nearly burst into tears at his sweet words. Suddenly, the music started and the two kiddos began walking down the aisle. Rosalie was next and then it was Emily's turn.

"You ready, kid?" My dad asked as he appeared behind me. I turned to him and smiled.

I nodded. "Don't let me fall," I begged.

"I promise," He agreed as we walked around the bushes. I looked up and made eye contact with Edward.

Our time in London flashed before my eyes.

 _"Are you enjoying everything?"_

 _"I don't need to know you, your personality speaks loud and clear."_

 _"It could be a peace offering."_

 _"Why are you being such a douche?"_

 _"You don't even know me."_

 _"I know enough."_

 _"You wanna get out of here?"_

 _"I like this side a lot more."_

 _"You're hot when you're jealous."_

 _"I'm not jealous."_

 _"Bella, I'm not looking for a girlfriend. You're great, but I'm not the boyfriend type."_

 _"I don't even know if this is what I want."_

 _"I was supposed to have...that life."_

 _"PLease don't go. Please don't make me go."_

 _"I'm not leaving."_

 _"This isn't casual anymore."_

 _"We're jumping?"_

 _"You jump, I jump, Jack."_

 _"I've got you."_

 _"He's crazy about you. I've never seen him like this."_

 _"What if I did move back to the States?"_

 _"Don't pop the bubble. I'm not ready."_

 _"What if I moved here? To London."_

 _"You've been dreaming of Harvard forever."_

 _"Dreams can change."_

 _"Do you...regret it?"_

 _"No. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."_

 _"I'm glad we kept accidentally running into each other."_

 _"I love you. I love you."_

 _"I love you too."_

 _"Don't go yet. Not until I'm through security."_

 _"Not yet."_

 _"Hi, Bella."_

"It is my great pleasure to announce for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen!" Our minister pronounced. "You may kiss your bride."

"Finally," Edward smiled as he leaned and pressed his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tight. I never wanted this moment to end. But, too soon, I felt a soft tugging at the bottom of my dress and pulled away from Edward to see Ryan smiling up at us. Edward laughed as he bent down and picked up our son.

The wedding party walked back up the aisle and then we got into the limo our parents had gotten for us in order to go take pictures at Boston Public Garden. After almost an hour and a half, everyone was satisfied and we made our way to Edward's parent's house for our reception. They had turned their entire downstairs and backyard into a wedding heaven and I was super grateful they let us do this here.

Since it was early October, the air started to chill as the sunset. Edward slipped his jacket over my shoulders as we were served cake and a waiter poured some more champaign for me.

"You're going to get me drunk if you keep letting him fill your glass," Edward laughed as he swapped his empty glass for my full one.

"I don't want people to wonder why I'm not drinking."

"You should have just taken a test."

"I didn't want to worry about it so close to the wedding," I shrugged. "Plus if I am pregnant then I'll still be pregnant next week when I take the test."

"You're waiting until next week?" He asked, his eyes wide. "Why?"

"Because I just want to have a romantic honeymoon with you."

"It would make me very happy."

"No," I shook my head. "Let's just enjoy this," I smiled as we watched Ryan and Clara sway back and forth to the music. "You wanna girl this time?"

"I'll take anything I can get," He turned and kissed my forehead. "I just can't wait."

"You're not going to guilt me into changing my mind. I'll take the test next week."

"Promise?"

"We're married now, Edward," I playfully slapped his chest. "I can't lie to you anymore."

"Anymore?" He laughed as I heard someone tapping on the microphone. I looked up and saw Emily with her notecards standing on the small stage they'd set up.

"Hi, I'm Emily. I am Bella's older sister and...best friend," She laughed. By the time Emily was finished with her speech, I was a crying baby and could barely even say thank you to her for making such a beautiful speech. James got up there next and again I couldn't help but cry. The two of them had gone from basically hating each other to real brothers over the course of this year. They still had a long way to go before they were best friends, but just the fact that James was Edward's best man spoke volumes.

After we toasted, I turned to Edward who had disappeared super suddenly. I was going to go look for him but then I heard his voice over the sound system. I looked up and smiled at him up on the stage.

"Uh, hi everyone. I'm Edward...the groom," He laughed. I rolled my eyes. He thought he was so damn funny. "But, Bella...there was so much I wanted to say in my vows this afternoon and I couldn't find a good way to say everything. But I wanted you to hear everything I had prepared so I'm going to read what got cut from my vows. Is that okay?"

I nodded. "Today's the day my life begins. All my life I've been just me. Just a smart mouth kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you. To our future." He said and I felt tears in my eyes.

"To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I'll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life, to take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today our life together begins. And I for one can't wait. I love you so much, baby."

I ran up to him and threw my arms around him. As I pressed my lips against his, a soft piano tune started playing from the speakers and I looked around to everyone watching us. We'd already had our first dance, so this must have been the surprise everyone had been talking about.

"I thought you didn't like this song," I smiled as he spun and then placed his hands on my hips.

"I want you to have everything you want," I rested my head on his chest and he began singing to me. "Even if it means listening to a cheesy Lonestar song."

"Hey," I laughed as he kissed the top of my head.

"I've never been this close to anyone or anything I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams. I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you. It just keeps getting better. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. Forever and ever."

"Forever sounds nice," I said quietly as we continued to dance to the music. When I opened my eyes again, I smiled as I saw Ryan and Clara dancing and got Edward's attention when I saw DJ dancing with one of Edward's chef's daughter.

"Look at him go," He laughed and I closed my eyes again, wanting this moment to last forever.

When the last guest cleared out, Edward carried Ryan upstairs to the guest room and James brought the girls upstairs. I wanted to help Esme and Carlisle clean up, but they had repeatedly told me they'd hired a cleaning crew for the morning. They insisted we go home and enjoy our wedding night before we headed off to London for our honeymoon in the morning. London just felt so right, but we were also going to be making a stop in Paris and Madrid later on in the week.

After getting out of my dress, Emily and my mom helped us load our car. Most of the gifts were going to be brought over later but there were a few small things we could take now. Mom hugged me like she'd never see me again and Emily reminded us to be safe.

Little did she know though...

When we got back to the apartment, we barely had the door shut before we started ripping each other's clothes off. Everything happened so fast and we collapsed on the couch before anything else could happen. Once we were both naked, though, we started taking our time. We had our whole lives to have rough, passionate sex.

Tonight we were going to take our time and enjoy it.

"I love you so much," He whispered as he pushed inside of me. My eyes closed as he started thrusting in and our and I clawed at his back. No matter how many times we were together, it always got better.

"Edward!" I moaned as I got closer to my orgasm.

"Let go for me, baby," He said as he reached down and flicked my clit with his thumb. I pressed my lips together and felt my body clenching as I came. Edward was right behind me and fell limp on top of me. Our bodies were both covered with a thin layer of sweat and we just let each other's breathing get back to normal before we spoke.

"Can you believe we're married?" I asked him after he pulled out and flipped us over so I was on top of him.

"No," He laughed as he stroked my naked back.

"Me either."

"I'm glad we jumped, Jack."

"I have never been so grateful for a 90's chick flick."

"Hey, you liked Titanic."

"It was okay."

"You said you liked it. You can't lie anymore. We're married."

"We are married," he said. "You ever think we'll get used to saying that?"

"No."

"No?"

"Not for a long time."

"I like the sound of it. They'll call me Mrs. Cullen in court."

"And they'll call me Cullen at the restaurant."

"I don't need your sass right now."

"Hey, Mrs. Cullen?"

"What?"

"Nothing, I just really love the way that sounds." He kissed the top of my head.

"Me too," I kissed his chest as he pulled me back up. "I love you."

"I love you too,"

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Ahh! My babies are married! So I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it might have been kind of fast with them getting married only a year after getting back together, but sometimes you just know. And they have a child together so I figured that would kind of speed up the process a bit and they weren't starting from scratch. _

_Also, I know some of you might not like all the flashback_ one-liners _from the beginning of their relationship, but I wanted it to be like you were watching a movie. Like this is what Bella was seeing in her head as she walked down the aisle. Maybe that kind of thing is meant for the screen, but I wanted to try something new._

 _Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time!_


	30. I Will Protect You

**Chapter Thirty:** **I Will Protect You**

* * *

 **One Year Later**

Despite what we thought at our wedding, the multiple pregnancy tests I took came back negative. And when we just weren't ready to believe I wasn't pregnant, my OB/GYN confirmed that I wasn't. When I asked what had caused all of my symptoms, like morning sickness, she told me it was probably stress related because of work and planning the wedding and taking care of Ryan.

It was definitely a disappointment. I wanted Edward to be apart of a new pregnancy so much. I wanted him to feel the baby kick and go to doctors appointments with me and hold my hand in labor. I wanted everything that we missed out on the first time around. I knew Edward was upset too. When I first thought I was pregnant again, I wasn't sure if the timing was right but as I cried in Edward's arms a few nights after finding out I wasn't, I knew I wanted another baby.

I wanted a big family with Edward.

So we started trying. A lot. Whenever we could have sex, we did have sex. It felt like when we were in our early twenties in London. It got to the point where I didn't think we were ever going to get pregnant again. It had been so easy the first time so it didn't make any sense that when we were actually trying, I couldn't seem to get pregnant. I was about to ask if we could take a break for a little bit when I started feeling sick each morning. Then things like the smell of tuna and pickles made me wanna throw up.

Without telling anyone, I slipped away to the drug store and then to Emily's house. She was busy with a crazy two-year-old and preparing for the little boy they were planning on adopting at the end of the month. An intern at Sam's, who was twenty-three, found out she was pregnant only weeks after being dumped by her boyfriend. She knew she wasn't ready and when she overheard Sam talking about the possibility of adopting a child, she asked if he and Emily would take her baby. It seemed so perfect for everyone because even though the girl loved her baby, she wasn't ready to raise him. But, if Sam and Emily adopted him then she could at least know how he was doing and see pictures of him throughout the years.

Emily couldn't have been happier with the arrangement. She loved Miranda but when they discussed having more, she told Sam she just couldn't do the whole pregnancy again, scared of miscarrying or having what happened with Miranda happen again. He was one hundred percent on board with the idea of adopting and was ecstatic when he found out they would be getting a boy.

I told her she wasn't allowed to tell anyone why I was here and she promised to keep her mouth shut. I could tell she was as excited and nervous as I was. She'd wanted a new niece or nephew since Ryan was about a year old. She made me down almost a gallon of orange juice and then I was ready to pee on the three sticks I'd bought.

They were all positive.

When I showed her all the tests, we both burst into tears of joy. When Sam walked in with Miranda, he looked really concerned but then saw the tests in our hands. He gave us a knowing smile but knew enough to keep his mouth shut. After I had calmed down and spent a little bit of time with Miranda, I headed home to tell my guys.

When I got home, however, neither of them were home so I figured he'd taken Ryan to see Clara and DJ for the afternoon. I decided to cook Edward's favorite meal and put the positive test on his plate. I sanitized the test and set the table and put the test at Edward's spot. By the time they were home, I was pulling the chicken parm out of the oven and Edward sent Ryan to get cleaned up.

I bit my lip as he kissed my cheek and I told him to sit down and that tonight was my night to serve him. When he sat down and saw the test, he nearly fell out of his chair.

 _"No," He turned to me with wide eyes. "Is this...are you...?"_

 _"I'm pregnant!" I smiled and he jumped out of his chair and pulled me into a tight hug._

 _"Are you sure?"_

 _"I took three of those tests and they were all positive," I told him as I wiped a single tear from his cheek._

 _"We're having a baby?"_

 _I nodded as I started to cry myself. "We're going to be parents again."_

Edward immediately went into super dad mode. He insisted on getting Ryan ready for school so I could get some extra sleep. Everything he cooked was extremely healthy and full of vitamins. And he wouldn't let me lift anything heavy, which was particularly annoying when I just wanted to get the groceries into the apartment.

After our first doctor appointment, we decided it was time to tell Ryan he was going to be a big brother. He was just as excited as his dad was when we told him and asked us a million questions. One of them was, where would the baby sleep? And that was a great question. The apartment only had two bedrooms and while I loved our home, we needed something bigger.

And fast.

So we began house hunting. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be and everything seemed to be out of our price range while staying in Ryan's school district. It wouldn't have been fair to make him change schools again. He had made a lot of friends and he loved being with Clara during the day.

After two months, I was about to give up and say the baby would be sleeping in our room for the first few months anyway. We didn't need to have a room until he or she was about five months old. But then Edward begged me to see the last few houses we had lined up with our real estate agent. The first two were in our budget, but they just didn't feel like home. They weren't...us.

Then we saw the third house and I fell in love immediately.

It was a four bedroom, two and a half bath house with so many windows to let in natural light. The bedrooms weren't huge, but they were big enough for what we needed. The kitchen would need to be updated but the house was actually under our budget so we could do a small renovation until we could really afford to get in. And the best thing was it was still in Ryan's school district. It was further from his cousin's house than the apartment was, but we figure everything out with time.

We put in an offer the same day and the owner accepted our offer within a week.

Life was crazy. Our firm was bringing in more and more clients and Edward was busy running the restaurant. And I was eight months pregnant, ready to pop. I was so ready to now be pregnant anymore and I so desperately wanted to meet my boy or girl.

"Bella do you have those papers for me?" My boss asked as he burst through the doors to my office. "For the Denali case?"

I searched my desk organizer for the right manilla envelope when I felt my stomach harden up. "Whoa," I whispered when the moment passed and grabbed the right envelope. "Here,"

"Thank you," He said and turned to leave. "Bella, you okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded. The pain had gone almost as fast as it came. "I think the baby is just kicking me extra hard today."

"You let me know if you need to go home," He smiled before leaving and shutting the door behind me. That was the thing I loved about this firm. We had grown together and we were always going to be friends first. They were incredible when I told them I was pregnant and insisted I take time during the weekdays for my doctor's appointments. And gave me a decently long maternity leave.

The pains came and went and by the time I was heading home, they were coming more frequently. I knew what it could be, but I also knew the baby wasn't due for another four weeks. This could very well be false labor and I needed to pick Ryan up from James' house so we could get home and get ready for the next day.

When I got to James' house, though, I felt a super sharp pain in my lower abdomen. This was completely different than what had been happening all day and I suddenly wasn't so sure it was false labor. When the pain finally stopped, I got out of my car and hobbled to the front door.

"Aunt Bella's here!" Clara called through the house when she opened the door with DJ right behind her. She ran off to go find Ryan again as I walked through the door.

"Hi, Aunt Bella," DJ greeted me with a hug.

"Hey, kiddo," I hugged him tightly and gave him a kiss on the top of the head. "Where's your dad?"

"In his office," He shrugged. "He's got a big project or something but didn't want to stay at work to finish it."

"I'm going to go say hi," I ruffled his hair before heading down the hall to the office. I knocked on the door and pushed it open without a response.

I nearly dropped the bottle of water I was holding when I saw James and Kate having a very intimate moment. His hands were wrapped around her waist, very close to her ass, and she had hers wrapped around his neck. He was perched on his desk and she was standing in between his legs.

I cleared my throat and they jumped apart like they were horny teenagers being caught by their parents. "Bella!" James exclaimed as he scratched the back of his neck. "Hi."

"Hello," I raised my eyebrows at them. I had been telling Edward for months that there was something going on with James and Kate but he always chose not to believe me. He told me they were close because she was paid to take care of his children.

I knew it was more than that.

"I'm going to finish dinner," Kate ran passed me and shut the door behind her. When I turned to look at James, he looked extremely guilty.

"It's only been a month," He said softly. "And nothing has really happened except a few kisses and...moments like you just saw."

"James, it's okay," I tried assuring him. "Victoia has been gone for two years."

"She's my wife."

"And you know the last thing she'd want is for you to be lonely," I gave him a sad smile. "I know if I died I would want Edward to find someone to share his life with."

"DJ would never forgive me."

"Kate isn't some random woman you picked up in a bar," I reminded him. "DJ loves her. All your kids do."

"We're taking it slow."

I nodded. "You've liked her for almost a year."

"How..."

"I'm a lawyer. It's my job to see what isn't obvious to everyone else."

"And to put your nose where it doesn't belong."

"And I'm a girl who wasn't oblivious to the longing stares and smiles you give her."

"I don't stare at her."

"You do. Not in a creepy way but you..." I gasped when I felt another sharp pain in my lower abdomen. With everything that had just happened, I had forgotten I was having contractions.

"Bella?" James asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I breathed.

"Oh my..." He trailed off as he put two and two together. "Are you in labor?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean my water hasn't broken and my contractions are really far apart. It could be false labor."

"I'm calling Edward," He pushed passed me and ran out the door. I waited for the contraction to completely pass before I chased after him. By the time I reached him in the kitchen, he was already on the phone. "She said she was having contractions. No, her water hasn't broken."

"Give me the phone, James," I demanded as I held my hand out. When he refused to listen, I grabbed the phone out of his hands and pressed it to my ear. "Hi."

"You're having the baby?" He yelled into the phone. "I'm coming to get you."

"Edward, you're in the middle of a shift."

"So?" He asked. "I own the damn place I can leave whenever I want to."

"Edward,"

"Okay!" He yelled to the people who were with him. "Bella's having the baby. I gotta go. Don't burn this restaurant down."

"Edward!" I said into the phone again but he had hung up. I pressed the END button and turned towards James. "I guess he's on his way."

"Good,"

"You idiot!" Kate laughed. "Do you even realize why she's upset?"

"No..."

"Because you didn't let her call Edward herself," I nodded in agreement. "That was a special moment and you ruined it for them."

"I did?"

"You did," I agreed. "It's supposed to be this romantic thing where I call him and he starts crying and he rushes to my aid. Now he's just panicking and barking orders at his employee's."

"Sorry," James blushed as Ryan walked into the kitchen.

"Hi, Mom," He gave me a hug.

"Hey, baby."

"I'm hungry. Can we go soon?"

"We're going to wait here for your dad."

"We're eating here?" He asked excitedly.

"You're eating here."

"You aren't going to stay?"

"Daddy is coming here because..." I trailed off and looked up at Kate who was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. "He's taking me to the hospital to have the baby."

"The baby?" He smiled. "He's coming?"

"He or she is coming. You're going to be a big brother."

"I'm getting a brother!" Ryan hadn't yet come to terms that he might get a little sister. I figured we would cross that bridge if we came to it and I was just happy he was so excited. Kate got the kids started on dinner with James waited with me in the living room. My contractions were still kind of far apart, but they were close enough to that I knew this wasn't false labor.

After twenty minutes, there was a loud knock on the door and then the front door swung open. Edward ran inside, looking disoriented and exhausted. He looked at me and smiled before he ran over to me and helped me off the couch.

"This is it?" He asked, a small smile plastered on his face. I simply nodded and pressed my lips against his.

"What took you so long?"

"I ran home to get your hospital bag...but then I realized we hadn't packed one yet," He shrugged. "So I threw some things in a bag and figured we could go back for the rest later."

"You've got kind of a crazy look in your eyes," I giggled. "Are you okay?"

"I've never done this part before," He whispered. "It's all new territory."

"Let's go have a baby."

"Bella?" He asked as we walked to his car.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For...loving me and giving me two beautiful children."

"I love you," I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss as he opened the passenger seat door.

* * *

Eighteen hours later, my doctor was telling me that I needed to have another c-section. I had been wanting to do this naturally, but I was in the same situation as I was when Ryan was born. I had been in labor for almost an entire day and I wasn't progressing quickly enough.

A c-section was the safest thing for me and the baby.

I watched as Edward put on everything they gave him in order to go into the sterile environment. I thought back to when it was my mother getting ready and just smiled. I still kinda wanted my mom here, but I was really grateful Edward was here with me.

This was our moment.

After Edward was dressed and the labor room was prepped, they wheeled me down the hall. My doctor was waiting for us and the multiple nurses got me all set up.

"Okay, Bella, we're going to get started," My doctor said gently after the drape had been put up. "Dad, you're going to want to stay by her head."

Edward nodded. "I planned on it," He laughed and suddenly my eyes filled with tears. I could hear the heart monitor start beating a bit faster and Edward looked down at me. "Babe, you okay?"

"I'm scared," I admitted. I was about to be cut open and even though I trusted my doctor, it didn't make that fact any less scary.

"I know," He kissed the top of my head through his mask. "But think of the end result. And I'm going to be here, holding your hand the entire time."

"Okay," I nodded.

"Bella, I know this is scary but I need you to take a deep breath." My doctor instructed. I did as she said and took a few big breaths. My heart rate seemed to be back to normal and she told us she was starting now. I squeezed Edward's hand as I heard them working and kept my crying under control.

"Congratulations mom and dad," Dr. Richards gushed. "You have a beautiful baby boy,"

"A boy," I smiled up at Edward as they peaked his little head above the curtain so I could see him.

He was perfect.

"Let's get him crying," she said. "But first, dad you wanna cut the cord?"

"Uhh," Edward stuttered.

"She's all covered up for right now," They assured him.

"Then yes. I would like to cut the cord."

Edward the cut the cord and then the doctors got him crying. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard. They brought him over to us after getting him cleaned up and gently placed him in my arms. I couldn't help myself and started crying again.

"He's perfect," I sobbed as I kissed the top of his head. "So perfect."

"He is," Edward agreed as he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine in a gentle kiss. "Thank you," He repeated.

After I was put back together, we were taken to my recovery room. The anesthesia was starting to wear off so I was starting to feel everything that happened, but I didn't care. My baby boy was sleeping soundly in my arms.

"I want Ryan here," I looked up at Edward about an hour after we met our little guy. "He should be the first to meet him."

"I'll go call James," He assured me as he gave one last kiss to the baby and stepped out into the hallway. He came in a few minutes later and told me James was going to bring Ryan by along with Esme and Emily.

Half an hour later, Ryan came running through the doors and Edward picked him up so he wouldn't jump on me. I heard Edward whispering something, but couldn't quite figure out what he was saying. When he set Ryan back down, he was much calmer and quietly stepped up to my side.

"Is this him?" He asked as he stared at the baby.

"This is your new brother." I introduced as I tilted the baby so Ryan could get a better look.

"He's kinda wrinkly."

"He is," I agreed.

"What's his name?" Ryan asked. I wanted everyone to be there, but Ryan was dying to know. I looked at Edward who just smiled at me as he picked Ryan back up.

"Ryan, I'd like you to meet Logan Matthew Cullen."

"It's nice to meet you, Logan." Ryan laughed as he tried to find the baby's hand in all the blankets. "He's kinda cute."

"He is cute."

"When can I play with him?" Ryan looked up at Edward who just laughed.

"You might have to wait a little bit, bud." Edward shrugged and Ryan looked disappointed.

After meeting his new brother, Ryan refused to leave. I tried sending him home with Esme after Logan was taken back to the nursery, but he threw a temper tantrum and I caved. I was too exhausted to fight with him and I knew Edward was too. He fell asleep in Edward's arms after the baby was brought back in for his feeding.

"I was right you know," I smiled at Edward as I fed Logan.

"About what?"

"Your brother and Kate."

"What about them?"

"There's something going on."

"What? Did he tell you something?"

"Let's just say...I walked in an intimate moment."

"They're close," He shrugged. He either just didn't get it or he was in denial.

"Edward,"

"It's weird," He sighed. "He and Victoria were together for so long. And I know that she's gone and he deserves to be happy but..."

"It's just different," I smiled at him. "He likes her, Edward. And he's lonely."

He nodded. "You think they'll get married?"

"It all depends," I looked down at our new baby. "He's beautiful."

"You want anymore?" Wow, he was antsy.

"Are they not enough?"

"They'll always be my favorite guys," He smiled. "I was just curious."

"Do you? Want more?"

"Of course I want more," He smiled. "We've got one more bedroom to fill."

"We don't have to fill it with a nursery."

"Yes, we do," He smiled at me.

"Three kids?" I asked as I looked down at Logan who has detached himself. "It almost doesn't sound like enough."

* * *

 **A/N: So a lot of you thought their wedding was our last chapter, but I'm happy to report I'm thinking of doing at least one more before the epilogue. Bella and Edward's story isn't done quite yet! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and love the new baby as much as I do.**

 **Thanks for reading and for your reviews!**


	31. Might Get Scraped

**Chapter Thirty-One: Might Get Scraped**

* * *

 **10 Years Later**

"Morning, mommy," Andie giggled as she shoved a spoonful of Lucky Charms into her mouth. I rolled my eyes at the lack of manners our seven-year-old had, but with two older brothers, I wasn't exactly surprised.

Our youngest was born three years after Logan. At the time, I was happy with my two boys. I didn't think I wanted a third child. But when that pregnancy test was positive, I realized not only did I want a third child, I needed a third child. Edward was elated and Ryan said he didn't want to share us again. Logan was too little to really understand what was going on.

On July 3, we welcomed Andrea Renee into the world. She was so perfect and small and had Edward wrapped around her little finger. Ryan immediately warmed up to the idea of having another sibling and was excited to have a baby sister. After Andie, Edward and I had the talk about if we wanted any more kids. We decided that three was enough and he went in for a vasectomy a few weeks after she was born.

We were a happy family of five. I didn't want that changing.

"Good morning, Andie," I kissed the top of her head as I observed Logan and Ryan having a quiet conversation at the other end of the table. Andie was blissfully oblivious to the fact that her brothers were in the room and completely ignoring her.

I cleared my throat to get their attention.

"Hi, mom," Ryan smiled when he looked up from Logan.

"What are you doing up?" I asked since it was one of the last Saturday's of the summer before his senior year started and it was only eight in the morning. Ryan usually slept until at least ten, no matter how much noise his siblings would make.

"Couldn't sleep. And I heard that one in the kitchen and new she couldn't be up to any good." He pointed at Andie who was still stuffing her face.

"Thanks for letting us sleep," I laughed as Edward padded into the kitchen. We were usually up at seven thirty every morning since our seven-year-old had an internal clock that didn't allow her to sleep in at all on the weekends. She usually stayed in her room, but she didn't have a concept of quiet yet, so we always ended up waking up when she got up.

"How long have you been awake?" Edward yawned as he leaned down and kissed the top of Andie's head.

"Only a few minutes. Ryan got them breakfast this morning."

"Ryan's awake?" He asked confused before looking over at the two of them eating cereal together. "It's Saturday, right?"

"You guys are so funny," Ryan laughed as he got up and took his bowel to the sink. "I couldn't sleep. Okay?"

"Fine," I nodded as I went to make some coffee.

"I'm going to Levi's after practice today," Ryan informed us as Logan took his bowel to the sink and disappeared into the living room. Levi had been Ryan's best friend since his family moved to Boston halfway through the sixth grade. Despite being twelve years old, Ryan never wanted anyone to feel left out and invited him to eat lunch with him and his teammates.

They had been inseparable ever since.

"His parents okay with that?" Edward asked as he helped Andie clean up after telling us she was done eating.

"Yes," He rolled his eyes. After getting the younger ones cleaned up, we set up a show for them to watch while Edward and I got some work done and Ryan got ready for his last summer soccer practice. When he started playing in kindergarten, I never thought he'd actually fall in love with it like he had. He made varsity when he was only a sophomore and was voted senior captain at the end of last years season. And his coach told me they had some recruiters coming to watch him at some point in the season.

It was getting really hard to believe that our first baby was about to be a senior year of high school. I wasn't ready to let him go when he went to college. He had his eyes on Yale's soccer team but liked Cornell's business program more. It was going to be a difficult decision for him, but he was a smart kid. I knew he'd made the best choice for him and for his future.

Being a selfish mom, I was hoping he'd choose Yale because it was closer to Boston than Cornell was.

"I'm heading out," Ryan told us as he walked into the living room in his practice uniform and duffle bag. "I'll see you after dinner."

"Try not to stay too late at Levi's," I told him. "We have the barbecue tonight.

"Mom," He rolled his eyes. I knew he thought he was too old or too cool for the annual back to school barbecue, but he wasn't. He was still apart of this family.

I stared him down. "Okay, I won't be home too late."

"Have a good practice," Edward called as he left the living room. He turned to look at me and I just shrugged. "He's seventeen."

"And?"

"He's almost an adult." Edward was trying to tell me that he could make his own decisions and it was okay if he didn't want to come to dinner with his family. But I wanted him there and he should want to be there. Clara had started school a week prior and I knew he was missing her. She was only at Boston College, so she was close, but I knew it was going to be really weird for him when Monday came and he wasn't picking her up for school.

Plus DJ was driving an hour from Brown for the barbecue. Ryan could deal with it.

"And?"

"And...are we meeting Emily and Sam at the pool today?" He asked realizing this was a fight he wouldn't win.

"Yes," I laughed. "We should get them ready," I said looking over at the two sitting on the couch. "By the time their dressed, it'll be time to go."

Edward nodded and we began the process of getting our youngest ready for the pool. Once they were all in their suits, Edward and I quickly got dressed and I packed our pool bag. When I was sure I had everything, we piled into our SUV and headed to the pool in Emily's neighborhood. When we got there, they already had a spot picked out and Miranda and Ethan were already in the shallow end of the pool.

Logan was dying to get in the water with Ethan, who was his best friend in the world, and I almost didn't get sunscreen on him before he got away. It was times like this when I wished Sam and Emily had another kid for Andie to play with, but she loved her big brother and older cousins. And Miranda had always acted like her big sister. They weren't the closest in age, but they loved each other.

"How was your college tour yesterday?" Emily asked as we watched the four kiddo's splash each other in the pool.

I shrugged. "It was okay. But we could tell he didn't really like Princeton."

"They don't have a business program, do they?" Sam asked. I shook my head. "Why'd you go?"

"Just so he can see all of his options," I told them. "I mean I knew I wanted to go to Columbia for my undergrad but I still toured a bunch of places."

"I think Yale is going to win," Edward mused. "It was his favorite campus and has the best soccer team."

I nodded in agreement. "I think so too."

After a few hours at the pool, we packed up our things and headed home in order to get ready for the barbecue with Edward's family. Emily and Sam usually came, but for some reason, their kids had started school a week before ours did and they had a PTO event to kick off the school year.

Edward fired up the grill while I got the kids bathed and ready for our guests. Ryan ran through the house just as the doorbell rang, cutting it pretty close. And he still kind of stunk from soccer so he needed to get a real shower before coming downstairs. I didn't fight with him about it because I learned to choose my battles with him.

Once he was finished in the bathroom, James and his kids had already arrived. When Ryan hugged Clara, it was like they hadn't seen each other in years. I was really happy that they'd stayed so close as they got older. They had the kind of relationship I wished he had with his two younger siblings. I knew he loved Logan and Andie, but it was different since they were so far apart in age.

As I was pulling the baked potatoes out of the oven, the doorbell rang. Andie, along with Clara went to open the door for Edward's parents. It was hard to believe that when I first met them, I thought they were kind of terrible people. I had always wanted Ryan to have a close relationship with them, but I never thought I'd think of Esme as a second mother to me.

It was nice having her so close since my mom was still living in Florida.

"You ready for Monday?" Esme asked while Kate and I set the tables for dinner. After a long, long relationship, James finally proposed to Kate right after DJ started high school. They waited almost six months before they even came clean about their feelings for each other and they never wanted to move too fast. They always wanted the kids to come first and knew their relationship came second. We all knew Clara and Evie would be excited about James and Kate being together, but it was hard to read DJ. He was the oldest and had the most amount of time with Victoria.

It took him a few weeks to really warm up to the idea, but in the end, he was happy for his dad. And he loved Kate already so that was never an issue.

"No," I laughed shaking my head as I watched Ryan stand with Edward at the grill. "He's my baby."

"James nearly had a meltdown at the thought of Evie starting the seventh-grade last night," Kate explained. "So good luck once Andie starts getting older."

"One at a time. Please," I begged knowing I was only able to handle one kid's milestones at a time.

Once everything was ready, we all settled in the backyard. Edward's food was incredible, as always, and we finally got to hear more about DJ's girlfriend. They weren't officially dating yet, but I could tell he was crazy about Maggie. He was always saying that he wanted to focus on school, but James encouraged him to enjoy college while he could. James told us college was one of the best times of his life because that's where he met Victoria.

"I'd like to make a toast," Edward said as he raised his Coke can. "To...life."

"Dad," Ryan rolled his eyes. "It's not that big of a deal."

"What? You're starting your senior year. Clara's a freshman in college and DJ is a senior in college. This is a big year."

"And I'm finally double digits," Logan added, earning himself a gentle shove from his grandfather.

"Life is good," Edward smiled as he looked my way. He winked at me and it still surprised me that after eleven years of marriage, he could still make me feel like I did when we were in London together.

"Here here!" Carlisle laughed.

After dinner was finished, and everyone went home, the house was too quiet. Ryan carried Andie up to her bed after wearing herself out playing on the swingset. I made sure Logan did everything he needed to before bed while Edward cleaned up.

The next time we had this barbeque, Ryan would be going off to college.

I wasn't ready for this.

* * *

The beginning of the school year was crazy as always. Ryan was never around because of soccer and our weekends were taken up by all of Andie and Logan's activities. But, we got through it and before we knew it, it was homecoming weekend for Ryan's school. He had been nominated for homecoming king, but he told us not to make a fuss over it.

I was obviously going to make a fuss about it.

The week before the dance, I was busy preparing for a trial so it was a miracle I'd gotten out of work early. Since Logan and Andie were with Emily for the afternoon, I wanted to take Ryan to get a new tie since he'd been wearing the same three for every formal occasion since starting high school. Levi's car was parked in the driveway when I got home, which wasn't a huge surprise.

I got inside, set my things down and headed to check if they were busy with homework. Ryan's door was closed almost completely and I swear I wasn't going to listen to their conversation...

"You should just tell them," Levi sighed. "They're your parents. They'll love you no matter what."

Um, tell us what?

"Like your parents love you no matter what?" Ryan asked.

"My parents suck," I didn't think that. I thought they were great.

"They suck because they started treating you differently after you came out."

Was Levi gay?

"No, my parents are stuck in their old ways and don't understand that I'm pretty normal. No matter who I'm attracted to."

"Levi, I'm not doing it."

"Why? Because you're scared?"

"Yes, I'm scared!"

Wait...was Ryan gay too?

"Of what? Losing your reputation? Of not winning homecoming king?"

"You know that stuff doesn't matter to me."

"Then what is it?"

"You saw what happened to Mason Clarke when we were freshman."

"Mason Clarke was an asshole."

"Yeah, and when he came out of the closet people tortured him."

"I'm not asking you to come out to the entire school," Levi said quietly and I wanted to step away to give them some space, but I couldn't seem to move. "But at least tell your parents the truth."

"They'd never let us be alone again."

"We'd survive," Levi laughed.

"I don't want to ruin what we have."

"Look," Levi sighed. "I love you. And I'm willing to do what you want to do at your pace but...I want to be able to treat you like my boyfriend outside of our bedrooms."

Boyfriend?

This was a lot to take in and before I heard anything else, I stepped away from his door and went downstairs. I sat down at the kitchen island and began to think.

Levi just wasn't Ryan's best friend. They were a couple. Levi was Ryan's boyfriend.

I wasn't upset. Levi was right. I loved Ryan no matter what and I didn't care who he wanted to date as long as they were good. I'd known Levi for a long time and I knew that if they were a couple, Levi would treat Ryan only with respect and kindness and love. I wasn't worried about the fact that he was gay.

It was just a lot of information to digest and get used to.

Plus, Ryan had a few girlfriends in the past. They were never serious, but I knew he was crazy about his first girlfriend in the ninth grade. Or at least he'd acted like he was crazy about her.

And then I started asking myself questions. How long had they been dating? Had Ryan always knew he was gay and used the girls he dated as diversions? Did he even know they were diversions? And...most importantly...what had they been doing behind closed doors when I thought they were studying?

And then I realized how stupid I was.

Boys typically didn't hang out alone together in each other's bedrooms. They wouldn't want anyone to suspect anything was happening.

"Mom?" I jumped out of my skin. I quickly turned around to see Ryan looking nervous and a little embarrassed, but I wasn't going to make him feel unforgettable. If he wasn't ready to tell us that he was gay, I'd never force him to do it.

"Hi, kid."

"What are you doing here?" He asked, looking around. "How long have you been here?"

"I just got back."

"Good," He whispered under his breath. "But why are you home? It's early."

"I was able to sneak out early. I was going to ask if you wanted to go and get your new tie for the dance this weekend."

"Levi's here," He shrugged.

"We need to get this done, Ryan."

"I have ties."

"They're old."

He rolled his eyes. "Mom,"

"It'll take thirty minutes."

"Can't you just pick out one for me? I'll wear it. Just...no pink or purple."

"If you really don't want to go..."

"I don't."

"Then yes I can pick one up for you on my way home from work tomorrow."

"Thank you."

I took a deep breath. "But that means you need to go pick up your brother and sister up for me."

He sighed. "Where are they?"

"Aunt Emily's. I need you to leave in like thirty minutes." He nodded and then headed back upstairs. I so desperately wanted to call Edward, but this was something we needed to talk about once he was home.

I was weirdly on edge all night. It wasn't because I had a problem with my son being gay, but I just wanted to know if they had been really good at hiding it all these years. Or if I had been completely clueless. They sat across from each other at dinner, but I didn't see anything romantic then. They sat on the couch together while they watched THe Flash, but again nothing romantic. And they didn't even fight when Andie wiggled herself in between them.

By the time Levi left, I came to the conclusion that they were just extremely good at hiding their romantic feelings for each other.

"You've been really quiet," Edward observed as we laid down together.

"Tired," I lied. I hated lying to him.

"You're lying."

"What?"

"You're a mom and a successful lawyer. You're always tired but you're never this quiet."

"I'm fine."

"Bella," He pushed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. I just...have something on your mind."

"Anything you wanna talk about?"

"It involved Ryan. And it's personal."

"What's wrong? Is he okay?"

"He's fine," I assured him. "I..." I wanted to wait for Ryan to tell him, but at the same time, I wanted to brace Edward. I knew he would love his son no matter what but it was something kind of difficult for a person to wrap their head around.

"What?"

"I came home early today and when I went upstairs, I heard Ryan and Levi talking," I said and he looked at me like them talking was no big deal. "About something."

"Okay?"

"I want to tell you what they were talking about, but you have to promise me you won't get upset and you won't go asking questions."

"Bella, you're kind of making me nervous. What's up?"

"Ryan is gay." Edward's eyes bugged out of his head. "And Levi is his boyfriend."

"What? No." He denied. "Ryan's had a few girlfriends. He plays soccer..."

"That's a stereotype." I pointed out. Gay boys could play sports. They didn't all have to sing and dance and do musical theatre.

"He's not gay."

"He is," I assured him. "Honey, I wouldn't lie to you."

"He's gay?" He asked and I nodded. "Huh. I mean...he's my kid. I love him no matter what but..."

"It's a shock," I finished his sentence. He nodded.

"He told you this?"

"No I...was kind of eavesdropping. They left the door open and they didn't think I would be home for a while."

"Oh!" Edward jumped and turned to face me in bed. "We've let them be alone together..."

"They're smarter than us." He leaned back against the headrest.

"Our son is gay?" He questioned.

"Our son is gay," I nodded as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I snuggled closer to him.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** _Hi all! So I wanted to do a time jump because this idea just suddenly popped into my head. I have never made any of my characters gay before and I thought this was the perfect chance. I hope I did this kind of situation justice and did not offend anyone. This story is starting to wind down and while I am very sad about that I am very excited to conclude Bella and Edward's story._

 _I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and I'll see you next time!_


	32. Never Meant to Start a Fire

**Chapter Thirty-Two: N** **ever Meant to Start a Fire**

* * *

Over the next week, I tried acting as normal as I could around Ryan. I didn't want him thinking anything was up, but he was smart. He knew I was acting weird but he seemed to afraid to ask. I wanted him to tell Edward and me so badly because I wanted him to know that he could trust us and that we loved him no matter who he loved.

The night of homecoming, I watched as he interacted with Hailey, his date. I knew him and Hailey were good friends from classes they had together, but the closer I watched him with her, the more I saw he wasn't interested in her. Not in that way anyway. He seemed like he cared about her but he didn't seem attracted to her at all.

At one point during the evening, I caught Levi looking at him with Hailey. Levi looked upset and like he really wanted to be with Ryan. The look only lasted for a second before his date, Gabby, got his attention again. But now that I knew, I was starting to see more of the signs. I even caught Ryan biting his lip angrily as Gabby flirted with Levi and pushed some of his hair out of his face.

My son's love for Levi seemed so pure and sweet.

I just wished I was allowed to know that they were romantically involved.

After they left, Edward, the younger kids and I settled down on the couch for a relaxing night at home. Andie hadn't been feeling well all week and Logan just seemed tired. Although I knew I would miss Ryan like crazy when he left, I loved that I still had moments like this with my younger kids. I still had at least a year with Logan before he wanted less to do with Edward and I and I had a few good years with Andie.

After dinner, two movies and an ice cream sundae, we put the younger ones to bed. I wanted to wait up for Ryan so Edward brought down our pillows and a blanket for us. We put a rerun of Friends on as we waited for Ryan to get back. At midnight, we finally heard his keys in the lock. When he walked into the living room, he looked incredibly disheveled.

"Ryan?" I asked as I stood up and walked over to him. He was flushed and his shirt was wrinkled. When I looked out the front window, I saw Levi driving away and bit my lip. Just because I was okay with Ryan and Levi being a couple did not mean I was okay with the fact that they were sneaking around. And I really didn't like the idea that they were probably somewhat sexually active.

"Hi," He smiled. "You didn't have to wait up. I told you I'd be late."

"It's our jobs to wait up," Edward sighed as he walked over to us. "You okay, Ryan? You look a little disheveled."

"I'm okay," He squeaked.

"You have a good time with Hailey?" I asked.

"It was okay."

"Did you get lucky?" Edward asked and I froze. That was not something I wanted him to answer.

"Edward!" I squealed as I noticed Ryan turning a bright shade of purple.

"What? No! No!" Ryan exclaimed as he ran for the stairs. "You're disgusting."

"It's natural," Edward shrugged as Ryan ran away from us. I turned to Edward and slapped his chest for asking such an awful question. "What?"

"He's seventeen! And your son! You don't just ask him if he...got lucky. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I was just trying to see..."

"Edward, if he's going to tell us what's going on with Levi it won't be after you embarrass him!" I reminded him. "You need to go apologize to him. And for the record...I don't really ever want to know if our son is..."

"Bella," Edward smiled.

"I know he probably is but I don't need you asking him that!" I said as I turned to go upstairs.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Edward called as he chased me upstairs.

Ryan ignored us the entire week. And he didn't even bother looking at Edward. I honestly didn't want to talk to Edward either, but I kind of had to. Ryan spent the time he was actually home in his room and the urge to just confront him was getting worse. But, I knew better. I wanted him to do this in his own way on his own time.

The Thursday after the homecoming dance, Ryan came home in an angry mess. He was stomping around and slamming doors all over the place. I was trying to give him space, knowing he's probably had a fight with Levi. But, when he yelled at Andie and made her cry, I'd had enough.

"Ryan, this is not how we behave in this house," I scolded him after I'd gotten Andie calmed down and settled with a coloring book in the kitchen. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" He spat. "I'm fine."

"You just made your little sister cry."

"She was being annoying," He huffed and I stared him down. "I had a bad day."

"That's not an excuse," I reminded him. "What made your day so bad that put you in this bad of a mood?"

"Nothing," He lied as he leaned up against the wall. "Levi and I got into a fight."

"About what?"

"He...wants me to do something I'm not ready for." Was this the moment Ryan was going to tell me he was gay and Levi was his boyfriend? I held my breath.

"Does he want you to drink or something?"

"No!" He assured me. That was comforting to know, even though I already knew why he was mad. "Nothing like that."

"Then what?"

"It's none of your business!" He yelled at me before storming upstairs and slamming his door shut. Ryan didn't come back downstairs for the rest of the night. The only way I knew he was still up there was when he came out for a pee break. After the house was quiet, I got ready for bed without Edward since tonight was his late night at the restaurant.

About an hour after falling asleep, I was being shaken awake. I thought it was Andie after having a bad dream, but when I rolled over, Ryan was standing in my bedroom. I looked over and saw Edward wasn't home yet and turned the light on.

"Ryan, what's wrong?" I asked as I sat up in bed.

"I need to tell you something," His voice was shaky and it looked like he'd been crying. "But...I need you to promise me something."

"Okay," I agreed immediately.

"Please don't be mad. And please don't hate me."

"Ryan, what's going on?"

"I'm scared to tell you."

"Honey, I'm your mom. You're my baby. I'll always love you no matter what."

"I'm scared to tell dad." He admitted.

"He'd tell you the same thing."

"I lied earlier. About why Levi and I were fighting."

"Okay,"

"He wants me to tell you and dad something. Something huge...but it's a big step to take and it's scary and I don't know what's going to happen."

"Ryan, just tell me."

"Levi is more than my best friend, mom," He told me and I could see him visibly shaking. My child was so afraid his father and I would reject him that he was working himself into a panic attack.

"What does that mean?"

"Levi is my boyfriend," He whispered so low I could barely hear him. "Mom, I'm gay. And Levi is my boyfriend."

"Oh,"

"We've been dating for a little over a year," He told me. "But...I've liked him for a long time. I've liked him since our freshman year in high school but...wasn't ready to accept the fact that I had a crush on a guy so I ignored my feelings and dated girls. I...liked the girls that I dated but I still really liked Levi."

He was using the girls he'd dated as diversions. He'd known he was gay for three years now.

"And didn't think Levi felt the same way so I never said anything," He explained. "But then...I went to his house one time at the beginning of summer after sophomore year and..." He trailed off. "He was watching gay porn."

Oh...

"And I kinda figured he was gay if he was watching gay porn." Well, that made sense. "That's why we didn't talk for like a month last year. We were both too embarrassed to even look at each other."

Rayn had told me they were fighting over a girl.

How ironic.

"And once we got over ourselves...we started talking. Levi told me that he'd known he was gay since before moving to Boston. He told me...he always thought I was cute but thought I was straight so he never said anything. And I..."

"Told him how you'd been feeling," I said gently and he nodded.

"We weren't going to start anything because...we were scared and didn't want to ruin our friendship. But...that obviously didn't work."

"You're in love with him," I smiled at my son and he just nodded.

"We were fighting tonight because he was pressuring me to tell you guys. He told his parents last December and things haven't been the same with them. I mean, Maria and Tony are good people, but they do not accept that their son is gay and in a gay relationship." He explained. "I didn't want that to happen."

"Ryan," I said and made him look at me. "You are my son. My first born. Honey...you could probably kill someone and I would still love you unconditionally."

"But..."

"Let me ask you this. Are you happy with Levi?"

"Yeah."

"Does he respect you and treat you well?"

"Yeah."

"Do you love him?" He nodded. "Does he love you?" He nodded again. "That's what I care about. If you answered no to any of those questions then that's when I would have a problem."

"Promise?"

"Maybe one day if you ever have your own child, you'll really understand how much I love you."

"Levi's parents changed."

"Everyone is different. Everyone handles big news like this in different ways."

"Do you think...Dad will hate me? Or treat me differently?"

"No," I smiled. "It'll be an adjustment for everyone, but no one in this family could ever hate you," I assured him. "Other than me and Levi's parents, does anyone else know?"

"Clara knows," He sniffled. "She walked in on us...making out one-day last year."

"Oh, yeah," I smiled. "No more hanging out with each other in your room with the door shut." He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Ryan. I've told you that when you had girlfriends and the rule stills apply."

"Fine," He laughed.

"What made you want to tell me all of a sudden?"

"I..." He took a deep breath. "I didn't want me being too scared to tell you to destroy my relationship," He shrugged. "He was getting more and more agitated with me every time I told him I didn't want to tell you."

"I think you made the right call," I smiled as I heard the garage door go up. "You're dad's home."

"I think I want to wait to tell dad. At least until morning." He said. "I just...couldn't sleep and knew I needed to tell you."

"I love you, kid."

"I love you too, Mom," He smiled as he got up and left my room.

* * *

After telling Edward and me about being in a relationship with Levi, Ryan seemed happier than he had in years. It was like he could finally be himself around us. However, as happy as he was, I could tell he was having a hard time adjusting to being Levi's boyfriend around us rather than just his friend.

But they were happy together. They weren't telling anyone else for the time being, but they were happy with just their families knowing. With time I hoped it would be easier for them to be honest with the world. I wanted my son to be able to love whoever he wanted to without being afraid of being judged or something much worse.

Before we knew it, it was already Thanksgiving. I had no idea how this year was flying by so damn fast, but it was already time for our entire family to get together for the holidays. Ryan had asked if Levi could join us and after assuring me that his mom would rather be with her new boyfriend, I agreed to let him come.

The day started out early as usual at Carlisle and Esme's house since our place was too small for our family, James' family, Emily's family, and my mom and Phil. Edward was in charge of the turkey as well as everything associated with the turkey and Esme had everything else covered. I'd been wanting to help for years but I always got kicked out so I helped the kiddo's occupied.

At four thirty, everything was finally ready and we all got situated in the dining room. We put the four younger kids and Evalyn in the kitchen since there were so many people and the rest of the adults at the large dining room table.

"I'd like to make a toast," Carlisle smiled as he raised his glass of wine. "To family, friends, and new loves," He smiled at Ryan who turned pink. "I'm very grateful to be apart of a family as incredible as this one."

"Here here!" Edward laughed as we all raised our glasses and took a sip. We began passing dishes around the table, and Emily and I were racing back and forth until everyone had food on their plate.

"So, Levi, do you have any plans for next year?" Mom asked. Levi looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Yes, ma'am. I do." He nodded. Ryan snickered.

"You don't have to call her ma'am."

"Oh," Levi shrugged.

"You're thinking about staying in Boston, right?" I asked since that was the last I'd heard.

"No," He shook his head, turning to face Ryan. "Not anymore."

"Why not? I thought you really liked Boston U?" Edward asked.

"I did. I do. I just...have had a change of heart lately."

"Where do you want to go then?" I asked and he looked at Ryan again. I was getting a sense that they were hiding something, but I'd talk to Ryan about that later. "Yale with Ryan?"

"Not...exactly..."

"Levi has his eyes on UCLA," Rayn told us.

"That's pretty far," James observed. "That'll be tough on you two." They looked at each other again and I'd had enough.

"Why do you two keep looking at each other like that?" I demanded to know.

"Not now, mom," Ryan begged.

"Why UCLA?" Carlisle asked in hopes of changing the subject back and keeping the peace.

"My dad recently moved to California and I've been missing him a lot," He said. "And...I just want a fresh start."

"A fresh start?" Emily asked. "Can't you get that somewhere closer to Boston?"

"California is very supportive of the gay community," He shrugged. "I want to be able to hold my boyfriend's hand or kiss him in public without being scared someone is going to shove us or throw something."

"Levi," Ryan said through clenched teeth.

"Wait..." I said. "What do you mean? You want to be able to do things in public with your boyfriend? Are you two breaking up?"

"No," Levi assured us.

"One of you better tell me what the hell you're trying to hide from us," My voice was shaking.

"Why don't we talk about this later," Edward pleaded so Thanksgiving dinner wouldn't be completely ruined. I hesitantly nodded and went back to eating. Someone had changed the subject and we were now talking about DJ's plans with Maggie. They had just started officially dating at the start of September, but he was crazy in love with her already.

After dinner, everyone helped clean up and we settled in the living room to watch a movie. I loved spending time with my family, but I needed to get home so I could talk to my son about what his dirty secret was. When we got home, we put the younger kids and when Ryan tried to go to his room, I physically blocked his way.

"What aren't you telling us?" I demanded to know as Edward came back downstairs.

"Bella, calm down," He whispered as he gripped my shoulder.

"Nothing is official yet," Ryan sighed.

"What's not official?" I asked.

"I applied to UCLA," He told us and I could feel my heart rate increasing. There was no way in hell my baby was going all the way across the country to go to college. "And if Levi and I get in, we're going there. Together."

"You're...you're what?" I asked, trying to stay calm. "No."

"Mom, please," He begged. "I want to be able to go out in public with my boyfriend."

"You can!"

"Not here. Not in Boston."

"Yale isn't in Boston. And neither is Cornell." I argued. "UCLA is not an option."

"It has everything I want. A good business school. A great soccer team."

"So does Yale!"

"But Yale doesn't have Levi!"

"You're not going to California for school. No way."

"Mom..."

"Why isn't he willing to stay on the east coast for you? Huh? You're all willing to move to California for him why can't he stay here with you?"

"Because he's always wanted to go back to the west coast. He misses California," He told me and I had forgotten that they'd moved here from San Diego. "Why can't you understand?"

"I understand that you're seventeen and too young to be making this kind of a decision based on love."

"Why?" He asked. "You were willing to move to London for dad when you met!" He threw that in my face. "You had one year left at Columbia and you were willing to turn your entire life around for a guy you'd known for a few months!"

"That was different."

"Why?"

"Because we were older."

"Not much older!"

"Ryan, you aren't going to UCLA. That's that."

"I love him, Mom."

"I understand that. I get that...that want to follow the person you love to the ends of the earth," I turned to look at Edward. "But you can't always do that. Sometimes you need to follow your head."

"What do you think would have happened if you'd stayed in London? Or let dad come back to New York with you?"

"We aren't talking about your father and me," We had told Ryan when he was about twelve years old why Edward wasn't in any of his baby pictures and where he'd been for the first five years of his life. I wanted him to understand that it wasn't anyone's fault that Edward had been absent.

Now he was trying to use that to his advantage.

"We would have been a happy family. We wouldn't have been alone for until I was five. I would have known my father. That's what would have happened if you'd gotten your head out of your ass!"

"Ryan!" Edward scolded. "You never...ever talk to your mother like that."

"I love him," He argued again. "And I want to be with him. I'm going to California if I get into UCLA."

"No way," I told him. "You aren't making the biggest decision of your life based on a guy!"

"Just because you made a huge mistake by letting dad talk you into leaving London doesn't mean I have to make the same mistake."

"Ryan, we'll talk about this later," Edward sighed. "It's late and time for everyone to get some sleep." Ryan nodded and went upstairs and shut his door. I pushed Edward off of me and turned to face him. "What?"

"We'll talk about this later?" I repeated his words. "You just told him we were going to think about it."

"We are going to think about it," Edward shrugged. "You're both emotional right now. But we need to think about this. Do research and make an informed decision."

"He's not going to UCLA. He can get just as good of an education at Cornell or play for Yale's great soccer team," I told him. "He doesn't need to travel across the country to do that."

"Our son has just opened up to us about him and Levi and by doing this," He took a deep breath. "By telling him he can't go with his boyfriend to college is going to push him away."

"No," I shook my head.

"Bella, we need to accept this as a possibility," He whispered. "And...he's right. Think about what our lives would have been like if you'd stayed in London? Or if I'd come back to the States with you?"

"Things would have been different, but the situation was different."

"A little. We were a little older...but we weren't much smarter than him and Levi. And we were madly in love like they were."

"They're in high school. It's puppy love."

"I'm not so sure about that," Edward whispered. "They're in love."

"So are a lot of people when they're seventeen. And they get to college and realize there's a whole world out there for them and they break up!"

"What if they don't break up?" He asked. "What if our son has found one of those rare loves while he was young? If we tell him he can't go then he'll never forgive us. Unless we have good reasons."

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." I ran upstairs into our bathroom. I sat down on the edge of the tub and just began to cry. My baby was not going to California. He was not moving to the other side of the country just so he could be with some boy.

I loved Levi.

But I loved Ryan more and I would not let him possibly ruin his life so he can follow a boy.


	33. The Starting Line

**Chapter Thirty-Three: T** **he Starting Line**

* * *

Over the course of the next week, Ryan refused to speak to me. I knew he thought I was just being a monster who was out to ruin his life, but I really wasn't. He'd been wanting Yale or Cornell for three years and because Levi had changed his plans he thought he had to too. I wanted him to understand that he needed to go to the college he loved because four years was a long time if you didn't like where you were.

I was supportive of his relationship with Levi. That wasn't the problem. I thought they were good for each other and I knew they loved each other. I just felt like he was too young to be making this kind of decision-based on a boy.

And I would have said the same thing if he were dating a girl.

I had been planning on talking to him over the weekend after we'd both had enough time to cool off, but when Clara stopped by my office, I knew something was up.

"Hi, kiddo," I smiled warmly as she sat down in front of me. She looked unsure and like she wasn't supposed to be here. "What's up?"

"Aunt Bella, I love you. You're my favorite aunt."

"I'm your only aunt," I laughed. Victoria only had brothers. "Just tell me why you're here."

"Ryan is my best friend. He's been my best friend since I was six years old...I love him more than I love my own brother," She whispered. "And...it was weird at first when I found out he and Levi were...together. I mean, I didn't care but it was still weird. You know?"

"I do."

"But he's happy with Levi. Like really happy."

"I know, Clara. I know," I nodded. "And our fight has nothing to do with the fact that he's with Levi or my doubt for their love for each other."

"He'll go," She told me. "To California with Levi whether you let him or not. He's already made up his mind."

"Clara,"

"He told me he'd rather run away with Levi than spend the next four years of college on the other side of the country."

"They are too young to make decisions like this based off of feelings."

"He'll never understand that," She sighed. "Right now, he's in love and afraid of losing Levi. He loves you and Uncle Edward but...he'll choose Levi in the end if you make him."

"How does he plan on paying for UCLA if we choose not to."

"He told me he'd figure it out. He'd take out loans and work through school. He'll do what he has to."

"Clara,"

"I haven't gotten any homework done this week because I've been trying to calm him down. He doesn't want to choose, but he will. And he might never forgive you if you make him choose." She looked at the floor. "I just thought you should know."

She turned to walk out the door before I could say anything else. I finished everything I needed to get done and headed home, hoping to have an adult conversation with Ryan. When I got there, he was in his room and Edward was downstairs with the kids.

"Mommy!" Andie cried as she pushed herself off of Edward's lap and jumped into my arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, thankful I would be waiting another ten years before I had to deal with her going to college. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, monkey." I kissed her forehead as I heard Ryan's bedroom door open. I stayed very quiet and almost still as he walked down the steps. When he saw me, he tried going right upstairs but Logan stopped him.

"Ryan!" Logan called. Ryan hesitantly turned around to face his little brother. "It's go time."

"Huh?" The three adults asked at the same time.

"It's go time," Logan repeated like it would help us understand. "With...Morgan," He whispered. He was obviously having a secret conversation with his brother so Edward and I just smiled at each other.

"Nice job, little brother," He went over, ruffled Logan's hair and went to go back upstairs.

"Stop, Ryan," Edward pleaded. "Logan, take your sister upstairs." They both listened to their father and went upstairs. When it was just the three of us, Ryan refused to look at me.

"I'm sorry that I upset you," I sighed. And I was. I never wanted to start a huge fight, but it was a big shocker that he all of a sudden wanted to change all of his future plans. "It was big news and hard to digest."

"But you haven't changed your mind." It wasn't a question. "Right? You're still going to tell me I can't go to UCLA?" I nodded. "So...nothing has changed."

"Ryan," Edward begged.

"If you don't want me to be with Levi, just be honest with me."

"You think...you think I don't want you and Levi to be together?" I asked quietly. "That's not it at all."

"Then what, Mom?"

"I told you. You're too young to be making these kinds of situations based on your boyfriend," He rolled his eyes at me. "I would be telling Andie the same thing if she only wanted to go to a college because her boyfriend was going there. And James told DJ the same thing when he wanted to follow his high school girlfriend to the same school."

"DJ and Tara broke up two months into school!" He said. "Do you want that to happen with Levi and me?"

"Of course not," I assured him. "Do you understand just how far UCLA is from Boston? I looked it up. It's almost a six-hour plane ride. It's a forty-five-hour drive without stopping."

"It's not like Cornell is in Boston, Mom."

"You're right. But it takes five and a half hours to get to Cornell from here in the car. It's a three-hour plane ride."

"Mom, you have to let me go." He begged. "Please. Let me go and be with my boyfriend in California where no one knows us. Let me go."

"When did you decide this was what you wanted?"

"What?"

"Or better yet, when did Levi decide to change all his plans?"

"Like a month ago before applications were due," He shrugged. "Why?"

"And when did you decide this was what you wanted to do?"

"A few weeks ago."

"You can't go to UCLA," I said simply. "I'm sorry but I can't allow you to choose a college based on your boyfriend."

"I'm going!" He argued. "Whether you like it or not!"

"Ryan!" Edward called after him as he grabbed his coat and car keys. "Ryan!" He turned to me and I had a feeling what he was going to say. "Bella,"

"He's not ready."

"What?"

"To make a big decision like that."

"Bella, he's going to be eighteen in February. He's an adult."

"He's not ready!" I cried as tears starting streaming down my cheek. " _I'm_ not ready."

"Baby,"

"What if something happens, Edward?" I asked. "What if he's in an accident? Or gets robbed? Or needs his appendix taken out? What if something happens and I'm not there?"

"You won't be there even if he goes to Cornell,"

"But I'd be closer."

"This world is a scary place, babe," He whispered. "And bad things happen when we least expect them to," He sighed. "Sometimes people get into motorcycle accidents and become paralyzed. Sometimes people get breast cancer and die before their kids grow up. Sometimes parents get divorced and move to Seattle."

"Edward,"

"But...good things happen too," He smiled. "Sometimes you get a second chance and end up marrying the love of your life and get to raise beautiful babies with them."

"I know good things happen."

"Our son is a man in love," He pointed out. "Don't you remember what it's like to be his age...or around his age...and in love?"

"London was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me," I shrugged. "But I didn't go to London for some guy."

"You were willing to stay in London for some guy," He sighed. "And Levi isn't just some guy. Those two are best friends first and boyfriends second."

"Edward..."

"Do you want to lose him?"

"No,"

"Then we need to let him do what he wants," He said. "He needs to make his own mistakes and learn from them."

"Edward,"

"I know you want to be mama bird and keep him in the nest, but eventually he needs to learn to fly on his own."

"It's too soon."

"It'll be too soon no matter where he goes to college."

"What if he gets there and hates it?"

"That's part of the process," He bit his lip. "I don't want him to go to London and cut us off," He was right. Edward's parents had strangled him and they almost lost him for good. Esme told me she couldn't get out of bed for weeks after Edward decided to stay in London. ANd it was much worse because whenever she tried calling, he either hung up or they ended up fighting.

I wanted to keep my good relationship with my son.

* * *

The next day while Ryan was at soccer practice, I did something he'd probably hate me for.

I went to Levi's to talk to him.

When I got there, he was busy raking the leaves in his front yard. His mom's car wasn't in the driveway and when he saw me, he looked guilty. I approached him slowly for reasons I couldn't really explain.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen."

"Hi, Levi," I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," He whispered. "I didn't mean to cause a fight. That wasn't my intention."

"Then what was your intention, Levi?" I asked. "Because...Ryan didn't seem ready to tell us that he wanted to change his plans and go to UCLA. It looked like your pressured him. Just like you pressured him to come out."

"Mrs. Cullen..."

"And...I'm kind of okay with you pressuring him to come out to us because I always want my son to know that I love him. And I want him to know he can be honest with his father and me."

"Levi nodded. "I just wanted him to not be ashamed of who he was."

"I understand," I said. "But what I don't understand is why my son, who was so set on Yale or Cornell, suddenly felt the need to apply to UCLA."

"UCLA is a good school."

"It is," I agreed. My dad begged me to look at some schools closer to Seatle when I was a senior. I looked at Standford, UCLA, and the University of Washington. I would never change my mind about Columbia, but I did my research. If for some reason I'd decided against my original dream school, I might have chosen UCLA.

Levi wasn't wrong. Ryan could get a great education at UCLA. But it wouldn't compete with Yale or Cornell.

"He can play soccer there. And get a business degree."

"He can do all that here too."

"I love your son, Mrs. Cullen. And I know you think we're too young to make these kinds of decisions but...if we go to separate schools it will ruin us."

"Why?"

"Because"

"If you love each other, you'll make it work."

"I didn't ask him to come with me," He told me. This was the first I'd heard of this. "I told him to go to Yale. He insisted on applying to UCLA and Berkeley. I never asked him to do that."

"But you didn't tell him to stop."

"I'm a kid in love. I'm selfish. I want my boyfriend to go to the same college as I do."

"You had your heart set on Boston University."

"My dad got a job at UCLA," He whispered. "I can go there for free. And I can live with him."

"Levi..."

"Mom lost her job," He blurted out. "At the start of the school year. She was let go and now she's working at a store in the mall to make ends meet. If I go to UCLA then I won't have to worry about tuition and room and board. That'll be covered and my mom won't be homeless while trying to pay for me to go to a school that costs $67,000 a year."

"I'm sorry. About your mom."

"I'm not the bad guy, Mrs. Cullen." He turned and went back to raking the leaves. Not knowing what else I could say, I turned and went back to my car. As I was driving home, I didn't know where to go. Emily had the two younger ones while Edward worked so I found myself in front of Carlisle and Esme's huge house.

"Bella?" Esme asked when she opened the door. "You okay?"

"My baby wants to move across the country to be with his boyfriend," I cried. She stepped aside and I walked into the kitchen. She put a kettle of water on the stove for tea and sat down with me.

"It's never easy letting go," She whispered.

"I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want him to go so far away."

"It's the hardest part of parenting."

"What is?"

"Learning when...to let go."

"That's basically what Edward said a few days ago."

"If you let him do this...if you accept him going to California to go to school, you'll still have a relationship with your son. He'll want to come home for holidays and summers. He'll call you on a regular basis and you'll know what's going on in his life," She stopped to take a deep breath. "If you refuse to let him go or you don't support him, you could lose him for twelve years...or forever. The only reason I got Edward back was because Victoria got sick and he randomly ran into you with Ryan. I'm fairly certain that was like a one in a million chance."

"You think I'd lose him."

"I didn't listen to Edward when he said he didn't think Boston U wasn't for him and when he said he didn't want his brother's life. I almost lost my son. He hated me for years and even once he was back in my life, it took a long time to build that relationship."

I nodded. "I need to go talk to my son."

"I think that's best," she smiled as we stood up. I gave her a tight hug and headed home. Ryan was sitting on the couch with Logan and Edward was in the kitchen with Andie. Ryan looked up at me and rolled his eyes and I instantly knew Levi had told him about our little conversation.

"Ryan, can we talk?"

"You're going to say what you need to whether I want you to or not," He sighed.

"Enough with the attitude, Ryan," Edward said sternly as he walked into the living room with Andie at his side. I pulled the two of them into the home office so the kids could finish their show. Ryan perched himself on the edge of the desk and looked down at the ground.

"You're not a parent yet, Ryan. You may be in love with Levi but you don't know what it means to love your child," I said. "You're my firstborn. Your milestones are something to be celebrated but they are also something I dread because it means you're growing up. That's hard to accept, Ryan. You don't understand how hard it is to be a parent."

"Your mom and I aren't the bad guys," Edward said.

"And I'm excited for you to start this next chapter in your life. I loved college and I want you to love college too," I said. "I want you to have new experiences and be on your own and...I want you to spread your wings. But it's not easy and it's really not easy to hear that after four years of wanting Yale or Cornell that you've decided to change everything because of a boy."

"Levi isn't just some random guy!" He yelled. "He was my best friend long before he was my boyfriend."

"I know. Which is why I...we need to make sure you're making this choice to go to UCLA for more than just Levi being there."

"What?"

"You need to do your research on this college. You need to know all of your options before you decide to spend four years or more of your life there. You can't go in blind just because the person you love will be there."

"You think Levi is clouding my judgment?"

"How much do you really know about UCLA?" Edward asked. "There is a business school and a soccer team, but what do you really know?"

"I mean..."

"Do some research. Figure out if you would like it there if...for some reason you and Levi break up."

"We're not going to break up." He argued.

"I'm not saying this because I think you should," I told him. "But there's a chance you will. There's always a chance that a relationship will end unless you're married...and even that's no guarantee."

"So if I do my research..."

"And prove to us that you want to go to this school because it has everything you want and Levi is just the icing on the cake..."

"Then I can go?"

I looked at Edward. "We'll be more open to having a calm and rational discussion about you going to California for school," Edward sighed. I would never want to say yes to this. "We love you Ryan and we want to support you in whatever you do. But we need to know that you know you're making the right decision for you.

Ryan nodded. "I can do that," He agreed. "I'll do my research."

"That's all we want," I smiled at him. "I'm sorry. For all the fighting."

"Me too," He gave me a tight hug and then left the office to go upstairs. When the doorbell rang, I had almost forgotten that Edward and I planned a date night. Emily was here to pick Logan up for a play date with Ethan and we were dropping Andie off with one of her friends for the night.

The two of us quickly got ready for our date and then left the house. We dropped Andie off and then headed into the city. We were eating at our favorite restaurant tonight. It was the closest thing Boston had to the place we met at in London. When we got there, we were seated near the window and both ordered a glass of wine.

"I needed this," I sighed as I looked at my husband. It baffled me that even after eleven years of marriage and twelve years of being a couple he still looked at me the same way he did while we were in London.

"He'll be okay," He smiled at me. "Whatever he decides...he'll be okay. We've raised him right."

"I know."

"And we've still got Logan and Andie. It's not like we're going to be alone when he leaves."

"I have no clue what I'm going to do when Andie grows up."

"Well, we don't have to worry about that for a long time," He winked at me as our waiter came to the table to take our order.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," I whispered. "I don't think I could have made it through this week without you."

"I love you more."

"You really think he'll be okay? If he goes to LA?"

"Bella, if you could raise him on your own and go to school and have a part-time job, I think he can go to college in LA," He laughed. "You've always been an excellent example for him. He wants to do this to make you proud. He wants to show you that if you can make it with a baby then he can make it if he goes kind of far away."

I smiled at him. "Did you ever imagine all of this would happen when we met eighteen years ago?"

"What?"

"The kids. The drama. The tears...the craziness."

"You're not crazy for not wanting to let go," He whispered. "And for your information, if you asked me the day we met what I had planned for my life...this was not it."

"Any regrets?"

He looked thoughtfully. "I wish I had eaten more bacon."

"W-what?"

"Bacon is so good and we don't eat enough of it."

"Bacon?"

"Yes."

"More bacon is what you regret in life?"

"Yes," He laughed. "You?"

I thought about it. "I should have danced more."

"You wanna dance?" He asked.

"I mean I guess at some point..." Edward pushed his chair back and stood up. He walked over to me and extended his hand. "What? Here?"

"Why the hell not?"

"There's no dance floor."

"So?"

"No one else is dancing."

"So?" He asked and smiled at me. Just then, a song that I loved listening to when I was a teenager came softly over the speakers. I shook my head as I grabbed my husband's hand. He pulled me up and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me closer to him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. We started to softly sway to the music and I could people's eyes on us.

"People are staring," I whispered and he shrugged.

"All I care about right now is my beautiful wife and getting the chance to hold her close," He told me. "It's been a very long time since we've done anything spontaneous and exciting."

"Being a parent does that to you."

"It doesn't have to," He pointed out. "Our entire relationship was built off of being spontaneous."

I giggled. "You jump I jump, Jack."

"You jump I jump," He repeated as he leaned in and gently placed his lips on mine. "I love you, Rose."

"I love you too, Jack."

* * *

 _ **AN:** A few of you had problems with the way Bella reacted to Ryan wanting to go to UCLA. But, in my opinion, she wasn't being over dramatic and being unreasonable. Ryan is her baby and California is a long way from Boston. I'm not a mom yet, but I think her reaction was pretty spot on. I hope this chapter let you see more into her reasoning into not wanting Ryan to go to UCLA. _

_The next chapter will be the last (I think) so thank you for sticking with me during this journey. I have loved writing this story!_


	34. Epilogue: My Hands are Holding You

**Epilogue: My Hands are Holding You**

* * *

"Honey!" I called from Andie's bedroom. "Where is Andie's dress?"

"How should I know?" He asked from Logan's bedroom.

"Because I told you to iron it last night!" I rolled my eyes. I walked out of her bedroom and went across the hall to Logan's room. "I literally handed it to you last night before I went to bed."

He looked at me with a blank face. "You really don't remember this?"

"Can't she just wear a different dress?"

"I bought this one specifically for Ryan's graduation."

"Well, I didn't iron it so you're just going to have to waste time to do that and we're already running late."

"You're impossible," I rolled my eyes and went back to Andie's room to pick out a different dress for her. I wanted her to wear the pretty, blue dress I'd bought for her two weeks ago so she'd match what the rest of the family was wearing, but that wasn't an option anymore. Logan had been up all night because Ryan thought it was a good idea to let him stay up with him and Levi to watch _The Shining_. He was up all night and now we were running really late.

After rooting through her closet, I finally found a good dress for Andie to wear. I quickly got her changed and pulled her hair up into a ponytail and put a bow in her hair. Once she was ready, I gave her a book to read so she wouldn't be running around and ruining her dress or hair. Logan was still terrified so he sat on my bed while I quickly put my makeup on and ran a brush through my hair.

We were so late.

Once I was finally ready, Edward was stuffing peanut butter sandwiches down the kid's throats since they were both complaining that they were starving. We got everyone in the car and sped off to the stadium where the ceremony was being held. Everyone else was all seated and giving us dirty looks for being so late. They started walking out on the field just as the four of us sat down.

As I watched Ryan walk out onto the field, his big moments started flashing before me. I couldn't help it when the tears pooled in my eyes and I reached for Edward's hand.

"This is good," He whispered, leaning over and kissing the side of my head. I nodded. It was good. My son had become everything I'd always dreamed he would be. I remember being seven months pregnant and sitting with Emily thinking about what he was going to be like.

 _"Maybe he'll be a brain surgeon. That's a big-time job," She laughed as we ate ice cream and peanut butter from the jar. "Or like a judge."_

 _"Or maybe he'll be a garbage man because I won't end up finishing college and end up working two jobs just to pay rent and he won't amount to anything."_

 _"Whoa," She sighed. "That's not going to happen."_

 _"How do you know?"_

 _"Because that won't happen," She repeated. She was right. I was being crazy. But I was pregnant and hormonal and I had every reason to be crazy...or at least I thought I did. "I know you. What do you want for your kid?"_

 _"I...want him to be happy."_

 _"Okay. Normal."_

 _"I want him to take his education seriously," I mused. "Education is very important."_

 _"It is."_

 _"I want him to...follow his dreams no matter how crazy or out of reach they might be."_

 _"What if he dreams of being a serial killer?"_

 _"I'm going to try my hardest to not let that happen," I whispered. "I want him to know that he's loved. And that he's important. I don't want him to think that just because his father isn't in his life that means he's garbage."_

 _"He has you for a mom," She shrugged. "He'll know. You have enough love for mom and dad."_

May your years ahead continue to be characterized by empathy, compassion, objectivity and a willingness to take risks." Principal Hays spoke into the microphone. "May you always lead by example and work hard and play straight. May your successes be many and your tribulations be few and far wish you everything that you so richly deserve in the years ahead - it has been an honor and a privilege watching your progress and success! Congratulations, graduates!"

"This is it," Edward whispered as another teacher came up to the microphone to start calling their names to receive their diploma's. I gripped Edward's hand tightly as they got closer and closer to Ryan's name being called.

"Ryan Anthony Cullen," The lady announced and I let go of my husband's hand to applaud for my son. He looked up to where we were sitting and waved at us.

"Yay Ryan!" Andie cheered for her brother. We sat there while everyone's name was called and then the principal got up to the microphone again and announced his graduating class. They all stood and threw their caps in the air and just like that...our oldest son was graduated from high school.

When it was time, the entire family headed down to the field to get some pictures. I smiled as Ryan hugged his friends and desperately tried not to kiss Levi in front of his entire class. He wasn't ashamed of who he was, but they both agreed to not come out to everyone until they were at least graduated.

They just didn't want to deal with what might happen, even though I was pretty certain most of their friends wouldn't care.

After we got some pictures, we all headed to Carlisle and Esme's house for a little celebration. Ryan thought we were just going to be having some cake, but he had no idea what his grandmother had planned for him and Levi.

When we got there, Ryan's mouth fell open. Esme had decorated the house in a ton of college stuff for the graduates. There was red, grey, and white everywhere with a Big Red banner above the cake.

After a day and a half of research, Ryan decided Cornell was the school for him.

 _"Mom," He whispered as I sat at the kitchen table studying a case. I looked up and thought I knew what he was going to say. "I finished doing research."_

 _I nodded. "Okay,"_

 _"And while UCLA has a business economics problem...it doesn't seem like the right fit for me," He had tears in his eyes. "I could do that and then get my MBA at Anderson School of Management, but after weighing the pro's and con's..."_

 _"Ryan, it's okay."_

 _"Cornell has the best business program. Dyson is the best place for me to be."_

 _"And soccer?" I asked knowing that had been playing a big part in his college choice._

 _"I love playing soccer, but my education comes first," He said. "Cornell came to my best game of the season. They know what I can do...they want me to play for them."_

 _"And...this is what you want?"_

 _"I also thought about what you said. After I was done being mad at you, what you kept saying about being too young to make these kinds of decisions based on love..."_

 _"Honey, my intention wasn't to keep you from being with Levi. I want you to be happy and I know that you're in love."_

 _"If we're in love...then we can survive the distance, right?" He asked. "If he doesn't break up with me for staying here."_

 _"Ryan," I sighed. "If Levi breaks up with you for going where you've been wanting to go for two years then he isn't worth it and he doesn't actually love you like he says he does."_

 _He sighed._

 _"You really think Cornell is the best school for you?"_

 _"Yeah," He sighed. "It had the most pro's on the list. And I do want to get my masters so maybe...if we're still together...I can get my MBA at UCLA. And maybe Levi will decide to stay and go to Boston U."_

 _"Maybe," I agreed. "Ryan?"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _"This is what you really want?"_

 _"No," He said sadly. "But I think this is the smartest thing to do for my education."_

Levi was heading to UCLA to be with his dad, but they were going to try and make it work.

Ryan told me Levi was furious when he told him he was staying on the east coast. He was yelling, telling him that he was just being a mama's boy. I understood Levi's frustration because it was really hard being away from the person you loved. But I wanted to kill him when Ryan told me about their fight. Ryan needed to do what was best for him and his future. Cornell was the best school for him and if Levi was so worried about being away from Ryan, then he could stay on the east coast. He was going to UCLA for the benefits of his father working there, but if Ryan was willing to take out student loans and get a job for him, then Levi should have been happy to do it for Ryan as well.

I thought they were going to break up with that and so did Ryan. And then Ryan refused to speak to us because he was all ready to follow Levi to California before we made him do his research. But, they proved to be a stronger couple than I thought and within a week of their big fight, they'd worked everything out and were ready to accept the time they'd be spending away from each other come August.

"Whoa," Ryan smiled when he looked around the room. "Mom, this is so cool."

"Don't look at me. You're nana put everything together."

"Nana, this is awesome!" He laughed as he gave Esme a big hug. Esme had tears in her eyes and she'd done this when DJ and Clara graduated high school. But Edward assured me she was even more emotional when he and James graduated.

"We're so excited for you, Ryan," Carlisle smiled as he stood next to his wife. "But, Levi we didn't forget about you," He said as he unveiled a UCLA Bruins banner.

"Thanks," Levi whispered as he squeezed Ryan's hand. And so we began celebrating their graduation and the start of college at the end of the summer. I could tell it was getting kind of hard for them to be excited about starting school because they didn't want to be away from each other. But they'd promised each other to not fight about it anymore and be supportive of each other. Even if they weren't one hundred percent happy about it.

* * *

Summer was way too short. It seemed that with Ryan preparing to go to college, it made the days and weeks go by way faster than I would have wanted them to. Before we knew it, we were packing the car and the u-haul to make the drive to New York.

Ryan had been moping for a week since Levi had left early to get settled in with his dad before school started. He was trying to be okay with it, but I knew he wasn't. And I wished I could have been okay with just letting him go without knowing what he was getting himself into, but he'd be okay. If they loved each other, they would make the distance work and four years wouldn't seem like that big of a deal.

Once everything was packed, we all got ready to go to the restaurant for one last family dinner. Ryan had perked up with Andie's constant jokes and Logan telling him secrets about his secret girlfriend. We spent our last night together, laughing and reminiscing about the past. It was an incredible night out as a family and it made me sad that we wouldn't be out as a family of five during the next few months.

I cried for an hour after everyone had gone to bed. I was so extremely excited for Ryan and this next chapter in his life. I knew he was going to do amazing things with his business degree and on the soccer field. I loved college so much and I just had a feeling that he was going to love it just as much. As a mom, this was one of the happiest and saddest days of my life.

My first baby was leaving the next and learning to fly on his own for the first time.

Edward held me until I stopped crying and even then I was still so unsure. We held each other until we fell asleep and although he was holding himself together better than me, I knew he was just as big of a mess as I was.

The next morning, we were all up early. Carlisle and Esme were coming for the weekend to watch the younger kids so we could just focus on getting Ryan situated at school. I held Edward's hands as Ryan hugged and said his goodbye's to his siblings. They were all so close, despite Ryan being so much older than them. Andie was in tears when we finally made her let go of Ryan and Logan didn't say anything.

After triple checking to make sure we had everything we needed, we piled into the car and set out on our five and a half hour drive.

It took about six hours with a stop for lunch to get to Cornell and when we got there, Ryan looked almost scared. I remembered that feeling and just encouraged him to keep calm as we got him moved into his room. We were able to meet his new roommate, Jason before he left with his parents to explore the campus. It took about two hours to get everything moved in and set up for him. Edward and I were staying the night in a hotel so we didn't have to get right back in the car, so we were all okay when we said goodnight.

The next morning, Edward wanted to get on the road at a reasonable time so we were up and heading to campus at nine to pick Ryan up for breakfast. When we got to his building, he came out looking tired and I knew I didn't want to know what he'd been up to the night before.

"Ready for breakfast?" Edward asked as we jumped into the car.

"How was your first night?" I asked Ryan as we neared the diner Edward had found on the GPS.

He shrugged. "Fine. Jason and I went to a stupid thing our RA told us about. It was just to get to know the new freshman."

"Sounds very...college," I laughed as Edward pulled into the parking lot. We got out and were seated fairly quickly seeing as how packed the place was. "You heard from Levi?"

"We talked for a little bit last night," He sighed. "But then our RA knocked on the door and he told me to go have fun."

"How's he liking UCLA?"

It's different," He told us. "But he seems to like it."

"You doing okay?"

"I think if we make it through the first month apart then we'll be okay," He whispered. I was happy he was being optimistic. "Can I ask you guys something?"

"Sure," Edward said.

"Why did you guys decide to break up when mom left London?" He asked. "I mean...why didn't you try?"

"Honestly," I looked at Edward. "We didn't think we'd be able to do it."

"Do you think long distance can work?"

"It all depends on the couple," Edward said. "Personally, if I knew she was going to be pregnant, I never would have stayed in London." I nodded in agreement. "Every relationship is different, Ryan. You just have to trust Levi and...have hope that love is enough to keep you two together."

"I miss him," He told us and I could tell he was trying not to cry. "I really miss him."

"I know," I said gently. "But soon, classes will start up and you'll be playing soccer. You'll make yourself so busy you'll forget just how much it hurts to miss him."

"Is that what you did? When you and dad broke up?"

"At first...it was hard for me. And then I found out I was pregnant and my main focus was on you," I smiled at him. "You've always been my first priority. So...yeah. It got easier to forget just how much it hurt me to miss him."

"I don't want to forget Levi..."

"I never forgot your dad."

"But you had me. It wasn't exactly like it was easy to forget him..."

"I never forgot your mom," Edward smiled. "And I didn't have a baby to prepare for to keep me busy. But...even after time had passed and the pain turned into a dull ache, I still thought about her all the time. Whenever I was at work and someone ordered the same meal as her...when I saw Buckingham Palace or someone talked about the London Eye. I never forgot your mom just because I forgot about the pain I was in."

Ryan nodded as he thought about what his dad and I had said. We finished up our breakfast and headed back to campus. We walked in to see if he'd done anything more with his room. He had a few posters and pictures taped to the wall, but that was it. The place was a mess and if it were up to me I would have stayed until it was clean.

But Edward was telling us that we needed to go and he was right. I couldn't stay forever and at some point, I needed to let him go.

Ryan walked us back out to the car and we stood there without saying anything for a few minutes.

"Thank you," Ryan smiled softly. "For everything. I know...I know everything you gave up so I could have the best life I possibly could."

"You're my baby...I would have cut off a leg if you needed it," I laughed as Ryan turned to his dad.

"Thank you for not giving up on me when you found out about me," That broke my heart. "I'm really glad you stayed."

"You're my son. I fell in love with you the moment I met you...I never could have left you." The embraced in a tight hug and I smiled when I saw tough as nails Edward with a few tears spilling out of his eyes. When Ryan turned to me, everything I'd been holding in since we got here came flooding out in a giant sob.

"You call. All the time. Don't forget about us."

"I won't."

"And make sure you go to all of your classes. And take advantage of your meal plan."

"I will."

"And kick ass on that soccer field."

"I probably won't be playing for a while, but when I did play I'll...kick ass."

"I love you, Ryan."

"I love you too, mom," He cried as I hugged him tighter. Trying not to make a huge scene, I kept our last hug short and let him go. I watched as he ran back inside his building and fell into Edward. He was my rock and he had been since I was twenty-one years old.

I looked up at him and kissed his cheek.

I never imagined becoming a mother at twenty-one years old. I never imagined I'd find the love of my life at some random restaurant while studying abroad. When I applied to go to London, I was just doing it as something to cross off my bucket list. This was never what I expected my life to be when I was just a naive twenty-year-old.

"We should go to London this year," I whispered to Edward as we got back in the car. "We haven't been there in years."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It seems kind of fitting."

"Why is that?"

"Ryan's all grown up...it would be like coming full circle or something."

"Let's go to London," He agreed as he gripped my hand.

It was my favorite city in the entire world. And I owed the city a lot.


	35. Author's Note!

**_Author's Note!_**

* * *

 _Hello to all! Well, this is the final author's note for When We Were Young which means this story has officially come to an end. Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed and supported this story._

 _I know it's been a heck of a ride for these two characters. I really loved writing this story. It started out so differently when I started writing it, but it felt right to take it in the direction I did. I hope I did it justice for all of you wonderful readers._

 _Thanks again for reading this story :)_

 _- **SpringHiller09**_


	36. Author's Note: Update!

**Author's Note!**

* * *

 _Hey friends! So I have some super awesome news! When We Were Young has been added to the list of possible stories to become a Top 10 story of November over at ! Yay! So if you have the time I would love it if you could go vote for this story! I know it's a small recognition, but I am still thankful to everyone who read and loved this story as much as I did!_

 _Thanks again guys!_

 _ **-SpringHiller09**_


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